Interesting round today with a nice kid & a-hole father

[jhwmusic]

so by reading someones post on the internet, you know the whole situation about this father/son?

Nobody says they know everything about this father and son. Do you know this Father and Son? Or are you one of those guys that yells at your kids and gets kicked out of their little league games? Or are you just one of the people on this site that just disagree to disagree? Cuz there are a lot of those on this site. The conversations in this thread aren't as much about this one father and son as much as they are about how parents can affect their children by not motivating them in the proper manner. Motivating them to be great at whatever if it is they do without tearing them down when they fail....because they will fail! It is okay to tell your kids that they have screwed up but you don't need to talk to them like they are garbage because they haven't performed up to "your" standard or level at which you hope they can perform. You teach them how to keep that head down, watch that ball into the mit, use two hands to catch fly balls and so on. You teach and teach it again. If they don't get it still, you teach it again.

[jhwmusic]

I just think its wrong to assume that the father is pushing the kid for his own personal gain.  Without knowing them on a personal level..how is it right to judge the dad?  Maybe its what the kid responds to?  Maybe the kid IS enjoying himself?  No one knows the whole story and its easy to say "well that dad is just a moron...He's so wrong for doing his kid like that!"

Maybe it's what the kid responds to? Yeah, i'm sure the kid loves it!! He probably loves getting humiliated by his dad in front of other people....and being embarassed that his dad is a complete jackoff! I know a lot of friends who have Dad's like that....and guess what, nobody liked to go to those kid's houses or play on the teams where their dad was the coach. It is just as uncomfortable for the kid's friends or teammates as it is for the kid being torn down. Let me guess, your dad did it to you so its the right way?

[Paradox]

like I said, if you don't know them, then you don't know whats going on in the kids mind, either.  Stop being so freakin self-righteous.

And no, my dad didn't do it to me so that must be the right way.

[jhwmusic]

like I said, if you don't know them, then you don't know whats going on in the kids mind, either.  Stop being so freakin self-righteous.

And no, my dad didn't do it to me so that must be the right way.

AND LIKE I SAID, most of us aren't really talking about this Dad and kid specifically at this point. We are conversing about how some parents take it way too far...and don't motivate in the proper way. Who is being self righteous? None of us said we are perfect...we just don't think you should yell at your kid and make a fool out of him in front of other people to make him better at golf. If thinking this makes me self righteous in your eyes, oh well!

[Gresh24]

The bottom line is a lot of people are "bad parents" to a lot of us.  Sports brings out the worst in many of them, but I see it all the time in almost every public place - the grocery store, restaurants, and especially at places where there are a lot of kids.

That said, people have the right to raise their children as they see fit.  They don't have the right to be abusive, but outside of that it is their business.  Look, I hate to see it as much as anyone else, but there isn't much we can do.  We can't change these people with a confrontation.  There are idiots raising children.

If some feel strongly enough to say something, that's fine as long as it is tasteful.  A few on here have mentioned they would not only say something, but be willing to fight this dad.  That only proves one thing - that there are bigger a-holes out there than this kids old man.  It doesn't help the kid at all.

If it is bad enough, try to get the police or child services involved.  Or say your peace and be done with it.

[jetsknicks1]

Originally Posted by Gresh24

The bottom line is a lot of people are "bad parents" to a lot of us.  Sports brings out the worst in many of them, but I see it all the time in almost every public place - the grocery store, restaurants, and especially at places where there are a lot of kids.

That said, people have the right to raise their children as they see fit.  They don't have the right to be abusive, but outside of that it is their business.  Look, I hate to see it as much as anyone else, but there isn't much we can do.  We can't change these people with a confrontation.  There are idiots raising children.

If some feel strongly enough to say something, that's fine as long as it is tasteful.  A few on here have mentioned they would not only say something, but be willing to fight this dad.  That only proves one thing - that there are bigger a-holes out there than this kids old man.  It doesn't help the kid at all.

If it is bad enough, try to get the police or child services involved.  Or say your peace and be done with it.

This +1000. When my kids were young I coached them thru years of little league. One of the worst things I've ever seen was a dad go into his kid's dugout and pick the kid up and pin him against the wall, all the while screaming at the boy about some perceived mistake on the field. This was followed by one of the bravest things I've ever seen. Before any of us could get to the dugout the teenage home plate ump was pulling this father out of the dugout and telling him he was banned from the field and the cops would be called if he didn't leave. Gutsy kid.

[WWBDD]

Originally Posted by jetsknicks1

This +1000. When my kids were young I coached them thru years of little league. One of the worst things I've ever seen was a dad go into his kid's dugout and pick the kid up and pin him against the wall, all the while screaming at the boy about some perceived mistake on the field. This was followed by one of the bravest things I've ever seen. Before any of us could get to the dugout the teenage home plate ump was pulling this father out of the dugout and telling him he was banned from the field and the cops would be called if he didn't leave. Gutsy kid.

This brings up a related issue ... the treatment of officials who are often just kids themselves.

My wife and I are involved in minor hockey and community league soccer, and retaining referees can be a problem. They don't get paid a lot and there has been a fairly high attrition rate in the past due to mistreatment from coaches and parents.

In the last few years there has been very low tollerance for this sort of thing and the roster of refs has been growing, but on rare occasions you still see the odd adult screaming at the 13 year old ref.

I can't even begin to understand the head space these people occupy.

