Casual playing partner dilemma

[bones75]

This year I started playing regular casual rounds with this guy.  We're not at all close as friends, but we get along golf-wise and our schedules match.  I also am recently moved to the area, and don't know a lot of people.

Our indexes/abilities are sorta similar, but he doesn't score accurately, or what some would call cheating (foot wedges, lots of free relief, hasn't taken a stroke and distance penalty since I've known him*, etc..).  It's not cheating in the sense we never play for money, although he does try to be clever about it and thinks I don't know what he's doing.

So there's a "serious enough" monthly, real money 4-ball tournament we both like to play (bunch of people who know each other, but not SCGA), but I don't want to play with him as a partner: (1) I feel his index is 2+ lower than it should be and (2) I don't want to be the partner of the guy who gets called out as a cheat.  I'm running out of excuses avoiding playing w/ him, and he keeps asking, cuz we both play the tourney and we know each other more than we know the other guys.

so keep making up creative excuses? tell him? avoid him? i'm thinking some of you have been in this situ before?

*exaggerating but you get the picture

Edited July 17, 2016 by bones75

[Michael_Summerlin]

Just tell him you want to let the people running the tourney pair you up with other players. You want to play a rounds with other players to try and pick up some tips for your golf game. It does get kinda boring playing with the same people over and over. 

[graham57]

Difficult situation. I would address the issue openly, making it clear that, when playing casual golf together, you are not worried abour his very loose attitude towards the rules, since basically in that situation you are playing against the course and yourself, but that in a more official competitive event where other people are involved, you would have to insist that he adheres strictly to the rules. That way, you are not directly criticizing his behaviour up till now, while making it clear that it has not gone unnoticed, but at the same time sharing your concern about how to play and behave in the upcoming event. If that doesn't work, you're going to have to look for new playing friends in the area anyway.

[Elrey Desol]

8 minutes ago, graham57 said:

Difficult situation. I would address the issue openly, making it clear that, when playing casual golf together, you are not worried abour his very loose attitude towards the rules, since basically in that situation you are playing against the course and yourself, but that in a more official competitive event where other people are involved, you would have to insist that he adheres strictly to the rules. That way, you are not directly criticizing his behaviour up till now, while making it clear that it has not gone unnoticed, but at the same time sharing your concern about how to play and behave in the upcoming event. If that doesn't work, you're going to have to look for new playing friends in the area anyway.

^^that^^

it's a hard conversation to have, but it needs to be done. maybe something along the lines of:

"Dude, I'm happy to play with you and we'll have to make sure we're 100% compliant with the RoG within this format. If I [we] are paying money to play in this thing, we can't take a chance on facing penalties or DQ for not following the rules to the letter. I know it's kinda lose when we play together, but we gotta tighten things up for tournament play. Clear?"

GL

[Patch]

Excuses never work in anything. Just discuss the issue with him. If he is decent playing partner, you two can hash it out. If you can't work it out, at least an effort was made. You both will move on to your own playing styles. 

[iacas]

Tell him you don't think his handicap is accurate, and would cost you in the tournament (assuming it's handicapped).

Who cares if he follows the rules in the tournament if he shoots ten over his normal score?

[Fourputt]

I'm with those above who say that you have to be up front with him about this.  If he wants to play in a money game, he has to understand a few of the realities of such play, and vanity handicaps and fudging the rules don't cut it.  If he takes it badly, well, sometimes not everything works out quite like we would wish.  Seems like if you play in those other games regularly, you should find better companions to play with for those casual rounds.  

[TN94z]

I agree with all of the above advice. Just be honest with him and tell him that with you being new to the area, you don't want to get on the bad side of anyone else playing in the tournament that could potentially become playing partners as well. It is a difficult situation because no one wants to hear that they are not following the rules.

[bones75]

Thanks guys.  So I will have a chat with him.  Hope he takes it well.  He is a good guy, despite his behavior as described.  As you guys stated, worst case: I just need to make more friends.. haha.