Need Golf Counseling...

It is a VERY rainy day here in New England so I thought I might ask for some advice from fellow golfers.
My problem is simple... over the past year my regular golf group (7-8 guys) has under gone a change. We are all teacher retirees with the exception of one. What has happened is a couple of the original group members have quit playing either because of travel plans or illness. Because we are daily players other players have quickly grabbed the open spots. Seemingly not a problem except what was once a group with 1 player with a handicap under 10 and the rest between 12-17 has now become a home for 6 players with handicaps way under 10.
The newest player to join has a 2 handicap! On Wednesday of this week we made a road trip to a neighboring course (more difficult, slope of 15 higher) where I was a 13 handicap (use to be a 10 before the new blood ruined the game for me) playing with a 2,5, and a 6. Needless to say it was a looong day for me. They actually played 3 six hole matches probably because no one wanted me as there full 18 hole partner. Oh, by the way they also have decided the stakes need to me higher. What used to be "throw in $3 skins game) has now become $.50 and $1.00 a person per hole "carry over" skins.
Bottom line: Do I need to bite the bullet and find a more appropriate golf group? Is there some way I can politely scale back the stakes and competition??? Right now I am almost looking forward to the season ending. I used to be a very competitive 10 handicap striving for the day I would be a true single digit. Now I feel like the klutz and it has actually wrecked my game. Anyone else no longer fit their foursome???

imagine being a 15 handicap and being thrown in to play matches against scratch players for your school. Not very fun when its not based off handicap. Anyway, if you dont feel right in this group, try to find others to play with. i know i wouldnt be betting my money against those kind of handicaps, they are just taking your money.

Shouldn't you be getting some strokes to even things out given you have a higher handicap?

About a year ago I played with a +0.2 and a 3 handicap alot, I was about 12 handicap at the time and I knew I got on their nerves at times but after playing with them so much and watching how they play it improved my game and course management alot, if you keep playing with theses guys you will get alot better

It isn't so much the 'getting strokes' that is the problem. I've given strokes and gotten strokes for a long time as we always have scratch and handicap divisions in tournament play. We do play scratch skins one day a week. What really is getting to me is the obvious difference in their games to mine. It is kind of a 'in your face" hole after hole that is wearing me down. It seems like I am NEVER the guy closest to the pin. With 3 guys that good there is always 1,2, or 3 putting for realistic birdies. I find myself trying nearly impossible shots to keep up. Another poster said 'learn from the better players'? I would love too. But it really isn't course management or swing tempo that separates a 12 handicapper from a 2 handicapper. There is a serious skill difference that is not likely to close. Can I reprogram myself to never be in the hunt... or do I look for similar skill golfers next year? On a side note it is kind of interesting to me that the new 2 handicapper left a club that has a number of plus handicap players to join our club. Easier pickings?

Golf is a game and supposed to be fun. If you aren't having fun or meshing with who you're playing with then maybe it is time to find a new group.
You could have a conversation with those in the group that you enjoy playing with and let them know how you feel. Who knows they may want to split off into a smaller group with you.

I like your logic.

One guy who would be golfing right now is a political junkie who is into campaigning thru Nov. Another is in Italy for two weeks. A third has had a health scare and basically is shutdown for the season. Both of those are closer to my level but not golfing right now. If I can weather the rest of this year maybe I will start making a separate tee time an hour later than the others and see who wants to put the fun back in golf. Let the low handicappers do their own thing. Do not know of any new retirees who may join us next year so it may just be a reshuffling of current guys. I will miss the one guy who was in original group since we worked together for 30 plus years and golfed together for about 20. Funny thing... I wanted so badly to be a single digit handicapper but the experience of playing with guys solidly in low digits has kind of taken the glow off. Two double bogeys and these guys stop at the range for 1/2 hour before going home!

I agree with Arthur.
But having said that, my take is that you are trying to keep up with those low handicappers rather than playing your own game. That is a recipe for disaster. Whenever I try to play out of my ability, my game goes to pots. I learned to just play within my limit no matter whom I am paired with.

I play as a single about 75% of the time because my buddies can't play as often or are not that into golf as I am, so I get paired with strangers who are very good as well as those that are not. Whenever I play with good player, I tend to concentrate just a bit more and I play a lot better. When I am playing with a high handicapper, I ignore their game and I can usually shoot within my H.C.

Perhaps you should not try to compete toe-to-toe...
Just my 2 cents

i play with low handicappers all the time that shoot in the 70's. I dont see that much of a difference between our games when playing, the main difference is they hit alot more straight shots, where as my misses are always right (working on it) and short game is pretty good like chipping and pitching. I actually like playing with low cappers because they take the game more serious and make me a better player by playing with them. I dont compete with them tho, lol

You are correct about trying to keep up. Before I was probably the #3 golfer of the group but most feared for my putting and chipping. Now I am probably #6 maybe even #7. The thrill of making a putt for par of 10-12 foot does pale in comparison to gimme pars and birds. Plus now when I miss a putt I know it is a chance lost as the others are not likely to miss. Pressure!!!
Because I plan a fair amount of 'vacation golf' with strangers when I am on Cape Cod I too know the importance of molding with your fellow players. I often describe my game as "Good enough not to embarrass myself, but not good enough to embarrass those I play with." Of course, right now adding 3 strokes to my handicap in a month is changing my thought patterns.

