How do you handle a playing partner displaying terrible course etiquette?

[inthehole]

saw this only once ... guy missed a put & took a swipe with his putter at the ball that was lying on the lip of the hole & completely mangled the hole ...

[zipazoid]

Originally Posted by hopefulhacker

As a fellow Irishman, Edmund Burke, once said:

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing"

A bit dramatic, but the sentiment holds true for Golf.

If you seeing someone demonstrating poor etiquette and fail to do anything, then in my eyes, you are just as bad as the person committing the offense.

'Evil' and 'Poor etiquette' are hardly moral equivalents. And then another poster called such people who don't correct it 'Joe Paternos', putting ignoring poor etiquette on a par with excusing child rape.

Think we can come back to reality now?

We're talking about boorish behavior on the course. My role is not to correct such behavior. My role is to enjoy myself - that's why I am there. If my enjoyment is being compromised by such louts, I will do what I need to do to get back to enjoying myself. That will mean making sure I don't put myself in that position again; I won't play with that person.

The lout is not a child rapist. He's probably not a 'evil' person. He's just a jerk with a temper. Seeya - that's how I deal with it.

[Spyder]

One of my best friends is a complete hot head when it comes to golf and I don't know why because it's just obvious that it is not for him. He'll pull off a few really nice shots in a round, but typically hovers in the high 90's. He's constantly throwing his club, throwing his club at the cart, cussing, slamming his club down, etc.

One time though he left a birdie putt hanging over the hole on Hole 18 and just blew up. Why? I have no idea because there was no money on the line and I think he just tries to keep up with me for some reason, because we also bowl on the same league and compete there as well. Anyway, he took a full blown swing at the ball hanging a half inch away from the hole and destroyed the hole. There was an enormous impression/gash from his putter into the side of the hole and it was obvious it would become unplayable for anyone behind us.

I did blow up a little and told him to calm the F down and shook my head in disbelief. He left without saying anything to me and grabbed his bag off the cart, so I walked inside and let the manager know that I noticed severe damage to the cup/hole on the 18th. I wasn't going to sell my buddy out, but I also didn't want anyone else to suffer. They sent the keeper out there who cut a new pin position for the group behind us and they were not affected because they were still about 15 minutes out (a hole behind us).

I can't recall ever being so pissed off and embarrassed on a golf course.

[ghalfaire]

I've seen some bad behavior on the course but never have seen anyone take a chunk out of a green.  Not sure what I would do if it was on purpose.  I have seen some damage to the course from ignorance and I tell the offender, politely, how to not damage the course.  But not sure how I would handle someone who seems unstable.  Probably just leave.

[Spyder]

Originally Posted by ghalfaire

I've seen some bad behavior on the course but never have seen anyone take a chunk out of a green.  Not sure what I would do if it was on purpose.  I have seen some damage to the course from ignorance and I tell the offender, politely, how to not damage the course.  But not sure how I would handle someone who seems unstable.  Probably just leave.

It just seems that too many people have unrealistic expectations and very little control over their anger. In the case of my friend, he simply thinks he should be shooting lower 80s and high 70s which is completely unrealistic for him. He's never had a lesson, he golfs maybe once a week or once every 2 weeks, he has a very uncontrollable tee shot and duffs all of the time, etc. This is all completely fine but you can't expect to shoot to a 5 handicap given these intangibles.

I just don't get it, personally. Then again, I'm never an angry person at all... not even when I'm having a terrible day on/off the course. I always find a way to roll with whatever comes at me. On the course, I'll just crack jokes and have a beer and laugh about it. Some of my best memories of golf are actually related to days when I played terrible but still had a good time with the people I was around.

[Golfingdad]

Originally Posted by zipazoid

'Evil' and 'Poor etiquette' are hardly moral equivalents. And then another poster called such people who don't correct it 'Joe Paternos', putting ignoring poor etiquette on a par with excusing child rape.

Think we can come back to reality now?

We're talking about boorish behavior on the course. My role is not to correct such behavior. My role is to enjoy myself - that's why I am there. If my enjoyment is being compromised by such louts, I will do what I need to do to get back to enjoying myself. That will mean making sure I don't put myself in that position again; I won't play with that person.

The lout is not a child rapist. He's probably not a 'evil' person. He's just a jerk with a temper. Seeya - that's how I deal with it.

Totally agree.  You go out of your way to try and "reform" strangers on the golf course while they are angry and then you might be the subject of the next "Golfer stabbed with broken shaft" story or something like it.

Originally Posted by Spyder

It just seems that too many people have unrealistic expectations and very little control over their anger.

Amen.  The root of most anger on the golf course.  There is no need for it.

[Golfingdad]

Originally Posted by Slowbo

I was recently playing the ninth hole at Bicester golf course and watched in disbelief as a player in front of me putted out on the green and then proceeded to walk over the green and off the other side while pulling his trolleyed bag behind him.... he almost hit the flag!