Having said that, we are encouraging our kids to take the required courses and start reffing ... hopefully they'll learn some people skills and, if nothing else, it'll look good on their resumes.

[MackJL06]

did you ask the kid if he was having fun? i always was happy if a coach was pushing me, because if i wasnt getting instruction or criticism...then they probably gave up on me.

[jamo]

The bottom line is a lot of people are "bad parents" to a lot of us.  Sports brings out the worst in many of them, but I see it all the time in almost every public place - the grocery store, restaurants, and especially at places where there are a lot of kids. That said, people have the right to raise their children as they see fit.  They don't have the right to be abusive, but outside of that it is their business.  Look, I hate to see it as much as anyone else, but there isn't much we can do.  We can't change these people with a confrontation.  There are idiots raising children.  If some feel strongly enough to say something, that's fine as long as it is tasteful.  A few on here have mentioned they would not only say something, but be willing to fight this dad.  That only proves one thing - that there are bigger a-holes out there than this kids old man.  It doesn't help the kid at all.  If it is bad enough, try to get the police or child services involved.  Or say your peace and be done with it.

Yup. I umpire Little League baseball in the summers, including a regional tournament. You wouldn't believe some of the real ass-holes they let coach these teams. Keep in mind this is Massachusetts too. The next time a Massachusetts baseball player makes it big will be the first.

[jhwmusic]

did you ask the kid if he was having fun? i always was happy if a coach was pushing me, because if i wasnt getting instruction or criticism...then they probably gave up on me.

Yes, he pulled him asside to make sure the kid was still having fun with the game. Read the original post. We aren't talking about pushing kids...that is fine. I used to get pissed when my basketball coach would only work with the other gaurd. We are simply talking about parents or coaches that take it way too far. That doesn't mean coaches have to give the kid a big hug and say go get em next time tiger! Its okay to let them know they have failed or hit a bad shot. Its just how you then motivate them to not do it again. Coaches can yell and get fired up without destroying the players self esteem. Ya know? I grew up a Hoosier Fan and I went to IU while Bobby Knight was coach and was there when he got fired. So I am well schooled in the art of what you can and can't do. Coach Knight teatered back and forth on that fine line. He obviously crossed it many times, but he also did it the right way more times than he didn't.

[Tiger90]

Originally Posted by TourSpoon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paradox

so by reading someones post on the internet, you know the whole situation about this father/son?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paradox

I just think its wrong to assume that the father is pushing the kid for his own personal gain.  Without knowing them on a personal level..how is it right to judge the dad?  Maybe its what the kid responds to?  Maybe the kid IS enjoying himself?  No one knows the whole story and its easy to say "well that dad is just a moron...He's so wrong for doing his kid like that!"

You may be right about the personal gain part but to say that the kid responds to public berating is kind of ridiculous. If the kid really enjoys the humiliation then he has a bigger problem than we could ever imagine. I could see the kid getting chewed out for stealing something, but for blading a chip it is beyond constructive.

Exactly....and what 10 year old would thrive on public berating

[jhwmusic]

[CODE][/CODE][quote name="Tiger90" url="/t/55798/interesting-round-today-with-a-nice-kid-a-hole-father/54#post_682346"]

Exactly....and what 10 year old would thrive on public berating

[/quote] That is exactly what I was trying to say. Also, if this father is chewing his son out in public, imagine what he does at home.

[zipazoid]

In my initial story I mentioned that I am also a father & I wouldn't take kindly to anyone telling me how to raise my son. And I wasn't there to enlighten anyone on how to do it - I was there to play golf.

Having said that, the one thing I wish I would have done was to just have a chat with the dad to find out if he played golf, cuz he came across a little ignorant of the game. That's why I made that comment on the 4th green when the kid skulled his chip shot - dad berated him, I said 'He had a tough shot.'

And here's the thing - I get that the dad may have been just trying to toughen the kid up, but there was no positive reinforcement..at least I didn't sense any. It was all negative. If you want to kill a kid's enthusiasm that's exactly how to do it.

[Tiger90]

Originally Posted by jhwmusic

Code:

That is exactly what I was trying to say. Also, if this father is chewing his son out in public, imagine what he does at home.

Thats a good point, however i feel a douche like that has no discretion and probably doesn't hold back in public

[MackJL06]

thanks for that...i did read the original post...and you pulled the kid aside to tell him to remember to have fun. i asked if you said "hey kid are you having fun?" some kids like to be pushed...thats how you become great.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jhwmusic


Yes, he pulled him asside to make sure the kid was still having fun with the game. Read the original post. We aren't talking about pushing kids...that is fine. I used to get pissed when my basketball coach would only work with the other gaurd. We are simply talking about parents or coaches that take it way too far. That doesn't mean coaches have to give the kid a big hug and say go get em next time tiger! Its okay to let them know they have failed or hit a bad shot. Its just how you then motivate them to not do it again. Coaches can yell and get fired up without destroying the players self esteem. Ya know? I grew up a Hoosier Fan and I went to IU while Bobby Knight was coach and was there when he got fired. So I am well schooled in the art of what you can and can't do. Coach Knight teatered back and forth on that fine line. He obviously crossed it many times, but he also did it the right way more times than he didn't.

As we walked up the last hole, me & the kid were out of earshot of the father. I asked him if he wanted to play golf for a living, and he said 'Of course.' I said great, but remember. It's a game. Have fun, okay?

sounds to me like the kid was playing the game, playing the game well, and had every intention to keep playing.