Dear "That Golfer",

[woodzie264]

Dear Mr. Slow Play:
After I caught up to you and consequently am forced to play with you, please stop offering advice on how to fix my swing, a swing that is kicking the crap out of your round.

[ScottRempel]

Dear "that golfer",

Please fix your damn divots...please!

[iWALK18]

Dear "That Golfer"
While I know you enjoy playing, and you want to improve, please don't pose like a priss after every single practice swing. The object of a swing is to hit the shot correctly, not to end up in the most annoyingly posed finishing position imaginable. There really is no point to contorting your wrists to bring the club all the way around behind your neck to finish pointing up in the sky to the left of the target again. Well, maybe I could see a point to it if you actually were hitting good shots, but of course this is not the case. Form follows function my friend.

Dear "That Golfer"
If I'm playing from the white tees, and the course is slow and everyone is cranky, please don't tee up a ball and stand at the blues behind me while I'm teeing off. Same goes for when my girlfriend is playing from the reds. You aren't going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere, and all you're doing is rushing my group and making life more miserable. Just sit in the shade of your cart's canopy and enjoy the smell of fresh cut grass, or the sounds of birds singing. Feel free to tee it up once we're on the way to play our seconds.

Dear "That Golfer"
I applaud you for practicing the short game... I really do! Clearly your intentions are pure. BUT there really is no need to bring your shag bag with 300 golf balls to the crowded municipal chipping green. I know its nice to be able to stand in one place for 50 minutes, chipping a ball every 10 seconds, without having to walk onto the putting surface to retrieve even a single ball. However, for the rest of us, the smattering of mishit balls strewn about the green and the massive pile collecting around your target seem a little disconcerting. Also, I wonder if you are aware that the presence of so many golf balls around the hole really distorts the results of you last 150 chips, as its not impossible for a ball to roll more than 3 feet without striking another. Lets try to keep it to "a hand full" of balls please, for everyone's sake.

[Undr Par]

Dear That Golfer:

with all the suggestions in this thread from you, why not open up a shop or write a book with advice to me: "That Golfer"......

[flopdarock]

thank goodness i wasnt paired up with the duffer who played from the tips... but i have been in the group behind the guys that played with him... you could see it in their faces it was sheer torture... no picnic for us behind them either... lol

[TheNatural]

Dear 'that golfer',

That is funny as hell

[$2 Nassau]

Funny thread guys, I think I've laughed at almost every post so far.

As for the mentions of the amount of complaining around here, I think this forum provides a good place for some harmless venting. I think it's healthy to do so, allows us to keep our heads while on the course. That's just my opinion.

[Big_M]

Dear 'that golfer',

so let me get this straight... you don't want anyone behind you on the course

Pace of play should always be on your mind and as long as you don't dwadle and dilly dally around then you shouldn't feel rushed. Also, I would think that a single riding should almost always play through a single walking. I can walk alone or in a pair in about 3-3 1/2 hrs while I can ride alone in under 3... but I prefer to walk as well.

[lordhamster]

Dear "That Golfer,"

When I'm on a completely empty driving range, please don't insist on going into the one stall directly beside me when there are 50 other open stalls.

Dear "That Golfer,"

Please keep your toddlers on a leash when at the practice green. Its a practice green, not a playground.

[David in FL]

Dear 'that golfer',

Now I know who that slow single is. The one that always sneaks out right ahead of me.......whether I tee off at 7am or 5pm!

[sp33d]

Hmm,
Dear A-Hole golfer who I always seem to get stuck with when I'm playing by my self.

I'm better than you, you know it, I know it. Stop giving me swing tips, I dont listen anyways. For the golfer thats better than me giving me swing tips, you can also stfu.

I don't care about your wife, dog, bowl movements, your recent trip to the doctor to get your hemorrhoids lanced, or your trip to the proctologist. I have my own problems "My Own".

-Dear Golfer Behind me on the tee box,

STFU! I'm trying to tee off. No I do not wish to join your group. Your wife has never played golf in her life, yes that is what I want to do watch her duff balls 15' and repeat all afternoon, splendid.

Dear Golfer that is in front of me,

Hit the damn ball, you are always in a cart, and some how play slower than I do.
Drop another damn ball.
I swear to god if you answer your cell phone again, I'm getting the rifle.
Your 40 years old, the 18 year old beer girl wants nothing to do with you, stop trying to get you some. I'm 27 and still dont have a chance.
When I'm walking on to the tee box and its blatantly obvious I'm playing faster than you, let me play through, dont increase your speed because its obvious that you couldnt handle the snails pace you were previously playing at.
Stop getting mad at every ball you Hit, Putt, Chip, Flop, drive etc. It doesn't impress me that you are angry like you always play better than you are today.

I know I'm leaving something out, but that will do for now.

[cj8241]

I'm better than you, you know it, I know it. Stop giving me swing tips, I dont listen anyways. For the golfer thats better than me giving me swing tips, you can also stfu.

