Great golfing quotes

[jsgolfer]

One lesson is 1,000 Pounds.  Five lessons are 150 pounds.  If you want a miracle you will have to pay for it. - Sign in a England Pro Shop

No matter how badly you are playing you could always play worse - Anonymous

 

[9wood]

Give golf a try my friend said. It's very challenging he said. To which I replied, sure but so is tossing a marble into a shot glass from 200 feet.

 

[bkuehn1952]

"Please accept my resignation.  I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member."

Groucho Marx

 

[Avalanche]

"I am a stupid."   — Roberto de Vicenzo, upon being penalized for signing for an *extra* stroke, thus missing a playoff in the 1968 Masters

[sjduffers]

I'm not good enough to be mad after a bad shot!  -- Unknown

[9wood]

"Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly 40 years to discover that I can't play it." - Ted Ray

[brettfan]

My two favorites:

"Its not how, its how many"  Not sure who said it first but one of my golfing buddies says it every time someone hits a bad shot that ends up good.

 

"A doctor who shoots in the 90s needs to practice more golf... a doctor who shoots in the 70s needs to practice more medicine". 

[stealthhwk]

" Theres mad, theres real mad, and theres golf mad." Great quote by someone on a golf forum. This one, if im not mistaken.

[Wally Fairway]

"It's not how good your good shots are that matter, it is how good your bad shots are"

[Elrey Desol]

"Hit it where they mow." ~ anon

"You deserve a two stroke penalty just for waking up in the morning." ~ Dead Solid Perfect (1988)

[9wood]

"Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result." - Tommy Armour

[dave s]

"Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore,' shoot six, and write down five." Paul Harvey

[pfnaas]

"Half of golf is fun. The other half is putting". ... Unknown to me but truer words were never spoken.

[rap5000]

You're Never a 14 handicap! Hitting balls like that!!!

End of round

Nice playing with you, you scored net 80, you know you should really stay out of bunkers!

Attributed to my fellow members, all of them

did any one see that?

No

I hate golf

Probably happens to everyone

[natureboy]

<speaking about the expense of golf>

Not many people want to pay a premium to be frustrated all day and spent a lot of money. Otherwise, people would be having more children, and they're not really.

- Ryan Ballengee

 

Excellent perspective about golf's recent economic 'woes' - recommend a read: http://thegolfnewsnet.com/ryan_ballengee/2013/06/12/golfs-participation-problem-inability-change-6748/

[k-troop]

"I'm not going left of those trees or right of those trees.  I'm going over those trees, with a little draw."

"The only thing that bothers me today is insufficient applause."

Totally cheesy movie, but I love Tin Cup.

[JaxFLbirdie]

Here's my idea for a f***ing sport. I knock a ball in a gopher hole.

— Like pool?

— F*** off pool. Not with a straight stick, with a little f***ed up stick. I whack a ball, it goes in a gopher hole.

— Oh, you mean like croquet?

— F*** croquet! I put the hole hundreds of yards away. Oh, f*** of ya! Big fun, yeah!

— Oh, like a bowling thing?

— F*** no! Not straight. I put shit in the way. Like trees and bushes and high grass. So you can lose you f***ing ball. And go hacking away with a f***ing tire iron. Whacking away, and each time you miss you feel like you'll have a stroke. F*** that's what we'll call it, a stroke, cause each time you miss you feel like you're gonna f***ing die. Oh great, oh and here's the better part. F***, this is brilliant! Right near the end, I'll put a little flat piece with a little flag to give you f***ing hope. But then I'll put a little pool and a sand box, to f*** with your ball again. Ay, you'll be there cracking you ass, jacking away in the sand.

— And you do this one time?

— F*** no! f***ing eighteen times! That's my idea of a sport!"

ROBIN WILLIAMS RIP

[9wood]

8% of golfers play 150 rounds of golf per year. 92% of golfers are jealous of the 8% who do.