A Decently Humorous Story

[bkuehn1952]

"Minzey" is the late Professor Minzey of Eastern Michigan University.  We was a regular contributor to an online golf newsletter. Those of us who live in the snow belt can appreciate this. Best of Minzey’s Musings - I Love Snow

 

 

 

 

 

December 11 - 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December  12 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 13 - Snow lovely snow! last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way.

December 14 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 15 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 16 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room

December 17 - Electricity’s back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 18 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a snow plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the jerk is lying

December 19 - Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she’s lying.

December 20 - 6 inches;. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a b…h  who drives that snowplow I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow

December 21 - Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I told him I wanted to hit him in the nose. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking idiot. If I have to watch  “It’s A Wonderful Life”  one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 22 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 23 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 24 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The wife is driving me crazy!!!

December 25 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 26 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver; he is now suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his butt. The wife went home to her mother. 9 inches predicted.

December 27 - I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

December 28 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

[Yukari]

That is hilarious!!!🤣

I can totally relate.

[dennyjones]

That is too funny....Thanks for sharing.

[Club Rat]

It's an olde but goode.  😉
I've seen several other versions through the years...  

[Buckeyebowman]

That is hilarious, and I can relate! 

I love seeing the first snowfall of Winter. But, a few years ago, we had one of "those" Winters! 

It seemed like I had to wake up early, dress heavy, and go sweep, shovel, and scrape, every Gaw Dam morning! That got old in a big hurry! 

[Mr Puddle]

I have a decently humorous story. 

 

Paddy and Murphy were working on a building site. Paddy was hanging upside down from a ceiling. The foreman asked him what he was doing, and he told him he was a light bulb. The foreman informed he had had enough, he fired him and told to get off of the site. Five minutes later Murphy was putting on his coat. The foreman asked him where he was going, and he replied "I'm not working in the dark" 😁

[ChetlovesMer]

I too can relate. I've lived where it snows my whole life. The first snow fall is always "Yay, it's so pretty." 
March 1st I'm done.