Anyone ever had to teach their wife how to drive a manual?

[k-troop]

I'm in the market for a new (used) car.  I'm currently driving a 1995 BMW 325i with nearly 200k miles on it, and it's starting to fall apart (literally--the rear view mirror fell off in my lap while I was driving to work last week),

I found a minty, low-mileage, 2-year old, plenty of warranty left Audi A3, fully loaded, great color.  It's a STEAL from a private seller.  The only reason why the guy hasn't unloaded it already, at a much higher price:  it's a manual transmission.

My wife absolutely refuses.  "We need a car we can both drive."  This is a sentiment I can totally understand, but (1) this will be my car, (2) I've already promised to buy her the exact car she wants, direct from the factory to her specifications, but not until next summer when we leave Hawaii (new cars are crazy expensive here), (3) anyone can learn how to drive a manual transmission in about 2 hours if they just try, and (4) there is no way I'll find another car like this at this price in the next 30 days.

What gives?  Anyone got any tips on how I can swing her in my direction?

[Kapanda]

Originally Posted by k-troop

I'm in the market for a new (used) car.  I'm currently driving a 1995 BMW 325i with nearly 200k miles on it, and it's starting to fall apart (literally--the rear view mirror fell off in my lap while I was driving to work last week),

I found a minty, low-mileage, 2-year old, plenty of warranty left Audi A3, fully loaded, great color.  It's a STEAL from a private seller.  The only reason why the guy hasn't unloaded it already, at a much higher price:  it's a manual transmission.

My wife absolutely refuses.  "We need a car we can both drive."  This is a sentiment I can totally understand, but (1) this will be my car, (2) I've already promised to buy her the exact car she wants, direct from the factory to her specifications, but not until next summer when we leave Hawaii (new cars are crazy expensive here), (3) anyone can learn how to drive a manual transmission in about 2 hours if they just try, and (4) there is no way I'll find another car like this at this price in the next 30 days.

What gives?  Anyone got any tips on how I can swing her in my direction?

Case closed.

[tristanhilton85]

If you buy it you may wind up sleeping in it as well.

[Mr. Desmond]

Buy her what she wants now; and then buy your manny later.

And I've owned 3 Audis, and now drive a 2000 BMW 323i w 200k on it and still going. I find them better to drive than Audis, and the Bimmers have better engines - a 6 cyl that gets 25 mpg combined. My Audi 6 cyl could not do that... not close.

[Valleygolfer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by k-troop

I'm in the market for a new (used) car.  I'm currently driving a 1995 BMW 325i with nearly 200k miles on it, and it's starting to fall apart (literally--the rear view mirror fell off in my lap while I was driving to work last week),

I found a minty, low-mileage, 2-year old, plenty of warranty left Audi A3, fully loaded, great color.  It's a STEAL from a private seller.  The only reason why the guy hasn't unloaded it already, at a much higher price:  it's a manual transmission.

My wife absolutely refuses.  "We need a car we can both drive."  This is a sentiment I can totally understand, but (1) this will be my car, (2) I've already promised to buy her the exact car she wants, direct from the factory to her specifications, but not until next summer when we leave Hawaii (new cars are crazy expensive here), (3) anyone can learn how to drive a manual transmission in about 2 hours if they just try, and (4) there is no way I'll find another car like this at this price in the next 30 days.

What gives?  Anyone got any tips on how I can swing her in my direction?

Case closed.

Ask her why you guys need a car you both can drive? How often does she drive yours now? Finally if you are going to buy new, dealerships will give you a loaner when serviced. I love my standard and would not drive anything else. I find her argument bs personally.

[Dave H]

I drive a manual as well (2011 GTI) and my wife initially promised to learn to drive it. But, 18 months later that still hasn't happened. It also hasn't really been an issue either. She drives her car to work, I drive mine to work and then typically on the weekends I do all the driving so we pick the car that suits our needs better (her car is much larger than mine). I don't really have any advice for you other than keep trying. It took about 3 cars for me to get the manual I'd been craving.

