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Golf Jokes Master Thread


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I know politics are topic forbidden...but:

If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.

Stuart M.
 

I am a "SCRATCH GOLFER".  I hit ball, Ball hits Tree, I scratch my head. 😜

Driver: Ping G410 Plus 10.5* +1* / 3 Hybrid: Cleveland HIBORE XLS / 4,5 & 6 Hybrids: Mizuno JP FLI-HI / Irons/Wedges 7-8-9-P-G: Mizuno JPX800 HD / Sand Wedge: Mizuno JPX 800 / Lob Wedge: Cleveland CBX 60* / Putter: Odyssey White Hot OG 7S / Balls: Srixon Soft / Beer: Labatt Blue (or anything nice & cold) 

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  • 4 months later...
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The Instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial - it strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface, like a grass path.”
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man in the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag?”

From the land of perpetual cloudiness.   I'm Denny

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  • 7 months later...
45 minutes ago, dennyjones said:

golf book.jpg

Golf joke.jpg

They consulted me for chapter 4.

:ping: G25 Driver Stiff :ping: G20 3W, 5W :ping: S55 4-W (aerotech steel fiber 110g shafts) :ping: Tour Wedges 50*, 54*, 58* :nike: Method Putter Floating clubs: :edel: 54* trapper wedge

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  • 8 months later...

Two men were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course.

They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said:

“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”

He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining:

“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”

The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back and said:

“Small world.”

From the land of perpetual cloudiness.   I'm Denny

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  • 1 year later...

Three women were playing on the fourteenth hole, walking up to the green when out of the bushes come a very well endowed masked naked man running across the green in front of them, into the bushes on the other side.  

The first lady gasped and said, "That wasn't my husband"  The second lady sighed and said, "That wasn't my husband"  The third lady said, "That wasn't anyone from THIS Club!"


A guy hits a bad shot.  His playing partner says,

"That reminds me of your old girlfriend.  She was also short, fat, and ugly!"

Luis


  • 3 months later...

58K likes, 645 comments - standregolf on August 5, 2024: "Oh you hit it out of bounds? No you didnt. Introducing...

 

:ping: G25 Driver Stiff :ping: G20 3W, 5W :ping: S55 4-W (aerotech steel fiber 110g shafts) :ping: Tour Wedges 50*, 54*, 58* :nike: Method Putter Floating clubs: :edel: 54* trapper wedge

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  • 1 month later...

10K likes, 338 comments - yinzer_golf on September 23, 2024: "Sometimes golf is just gonna golf #golf #golfer...

One in a million here…..

:ping: G25 Driver Stiff :ping: G20 3W, 5W :ping: S55 4-W (aerotech steel fiber 110g shafts) :ping: Tour Wedges 50*, 54*, 58* :nike: Method Putter Floating clubs: :edel: 54* trapper wedge

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  • Moderator
On 10/13/2024 at 1:12 PM, Vinsk said:

10K likes, 338 comments - yinzer_golf on September 23, 2024: "Sometimes golf is just gonna golf #golf #golfer...

One in a million here…..

That would happen to me, so 2 in a million!

Scott

Titleist, Edel, Scotty Cameron Putter, Snell - AimPoint - Evolvr - MirrorVision

My Swing Thread

boogielicious - Adjective describing the perfect surf wave

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  • Posts

    • A 5400 yd course is not that short for gents driving it 160 yards considering the approach shot lengths they are going to be faced with on Par 4s.  Also, for the course you are referring to I estimate the Par 4s have to average longer than 260 yds, because the Par 5s are 800 yds or so, and if there are four Par 3s averaging 130 the total is 1320 yds.  This leaves 4080 yds remaining for 12 Par 4s.  That is an average of 340 per hole. Anyway, if there are super seniors driving it only 160ish and breaking 80 consistently, they must be elite/exceptional in other aspects of their games.  I play a lot of golf with 65-75 yr old seniors on a 5400 yd course.  They all drive it 180-200 or so, but many are slicers and poor iron players.  None can break 80. I am 66 and drive it 200 yds.  My average score is 76.  On that course my average approach shot on Par 4s is 125 yds.  The ten Par 4s average 313 yds.  By that comparison the 160 yd driver of the ball would have 165 left when attempting GIR on those holes.     
    • I don't think you can snag lpga.golf without the actual LPGA having a reasonable claim to it. You can find a ton of articles of things like this, but basically: 5 Domain Name Battles of the Early Web At the dawn of the world wide web, early adopters were scooping up domain names like crazy. Which led to quite a few battles over everything from MTV.com You could buy it, though, and hope the LPGA will give you a thousand bucks for it, or tickets to an event, or something like that. It'd certainly be cheaper than suing you to get it back, even though they'd likely win. As for whether women and golfers can learn that ".golf" is a valid domain, I think that's up to you knowing your audience. My daughter has natalie.golf and I have erik.golf.
    • That's a great spring/summer of trips! I'll be in Pinehurst in March, playing Pinehurst No. 2, No. 10, Tobacco Road, and The Cradle. 
    • April 2025 - Pinehurst, playing Mid Pines and Southern Pines + 3 other courses. Probably Talamore, Mid-South, and one other.  July 2025 - Bandon Dunes, just me and my dad. 
    • Wordle 1,263 5/6 🟨⬜⬜⬜⬜ 🟩⬜⬜🟨⬜ 🟩🟩🟩⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩   Once again, three possible words. My 3rd guess works. 🤬
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