Tantrums on Golf Course

[flopster]

I've played with people like that. It isn't fun. No offense to the OP, but "that guy" ruins it for everyone else with the constant outbursts. Yes, you've paid your money to play golf and you can be entitled to your own particular idiom of how you play. But I paid for my round as well and I don't pay to be subjected to someones infantile rants over a bad shot. But I will give the "you're not that good to worry about it". I play with a "temperamental" guy who is prone to outbursts on occasion. One time I told him if he ever did something like that again, I was walking off and he would have a tough time getting me to join him again. I'd rather play solo. Well, he did- an outburst that involved LOUD cursing (language itself doesn't bother me) and trying to helicopter his club over the green we were on. Except he missed (story of his game, actually) and it flew barely a foot over my head and stuck into the green nearby. Fortunately, nobody was on it, but it took a divot. I walked over to the cart, grabbed my bag and started to walk back to the clubhouse. He looked at our other friend and started calling ME names for quitting. He just shrugged and told him I was right, and that HE was the problem today. Some more grumbling and cursing (I got this later from the other guy) as they moved to the next tee. I was further up the hole on my way back to the clubhouse, when I heard the cart kind of rolling up behind me. He seemed to have gotten the message and started the apology train, but I stood my ground and said that chances are we might not ever play again. I had told him before, if he did something like that I was outta there, but he didn't believe I would ever do it. Well, he doesn't go out and play by himself, he doesn't feel he's good enough and would be embarrassed. And if we don't play with him, he wouldn't play. That kind of sent the right message. Then he was a bit more sincere in the apology and I sort of let him off the hook. I asked him if he fixed the green he damaged. He said no.. Well, THAT sent me on a bit of a twist, and I let him have it for not fixing it. If someone from the course had been around, he would have been ejected and he better get back ASAP and fix it as best he can. If he cant fix it, he will tell the guy in the pro-shop what happened so they can take care of it. As he headed back, I called my friend and told him I'd wait at the 10th tee until they got there and we would take it one hole at a time, but don't let him know that. When he saw me waiting he was pretty relieved and embarrassed at the same time. Since then, he's had his little episodes but he is no where near the toddler he used to be. He KNOWS he's not good enough to be that angry, and even if he WAS that good, it isn't the right thing to do.

"Those guys" affect my game and the others because you never know when an outburst will happen. If he hits a topper or chunks one and starts on his ranting and murmuring, it may not stop while I'm setting up my shot. He might turn away and not be paying attention to what I'm doing and blurt out something right as I'm ready to play. I've had a few "Tiger" stops at the top of the backswing when they'll get that one last "MOTHAF**KER!" out of their mouths. I will stand and wait til he turns around to ask if he's done yet so we can move on.

As you say in the original post, you looked at your scorecard and said you were "on pace" to break 90. What made you look? Did you feel like you were playing well? Then that's all you should need. As mentioned in many of those "why do I blow up when I'm playing good" threads, it is the kiss of death. "Oh, I only need so and so to break whatever". And proceed to mini golf it around for the next few holes. If you feel you're playing well, then you probably are and don't total up till you're done. Make it a surprise. You can tell how you're doing usually after 6 or 7 holes. Go out with 6 straight doubles or worse and 90 probably isn't in the cards anyway, so don't worry about it. If you go out with 3-4 pars and a couple of bogeys, leave it alone. Keep that feeling going.

He would not fix the crater he made in the green? That is complete and utter BS he thinks he can vandalize that courses property and walk away? You can tell your friend that he's nothing but a child in a mans body and that he can join this site and explain why that kind of crap is okay(even though Erik and Mike disagree with having him here probably). I belong to a public course that has excellent greens for a muni, and it pisses me off to no end when we see a divot taken out of one of them, and I know the reason why it happens and it's usually in the same areas because *******s get frustrated at the speed and where we have severe downslopes is where they get mad. The 3rd hole last week had a divot less than a foot from the cup and it looked more like they took the putter sideways and buried it. I understand how frustrating this game can be and have no problem if someone gets upset over some bad shots/breaks but the sending clubs over peoples heads and tearing greens apart crap is flat out psycho. And the reason it's psycho is because when I was younger I had the occasional club throwing moment but the one thing that differentiates me from your friend is that I always made sure I sent it somewhere safe so in a strange way I was under control....not a lot but enough not to injure or damage something other than my own things.(glad that's over, got too damn expensive).

