Mental weakness

[rkim291968]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rkim291968

With thousands of golf rules, there should be one about sportsmanship/gamesmanship.   How about a stroke penalty, and DQ after 2nd occurrence?    Other sports has it.  You get a ball thrown at you if you show the opposing team off in manner inappropriate.

Lol, trying to apply that rule to a "friendly" golf outing would just increase heckling.

The poor guy can't handle what the A*hole is dishing out on a "friendly" golf outing.   If he can't adjust, then he needs to confront.     So, my point is, LOL myself, the OP should kick his teeth in (not literally, of course) so that one way or another, the jerk takes his pathetic ways somewhere else (like football, boxing where hist behavior is well accepted or even encouraged).   Personally, I would have done something rather than keep playing with the jerk.  I have no stomach for A*holes, bullies, etc..

[RFKFREAK]

I'd try to have a stock catch phrase at the ready, and just hit him with it relentlessly when he starts. Don't worry about being witty or matching him shot for shot verbally. Just something like:

'Stay Classy San Diego'

'Yeah, you sure ARE garbage!'

'Keep it juicy.'

'Mashed potatoes, man, mashed. pot-ate-oooos....'

'Got em' coach!'

Make it basically nonsensical, and annoying as hell. If repeated 70 times a round, he may get tired of hearing you in response being so silly and dismissive, and shut up himself.

A mantra, if you will. If you can get comfortable with something so silly, and he can't, then you have protection.

Just an idea.

Eh, this could just make OP the object of more ridicule.

[neophyte]

The truth is -in his head he believes you are a better golfer than he is, and the only chance he has to beat you is to mess with your head.

I have always silently thanked people like that for reminding me that I am a better competitor!

[RFKFREAK]

The truth is -in his head he believes you are a better golfer than he is, and the only chance he has to beat you is to mess with your head.

This is also not necessarily true.

[cipher]

I am late to the party but, I see this sort of thing as intellectually dishonest competition. I will never trash talk or try to get in someone's head on the golf course. First of all I really don't care who wins or loses, I just want to play some golf and try and overcome my own personal roadblocks. If I was competing I would not care to beat someone who I was able to get in their head. I want to play them at their best not their worst. That being said I love it when someone tries this with me, I stay silent and get into another level of focus. The one thing that gets my wheels spinning is others being overly silent. To the OP if you are the more easy going quiet type, use that to your advantage and to focus in.

[plum]

I agree with some of the above comments. it would make me work twice as hard at practicing and id turn it around on him slightly. do it slowly and methodically and he will shut up eventually.....then turn up the volume on YOUR taunting to crush him

[dave s]

iPhone / iPod and headphones / earbuds.  Tune him out ... completely!

dave

[David in FL]

iPhone / iPod and headphones / earbuds.  Tune him out ... completely! dave

Not allowed in a competitive round though. Rule 14-3 applies.....

[stinger]

Hey I like most of these replies, thanks Cipher,yes I am easy going. Am not interested in winning just improving my hcap:-) But my buddy ! Won't have me get lower than his hcap Be just great to be able to focus, but I get so down when he commences his barracking & low life comments I crumble & instead of focusing on the ball / target my head is scrambled, my swing I becomes the fastest on the planet, but the ball zooms anywhere Maybe to control my breathing & consciously slow down will help But can't stop my mind thinking of his comments !

[Harmonious]

Now I'm confused. Originally you said that he was just a club member who professes to be your friend. Now you say he is your buddy. To me, those are two different relationships that require two completely different responses from you. If he in fact isn't your buddy, just refuse to play with him. Or, if you are in a competition and must, tell him the first time he says anything derogatory to knock it off, period. If he is your buddy, maybe a softer approach would be appropriate. Something like "Hey buddy, how about giving the trash talking a rest, OK?".  If he continues, then I guess he really isn't your buddy after all.

[TT47]

Hey I like most of these replies, thanks

Cipher,yes I am easy going. Am not interested in winning just improving my hcap:-)

But my buddy ! Won't have me get lower than his hcap

Be just great to be able to focus, but I get so down when he commences his barracking & low life comments I crumble & instead of focusing on the ball / target my head is scrambled, my swing I becomes the fastest on the planet, but the ball zooms anywhere

Maybe to control my breathing & consciously slow down will help

But can't stop my mind thinking of his comments !

Start a conversation with him and get to know what's bothering him in his life right now. Its either going to be work, home life or finances so get it out of him. After a so-so shot from him return to that part of his life and that should get the pressure pot simmering.

or

Ask him how he manages to turn his hips faster in the downswing than his shoulders and make sure you get an answer.

