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one liners you've heard


sandtrap
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I played a scramble yesterday and the cart guy had a line that bears repeating.

One of the guys shows up with a bag of clubs that are at least 35 years old.
beat up laminated woods, original leather grips and a Hubert Green 1 iron.

We all look at these antiques and the cart guy says "this guy needs to have a birthday"

Yes we did use 3 of his shots during the round but it was ugly.
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In My Bag: This week
Driver: Nike square Sumo 10.5
4-Wood: Nike square Sumo 14.5
7 wood Cleveland launcher,
5 utility 19* clevelandIrons: 4-7 Titleist 690mb 8-pw Mizuno MP 33Wedges: Gauge Design GAS II 52* and 58* Putter: Scotty Cameron TE 10 2.5TP Mills or Cameron's or Bettinardi's. let me...

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That reminds me of my best friend. He not only had the laminated woods but he also had the irons with wooden shafts. I used to tease him about them but we were just kids. Now I wish he still had them

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during 18 holes/on the driving range when a playing partner just chunked 2-3 shots in a row I always say: "Shoulda brought a shovel!"

On a par 3 when someone tops the ball and we all see it rolling down into the lake in front of us: "You should consider bowling... you don't have to get the ball in the air and you probably wouldn't lose it!!"

When someone smacks a put like 10 feet past the whole or especially if they knock it off the green: "Why don't you hit your driver that hard?"

When someone leaves a put half way short: "so does your husband golf?" (you want to say this to a man not a woman )

When I'm on the range and I smack the 50 yard marker and it makes a loud *BANG!* as the ball comes flying back to me, since everyone ALWAYS looks to see who did it I turn around and say: "Only way to get em back!!" usually gets a few laughs

after I hit my tee shot into the woods, we heard a big bang and a tree branches were falling down... my playing parter said: "Let's just hope you didn't kill anything on the endangered species list"

these just make golf so fun :P

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"Looks like a beach party" -multiple players in bunker/sand trap
"One upper" - when the player behinds you shoots a better shot than your great shot.

In my bag:
Driver: R9 TP Rombax Stiff
3 Wood: R9 TP 85g Stiff
3 hybrid: X
4-SW: X-20 Uniflex

SteelLW: Forged Chrome

Putter: White Hot XG #1

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Similar to another - someone come up rather short on a shot...

"They sell men's clubs where you got those?"

(obviously to a man)

Andrew

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From a different thread

I decided to hate Tom Kite forever after his caddy clubbed him and he replied, "All righty ditey!" That is lame.

âI'm glad I brought this course, this monster, to its knees.â
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Lip a putt out is a junior prom putt all lip no hole,
leave a putt short and I tell you to hike up your thong

In my new FT carry bag
FT-9 Tour nuetral 9.5
FT-15 degree 3 wood
Fussion Hybrids #2&4
Fussion irons with Grapholoy Pro launch Red shafts56&60 Cally X forged wedges with Red shaftsSG9 putterCally I ballBushnell Meadealist range finder

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Looks like there are plenty for the putts that come up short for men. My favorite:

"If you bend your elbows more you will fix that. It will help keep your purse from sliding down your arm."

Another one a friend of mine said one day that had me rolling after a short putt:

"What, did your putter get caught in your boobs?"
In my bag:

Driver: FT-5, 9° stiff
Wood: Big Bertha 3W/5W
Irons: X-20 TourWedges: X Tour 52°/56°Hybrids: Idea Pro 2/3/4Putter: Black Series #2Ball: NXT Extreme/NXT Tour
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Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

off a tree, cart path then OB down the cliff in one shot - " Grand Slam!"

watching the ball roll off the green and into some rough - " He could go all the way!"

when your partner can't find the hole ( bad golf day) - "you remind me of Michael Jordan..... playing baseball"

after leaving a chip/pitch/bump n' run/ putt way short - "my little sister is looking for a playing partner, you intrested?"

after your playing partner hits 2-3 drive OB off one tee - "where did you get lessons at? big5 ?"

after your playing partner swings and totally misses it - "streeerike!" (odviously not spelled like that) or "i heard ceaser's palace is looking for fan boys"

when a player thinks he hit a good shot and turns out bad - " man... your like tiger woods..... of sucking"


Odviously you wouldn't say this to random playing partners.

In my bag:
Driver: R9 TP Rombax Stiff
3 Wood: R9 TP 85g Stiff
3 hybrid: X
4-SW: X-20 Uniflex

SteelLW: Forged Chrome

Putter: White Hot XG #1

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Read this some where the other day and made it my screensaver at work:
"The problem with your swing is obvious, your standing way too close to the ball. After you've hit it..."

~Tom B.

I ordered a Chicken and an Egg on the Internet, to find out which came first... I'll keep you posted!

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After someone hits into heavy, nasty rough.

"you're in Lion Country. If you find it, you're lying."

