I find it interesting that early this week I was standing on the spot shown in the photo which is the 18th hole of my local disc golf course and an incredibly heavy feeling of déjà vu came over me. It was as if I were standing there for the first time I had ever played that disc golf course, feeling the weight of the injury and trying to find something to fill the void in which the injury left me with. It cracked me up a bit that back then I could not even throw the disc half way up the hill, and was probably thinking “What the **** am I doing here right now?”. I quickly snapped out of it at that point and took the photo as a memory and a reminder for what was, and how I have gown as I pursue the road before me. It is a bit embarrassing to admit how heavy the injury weighed on me at that time. The void I was left with was not because of the injury I experienced those two years ago, it was because of an imbalance in my life. The fact many of us live with so much abundance that this type of thing is something to be bothered by is not even fathomable to others.
I keep coming back to that word perspective. This week I was able to work my way back to making full swings with the irons and the woods. I've been getting a little crap for the way the swing has held up after all this time. I'll admit, that makes me smile a bit, but my current elation over swinging the club like that again is not the same as it once was. It is no longer about trying to build a “perfect” swing in which I can hit a high tight draw at will. I mean, what golfer does not dream of that, right? Sure I still want to eventually play with some kind of playable pattern. However, every swing I make now is with purpose, it feels like a gift. It is not with a purpose for perfection it is with the purpose to fully appreciate each moment I am able to do so. It may be next week or it may be 40 years from now, but at some point I won’t be able to swing anymore. Until that time I intend to live in the chaos of it all with that purpose and I will be ready for whatever may come. If I am lucky enough to do so the next blog will be about playing an actual round again, and hopefully I’ll get a few holes on video as well.