Why would you tell a golfer who is better than you to STFU if he tries to help.

[Fat Slice]

Dear "That Golfer"

Please...

Look at the ball before you hit it so you don't end up hitting MY ball that is also in the treeline dividing our fairways.

Don't steal my ball. This isn't a scavanger hunt, you see us on the tee box, we're in range, just leave it there you cheap theiving bastid.

Fix your divot. Walk up, get it, walk back, replace it, or fill it with sand. The next time you curse about rolling into a divot...think about it.

Get off the tee after you hit your shot. Nobody else in the group wants to wait and listen to you give a dissertation on why your shot/swing wasn't perfect (or, God help us, why it WAS). We want you to take note of where your ball went and then get off the tee and let someone else hit.

Bring a ball marker and use it. Don't use a tee or just leave your ball there.

Replace the flagstick at least one of the times when you were first in.

Don't hang around me waiting for me to hit and watching my shot when your ball is sitting there on the other side of the fairway. Go over there and prepare to hit your shot. You hate slow play in front of you, right? So do something for the people behind you (and with you).

Stop trying to pick up the cart girl with your 5 minutes of lame rap. Buy your beer and let her go and move on with your playing. You are slowing down the course AND my personal beer delivery.

Shut up about my swing/grip/stance/clubhead address/etc. Just shut your pie hole and worry about your own game.

I know you are walking, and that's great. How about when I am teeing off after you, though, NOT walking down the fairway jangling your clubs and putting yourself in danger in front of me?

Shut up. Seriously, shut up. I don't know you and I don't want to hear you run your mouth every second that someone isn't swinging and half the seconds where they are. I really don't care about your son-in-law's new skidoo accessories, your homemade viagra recipe, the rising cost of brass plumbing fixtures, Obama/Bush/Palin/Pelosi, your 401K, the time you met Anthony Kim, Anthony Bourdain, or Little Anthony and the Imperials. I am sure your (ex) wife and all your co-workers avoid you like the plague for your incessant babbling and now the only outlet you have are the hapless throw-in partners on the golf course. SPARE ME!

Take a drop. You're not going to find the ball. Who are you, Old Yeller?

[Shindig]

Dear "That Golfer,"

Yes, I went at that pin in the back-left of the green. I did it by aiming at the center of the green and playing a draw, and the shot came off as intended. I'm rather happy with it. Please do not tell me that you can fix my hook. It was a deliberate shot shape, not some freak accident.

When we get to the 16th tee, and I hit a fade to follow the dogleg right, please don't ask where the slice came from and suggest I weaken my grip to fix it. Not only isn't that the right fix, but I hit the fade here deliberately. Why? Because it's a minimal risk shot to get me closer to the green.

[jsherm45]

Hmm,

Fine rant. I agree - unsolicited advice...hasn't that been going on for long enough that people know it's not cool?

One time a guy I was playing with was having swing trouble and he looks at me like, "Man, what am I doing wrong?" I go, "Ok, since you asked, and normally I know not to say anything...you're swinging with your arms only...etc." It passes on the idea that you won't say anything unless they ask. The reason I don't want unsolicited advice from players, even "better" players, is that I don't want their advice to dominate/determine my destiny that round. Play your own game.

[Cussin hacker]

No doubt...

Amen Opie!!

[sp33d]

Why would you tell a golfer who is better than you to STFU if he tries to help.

Yes, unless they are a certified PGA teacher/instructor they can piss off. If I don't ask, don't give. There has been many time where I have asked "can you see what I'm doing wrong" that is the only time you should give advice.

I give my friends advice, but they like it because I golf with them all the time and I can tell when their screwing something up. And I make it short and sweet, i.e. keep your head still, your bending arms to much. I dont go into a full rant about their mechanics. Perfect example came a couple weeks ago, A guy pulled up and asked if he played the last 3 holes with me. Cool, I was having a bad driving day, but not horrible. This guy tees off with the most god awful setup/swing mechanics I have probably ever seen. So I tee off, not a great drive but not horrible. He starts telling me everything that I'm doing wrong. I'm not one to tell people i just meet to take a flying leap into a pile of crap. But its irritating, so we finish out the 3 holes, he's like man your a really good ball striker (or something to that effect) except your drives and starts going into my swing again. I had had enough, I said "look, I appriciate your concern, but I dont need your help" the score card spoke for its self.

[deadsolidperfect]

Dear That Golfer,

If you are going to play before noon on any course that costs more than $50 (Ohio prices) please be at least a legitimate 25 handicap or lower. I will give you a pass on this if you know your game and can get around the course in less than 4 hours.

I realize that everyone has the right to play where ever they want, but in my opinion you should spend some more time on the range or at less challenging courses before holding up the 8 groups behind you.

When a group is taking 5 plus hours to play and you see someone in the group have the audacity to pull out the ball retriever, well let's just say the expletives may fly.

Play well at a decent pace and everyone will have a good time, hacks stay off the course until noon.

Thank you