[rkim291968]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maddog10

I think about the pros (outside of the top guys who have tons of endorsements and such) who's livelihoods and paychecks ride on each shot, yet they still maintain their composure during bad rounds.

Great point.

Korda (fired coach in the middle of a televised round), Watson, Daly, ...   It could be worse if they are not on global network, and image means big endorsement $$$.

[RayG]

He would not fix the crater he made in the green? That is complete and utter BS he thinks he can vandalize that courses property and walk away?.......And the reason it's psycho is because when I was younger I had the occasional club throwing moment but the one thing that differentiates me from your friend is that I always made sure I sent it somewhere safe so in a strange way I was under control....not a lot but enough not to injure or damage something other than my own things.(glad that's over, got too damn expensive).

That was why I let him have it for NOT fixing the divot. He must have been so out of sorts with being so angry and nearly decapitating me. I didn't mention it, but he DID fix it and did a decent job (my other buddy checked on it). About the helicoptering thing- the fact that he wasn't aiming anywhere NEAR me made it ironic and reflected his playing that day which made him so angry in the first place. He was planning to fling it to an area that wouldn't have been near anything or anyone.

[newtogolf]

I know OP didn't want to read he's not good enough to slam his club into his cart, but the truth hurts sometimes.  We all want to be better golfers, we all want to break 100, 90, 80, 70 but slamming a club isn't going to get us any closer.  If Phil can maintain composure after a bad shot costs him millions of dollars we should be able to manage our emotions when we play for fun.

As for the guy yelling at you, he probably should have waited until you calmed down and discussed your unacceptable behavior but as we all know, nobody is perfect.

[dfreuter415]

Here is an extreme example of what can happen when irate golfers are careless...

In 1994, 16-year-old Jeremy Brenno of Gloversville, New York, was killed when he struck a bench with a golf club, and the shaft broke, bounced back at him, and pierced his heart. Brenno had missed a shot on the sixth hole at the Kingsboro Golf Club and looked to vent his frustration by giving the nearby bench a good whack in retaliation. The fatal club was a No. 3 wood.

[Ernest Jones]

Here's the thing, if your crappy play is ruining your day you need to either a) suck it up or b) call it a day and walk back to the clubhouse. Under no circumstances is it acceptable for your pissy attitude to ruin MY ROUND. That is probably why the OP got reamed and IMO rightly so. If I have waited all week and spent a pile of cash to go play golf on Saturday the last thing I want is to be paired with some guy who gets all pissy because he didn't hit the shot like he wanted. Grow up or go home, you have no right to ruin my day.

[GolfGuy123]

I know OP didn't want to read he's not good enough to slam his club into his cart, but the truth hurts sometimes.  We all want to be better golfers, we all want to break 100, 90, 80, 70 but slamming a club isn't going to get us any closer.  If Phil can maintain composure after a bad shot costs him millions of dollars we should be able to manage our emotions when we play for fun.

As for the guy yelling at you, he probably should have waited until you calmed down and discussed your unacceptable behavior but as we all know, nobody is perfect.

Thanks for the response. My issue with the whole "your not good enough..." was more about the statement "your not good enough to care / get mad" ...I personally do not think ANYONE  on earth is "good enough to slam a club" - BUT often times getting mad / frustrated is what leads us to work harder and be the best we can be at anything in life and sports. To be clear, I am talking about caring in the way where you FEEL some degree of anger / frustration over poor results NOT in the way you would outwardly act on it in a negative or unfavorable way. As I have said throughout the thread, I know acting out is not OK.