I proceeded to chase him all the way to the tenth tee to explain that this action was not acceptable..... he removed his earphones and looked at me with confusion... I politely eplained that this was not the done thing, to which he replied... "Oh, sorry, I was miles away"!! honestly.. some people....

Peter.

Meh.  I wouldn't get that worked up over this.  In fact, I remember a story in golf digest several months back about golf in, in want to say, Australia??, where this is the norm.  Unless the guy is carrying gold bars in his bag or has spiked wheels on his cart, it's going to do less damage to the green than his feet.

(I'm not saying that everybody should do this, because they shouldn't, but just that on the level of bad etiquette, I rank this way down there, well below not fixing ball marks)

[Bullitt5339]

I actually hate to admit that I did this, but I learned a valuable lesson from one of my playing partners years ago that changed the way I look at golf:

I was having a really bad round of golf and found myself getting incredibly angry.  On the 13th hole after struggling all day, I tee'd off with an easy carry over water and duffed the ball into the pond.  I lost it and threw my driver about 15 ft. towards the cart.  I went over and picked it up and my buddy, who's about 65 years old asked me to see my driver.  I handed it to him, and he threw it as hard as he could into the pond where it sank to the bottom.  I was perplexed and mad and he simply looked at me and said "If you can't control your anger, and feel the need to throw a club, I will not play another round with you again.  Obviously you didn't care about that club, and blamed it for your performance, so I got rid of it for you.  Now, can we get back to playing a nice, peaceful game of golf and enjoy ourselves?"

At the end of the round, he took me into the Pro Shop and bought me a new driver and told me to take care of this one.

I looked at the other players in the group who were also friends of mine, and realized right then that my actions had effected the entire group negatively.  I was ashamed and embarrassed and promised myself that I would never get angry at a game again.  And I have stuck by that for the years since and have enjoyed myself on the course every since.  Sure, I have bad days, but I always remember that I am playing a game that I enjoy, I'm not great at it and am going to have rough days, and I still have the health and financial means to play.  So even those bad days aren't so bad anymore.

[inthehole]

Originally Posted by Bullitt5339

I actually hate to admit that I did this, but I learned a valuable lesson from one of my playing partners years ago that changed the way I look at golf:

I was having a really bad round of golf and found myself getting incredibly angry.  On the 13th hole after struggling all day, I tee'd off with an easy carry over water and duffed the ball into the pond.  I lost it and threw my driver about 15 ft. towards the cart.  I went over and picked it up and my buddy, who's about 65 years old asked me to see my driver.  I handed it to him, and he threw it as hard as he could into the pond where it sank to the bottom.  I was perplexed and mad and he simply looked at me and said "If you can't control your anger, and feel the need to throw a club, I will not play another round with you again.  Obviously you didn't care about that club, and blamed it for your performance, so I got rid of it for you.  Now, can we get back to playing a nice, peaceful game of golf and enjoy ourselves?"

At the end of the round, he took me into the Pro Shop and bought me a new driver and told me to take care of this one.

I looked at the other players in the group who were also friends of mine, and realized right then that my actions had effected the entire group negatively.  I was ashamed and embarrassed and promised myself that I would never get angry at a game again.  And I have stuck by that for the years since and have enjoyed myself on the course every since.  Sure, I have bad days, but I always remember that I am playing a game that I enjoy, I'm not great at it and am going to have rough days, and I still have the health and financial means to play.  So even those bad days aren't so bad anymore.

great story - thanks for sharing !!

[kymonopoly]

I was playing a 4some in a charity event and saw the group ahead of us drove their 2 carts onto the green.  I did three things that I thought were reasonable.  First, i rode up and told them that they should never drive their cart "close" to the green and especially not on the green.  There are cart paths close to the green for a reason.  They blew me off so I (#2) sent a message through the GPS on our cart to the clubhouse that we were having problems with a cart and then when a ranger came out, I told him and let him handle it.  They listened to him.  And finally, I told the director in charge of the event and told him that maybe he needs to have a short talk before the tournament about these kind of major etiquette issues.

[Spyder]

Originally Posted by kymonopoly

I was playing a 4some in a charity event and saw the group ahead of us drove their 2 carts onto the green.  I did three things that I thought were reasonable.  First, i rode up and told them that they should never drive their cart "close" to the green and especially not on the green.  There are cart paths close to the green for a reason.  They blew me off so I (#2) sent a message through the GPS on our cart to the clubhouse that we were having problems with a cart and then when a ranger came out, I told him and let him handle it.  They listened to him.  And finally, I told the director in charge of the event and told him that maybe he needs to have a short talk before the tournament about these kind of major etiquette issues.

I don't even classify this as etiquette. I put this in the common sense category. Those who got it, get it. Those who don't, won't. I would also ban them from my course if I were managing operations.

