Golf Jokes Master Thread

[RC]

That one is a classic.

As is this one: Two guys are playing a hole beside a highway. A funeral procession comes by. The first golfer removes his hat and shows respect while the other golfer proceeds to tee up and not acknowledge the passing mourners. The first golfer then scolds the friend and says, "Show some respect and wait... my wife was a fine woman and the mother of our children."

(apologies... but it is an old joke, and tee times are sometimes hard to get)

[TheMassHacker]

Here's one I only heard recently:

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the local municipal golf course and a man was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualising his upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse speaker: "WOULD THE GENTLEMAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE, PLEASE?"

The man was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement rang out louder, "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee?"'

The man simply ignored the request and kept concentrating, when once more, the clubhouse attendent yelled, "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!!"

The man finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the microphone and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly stop shouting and let me play my second shot?"

[Yukari]

Here is one I got from a buddy...

Four married guys go golfing.While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place:

1st Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

2nd Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife I will build a new deck for the pool."

3rd Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife I will remodel the kitchen for her.

They continued to play the hole when they realized that the 4th guy hadn't said anything. So they asked him, "You haven't said anything about what you had todo to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

4th guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and when it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'golf course or intercourse?'
And she said, "Wear your sweater".

[Yukari]

One more...

Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty In Golf But Aren't

1. Nuts....my shaft is bent.
2. After 18 holes I can barely walk
3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. Look at the size of his putter.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
6. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
7. Keep your head down and spread your legs a little more
8. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
9. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
10. Hold up.....I need to wash my balls first.

[BigTazz53]

Not sure where to put this, but a friend sent it to me and it
put me in a better mood.


Women golfers (joke)
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at
his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man
replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still
clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he
finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his
pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for
several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken

[ChipShot]

LOL Classic!

[Bug Bunny]

LOL, That's funny!!!!!

[Kieran123]

LOL that is awesome

[sean_miller]

Not sure where to put this, but a friend sent it to me and it

Three thumbs up!!

[SpoiledRotten]

That is funny!

[te3point5]

kinda predictable, but funny.

[Radford Wooly]

Too Funny!!

[NI4NI]

Third thumb up

[Grndslmhttr3]

If only this would happen to me on a golf course, minus the broken thumb.

[davepharmd]

2 ladies are playing golf. After the 1st hole, one lady gets stung by a bee. Knowing that her friend is allergic, the other lady rushes her back to the clubhouse. Upon arriving at the clubhouse, the 2nd lady tells the pro that her friend has been stung by a bee and that he needs to contact 911. The pro then proceeds to ask, " So where was she stung?" The friend replies, "Between the 1st and 2nd hole". To this the pro replies, "well that's her problem--her stance is too wide"

[nearwater]

2 ladies are playing golf. After the 1st hole, one lady gets stung by a bee. Knowing that her friend is allergic, the other lady rushes her back to the clubhouse. Upon arriving at the clubhouse, the 2nd lady tells the pro that her friend has been stung by a bee and that he needs to contact 911. The pro then proceeds to ask, " So where was she stung?" The friend replies, "Between the 1st and 2nd hole". To this the pro replies, "well that's her problem--her stance is too wide"

LOL.

Both jokes are awesome! Forwarding these to my buddies. lol. Dan

[SpringBokVol]

This makes me think we need a joke forum around here...

very funny

[Slammin' Sam]

This makes me think we need a joke forum around here...

I agree. BOTH jokes were pretty good!