"Clueless" playing partner

did it ever happen to you? You've been put in a foursome where someone is absolute novice and is doing all the wrong things - walking through putting line, hitting out of order, talking, moving in your backswing...
We (with Erik) ended up in situation like that and honestly - I had no clue what to do. It was a bit complicated. First - this person was with his wife, who was obviously a better golfer and he was trying to get into golf just to spend time with her (IMHO). She knew the etiquette, he didn't. It was his 5th time on a "real" course. I think the fact, that he was with her made it a bit complicated. Further - this guy was so nervous, that you could see him shaking at every swing. How could I say anything??? He'd have a heart attack
So we ended up pretty much just "taking one for the team" and tried to help him to enjoy his miserable round

How would you react?

About a month ago, we had a guy and his son show up at our course (dad was 60's, son was 30's) and they had 1 bag on their cart and both intended to play. It was the son's first time ever on a golf course (he wore wrestling shoes) and the dad's attire consisted of cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. Keep in mind, we don't belong to a muni either, its a relatively well-priced resort semi-private course.

After 4 holes, we were 3 holes behind the group in front of us and fortunately the head pro came out to see what the hold up was and he discussed the "issue" with the two beginners.

I've played with clueless guys before and I've just tried to be as nice as possible, saying "hey man, i know you've never played much before, do you mind if i give you some pointers as we go around the course?" The nicer you can be about asking if he wants some help, the more receptive he'll be. If he's still a jerk, then feel free to be a jerk back and separate yourselves from the group.

You should win a Pulitzer just for that line.

They must have been recently married...or he is severely whipped.

Sometimes I have a feeling it's their (wifes that is) sole purpose

Had a guy we got paired up with on the first tee take off the top layer of clothing down on the first green (once away from the clubhouse) to reveal a Dale Forever #3 cutoff t-shirt, which went well with his blue jeans. He the removed his shoes, and played barefoot for the rest of the round (I quit after 9). He hit 2 off of most tees, and would actually yell things like,"Gawd durn, that is a BEAT ball!"

I decided against saying ANYTHING as he was slugging Bud tall boys on the course. Haven't been back to that course.

man, you really love this game

I'd be out of there before I tee'd up

There are a couple of ways of handling it. You could pull him aside, away from his wife, and give him some friendly advice. Since you were playing with someone you know, you could correct your partner on some of the things he did wrong. Stop and give your buddy a "look". He turns to the guy and says, "yeah, I shouldn't move while he's getting ready to swing." (Plan it ahead of time.)

As far as walking through your line, again, two choices. Stop him and point out your line or shut up and take it. Believe me, he'll feel better in the long run knowing what to do.

I got to the #1 tee last summer to find three guys who obviously had no idea (or cared) about golf. Each hit 2 or 3 balls off the first tee, then after we finally got to the first fairway they pulled out a pipe and started smoking pot. Yep getting high on the first fairway. I pretended to get a phone call and told them my buddy had showed up and to go on without me. I went back to the starter and got paired up with someone else. I have played with drunk guys before but the pot smokers were a first!

As far as what to do in that situation I would do what I did or you can grin and bear it. To pull someone aside and tell them the way it is, you might end up with a really bad golfer who is now pissed off at you.

I got paired with pot smokers once. I thought I was nuts because I could smell it but didn't know where it was coming from. I made them share when we got to the parking lot ;)

I can't say that Ive had someone so bad that I can specifically remember. I dont even mind if the person is an awful golfer, what I do mind is when they hit horrible shots and dont watch where their ball goes, and takes forever to look for it, not even remotely in the right place where the ball actually went.

I think you guys handled it just right. First off, don't assume that just because you didn't hear the wife giving hubby etiquette lessons that it wasn't happening either on the course out of ear shot or later at home. I've always figured that some one who really wants to learn the game is going to eventually pick up all the subtleties along the way. Not much point in me getting bent out of shape because it isn't happening according to my timetable.

Only there was this one time that I couldn't help myself.....Me and my former girlfriend (an excellent golfer in her own right) are teeing off on #13. Girlfriend hits a nice drive down the middle. Unfortunately before the rest of us can hit, some teenager comes walking up our fairway from #8 in search of his slice. Since 13 is clearly marked under local rules as OB for players on 8, we expect him to pick up his ball and move on. Oh no. He takes out a club and (eventually) plays his ball back to number 8. Grumble, grumble, curse. We hit. Minutes later we can't find girlfriend's ball in the middle of the fairway (it had settled in a valley out of view). When I finally catch up with young Beavis, he not only has my girlfriend's ball, but an armload of others from God knows where. He looked like a squirrel collecting nuts for the winter. But clearly one of these nuggets, at least, had been collected from a fairway that he had no business in. That people (us) were obviously teeing off into. Like many young people with single digit IQs, he actually looked shocked that I would be angry about his stealing someone else's property that he had taken a fancy to. I still get homicidal just thinking about it.

Having endured most of the horror stories myself, i try to use these situations to work on my mental game.

Keeping focused while someone is on their cellphone while im hitting etc etc or stepping away from a shot, refocusing then re addressing etc

Easier said than done ofcourse, but better than letting anything get to me on the course.

As Jack said after seeing someone getting all worked up on the range after hitting some bad shots before a tournament -

"Well..theres one less person I have to worry about"

This is a very good piece of advice, I'll try to remember it next time I'm on the course and someone behaves inappropriately. Another thing to bear in mind is that all of us committed sins of one sort or another while we were learning, which for me wasn't that long ago. I'm still very much refining my on-course etiquette, which is a big part of golf.

I have noticed that I'm much less easily distracted on the driving range than I used to be, in fact I now hardly care what's going on next to me. Hopefully this will carry over to the course to some extent.

if you wont teach whats right then who will. Just be as nice as possible. If his wife wont teach him and you let it go, then he might have a bad time with someone without you infinite Patience. JM.02$

I'd say that you should have just kindly asked him not to walk in your line. I don't see the problem with a new golfer not knowing too much about the way that the game is played. I'd expect the same thing if I went and played another sport.

I always try to remember that we all were beginners at 1 time. Although I beleive ettiquette is rule number, some people need to be thrown some slack. There is always a way to inform somebody with cooth.

There was this 1 time though. I went to a local course to get 9 in after work. I was put on with 3 nice guys (2 were there together). The first tee and it was obvious that it was going to be a long round. I am by no means tour-ready so I have patience BUT c'mon.

Let me describe the situation:
both were in dirty jeans and t-shirts. one actually had on work boots. Not the typical golfers. After a few shots they mde it past the ladies tee's. it is not the shots, it is the practice swings. 5 per shot is too many when you move the ball 7 feet at a clip!

When we got on the tee, they just putted and putted. it was a horror show. They were clueless and it wa known.

I am not going to lie, I was getting a bit fustrated. It was a late round and I wanted to get done before the sun began going down. Well the other gentleman and me were obviously not haivng a good time. We were polite and civil and were talking amongst ourselves. When we got to the 4th, the guys said 'why don't you guys play ahead...We held you up long enough.' it was like Music to our ears.

Had mr. clueless last week. He wanted IN on our bets. He was an idiot. He walked in everyone's lines. He would move around right behind you while you were putting or hitting. And the dumbest thing....he was marking his ball on the FRINGE.