the worst golfer ever

[ninjadriver]

SIR *raises hand*

Deliberate mistake. Well spotted that boy.

[BigBoy]

If the guy was good natured about, I could live with it. I played today with a guy I know somewhat, and I've heard he's made some huge strides in his golf game over the past year, and claims a 14 index... well today he had a strech of holes where he had trouble getting the ball in the air. After each shank, duff, dead pull - he'd storm around, look around in disbelief, then take about 6 practice swings, all while I'm waiting in the cart to advance to my ball. Once back in the cart, he'd bitch and moan. The topper was on a LONG par 3 (230 yards) where he swiped a slice behind some trees that gaurd the right side of the green. He's swearing the whole drive to his ball, then gets there and has ZERO shot thru the trees and brush and he sits there and takes little punch practice swings like he's going to get it thru there (again, there was literally no where for the ball to fit thru, Phil wouldn't try it). I actually hit behind the cart because a violent ricochet was very possible. When he saw that, it finally dawned on him that he needed to chip out side ways and try to get up and down for bogey. He ends up "chipping" it about 30 yards thru the fairway an into a water hazard. He was intorerable from then on - we got rained out after 14, and it was actually a blessing.

I will say that for true beginners, a very important lesson for them is on how to mark the location of their balls. Even if they are in good spirits, if they have no clue where their ball is in a 50 yard radius, it starts to get really old.

[RC]

Think I have told this story before... but at some individual event for something I have forgotten (it was decades ago, but it was some kind of USGA regional or state tournament) I saw an almost unbelievable thing.

To set the stage, you are on the first tee, you don't know the other guys, you are nervous about your own game, and there are supposed to be some really stellar players in the field -- low handicaps were required to enter (I think you had to be 3 or better but can't remember exactly.)

We draw lots for honors. Two of us hit first, and then this third guy steps forward... he sure looked the part of being an impressive player. He was dressed to the nines in white pants, white shoes, red shirt, and white Hogan cap, with a big tour bag with his name on it. He prepares to hit his drive. His Caddie is attentive and does everything spot on, taking his place to the right of the tee box and standing quiet and serious. The guy takes this big swing, completely missing the ball, but looking down the fairway just as if he hit it perfectly -- posing his follow through with the best of them. The ball remains sitting on the tee. The other three of us and our caddies don't move, don't make a sound. It is quiet as a tomb. The guy turns to his caddie, hands him the driver and starts walking straight down the fairway, apparently thinking he actually hit it. Still, no one moves. He walks about 25-30 yards, turns and notices no one is moving. When he looks back, the starter yells out, "Your ball is still on the tee." The guy gets upset, obviously embarassed, and returns to the tee to hit a low grounder to the right. We are trying our best not to break out laughing.

He was an obvious fraud (his handicap had to be wrong) or zonked on drugs, or drunk, or something... He was terrible. Did not finish the first hole and walked off the course. Being (or trying to be) gentlemen, the other guy and I never said a word about it -- but we kept looking at each other trying not to burst into giggles.

N.B: Don't get me wrong here... I have swung at a ball and missed it, but at least it was in deep rough. And yes, I called the miss a stroke. The next one went about two feet. It was not funny in that case.

[leftcoastsrt04]

A buddy invited a guy we work with the other day who has very very little experience in golf. He was using my friends clubs and on about the 3rd hole got mad when he missed a putt and stuck the end of the putter into the green as hard as he could leaving a nice groove into the green. Took everything within me to not (politely) explain to him the etiquette's of golf. Needless to say, he is not invited back.

[chspeed]

Perhaps his game was to golf was as your spelling and punctuation is to English...

"was as"?

Oh, and it's "are to English" not "is to English" If you're an English teacher, I'm a golf instructor.

[$2 Nassau]

I'll throw in a quick story. He's not the worst, but certainly the worst I have ever played with, including myself. But he's a friend of my wife's family and a great guy. Here's a little taste:

We're on the first hole, playing a course down in FL while on vacation. He hits his drive off the toe of the club into a hazard, maybe 75 yards from the tee. Takes his drop, hitting 3 now and then misses 5 times in a row. I am dead serious. We are trying our best not to laugh at him but even he started to chuckle a little.

