Letting go of a golf buddy

[max power]

Originally Posted by shades9323

Your reasons sound a bit pretentious to me. As does your giving him unwanted advice and expecting him to heed it. Are you insinuating that playing with him regularly slows your improvement?

Agreed.

[jetsknicks1]

Maybe I'm in the minority here but it sounds like the OP is kinda being "Jerkish". You've been friends with the guy for almost 2 decades and you're wanting to cut your golf time with him down to possibly 4 times a year, just because he doesn't take it as seriously as you do? I understad your point about him playing slow but I didn't see anything about him being no fun to play with. I could see if he got angry and was out there cursing all over the course or throwing clubs, or if he just went out to get sloppy drunk, but it doesn't seem like that's the case.

I also understand your desire to play with golfers closer to your own skill level more, but I'm sure that can be accomplished without  completely letting go of your buddy.

[ochmude]

I'm leaning toward that opinion as well.  For myself, lifelong friends are far more important than playing to scratch.  I'm sure everyone on this forum understands that you want to improve your game (it is a golf forum after all), but definitely weigh your decisions very carefully before you do something that might seriously jeopardize your friendship.  Coming clean with him and honestly explaining how you feel is definitely the best next action.  If I were in your shoes, though, I would try very hard to work out some sort of compromise before I start giving my friend the cold shoulder on the golf course.  Does he have anyone else that he can group with to continue to play?

[newtogolf]

OP does come off as harsh, especially given the comments about him not wanting to watch someone that's unwilling to improve.  Golf isn't everyones life, for some it's just a recreational hobby that isn't life or death.  Those of us that take it serious shouldn't make others feel bad for not having the same priorities.

I'm also not understanding how the friends poor play impacts the OP.  I see golf as me against the course.  I play with golfers that are a lot better than me, and some even worse than me but that has no impact on how I play.  Sounds like there's more to this than just golf, but that's Dr Phil's gig.

[Chief Broom]

From the OP's description I can see how playing with his buddy could be distracting, especially if he gets sucked into helping his buddy find balls, and if the guy is shooting numbers like 110+ (and he said that was being generous), then they could be having to do that on practically every shot.  I've had to do that before and it starts getting old fast and it can begin to wear on your game.  Spend 5 minutes looking for your partner's ball and by the time you get around to looking for yours that just missed the fairway, well frustrating is word you may begin to think to yourself more than a few times a round.  Since this is a good friend that just complicates the issue in addition to making it hard for the OP to get in the zone with his own round.  Compare that to getting out with a foursome made up of low cappers and the difference will be huge and the OP suddenly finds himself wishing that he didn't have to play every time with his good friend the hacker.  What I think is important in this case is that the OP handle the way he approaches his friend with honesty and if he stops playing golf with him so much that the OP find some other way to make up the time.  Do that and the friendship should remain secure and any hard feelings kept to an absolute minimum.  I've seen good friends get bent out of shape with each other over their varying golf abilities.  The better player feels obligated to try and help the guy struggling.  Sometimes the struggling player thinks that the better guy takes it too seriously and gives the other grief for focusing and working on his game rather than BS'ing and drinking on the course.  There is a reason players tend to gravitate towards playing partners of similar abilities.  That isn't to say that guys of varying abilites can't get out and enjoy a round together, but eventually there will be friction if you're always playing with someone who doesn't share your same desires and priorities for the time you spend on the course.

[snofrog]

Originally Posted by eaglelandings

I am in a bit of a predicament. I have a golf buddy that I just do not feel comfortable playing with anymore. The problem is, he is more than a golf buddy, he is my good friend of 17 years. We went through middle school, high school, and even college together, where we were roommates. I was even his best man and coordinator of the great bachelor party. Unfortunately, he sucks at golf.

I took a long hiatus from golf when my father passed away at 16. I was classified as "good potential" and offered free lessons from professionals while growing up, but I just was not interested. Now as an adult, I have caught the bug. Three months back my friend and I started playing casually, first time picking up a club in 11 years I shot a 94. He didn't do so well but that didn't bother me then. I quickly hit the range. Spending about 15 hours a week practicing. Now I am shooting in the low-mid 70's.... and he is still shooting 110 + (and by his own rules). It is not so much his high score that bothers me, but the way he goes about it. He doesn't listen to advice. He won't get lessons, and he won't practice. Most of all, he doesn't follow the rules. Taking my time, I play a round by myself in 2:15 hrs, just with him 4:30 hrs minimum. We play 1 or 2 times a week and I pretty much would like to cut it off to about 1 every 3 months. I found a group of great guys that are scratch golfers and I think playing with them will really improve my game. How do I go about letting him down without ruining a friendship?

to me , it sounds as if you are a bit shallow and the feelings you are trying to preserve are your own . I also feel you will be doing the both of you a favor by telling him to scram

[vbb2]

Now before everyone goes off and bashes the OP for being a snob, I think there's a valid point being made here.  The OP takes his golf very seriously (likes practicing better than playing, always strives to better himself, etc) and his buddy just likes hitting the ball around and BSing.  Just because they're best friends doesn't mean they have to do everything together.  My best friend since childhood thinks golfing is lame and I can't even get him to go to the driving range with me.  No matter... we wouldn't still be friends if we didn't have a lot of other things in common, as I'm sure the OP and his friend do.  I think the OP should level with his friend and move on to golfing with people more like him.

