Golf Jokes Master Thread

[StuM]

I know politics are topic forbidden...but:

If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.

[dennyjones]

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.

The Instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial - it strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface, like a grass path.”

"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man in the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag?”

[dennyjones]

[Vinsk]

45 minutes ago, dennyjones said:

They consulted me for chapter 4.

[dennyjones]

Two men were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course.

They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said:

“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”

He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining:

“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”

The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back and said:

“Small world.”

[teamplayer2]

Three women were playing on the fourteenth hole, walking up to the green when out of the bushes come a very well endowed masked naked man running across the green in front of them, into the bushes on the other side.  

The first lady gasped and said, "That wasn't my husband"  The second lady sighed and said, "That wasn't my husband"  The third lady said, "That wasn't anyone from THIS Club!"

[Maroon88]

A guy hits a bad shot.  His playing partner says,

"That reminds me of your old girlfriend.  She was also short, fat, and ugly!"

[Vinsk]

St. André Golf (@standregolf) • Instagram reel

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58K likes, 645 comments - standregolf on August 5, 2024: "Oh you hit it out of bounds? No you didnt. Introducing...

 

[Vinsk]

@yinzer_golf • Instagram reel

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10K likes, 338 comments - yinzer_golf on September 23, 2024: "Sometimes golf is just gonna golf #golf #golfer...

One in a million here…..

[boogielicious]

On 10/13/2024 at 1:12 PM, Vinsk said:

@yinzer_golf • Instagram reel

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10K likes, 338 comments - yinzer_golf on September 23, 2024: "Sometimes golf is just gonna golf #golf #golfer...

One in a million here…..

That would happen to me, so 2 in a million!