Let's handicap the ball!

[Dr. Strangeclub]

In boxing, there are weight classes, for obvious reasons. In the interest of presenting the most useless argument ever seen about golf, I propose that the ball you use has to fit your weight class. Balls would be numbered:

A0-xx Under 100 lbs.
B0-xx up to 120 lbs.
C...135
D...150
E...175
F...200+

The characteristics of the ball categories would be determined by "Iron Byron", as now, but the carry would be calibrated from the median swing speed of scratch or professional players in the weight class. The effect would be, that the well struck shot by someone weighing 115 lbs. should carry the same distance as one equally well struck by someone weighing 200 lbs.

This has several redeeming aspects: 1) Courses could stop getting longer and longer to accommodate the ever-increasing size of people and ball improvements. 2) Everyone can play the same tees. 3) Skill at the game will count more, physical size count less. 4) All the muscling around to see who hits it longer can extend to include women and "the little guys" (like me!). 5) Physical conditioning will pay dividends, since you be able to play a hotter ball if you get down to fighting weight 6) It will encourage healthy eating habits -- "Sorry, Eddie. Gained a lot of wait on vacation...gonna have to play an E today."

[TigerWoodz]

lmao....this would only work if we all had perfect consistant swings...im affraid its never gonna work..lol

[DonW]

This would be fine as long as the relationship of ball distance to weight class is inverse. Why inverse you ask? Well as the years go by I keep putting on weight in futile attempt to hit the ball further but as the years have gone by I keep losing distance. I've lost over 50 yards since the 80s when my average drive was over 270 yards using a steel shafted miniscule headed driver and Titeleist balata (which I am fairly sure was the first steel headed driver Wilson ever sold, wish I had kept it). Today I use a 460cc graphite shafted monster headed driver, that was sold to me with the promise of hitting it further than ever, yet I struggle to reach 220 yards with the wind behind me and rock hard fairways sloped downhill.

For those who doubt that I used to average 270 off the tee in my younger days, I know this because I once flew a 260 yard par four green(yes I was at the back tee). It may have actually been further but my ball went into the woods behind the green on the fly and I never could find it to verify just how far I had hit it. But you say how could this be my average well I am sure it was because I have no memories of ever hitting 50 yard duckhooks, 75 yard slices, 45 yard skyballs that bounce backward upon touchdown, or worst of all the 30 yard topper that doesn't even reach the ladies tee box.

[Bullitt5339]

That would absolutely suck for me, being 5'6", 190lbs........... I'd get screwed. And I'm not fat, so losing a bunch would be out of the question for me.

[mapa94]

I think age would be a better handicap tool then weight. Like most of the others, as I age I gain more weight and lose distance.
It would be nice if those flexible 20 year olds who weigh 170 were handicapped so me and my 40-50 year old buddies who weigh 200lbs+ have a fighting chance.

[Dr. Strangeclub]

  Bullitt5339 said:

That would absolutely suck for me, being 5'6", 190lbs........... I'd get screwed. And I'm not fat, so losing a bunch would be out of the question for me.

Then you belong in the higher weight class. I'm 5'7" and weigh a miserable 135 -- and it's ALL FLAB! And I'm almost 67! And have short, thin arms! You have a HUGE strength advantage, almost without question, and probably arms longer than mine, and wider shoulders (which matters more than a little). Why can't my "perfect" pass at the ball be allowed to keep up with your "perfect" pass? Why do I have to face some dinker with a miserable slap shot that goes 250 because he's 6'5"? If *I* was that big I could fly Ernie Els ball!

