Golfing Idioms and Quotes

[ChiChiIsMe]

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass. ~Bob Hope

[ettsn]

A 400y drive and a 4in putt look the same on a scorecard.

I'd rather be 200y in the fairway than 350y in the woods.

Until someone cards an 18 for a round, we've all got something to work on.

Golf is a game of inches. Specifically, the six inches between your ears.

A scratch golfer will typically use his putter 36 times in a round, his driver less than 14. So why are there 17 guys pounding away on the driving range, and one guy on the putting green? ;)

[Craig Mac]

"Better to be lucky than good"
"Grip it and Rip it"
"Take two weeks off from the game, then give it up all together" - Stewart Maiden in "Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius"

[ChiChiIsMe]

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive. ~Arnold Palmer

[roverT7]

We always say hit a tax shelter when someone sends a putt screaming past the cup...but then again we are law students, so our sense of humor is pretty warped.

Rob

[jamesbei]

At our Club down the Fairway is " down the Janet" (A Parent who has to be the centre of attention)

[n3xt]

Got these off another message board.....


A *Salman Rushdie* - an impossible read.

A *Rock Hudson* - looked straight, but it wasn't.

A *Cuban* - needed one more revolution .

An *Elton John *- a big bender that lips the rim .

An *Adolf Hitler* - two shots in the bunker .

A Saddam Hussein - from one bunker straight into another .

A *Yasser Arafat* - ugly and in the sand .

A *Kate Winslett* - little bit fat but otherwise perfect .

A *Glen Miller* - didn't make it over the water .

A *Rodney King* - over-clubbed .

An *O.J. Simpson* - got away with it .

A *Princess Grace* - should have taken a driver .

A *Princess Di* - shouldn't have taken a driver .

A *Michael Jackson* - gradually fading .

A *Ladyboy* - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems .

A *condom* - safe but didn't feel real good .

A *circus tent* - a BIG top .

An *Anna Kournikova* - looks great, but unlikely to get a result .

A* Brazilian* - Shaves both sides of the hole

A Jeb Bush--too far to the right, out of play

A Nancy Pelosi-too far left, clueless on how to get home from there

[n3xt]

And several Truisms to boot.
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Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
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Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
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When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
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If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
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The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
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No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
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The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.
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If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
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Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
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A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck. It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt ..
For a 10.
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Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
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Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
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It's not a gimme if you're still away.
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The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
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There are two kinds of bounces; unfair bounces and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
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You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.
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If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
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Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next
group of three.
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When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
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Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
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If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
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To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; I.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.
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There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is
Wearing the glove.
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Hazards attract; fair ways repel.
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You can put a draw on the ball, you can put a fade on the ball, but no golfer can put a straight on the ball.
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A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
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If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
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It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard.
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Sometimes it seems as though your cup moveth over.
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A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
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Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.
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A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are...that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.
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That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on lawn work.
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If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.
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Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.
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A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.
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It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
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If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).
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You probably wouldn't look good in a green jacket anyway! A sweatshirt will do just fine.
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It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart If you are performing brain surgery.