I have the best time golfing with guys who are slightly better than me and willing to throw down a friendly wager.  They're not boring people by any stretch, but also not the guys I'd necessarily want to take a buddy trip out to Vegas with either.  I'd much rather spend time off the course with my closest friends, and on the course with my "golfing" friends.

[jcm011]

I really don't get what the big deal is in this thread. It doesn't sound like the OP's buddy is constantly hitting him up to go play a round. I'm a bad golfer and I have friends that are closer than family to me who shoot (believe it or not) 50 strokes worse than me. I love playing with these two guys and when I go out with them I just try to relax, not take it too seriously, get a cart and drink some beer. You don't have to "break up" (lack of a better term, no innuendo or offense meant)  because he isn't as anal about golf as you are... Just don't play with him as much. Like several other people have said-- if you've been friends for as long as you say he probably isn't going to get too upset about you passing on playing (then again you could have this predicament because he is super emo).

Honestly if I don't want to play with someone, which is rare, I either just reply "No" or straight up don't respond. Call me a douche but I'm not out there telling them what they should be doing and gritting my teeth every time they swing.

[CSStriper]

Sounds like your in a tough spot.  However, sometimes a little "tough love" works great.  Example:  I have a set tee time every Saturday morning at 645.  I can count on 2 guys to be there no later than 630.  When we try to get a 4th we tell that person to be there at 630 for a 645 tee time.  The first time they show up late or we have to call and wake him up is the last time we ask them to play.  After a couple weekends go by they ask me why i haven't called them to play.  I say because you cant seem to make it to the course on time cause you want to stay out and get liquered up Friday night.  When they hear me say this to them its like a light bulb goes off and they are never late again.  I am talking about 3 different guys that are all very good close friends.  The only comeback they have is why do I have such an early tee time?  Simple answer is because we get done at 1030 and have the rest of the day to whatever we want.  Usually means a lot of drinking for the remainder of the day but since its the weekend who the hell cares.  Try some tough love it might help you out

[SamW]

I still say match play is the best solution... nothing like the motivation to beat somebody to make somebody want to play better. Trouble with stroke play is some people don't have the self motivation for it they just don't care if they shoot 110 or 90. The difference in match play is that if you miss a 5 foot putt to 1/2 a hole you kick yourself about it because you lost the hole... The whole point of the handicap system is so that people can compete against each other anyway.

[TXjammer]

I had to read this twice to make sure I didn't write this post!  I'm in the EXACT situation...even down to the newly found playing partners who are better than me.

However, I already confronted my friend about my dilema, and this is what he told me.  He said "Jay, I think you could be pro if you really tried, but you can't play good around me.  So, if you get to the point where my bad playing and slow pace doesn't affect your game, you'll be able to play with anyone, anywhere."

I couldn't help but agree with him, and he had presented a challenge I'm still trying to rise up to.

[ghalfaire]

A good friend for 17 years and you'd dump him because he is a lousy golfer?  I would hate to see what you'd do to someone you didn't like.

[sean_miller]

Originally Posted by ghalfaire

A good friend for 17 years and you'd dump him because he is a lousy golfer?  I would hate to see what you'd do to someone you didn't like.

Geezy creezy, they're not married. He just wants to play with some better players more often so he can push his game to another level. Unless I read it wrong. Maybe he wants to have an open relationship and see other people.

[shades9323]

He wants to go from 1-2 times per week to 1 time every 3 months. That really isn't an open relationship. That is more of I'm going to dump you but expect you to answer my booty calls a few times a year.

Originally Posted by sean_miller

Geezy creezy, they're not married. He just wants to play with some better players more often so he can push his game to another level. Unless I read it wrong. Maybe he wants to have an open relationship and see other people.

[sean_miller]

Originally Posted by shades9323

He wants to go from 1-2 times per week to 1 time every 3 months. That really isn't an open relationship. That is more of I'm going to dump you but expect you to answer my booty calls a few times a year.

You could be right.

[Blatter]

Keep your friendship going at all costs - it's alot more important than golf!

I play with a guy every week who shoots 100+ and I get just as much joy at seeing him have a good round as I do from my own game. Also it's an ideal time to experiment with shaping different shots without the fear of embarrasment when you're playing with the scratch guys!

[Fozcycle]

Try finding a small money game at one of the local courses. There, you can match your skills against a group of others on a regular basis. As it develops, you'll meet new friends that share your golf enthusiasm.  Possibly your buddy will join you.

[Elvisliveson]

Originally Posted by Stretch

I would just start cutting down on the golf time with this mate and making it up in other areas. Hang out with him at the ball game or at the bar instead. From what you've said about how he plays, he's probably spending more time out on the course than he actually wants to anyway -- likely in an effort to be a good friend to you!

That was my experience. I used to play with a long-time friend, but his game was marginal and he liked to take a cart, but more annoying he had a habit of minimizing putting by using one hand. going between his legs, etc... because he didn't want to look bad missing 2-3 footers. About 8-9 years ago, I found this other guy with a beautiful swing who carries his bag and putts everything out, My friend eventually got phased out because he himself saw the difference and he figured I was in better hands. We still play with him about once every 5-6 weeks, probably the frequency he wanted to play in the 1st place!  We hang out in other ways, like the post above suggested.