It just seems brutal for small people to have give the big guys that much of an advantage. The game is WAY easier for "full size men" than for women and small guys. Admittedly, you're going to have physical freaks like Ian Woosnam, who is really a 6'5" giant with sawed off legs. (He's TALL in golf swing terms, with that 48 inch chest and 36 inch arms - if memory serves. He might be low to the ground, but his swing is that of your "normal" person, or even large, who is over 6'.) But you run into that problem in boxing, too. Pity the poor little guys who have to face string-bean lightweights who are over 6 feet tall! But I may have to agree that weight isn't the answer. I'll go with "wing span". That's really more important than height, even, it's just that height normall correlates with longer arms. It's probably the best predictor of length, not weight, true enough. In any case, there should be a way for everybody to compete from the same tees on "equal" terms, since power is so much a part of the game.

  mapa94 said:

I think age would be a better handicap tool then weight. Like most of the others, as I age I gain more weight and lose distance.

I'm 66, so you'll get some sympathy in that department. Whether it's weight or wingspan, perhaps each decade over 40 should drop a ball class.

[Dr. Strangeclub]

  DonW said:

This would be fine as long as the relationship of ball distance to weight class is inverse. Why inverse you ask? Well as the years go by I keep putting on weight in futile attempt to hit the ball further but as the years have gone by I keep losing distance.

I weigh more than when I was in my prime, too! (Not much, but a little.) The only difference is I could do one handed pull ups and pick things up that weighed more than me. sigh. I can barely lift a 50 lb. sack of bird seed now. sigh.

I've already stipulated to an age stipend -- one ball class per decade over 40. And I think wing-span is better, too. I think that relationship IS inverse, comparing equivalently good swings.

[killerduck]

This is the quirkiest idea I've heard for a while! I like the angle you're coming from. Not sure anything to average out hitting distances among all golfers will ever be implemented though. Guess we'll have to work on our short games!

[sean_miller]

  DonW said:

I've lost over 50 yards since the 80s when my average drive was over 270 yards using a steel shafted miniscule headed driver and Titeleist balata (which I am fairly sure was the first steel headed driver Wilson ever sold, wish I had kept it). Today I use a 460cc graphite shafted monster headed driver, that was sold to me with the promise of hitting it further than ever, yet I struggle to reach 220 yards with the wind behind me and rock hard fairways sloped downhill.

I don't doubt it. My dad was a lot better at sports in the 80s too. Now, at 79 years old, he can barely do a 1/2 day of work before he needs to stop and have a sip of water.

[Dr. Strangeclub]

  killerduck said:

This is the quirkiest idea I've heard for a while! I like the angle you're coming from. Not sure anything to average out hitting distances among all golfers will ever be implemented though. Guess we'll have to work on our short games!

Of course it won't be implemented! But --

-- thanks for the compliment! With my Ernie Els imitation, I don't carry the ball 200 yards. (Actually, my Ernie Els imitation is how I used to practice tee shots, to get that "perfect timing, balance and contact" feel grooved.) I'm actually pretty decent at it, but it's not something somebody my size can actually take to a full size golf course -- unless I were to play the forward tees. But I'm a quick person, too. Swinging that slowly under pressure is not an option; WAY too much time to panic during the swing! You need Ernie Els' 50/30 blood pressure and in addition to his size to get away with it. Now, somebody like Bubba Watson is okay in my book. Swings at it like he means it. And J B Holmes (at 5' 11" he's a "little guy" -- it is to laugh) and Phil Nippleson. Players that don't just wuss it out there. Els ought to be handicapped so he can't patty-cake it off the tee, so he'd have to actually, you know, TRY if he wanted to hit it a long way. Not fair. Not fair at all. And if they won't handicap the ball for me, then at LEAST make these monsters hit a driver off every hole except the par 3s! When I have to pound one to get it into decent iron range, I think it's flat unfair that 6 footers get to lay up with a 3-iron and hit the same club into the green that I do! And I think you have that last part exactly right! Make the big guys work on their short games for a change! It's the "little guys" that have to lean on their short games already, not the guys who can drive the par 4s! It's the little guys who have to hit perfect 6 irons while the hulks are sailing half wedges next to the pin. And what sissies they are about missing the fairway! "Here, JB, you take my 250 tee shot in the fairway and let me try and tackle that wedge shot from the rough you have up there. It's only 200 from here, you should be able to hit 7 or 8 anyhow." And you could get rid of the forward tees! (Which are almost universally more poorly maintained than the back tees. )

[DavidFehertysBike]

Im only 5'11 180 and i hit the ball further than many of the bigger guys ive played with. Few were my skill level, but i do outclub most of the guys i play with on a day to day basis.