Dave.
---------------------------------------
Driver: Big Bertha Titanium 454 10* Fairway: Big Bertha 16* 3 wood
Hybrid: G10 21* Ironwood: Bazooka JMAX QL 4/23*

Irons: G10 3; 5-PW AWT reg shafts Wedge: Ping 50 Tour-S & Mizuno 56-10 Chrome

Putter: Ping Pal2 BeCu

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If one hits a particularly bad shot:

"That was an Indian/Chinese shot: Ugh - Lee"

If someone comments that they hit a putt exactly where they wanted to:

"In that case, good shot...."
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I'm playing with my father last year, and we're both just playing for fun and having one of those rounds that you just start laughing at yourself for how bad we were. We're just goofing off and several times I had to start my swing and then stop so I could hold off laughing.

So I'm in the fairway 75 yeards from the green, and he's got the cart parked maybe 10 yards to the right of the green on the path and gets out since he was close to me.

He stops, looks at me, looks at the cart and looks back at me. He gets a big smile on his face and yells, "Do what my dad always told me. Aim for the cart - you won't hit it."

I laughed for honestly 10 or 12 minutes and eventually let the guys behind us go because neither me or my dad could get a shot off without busting into laughter.

Good times.

In my bag:
Driver: 907D1 10.5*, Aldila Spec-Grid S67 reg
Woods: Looking for a wood. Titleist 906F4 or Nike CPR.
Utility: CPR 2-3 hybrids, 22*-26*Irons: 755 Forged 4-PW, Tri-Spec Steel RegWedges: Vokey 200 series 56.10 SW, 60.04 LWPutter: Tracy 33"Ball: DT CarryI mark my Titleist by...

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I was playing with some guys once, and two of them were good friends, and they knew this course well. One par 3, we were all struggling with club choice, it was windy, hole was partially guarded by trees, it was a little uphill.... One guy finally hits, and it looked ok, but he clearly didn't hit it well. We're all watching it, when his buddy yells:

"C'mon.......get up.......another two clubs!"

Nothing in the swing is done at the expense of balance.

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Kind of stated before, but on a really short put... "Why don't you try throwing your purse at it, Nancy?"
-Kevin
In the Nike Pro Tour Combo Bag:
907 D2 9.5*
906F2 18* 5W
585H 21* 3 Hybrid 735.CM 4-PW 51.06 MP-T & 56.13 MP-T White Hot #1
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Here's what I skimmed off the top of the last pail of this milk:

*"Well you’re dancin’, but there’s no music playin’ " (on the green but far away)
*"She was ugly, but she had big tits" (a bad shot that turns out good)
*A Hitler (two shots in the bunker)
"was that your putter you hit? (a worm burner off the tee)
*'get some jizz on this'
*"Let the big dog eat!"
*"I’m gonna start calling you the CHEF--You're slicing everything today"
*After topping a drive, "I popped that like a Chinese cop on a Tibetan Monk!"
*When trying to kill a drive "hit it like it owes you money!”
*When you hit a putt and still have 5 feet or more left:
"A little poop left in that diaper!"
*I had just hit a pull hook with the driver and my buddy hollered out, "more right rudder!"
*On the greens: "A Brazilian" One that just shaved the hole.
*A Rock Hudson, convinced it was straight but it turned out it wasn’t
*When I hit a fat one, I will refer to it as a "Weight Watcher's Drop Out."
*"That one was fatter than this girl I hooked up with one drunken night in college."
*That's the most enthusiastic fade I've seen for a while. (It's a slice)
*So many shots to choose from! Which do you think was your best?
*That's the best three-putt I've ever seen.
*An O.J Simpson: Got away with it
A ladyboy: Looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
A condom: Safe, but it didn't feel very good
*"Did you get caught in your g-string on that one?” after leaving a putt short
*When a friend leaves a putt way short: "Take off your panties and putt it."
*"That ball looks awfully THIRSTY..." (Self-explanatory)
*Leave it short - Throw you purse at it.
*Poor Putt- it wouldn’t have been alright if it weren’t for that thing on your putter. (Inspect putter face). No the other end.
*"Putting like I’m at the junior prom, lots of lip and no hole"
*After topping a drive, "I topped that like a Chinese cop on a Tibetan Monk!"

And people are calling the announcers inane.

Best, Mike Elzey

In my bag:
Driver: Cleveland Launcher 10.5 stiff
Woods: Ping ISI 3 and 5 - metal stiffIrons: Ping ISI 4-GW - metal stiffSand Wedges: 1987 Staff, 1987 R-90Putter: two ball - black bladeBall: NXT Tour"I think what I said is right but maybe not.""If you know so much, why are you...

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Note: This thread is 3133 days old. We appreciate that you found this thread instead of starting a new one, but if you plan to post here please make sure it's still relevant. If not, please start a new topic. Thank you!

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