The guys I usually play with are better than me. I have no idea how 4-5 of them keep in the low 70s week after week as we all have a hacker/casual take on the game. We keep things team oriented when being competitive. This makes everyone's game more relevant.

Instead of every man for himself we do skins in pairs. The lowest pairs with the highest, next lowest to next highest, etc. It works and makes things much more enjoyable. If you have an odd number float the odd man out to a different group each hole. Throw in 2 man scrambles on the back from time to time. Works for us and I don't see why it wouldn't work for you. Ask them to at least try it out once.

Also, don't bet every freakin round. That just gets old if you never win anything. They should feel like cheaters if they notice you never have a chance at getting some of your money back.

You are right about the betting every round. I've tried backing out of the betting a couple of times using the "I'm working on some swing changes" excuse. Basically only makes me feel less a part of the group. Saves me some cash but is kind of humbling. Another 'rule' they play with is "natural birdie wins" meaning a par with stroke can not tie a birdie for a skin. Wasn't bad when there was only one single handicapper in the group but with this many low handicappers it negates even having a handicap. It is not unusual for there to be 7 or 8 holes with birdies in the groups. Me, I'm just trying to get that many pars with maybe 1 bird thrown in. Just writing about it gets me angry. Betting is definitely a losing venture for the token high handicapper... make that mid handicapper.

I generally prescribe to a philosophy that playing with (or against) better competition can make you better. I'm new to golf and am not presently striving for any particular handicap but I do like to box. Following a boxing analogy, I enjoy periodically sparring better boxers because they can be helpful to expose areas of your game that need work. But it is not fun to participate in frequent beat-downs at the hands of more skilled opponents. Nor is it fun to have a much more skilled opponent who simply tears me to pieces. It's happened and it's definitely no fun.

In golf the handicap system is supposed to equalize things but I read somewhere that better golfers are still going to win most of the time unless handicaps are relatively close. Irregardless of handicap, it can't be enjoyable to have the obvious skill disparity put in your face on every hole and feeling like the YOU are the handicap as the better golfers pass you off between them as a playing partner.

If it's not fun, then don't do it anymore. Find a different group, increase your enjoyment, and continue your pursuit to lower your handicap. If it's any consolation, I'd love to have your handicap.

GHIN handicaps are based on your best 10 out of your last 20 scores. (Ex: At my peak I had 9 of my last 20 scores in the 70's. Right now I have just 2 70's counting) For someone who plays infrequently... say once a week this could lead to an inaccurate handicap. My group of players are all retired and play 4-6 days a week. Right now I am approaching 100 scores posted but my posting season should end soon here in the Northeast. At some point we will stop posting a go to playing "Red, White, and Blue." We pick a color for the first hole... then alternate teeing off from the different tee boxes for the rest of the round. Ex: #1 red, #2white, #3 blue, #4red. Because we select different colors each day for the #1 tee box we get a mixture of holes. Surprising how difficult your regular course can be from different tee boxes. Kind of like playing a strange course. And I can assure you the shorter Red tee boxes are not always an advantage! A couple of the new hotshots have never played R-W-B before so maybe that will work in my favor. At least it may change up the daily grind of beat downs. God, I so hate hearing guys who shot 3 over par crying about the greens not checking up properly.

My experience is pretty different, I play with two differnt groups of 16 and the caps range from 24 to +1. I am middle of the pack at 12. I find I like playing with the high handicappers and the low cappers for different reasons. It is nice to be top dog in a group, but it is also cool to watch a guy go out and shoot a 69. When I play with the low cappers I set my goal to beat them on 5 holes gross and 18 holes net (; . This keeps the blood flowing. We play skins with no carry overs and natural birds beats a net. More often than not the low cappers do not win the most skins, most times it is a high capper who has a hot day wins the most.

Anyhow did you consider that it may not be the skill of the players but the company they provide? All things equal I would rather play with someone better then me then worse.

Over a full season the Natural bird over net bird rule wears me down.
When you are in a group with 4 or 5 low handicappers they just birdie you to death. For example: The new guy ( 2 handicap) who joined our group is so much longer than the rest he now dominates the par 5's. I do like the no carry over rule. My preference would be to just have each player throw in $3 then divide by the skins won. Back to golf tomorrow, we will see if my on line counseling session helps me enjoy golf again. Three of the golfers closest to my level are still away so it may still be me (now a 13 handicap) against the big boys (2,4,5,&6).