one liners you've heard

[Teamanglerx]

When my buddies hit one way short of the green I always say "If you get the purse off your shoulder it might make it there."

One time my wife and I were playing with another couple.  The guy (my friend)  didn't hit it pass the ladies tee.  He says "well it looks like I'll I have to whip it out this hole."  And I tell him "Great, you get to disappoint your wife twice on one hole."  His wife couldn't stop laughing for 10 minutes.

[TMJunkie]

Yesterday the marshal came up as we were finishing a hole walking to the next and asked if we needed water. My buddy says no but I need a new swing! So the marshal says I've seen you swing and know what your problem is, its loft. So he takes him serious and asks what he means and what he can change. Again he says the problem is loft. Finally he says loft= Lack Of Fu****g Talent! Best one I've heard!

[caniac6]

I used to play with a guy that would hit one thin and yell "Run Forrest Run".

[mgolfer167]

"Captain Kirk"- A ball that goes where no ball has gone before.

"Cross Country Runner" - A sliced (or hooked) ball that travels across your fairway and onto someone else's.

"Little Enhancement, there?"-A ball that gets a bounce off the cart path. (My personal favorite)

"Wanna leave some grass for the rest of us?" - A very fat shot.

"Afraid of the dark" - A ball that hangs on the edge.

Of any sport, I think golfers give each other the most grief.

[mgolfer167]

Hahahahhahahahhahaha. Those are the incidents that really make the game worth it. Better than any low score is a great laugh!!!

[tmf9]

"you wanna check your pants to see if your dicks still there?" -when someone fails to get their drive past the womens tees

[wmiller]

"Nice hosel rocket!" (self explanatory)

[QuazerSKITS]

"Your problem is that your standing to close to the ball... after you've hit it."

[QuazerSKITS]

and my favourite..

"You should get your clubs fitted 'cos their too long for you... cut 6 inches off them so they can fit in the bin"

[Gioguy21]

whenever my pops hits a putt that never starts on a good line i call him 'stevie wonder'.

if it's deep in the woods, 'if you go after that i'm sending a st. bernard with you'

if it's topped and doesn't make the fairway 'don't worry, it's not winged foot'

if it's in the bunker, 'sorry bud, no hawaiian tropic girls on that beach'

[lumpuckeroo]

When you pop up a drive, we call it an elephants ass, high and stinky.

[bfn18]

When someone leaves a putt short, "does your husband play"

When someone hits a screamer putt "hit a house, sh*t hit something"

When someone hits one fat I call them Captain duff and stuff

[JoelCochran]

After a really short shot, I love to yell "I got it!"

[PhillyMac]

There was about 3 of us who used to play all the time. One guy always thought he was John Daly off the tee, in actuality he was a little longer off the tee than us by about 15-25 yds max. Anyway, most of his shots were normally sliced into the woods or deep rough and he always seemed to find his ball about 50-75 yds further up than us. We all knew he was cheating by dropping a ball. Finally on one hole, he does the same thing so we proceed to help look for his ball, like before he was searching for his ball around 50 yds ahead of us. My buddy ended up locating his ball in the same vicinity as ours and then yelled "Hey, King Kong! Come back to Reality! Here's your ball!" Needless to say he had already dropped another ball and was called out on his cheating. It was one of those spur of the moment sayings that still cracks me up thinking about it, I still use it from time to time.

[gilagolf]

One of the most often used lines to pyscho a hard hitter during an intense round of wagering on the course:

"You can drive, but you can't arrive."

Almost always, hard hitter will mess up second, third, fourth shot, and putt like a monkey.

[NuclearMike]

My favorite, when a playing partner hits a bad shot, is "You looked up just as you lunged at it..."

[JoelCochran]

When my friend hits a good shot he says he "caught it on the right jerk."

[sdgolfer]

I was playing with my dad in a scramble tourney and it was our last hole.  we had a 4' putt left and I went first and pushed it right.  My dad says I should have just settled for a BJ 30 years ago.  I thought everyone on the green was going to piss thier pants laughing.

Also in the same tourney a guy in our group had is daughter playing with her husband in the group behind us.  We were talking to her and her husband then we get up to the tee box of the next hole and my dad says as the guy is taking a practice swing that chick behind us just showed her tits.  He dropped his club and started laughing.