Stroke 8 - we have contact! Right into the same hazard though, but at least advanced the ball up the fairway a little (hazard was a long pond that ran along the right side of the hole - all the way to the green)
Drop 9 - Stroke 10- contact again! But into the same hazard, a little further up though.
Drop 11 - Stroke 12 - hits the ball fairly solid up near the green into a bunker.
Took 3 to get out of the bunker, stroke 15 sends the ball out of the bunker over the green along the cart path and hitting our cart.
Stroke 16 over the green onto the fringe
Stroke 17 -putted, 8 feet past the hole
Then drills the 8 footer for a cool 18 on the first hole.

[wannabe]

Worst golfer I ever saw was my uncle. Never played before, but a good athlete, muscular dude. At the first tee, we all tee off, then his turn.
Swing - whiff. Cussing. Redface.
Swing - whiff. More cussing, veins bulging.
Swing - divot behind the ball, whiff. Pound the clubhead into the ground several times. F-bombs.
Final Swing - whiff. It's over. Expletives galore, grabs his clubs & leaves the course, never to darken one again. Oh well, dude just couldn't see the comedy in this crazy game.


2nd worse golfers - my siblings and me. When younger and completely inadequate on the course, my grandfather would take my siblings and me for a round every time we'd go visit him (couple of times a year, out of state). He had the patience of Job. We must've lost 50 balls a round, and spent more time looking for them than playing. I never remember him getting upset. Looking back, I'm so thankful for those days, how fun it was even though we sucked at golf, and a big reason for why I love it now.

Yeah, I'm ultra lenient on the course -- it's a game, meant for fun, & life's too short. Have a good laugh and enjoy it.

[Titleist Man]

There was a gir who turned in a 157 for a HS meet last year. For 9 holes..

I can see the celebartion after a round: "I broke 300!!!!!

"

[Azprobe]

I just gotta say, this thread is why it's difficult to find guys to play with at my course... I just started playing golf in February, and so far my best 18-round is a 135 (on a 132-slope course)... but I'd hate to hold anyone back, or worse, get mocked because I wiff a few or have trouble getting it into the air sometimes. I try to keep a good attitude out there, even after a 4-put or the 3rd attempt out of a bunker, but some guys take it *way* too seriously and show obvious frustration that my play is affecting their attempt to break 110.

Not all of us are lucky enough to shoot a 72 our first time out...

[wannabe]

I just gotta say, this thread is why it's difficult to find guys to play with at my course... I just started playing golf in February, and so far my best 18-round is a 135 (on a 132-slope course)... but I'd hate to hold anyone back, or worse, get mocked because I wiff a few or have trouble getting it into the air sometimes. I try to keep a good attitude out there, even after a 4-put or the 3rd attempt out of a bunker, but some guys take it *way* too seriously and show obvious frustration that my play is affecting their attempt to break 110.

you probably outta mention your skill level (or lack thereof) at the start of the round, to set your fellow player's expectations from the get go. It helps break the ice, too. And yeah, your own attitude is key. You gotta be able to laugh at yourself to enjoy this game.

And yes, we all know that we were all just as bad at one time - that's what makes a thread like this fun.

[1par2win]

I just gotta say, this thread is why it's difficult to find guys to play with at my course... I just started playing golf in February, and so far my best 18-round is a 135 (on a 132-slope course)... but I'd hate to hold anyone back, or worse, get mocked because I wiff a few or have trouble getting it into the air sometimes. I try to keep a good attitude out there, even after a 4-put or the 3rd attempt out of a bunker, but some guys take it *way* too seriously and show obvious frustration that my play is affecting their attempt to break 110.

For me and most everybody I know the most important trait in playing with someone is to be good company and have some fun. Skill level isn't all that important in enjoying a round of golf. If people are snobs about your skill level and mock you well all I can say is they are a-holes that probably cheat anyway. Keep swinging away and and keep a good attitude and you will find many players that would like to golf with you.

[putput]

Ok... well i have a horror story for all of you on my first golf course trip.