[Mr. Desmond]

In 40 years, I had an auto trans for two years.

They'll have to pry my stick from me with my cold dead fingers....

:-)

[k-troop]

Originally Posted by Mr. Desmond

Buy her what she wants now; and then buy your manny later.

And I've owned 3 Audis, and now drive a 2000 BMW 323i w 200k on it and still going. I find them better to drive than Audis, and the Bimmers have better engines - a 6 cyl that gets 25 mpg combined. My Audi 6 cyl could not do that... not close.

Have you driven the new Audis?  They've really stepped up their game over the last five years, and they're still cheaper (both to buy and service) than BMW.  My current 325 is the 5-speed i6 and gets combined 25-26 MPG.  The 2.0 Turbo in the A3 is probably a full second faster in 0-60, and gets over 30 MPG.

Originally Posted by Valleygolfer

Ask her why you guys need a car you both can drive? How often does she drive yours now? Finally if you are going to buy new, dealerships will give you a loaner when serviced.

I love my standard and would not drive anything else.

My original plan was to buy her a new car from a dealer and take her car (which is actually my old truck).  I bought the BMW when we moved here 2 years ago for $3600 (I was looking for a 2-year car; Hawaii isn't really a place for expensive new cars--they get pretty beat up over here).  Anyway, the 325 is a manual; she refused to learn to drive it, then we had a baby, so she's been driving my 4-door truck since then.  It's a great truck, fully loaded, clean, perfect for the island and the baby, and drives really well, but not something she chose.

We both need new cars (combined mileage on our two cars is north of 350k), and she's picked the exact car she wants (new Explorer Limited).  However, buying a new car in Hawaii is irritating.  I've made two offers on a brand new Exp limited (the same price I'd pay through my bank's car buying service, with an adjustment for the Hawaii delivery fee), and they won't even return my call.  They want MSRP+.  I'm not doing that when I can order one through my bank's car buying service, to specs, for about 5k less.  Problem is there aren't any participating dealers in Hawaii, so we'll have to wait until next summer when we move back to the mainland.

[k-troop]

Originally Posted by Dave H

I drive a manual as well (2011 GTI) and my wife initially promised to learn to drive it. But, 18 months later that still hasn't happened. It also hasn't really been an issue either. She drives her car to work, I drive mine to work and then typically on the weekends I do all the driving so we pick the car that suits our needs better (her car is much larger than mine). I don't really have any advice for you other than keep trying. It took about 3 cars for me to get the manual I'd been craving.

That's interesting.  When I bought the BMW when we first moved here two summers ago, I hadn't driven a manual in several years.  It took me about an hour to get the hang of it again.  We didn't decide whose car it was going to be; we just needed another car, and mine was still on the boat on the way to Hawaii.  She thought the 325 was cute, and I loved the way it drove.

So, I taught her how to drive it.  She learned it well enough, but needed practice.  She drove it to the store by herself exactly one time.  She said she wasn't "comfortable" driving it in traffic when another car was behind her.  That was it--now she simply refuses.  Like many things women do, I don't understand it.

[Dave H]

That's interesting.  When I bought the BMW when we first moved here two summers ago, I hadn't driven a manual in several years.  It took me about an hour to get the hang of it again.  We didn't decide whose car it was going to be; we just needed another car, and mine was still on the boat on the way to Hawaii.  She thought the 325 was cute, and I loved the way it drove. So, I taught her how to drive it.  She learned it well enough, but needed practice.  She drove it to the store by herself exactly one time.  She said she wasn't "comfortable" driving it in traffic when another car was behind her.  That was it--now she simply refuses.  Like many things women do, I don't understand it.

Well that's for sure - I don't understand many things about women either. My wife and I have always shared everything but have treated our cars very independently, with the exception of when we're all together. In comparison to my wife, I'm an agressive driver (I'm not really)so she never wants to drive when I'm in the car with her for fear of me judging her (I never do). I do love driving a manual, especially the 2.0 turbo that I have. I believe the A3 has the same engine. Hope you can find a way to get it.