How would the balls be marked? Does the whimpy guy get a pink ball? lol

[kilbyman]

They should handicap football players with extra weights so pros can keep playing until their 50s.

[Dr. Strangeclub]

  DavidFehertysBike said:

How would the balls be marked? Does the whimpy guy get a pink ball? lol

I've long been a fan of belt colors, ala the martial arts. I'd go for little badges for the hat or armbands or something, to indicate handicap index, so you'd know what to expect when they pair you up with that weird little guy over there on the putting green to fill out your foursome. You could earn USGA merit bag tags, for example Ball Mark Repair, Ready Play Expert, Walking Golfer (already got one on my bag!), Practice Divot Avoidance, Flagstick Etiquette, Line Awareness, etc...

But ball colors for the handicap levels would be fine: A -- neon pink B -- neon orange C -- neon yellow D -- neon lime E -- neon lilac F -- white "Sheesh. That guy's over 6 feet tall! What's he doing playing a lime ball!?" I really think it should just be the lettering though, sort of like Titleist used to do it, Red/Red soft, Red/Black medium, Black/Black hard...but with a few more colors. (A bit of stigma associated with a pink ball. I'm pretty sure that if you tee your ball before removing all pink tees from the teeing area, using a ball scoop to keep from getting any on you, there is no possibility of hitting a quality shot. Teeing up on a pink tee is not merely a one hole disaster, but will require placing your driver in a bucket of bleach for at least two days to clean it up. It could only be worse with a pink ball.)

[Gordon McTavish]

  Dr. Strangeclub said:

Then you belong in the higher weight class. I'm 5'7" and weigh a miserable 135 -- and it's ALL FLAB! And I'm almost 67! And have short, thin arms!

Can I get a special exemption for a rocket-fuel filled ball? I'm 5'7" and weigh approx. 110 pounds. Long thin arms though, so flexibility is the only strong point I have from a Golfing perspective.

That being said, I've managed to get a 3-wood out to 235 yards so I'm not entirely convinced that a small "frame" is such a huge disadvantage.

[DavidFehertysBike]

  Dr. Strangeclub said:

I've long been a fan of belt colors, ala the martial arts. I'd go for little badges for the hat or armbands or something, to indicate handicap index, so you'd know what to expect when they pair you up with that weird little guy over there on the putting green to fill out your foursome. You could earn USGA merit bag tags, for example Ball Mark Repair, Ready Play Expert, Walking Golfer (already got one on my bag!), Practice Divot Avoidance, Flagstick Etiquette, Line Awareness, etc...

hahahahahahaha! +1 for you.

[Dr. Strangeclub]

  Gordon McTavish said:

Can I get a special exemption for a rocket-fuel filled ball? I'm 5'7" and weigh approx. 110 pounds. Long thin arms though...

I think we're moving to wingspan, though, so you may be stuck with neon yellow or lime.

[Par Fore]

Howell III weighs about 150 pounds and drives the ball 300 yards.......Bubba ain't that heavy either.....

Also, can you imagine trying to run a tournament....you've got all these guys, their colored golf balls, and a scale on the first tee.....and imagine the women - if you think you are gonna get my wife on a scale, you are smoking crack

Dr. Strangeclub, I applaud your creativity, but the different sets of tees is a great equalizer for short hitters.....some of the newer courses have 5 or 6 sets.....if you truly want to fit someone to the right tees, my recommendation is as follows:

Take the average par 3 on the course - you should be hitting a 5-7 iron, depending on the course (again, common sense adjustment maybe needed).....whatever club fits, that is the set you play......

[sean_miller]

  Big Perm said:

I applaud your creativity, but . . .

Of course he's joking - this makes almost as much sense as the permanently fixed flagstick guy.