Caddyshack

[Danny Noonan]

Al:

"Country clubs and cemetaries the biggest wasteses of prime real estate."

I like the he says "wasteses". I think its just as amusing when Gary Oldman says "breasteses" in True Romance.

[Snake]

Other than my signature...

Judge: You should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. He's been club champion for years and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.

Sandy: (in his thick Scottish accent) I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course!
Carl: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you fool! Gophers! The little brown furry rodents!
Carl Spackler: We can do that; we don't even have to have a reason.

Ty: A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.

[JetFan1983]

Some of my favorites not yet mentioned...


Carl Spackler : This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.


Ty Webb: Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy.
Danny Noonan : Danny.
Ty Webb : Danny


Carl Spackler : License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.


Ty Webb: Don't be obsessed with your desires Danny. The Zen philosopher Basha once wrote, 'A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.' He was a funny guy.

Al Czervik : What're we, waiting for these guys? Hey Whitey, where's your hat?
Judge Smails : Do you mind, sir. I'm trying to tee off.
Al Czervik : I'll bet you a hundred bucks you slice it into the woods.
Judge Smails : Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice.
[Swings club, slices ball into woods]
Judge Smails : *Damn*.
Al Czervik : OK, you can owe me.

Judge Smails : [to Bishop Fred Pickering] Say, Fred, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Colored Boy who went to heaven?
Bishop : Yeah, Judge, that's a doozy


Judge Smails : Danny, I'm having a party this weekend...How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?


[after the gopher takes his ball]
Al Czervik : Hey, that kangaroo just took my ball!

Judge Smails: Yes. Yes. Winter rules....

[Ben]

Al Czervik

Yes, those are great too!

[Doctorfro]

"Guess that must be the tea!"

"How about a Fresca?"

Ty - "We have to win this hole."
Danny - "I kinda thought winning wasn't important"
Ty - "Me winning isn't, you do"
Danny - "Great grammar"

[kevntri]

I have always used Maggies line.....
Ya well.....Tanks for nuttin..............

[Jay-Bird]

Spalding Smails : "... You're probably high already and you don't even know it."

[Slim 11]

I could just quote the whole movie.

I especially like Carl's telling of the Dali Lama incident, particularly...
He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga.
Love the "big hitter" part and the dramatic pause as he is tryin got quote the Lama.

One I haven't seen posted that is funny, but often missed...

Al Cervik: I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?

[cstorms]

Ratfarts!

Noonan!

everything from the drunken bishop, ted knight, and of course spackler... i love when he is putting the c4 squirrel w/ wires sticking out of its ass into the gopher hole and says, "dont mind this, doctors orders"

[wannabe]

A lot of mine have already been taken.

Here's a few more:

"Momma, Danny saw me naked!"

"What are you, a diabetic?"

"Thank you very little."

"A pool, and a pond. The pond would be good for you."

"Cannonball"

"What's that sign say?" "No bare feet"
"Clean up that blood"

"I ain't payin' no 50 cents for no coke!" "Then a you ain't a gettin' no coke!"

"double-turds!"

and on and on...

[Slim 11]

Let's not forget:

You'll get nothing and like it!

[RemyM]

"Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it"

[chriskzoo]

This cracks me up every time:

Ty Webb: Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out... You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean... You know who that guy was Danny?
Danny Noonan: No.
Ty Webb: Take one good guess.
Danny Noonan: Bob Hope?
Ty Webb: Ha ha... No, that guy was Mitch Cumstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.

[Danny Noonan]

What is it Carl is saying at the ball washer when scoping out the elderly women?

Something like "you beast, you dirty beast." "you're lean and mean and not to far in between, huh?" "how'd you like to wrap your spikes around my head, huh?" Something like that.

Classic.

[mirv]

the whole opening conversation between ty and danny. specifically:

ty: i like you, betty.

danny: danny, sir.

ty: whatever.

----

ty: ...do you do drugs, danny?

danny: every day.

ty: then what's the problem?

----

ty: this isn't russia. is this russia? this isn't russia...

----

ty: what's the matter with working in a lumber yard? i own two lumber yards.

danny: i notice you don't spend much time there.

ty: i'm not sure where they are.

[TommyD69]

Fred Pickering: You don't have to ask a Navy man if he'll have another drink.
It nobody's goddam business how many drinks he's had already!!

Al: Can you make a bull shot? Tony: Can you make a shoe smell?


Al: When's the next bus to Boys town?


Al: Tell the chef my steak still has the marks where the jockey was hitting it!


Ty: Dad... never liked you....


The Judge: I sent boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. But, I felt I OWED it to them!


I could go on all day!!!!

[bogeyhitter25]

i never slice

[msd3075]

I have always used Maggies line.....

I say that one all the time!!!! A few of my favorites... "I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you. But you were born to rub me first." Lacey Underall: "Who's your decorator, Benihana?" Ty Webb: "No, I got most of that in Vietnam." Lacey Underall: "You were in the war?" Ty Webb: "No...(grabs hip and limps to the bar)....homo." Al Czervik: "Hey, you scratched my anchor!" Judge Smails: "I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. Felt I owed it to them." Mrs. Smails: "Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks?"