To me weather its sports, work, personal, or anything else that is "important" in your life, if you don't care enough to have emotion over poor results then you are copping out. PLEASE know though, if someone is (what I would think in the lower percentage) a golfer who genuinely does not care about results and just goes out their to hit it around and have beers w their buddies then sure, you probably should not and would not get frustrated. The same way I would not get mad if I sucked at darts or billiards or something else that is not "important" to me. But I would think most of us posting and visiting a forum about golf are in the category of those who do care, at least to a certain extent, about results.

Here's the thing, if your crappy play is ruining your day you need to either a) suck it up or b) call it a day and walk back to the clubhouse. Under no circumstances is it acceptable for your pissy attitude to ruin MY ROUND. That is probably why the OP got reamed and IMO rightly so. If I have waited all week and spent a pile of cash to go play golf on Saturday the last thing I want is to be paired with some guy who gets all pissy because he didn't hit the shot like he wanted. Grow up or go home, you have no right to ruin my day.

Thanks for stating your opinion. To be clear, I did not ruin anyones round or day. First of all this happened on the 17th hole, second of all we got along great all day and enjoyed each others company until this "incident" in which case both myself and HIS friend (our other playing partner) thought he way over reacted. I am trying to be understanding of anyone responding to this post because obviously none of you actually witnessed the situation which I don't care to re-visit AND the fact that I should have never put "tantrum" in the subject line as I was not intending for that to be the description of MY personal behavior that day. It was more of a blanket statement to get the thread rolling and start discussion.

I am also really starting to wonder what is the benchmark here when you and other posters make a statement like "some guy who gets all pissy". I do not know if I have played a single round of golf with anyone who did not at least get "a little" mad / frustrated when they hit a bad shot or two - some may have light reactions and just say "damn", some might say things like "Hit it you pu$$y", some might throw their glove in the cart counsel when they sit down, some get silent for a hole or 2, etc etc. It is really amusing to me how the large majority of people who have commented here have, through their response, insinuated that everyone (including themselves) who plays golf rides around the course all merry merry for 3.5 - 4 hours. Yes, we are out there to just have fun and that is of the utmost importance but being that it is a frustrating game I do think it is a bit uncommon for someone to, through out the ENTIRE round exhibit being 100 percent happy and in a jolly mood.

Regardless I have said numerous times through out this thread that I regret what happened (although I still stand by the fact that the action PALES in comparison to a real "temper tantrum" on a golf course) and that it will not happen, EVER again. A poster on here talked about his friend throwing a club over his head almost injuring him and then leaving a huge hole in the next green...THAT to me is insane and a situation like that makes what I did look like chewing gum in church.

Let's all get over our desire to turn this discussion into an opportunity to be martyrs. My intention was to start a dialogue on HOW players effectively deal with frustration on the course. EXAMPLE: "Before the next hole I take some very deep breaths and remind myself its just for fun." I was somewhat expecting those types of helpful responses. Had I known the thread would have turned into this I would have kept the story to myself. The irony is most people who have acted out of character on the course would not even care or show remorse and as I also stated before this "incident" happened about a week ago now and I am just now starting to NOT feel bad about it anymore.

[turtleback]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GolfGuy123

"Lost it" - I am defining as ANY outward action that even gives the slightest hint that I was bothered.

"Blow up" - NOT what I personally did in my example. I guess I would define blowup as slamming a club, cursing etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GolfGuy123

But to be clear I did not smash the golf cart. I hit my club (and not very aggressively ) against the tire of the cart. There is a huge difference between that and throwing or swinging a club at the cart itself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GolfGuy123

Showing no outward negative reactions will not be hard for me to do as 99% of the time I already succeed there. If anything my issue is more so the internal frustration which my playing partners would NEVER and do never notice because I keep it jolly on the outside OR I just get a bit quiet, which no reasonable person should have an issue with as some people are just naturally quiet anyway.