It was a decent day, i was so happy to be FINALLY going to the golf course, my wife was calling me a little school girl cause i was getting giddy getting my bag ready; extra golf balls: check, extra tee's: check, golf glove: check... I have the cheesiest grin ever driving to the course, by this time i have been at the range for about a month, my iron swings are pretty fair and i can hit them strait as an arrow, my tee off is still cutting far left but i don’t think it will be so bad.

I pay and get all set up at the first tee off, i get all set up, swing! The ball is off, no really, off... I sliced it so bad it ended up on the green of the second hole. No big deal right, i can just walk over there, save my dignity a little and just throw it back to my way. So i start walking over there... a lady is walking up the green, i start to pick up the pace as i really don’t want to intermingle at this point fearing the worse i don’t need to be degraded this early on in a 9 hole round. Shit... she is now standing on my ball, she is looking at the name, nope that aint hers, she starts to look around, i cant loose a ball just yet so i yell out "yes, that’s mine... can you hand me back my dignity please" She laughs at the joke and tosses it my way, by this time i can only smile and laugh a bit at the situation and just HOPE i don’t ever see her again.

[Iowa Hawkeye]

I can see the celebartion after a round: "I broke 300!!!!!

Her group came in about an hour after the last one before. Good thing it was a clear day and nothing was blocking what little sunlight there was left.

She also was the only one with a cart for her bag, everyone else carried.

[Marinemike]

I just gotta say, this thread is why it's difficult to find guys to play with at my course... I just started playing golf in February, and so far my best 18-round is a 135 (on a 132-slope course)... but I'd hate to hold anyone back, or worse, get mocked because I wiff a few or have trouble getting it into the air sometimes. I try to keep a good attitude out there, even after a 4-put or the 3rd attempt out of a bunker, but some guys take it *way* too seriously and show obvious frustration that my play is affecting their attempt to break 110.

1. Screw them...Everybody starts around 120 to 150 depending on how much work they put in before they play a round.

2. Stop playing a course with a 132 slope!

[wedge player]

I just gotta say, this thread is why it's difficult to find guys to play with at my course... I just started playing golf in February, and so far my best 18-round is a 135 (on a 132-slope course)... but I'd hate to hold anyone back, or worse, get mocked because I wiff a few or have trouble getting it into the air sometimes. I try to keep a good attitude out there, even after a 4-put or the 3rd attempt out of a bunker, but some guys take it *way* too seriously and show obvious frustration that my play is affecting their attempt to break 110.

i normally dony mind high handicappers i was there myself,but this guy was also the i dont know wats happening today,did you see that ball,can i borrow some balls,didnt take things serious at all,a true hacker no person on this board is a true hacker

[Titleist Man]

I just gotta say, this thread is why it's difficult to find guys to play with at my course... I just started playing golf in February, and so far my best 18-round is a 135 (on a 132-slope course)... but I'd hate to hold anyone back, or worse, get mocked because I wiff a few or have trouble getting it into the air sometimes. I try to keep a good attitude out there, even after a 4-put or the 3rd attempt out of a bunker, but some guys take it *way* too seriously and show obvious frustration that my play is affecting their attempt to break 110.

For *me* its not skill level its having NO IDEA where his ball is and making you look for it and then being all angry when they dont get a good shot. That and if they are SLOW but not because of their game(the speed at which they walk for instance).

[pshizz]

i shot a 99 in a tournament about a month ago...yes a 99. Believe me when i say that it happens to the best of us.

[RC]

And if terribly bad golf and total exposure of your inadequacies has not yet happened to you, keep playing this game -- it will happen.

Long time ago, I'm in a rabbit hunt shootout. That is where the top rated players are first auctioned off in a betting party the night before, just like a Calcutta. Other people have money on you, and courtesy permits the player to buy half interest. The money is significant.

On each hole, one person is eliminated -- the worst score is eliminated until one final guy is left -- and a huge payoff ensues. If there are ties for worst score on a hole, there is a chip off or putt off. On the third hole, I hit it about a yard off the green but in some gnarly rough, and the pin is maybe 10 or 12 steps away. I stub it, I stub it again, then I hit it sideways, then try to putt through the rough, still not on the green -- please... anything to just get it on the green... The pro, who is refereeing the match, says, "Don't you think you have hit it enough now?" With a hundred people standing around, I can guarantee you humility is a virtue. All you can think is how small can I get -- can I disappear?