[boogielicious]

I taught my wife to drive a stick in 1982 when we were still dating.  She came to visit me and my car had a stick, so she had to learn if she wanted to drive it while I was working..  She got hooked.  I convinced her to get a Miata for her 50th birthday.  A stick is the fun way to drive.

[Mr. Desmond]

Originally Posted by k-troop

Have you driven the new Audis?  They've really stepped up their game over the last five years, and they're still cheaper (both to buy and service) than BMW.  My current 325 is the 5-speed i6 and gets combined 25-26 MPG.  The 2.0 Turbo in the A3 is probably a full second faster in 0-60, and gets over 30 MPG.

I think the A3 has the same great 4 banger they've used since 2000 with some advancements. I had one in a 2001 Audi TT - and chipped it. Yes, it received great gas mileage. Low end torque was not good, but I imagine it's been improved. The new BMW 3 Series engine is a 4 banger twin turbo of 240 hp - so apples to apples,I think the BMW and Audi are similar hp - but BMW will probably still have Audi beat in technology.

But to your problem. Get the wife what she wants now. You can rationalize it any way you want but if you end up with a car you want - she will see you as the selfish bastard that we men really are when it comes to our toys. She will see herself as the one with the baby and a truck. You are the one having fun. That is not a good scenario. If it costs a little more for what she wants because you're in Hawaii, well, so be it. OR wait another year and drag out what you can in your present cars. Sell them before you leave the islands and take any cash and put it into a couple of new but used vehicles. But get her what she wants first. Then wait and get a 3 yr old Bimmer with twin turbos and a 6 spd stick. Yes!

[x129]

Learning (or relearning) to drive a manual isn't hard except if you live in a really hilly area and have to be good at hill starts. But if you only do it a couple times a year it is hard to feel comfortable when your out there.

Originally Posted by k-troop

That's interesting.  When I bought the BMW when we first moved here two summers ago, I hadn't driven a manual in several years.  It took me about an hour to get the hang of it again.  We didn't decide whose car it was going to be; we just needed another car, and mine was still on the boat on the way to Hawaii.  She thought the 325 was cute, and I loved the way it drove.

So, I taught her how to drive it.  She learned it well enough, but needed practice.  She drove it to the store by herself exactly one time.  She said she wasn't "comfortable" driving it in traffic when another car was behind her.  That was it--now she simply refuses.  Like many things women do, I don't understand it.

[rustyredcab]

Been happily married for over 30 years. Teaching a wife to do something she does not wish to learn is no fun. While dating, I ruined skiing. While married, golf. My wife drove stick in high school before we met so I did not have the opportunity to screw that one up.

I've taught my kids -- who were highly motivated to learn to drive my car -- and that was hard enough. Lots of tears with my daughter who is normally tough as nails. (And now one of the best drivers around).

If your wife is willing to learn, my advise is find a friend of her's to teach her. If she is not interested in learning, then it is like pushing water up a hill.

[k-troop]

Well, the car is in the driveway.

[Old1964]

Well, you might have won the battle, but lost the war.

Time will tell.

Of course, if your car is keyed in the first week you own it, that will tell as well.

[k-troop]

Why does marriage have to be a war?  We don't agree on everything, but it's not Sunni vs Shia over here.  My air conditioner went out.  Again.  Then she saw the car.  Her friend is going to teach her to drive it.  I get to buy her a new car next year and save over $5k.  Everybody wins.

[newtogolf]

I taught my wife (then fiancee) to drive my 5 speed RX-7.  She hated it at first but then got used to it.  Most women like having their hands free for makeup, phones, food, drinks so a manual transmission is a big problem for them.  Plus they think it's stupid to have a car that you manually have to shift when there are cars that do it for you.   Enjoy the new car but don't expect her to share  your excitement even with the promise that she will get a new car next year.