[BuckeyeNut]

I've never played with anyone I know who did something that stupid....IE...hacking the green after a missed putt, but I've played as a walk-on single for many years and have witnessed many ignorant golfers.  IMO....these incidents tend to happen at cheap courses frequented by infrequent golfers.  (if you know what I mean)  These guys tend to be what I call "non golfers" because most real players know better.   How I react depends on where I'm playing.  Maybe this isn't the best attitude, but I generally bite my tongue if I'm playing a random away course.

I've only seen this maybe 1 time on my home course, and I jumped all over the guy.  I don't really care how he feels about it.......I lit into him and he was a complete stranger.  He apologized and fixed the divot the best he could.

[Spyder]

Originally Posted by BuckeyeNut

I've never played with anyone I know who did something that stupid....IE...hacking the green after a missed putt, but I've played as a walk-on single for many years and have witnessed many ignorant golfers.  IMO....these incidents tend to happen at cheap courses frequented by infrequent golfers.  (if you know what I mean)  These guys tend to be what I call "non golfers" because most real players know better.   How I react depends on where I'm playing.  Maybe this isn't the best attitude, but I generally bite my tongue if I'm playing a random away course.

I've only seen this maybe 1 time on my home course, and I jumped all over the guy.  I don't really care how he feels about it.......I lit into him and he was a complete stranger.  He apologized and fixed the divot the best he could.

Too bad you're not still around O-H (I-OOOO) so we could get out there sometime. I typically have really good luck and don't see crazy things too often. Only the one occurrance described above and unfortunately he's a friend.

[BuckeyeNut]

Originally Posted by Spyder

Too bad you're not still around O-H (I-OOOO) so we could get out there sometime. I typically have really good luck and don't see crazy things too often. Only the one occurrance described above and unfortunately he's a friend.

Where are you in ohio?  We've possibly played some of the same courses.   I lived in the Columbus area, but played some all over the state.   I've easily played 100+ different Ohio Courses through the years.

[Spyder]

Originally Posted by BuckeyeNut

Where are you in ohio?  We've possibly played some of the same courses.   I lived in the Columbus area, but played some all over the state.   I've easily played 100+ different Ohio Courses through the years.

NE Ohio near Akron/Fairlawn.

I never really played anywhere that far south, but played nearly every course worth driving to up here. Played Firestone several times as well.

[BuckeyeNut]

Originally Posted by Spyder

NE Ohio near Akron/Fairlawn.

I never really played anywhere that far south, but played nearly every course worth driving to up here. Played Firestone several times as well.

Off the top of my head....I've played a couple courses not too far from Akron.  Hawks Nest in Creston and Windmill Lakes in Ravenna come to mind. I played them in the 1990s and remember them being nice courses.  I've played a bunch of courses near Youngstown, but not so much in the Cleveland/Akron area.

[Ballsndrama]

One day my son and I decided to go play and got paired with two strangers.  We were waiting for a foursome to clear a hole on our approach when we noticed one of them slamming their putter into the green.  The putter actually was sticking out of the green and he had to work it to get it out.  Then they all proceeded to the next green.  I looked at my playing partners and they were shocked as well.  When we rolled up to the green there it was, a big hole in the middle of the green.  Since the next hole was close I called the guy out.  I told him that he better get his ass over to the green and attempt to fix it.  He laughed until I told him if he didn't I'd make him.  I'm pretty much a hot head and don't take shit from people so I think he read that on my face.  He obliged went to the hole and just stared at it.  I told him how would you like to pay $100 and have a big ass hole staring at you on every hole.  He apologized to our foursome dropped his head and went to his loser friends to move on.  My son said he's never seen me so upset.  I told him I just couldn't let it pass without saying anything or the douche bag would continue to do it without giving it a thought. I'm glad that it didn't get ugly, even though I would not have let it get beyond words.  Ignorant people are everywhere unfortunately.

[tuffluck]

when i first started playing i had my series of tantrums, but only around close friends that were playing with me.  my girlfriend and my best friend saw the worst of it...sarcastically tossing clubs up in the air after a shot, stabbing the ground, etc.  albeit never anything destructive to the greens or even to my clubs for that matter (at least not that i know of).  when i played with people i didn't know or got paired randomly with people, i acted very calm.  i have no idea why i felt so much more comfortable about getting angry in front of people i knew--i guess i wasn't afraid of embarrassing myself.

anyway, the best friend finally told me one evening after we played and were relaxing with beers that sometimes "you can be a very angry golfer."  pretty much ever since then i haven't thrown a club or stabbed the ground.  a little stomping here and there but nothing that i would be ashamed of if i was on national television (except maybe the outcome of the shots!).

anyway, controlling anger on the course wasn't easy for me as a beginner.  i'm sure it isn't easy for everyone, but hopefully everyone has a friend tell them when the time is right.  while they are angry at their game, their clubs, or the ground is usually not the best time to bring it up though IMO.  if they aren't a very good friend, let sleeping dogs lie.  just don't play with them until they get their attitude straight.  looking back, i'm surprised my girlfriend and best friend didn't stop playing with me.