Part of the problem with some of the responses you've gotten is that you keep changing the story.  In the first quote above you say you didn't blow up, which you define as, among other things, slamming a club.

In the second post quoted above you say that you hit your club (not very aggressively) against the cart tire.

But in your very first post you characterized what you did as:

Quote:

Then I lost it and slammed my club against the tire of the golf cart.

Which pretty much contradicts both of those things.  We may not have been there but the only thing we have to go on is how *you* described it.

And then in the final quote you say that you show no outward reactions 99% of the time.  But then why are you asking for ways to control your blowing up (your words) on the course?  If you keep your cool 99% of the time why is it such a problem that you need to ask for advice on how to keep your cool?

So you see the way you presented the situation then gave follow-up responses was very confusing and contradictory, which accounts for some of the responses you got.

[GolfGuy123]

Part of the problem with some of the responses you've gotten is that you keep changing the story.  In the first quote above you say you didn't blow up, which you define as, among other things, slamming a club.

In the second post quoted above you say that you hit your club (not very aggressively) against the cart tire.

But in your very first post you characterized what you did as:

Which pretty much contradicts both of those things.  We may not have been there but the only thing we have to go on is how *you* described it.

And then in the final quote you say that you show no outward reactions 99% of the time.  But then why are you asking for ways to control your blowing up (your words) on the course?  If you keep your cool 99% of the time why is it such a problem that you need to ask for advice on how to keep your cool?

So you see the way you presented the situation then gave follow-up responses was very confusing and contradictory, which accounts for some of the responses you got.

Good questions. Yes, it looks like I did use two different words to describe the method in which I hit the golf cart tire, thats my bad. The second account where I describe what I did as "hitting" my club against the tire is the more accurate of the two descriptions. I should have been more careful in choosing my words in the first post.

I do not show outward reactions 99 percent of the time. The one percent being such an incident. HOWEVER, I do NOT keep my cool 99% of the time. I probably keep my cool 75% of the time. There is a huge difference between keeping your cool and outward reactions though. I keep it all inside but the frustration builds and leads to more poor play. Specifically speaking, I was looking for ways to keep my cool on the course so internally I do not feel the frustration / anger whatever you want to call it. A byproduct of that is obviously not "blowing up" outwardly on the course. When I made the post I did not realize that most on here were foreigners to either getting angry themselves on the course or have rarely seen anyone else act outwardly, such that when they do witness it...it ruins their round, day, week, month, year, life whatever. I have played with many golfers both good and bad, who have had outward tantrums on the course and although its obviously not acceptable it has never nor would I ever let it ruin my experience. I am bothered by it in the sense that it is disrespectful to the game / course but as long as it is not personally directed at me then in no way would I ever let it control my enjoyment of the round. Once again this is in no way to excuse the behavior but more to say I know we all are not perfect and I would not be the one to chastise someone over it.

Regardless, and I will say it again. I feel / felt terrible about the whole thing and I can 100% guarantee nothing similar will EVER happen again. With that, I really need to move on and continue focusing on my game / swing which is not good .

[ghalfaire]

The game can certainly be frustrating at times and I think you would have to be an android to not ever get your blood pressure up over a bad break or bad shot at times.   I certainly however don't condone prolonged or frequent displays of temper.  But I know we are all human and don't mind an occasional outburst of temper, but not including damage to the course or when it makes other players uncomfortable.  So depending upon how you define "tantrum" ( a violent demonstration of rage or frustration; a sudden burst of ill temper.) I am probably OK with a few "bad words" or a temporary "loss of etiquette".  But if it is often or prolonged and on almost every outing, I'll probably just discontinue playing with the individual again.

I have to add that most of us don't play golf for a living but rather to have fun.  So I don't really understand throwing a tantrum several times during a round or on every round.   If you are not having fun give the game up.  If you're having fun try get better but don't expect every shot to be perfect and show some respect for your fellow players and the course.