[stinger]

Ok, buddy or friend. I aim to confront him. Medal in 2 weeks, which is when he comes to play. Any bad, banter & I will question him & advise him it must stop. Shame to lose a friendship over a handicap !

[jvalhalla]

I wouldn't know what to do if my buddies didn't trash talk during a round. Granted we normally only play for fun and pride (with an occasional best ball mixed in) but if they weren't talking smack I'd wonder what gives. We can all laugh at ourselves and each other. In my experience, if somebody shows it affects them it only gets worse. I don't do this with people I've just met or the random people I play with, just my good buddies. Part of this is probably due to all of us being military and used to it. We also compliment each other on good shots and praise the amazing ones. Nobody has any hard feelings.

I would say if it bugs you have a man to man conversation with him about it. If he doesn't stop, don't play with him if it is that much of an issue.

[RFKFREAK]

I wouldn't know what to do if my buddies didn't trash talk during a round. Granted we normally only play for fun and pride (with an occasional best ball mixed in) but if they weren't talking smack I'd wonder what gives. We can all laugh at ourselves and each other. In my experience, if somebody shows it affects them it only gets worse. I don't do this with people I've just met or the random people I play with, just my good buddies. Part of this is probably due to all of us being military and used to it. We also compliment each other on good shots and praise the amazing ones. Nobody has any hard feelings.

I would say if it bugs you have a man to man conversation with him about it. If he doesn't stop, don't play with him if it is that much of an issue.

This is also true with some of my friends that I golf with.  I feel talking smack while with friends is a way to show them that they're really your friends.

[Parker0065]

Hello, I have an issue with a club member who professes to be a friend

He does though I feel try everything to destroy my game !

During medal play if I am playing well he will say personal or derogatory things to break me.

This is not my imagination, another member who also played in our group now refuses to play due to his actions.

I have persisted, though am fed up with having my weekends spoilt by this man.

I try to block out his vile, bit eventually he breaks me as my thoughts over the ball are on his behaviour & not on my objective.

I would love to be able to reverse this & block him out, bit how do I do it ?

He has rhino skin !

Help please

I should make you pay me for this advice but I'm going to give you a freebee! The guy is obviously a "fear monger" that tries to instill fear to those that are a threat to him. Perhaps he fears that you will consistently beat him unless he applies pressure to you. You should take that as a compliment and give him a big smile when he makes his comments knowing that he is afraid! You don't have to talk trash back to him, just give him a smile and blow him off! It's really not that hard and you are obviously a threat to him. That's how some weak people deal with fear, they trash others! Your better than him so really the problem is within you. You are afraid of beating him because you fear he will talk even more trash, but in reality that is exactly what will shut him up and send him scurrying away like a rat!

The other thing is if your really into improving your game then you may have to adjust to the fact that you "friends" may change with your handicap. Lower handicap players tend to play with other lower handicap players so if your not willing to give up playing with this D-bag and meet better players your game may never improve either way!

[stinger]

Hi Parker0065, thanks so much, that just about sums it up ! I will adapt this technique I suppose I have to smile at his comments & turn the tables, as fighting fire with fire I loose ! Have tried theat route Next time out it's the new ME

[phan52]

Hi guys & thanks for some entertaining replys:-)

I so like the idea of tuning him out !

But how ? Nothing bothers him, he is a rhino !

Don't like the idea of bitchy battles on the course. Out leisure time is supposed to be enjoyable & a choice.

Don't like a weekend of unhappiness on the course.

So, to block him out, regain my focus, concentration, after his outburst of personal abuse & my mind is in tatters, how or what puts me back on track ?

Thanks

If you are just playing a friendly match among yourselves, you should learn to give as well as take. The guys I play with, we all thrive on that type of banter and none of it is intended to be unpleasant. But if he is doing it in a tournament setting of any kind, he is way out of line (I bring this up because you mention he does it in medal play). In that case, I suggest you heed Eric's advice and just avoid playing with him.

[Dave2512]

I get it all the time from a few of my partners. It can be irritating if people go overboard. But it tends to come up at harmless times, standing over a 3 footer, hitting my 3rd after dunking it in a pond on a short par 3. For example just last Sat I was standing over a short putt to save bogey after a blown drive and my partner says "did you know your dog crapped in my yard". It's so dang funny with the timing I missed the putt. The trick is don't let the missed shot bother you and play on.