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I am calling you out as a non-golfer IF.........................


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You're not a real golfer if you're 50 yards from the green and you overshoot it past the back of the green and then on the very next attempt you overshoot it past the front of the green.

Alright. That settles it. Nobody is a golfer. Nobody ever was a golfer and nobody will ever be a golfer.

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You are making a real ass of yourself lately. You are a non-golfer if you can not treat fellow golfers with the respect due to them, regardless of their score or the CR of the course on which they sh

Not me! A golf ball with a demonstrated affinity for the water has a horrible character flaw that cannot be changed.  It should never be trusted again!

I made a 12 on a par-3 once......with NO PENALTY STROKES!

You're a non-golfer if you wuss out and go to a family event because of pressure rather than play the round of golf you know you really want to

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I am calling you out as a non-golfer IF...........

you would rather play in a scramble than play a regular round of golf.

Guess I am finally a "non-Golfer"

A scramble is just a different beast from a round of golf.

However I tend to have more fun playing in a few scrambles a year than I do in all the rounds during that year.

I also play with the same core group, it is more relaxed, we each have our specialty, and we start early with the bloody mary's!

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You're a non-golfer if your focus is on the 19th hole even before you finish the first hole

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You're a non-golfer if your focus is on the 19th hole even before you finish the first hole

A lot of golfers I know would argue the opposite. They are planning their 19th hole as soon as they step out of the clubhouse, going to the first tee.

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You might be considered a non-golfer if golf to you....... is a drinking game that requires a loaded cooler.  Anything much beyond a beer at the turn....and you might qualify.

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You might be a non golfer if you have one hand that is tanned, and another that is not..................

....because real golfers remove the glove between shots. LOL

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I'm out again. Darn

I'm with you......................LOL

I'm a non-golfer too!!   Whenever I do play for $$$, it's for fun and only small change just to keep it interesting.

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I'll get this started........... if you stop at the turn for a sit-down meal, I formally accuse YOU as being a non-golfer!!  I am sure we can come up with 100s of things................LOL

Who's next with an example??


I had to chuckle because I ran into this a couple years back. My home course has a members matchplay event that runs through the summer. They setup the bracket then give everyone a set amount of time to get the match in against your opponent. The consensus among the members is due to work and other commitments most people can't take 3-4 days in a row to play a real match play event and it's separate from our medal play Club Championship..

On my first match that year I draw the worst member golfer at our course. I can't remember his handicap but it was in the 30's. They use a 80% rule with handicaps so I had to give him something like 25 strokes(at the time my son was around 12 years old and I didn't even come close to giving him that many strokes, lol)!

So we set a date and off we go. I couldn't have lost this match if I tried, basically pars were easily winning holes and at the turn I'm 6 up and thinking OK this will be over soon and I can still get home and mow the lawn or something. On the 9th green the guy goes "Man I'm starving and I have to grab something at the turn". I'm thinking he's going to grab a hotdog and we'll be off. He disappears into the restaurant and he's in there longer than to just grab a dog. I go in and he's got the menu in hand and ordering a full blown 7 course meal.

Now the guy was rather portly and I'm sure at his size he was likely starving after having to swing a golf club as many times as he did on the front 9, but a full blown sit down meal, are you kidding me, right in the middle of our match.

I didn't go off on him for two reasons. #1 He was a nice guy who just happened to suck really bad at golf. #2 It was the first round of the US Open that day so I sat down and watched the play while he got fatter and fatter.

Finally about 45 minutes later were off to the 10th tee and the match ended on hole #12. I still laugh about it, a big hefty guy that couldn't make it past 9 holes without a full blown sit down meal. And of course in the match I was walking carrying my own bag while he rode in a cart. Which was more than OK with me because if he ever tried to walk it I guarantee CPR would have been required and I wasn't doing mouth to mouth, lol!!!

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I had to chuckle because I ran into this a couple years back. My home course has a members matchplay event that runs through the summer. They setup the bracket then give everyone a set amount of time to get the match in against your opponent. The consensus among the members is due to work and other commitments most people can't take 3-4 days in a row to play a real match play event and it's separate from our medal play Club Championship..

On my first match that year I draw the worst member golfer at our course. I can't remember his handicap but it was in the 30's. They use a 80% rule with handicaps so I had to give him something like 25 strokes(at the time my son was around 12 years old and I didn't even come close to giving him that many strokes, lol)!

So we set a date and off we go. I couldn't have lost this match if I tried, basically pars were easily winning holes and at the turn I'm 6 up and thinking OK this will be over soon and I can still get home and mow the lawn or something. On the 9th green the guy goes "Man I'm starving and I have to grab something at the turn". I'm thinking he's going to grab a hotdog and we'll be off. He disappears into the restaurant and he's in there longer than to just grab a dog. I go in and he's got the menu in hand and ordering a full blown 7 course meal.

Now the guy was rather portly and I'm sure at his size he was likely starving after having to swing a golf club as many times as he did on the front 9, but a full blown sit down meal, are you kidding me, right in the middle of our match.

I didn't go off on him for two reasons. #1 He was a nice guy who just happened to suck really bad at golf. #2 It was the first round of the US Open that day so I sat down and watched the play while he got fatter and fatter.

Finally about 45 minutes later were off to the 10th tee and the match ended on hole #12. I still laugh about it, a big hefty guy that couldn't make it past 9 holes without a full blown sit down meal. And of course in the match I was walking carrying my own bag while he rode in a cart. Which was more than OK with me because if he ever tried to walk it I guarantee CPR would have been required and I wasn't doing mouth to mouth, lol!!!

45 minute lunch is crazy long. He should have had jerky and granola bars during the round.

As far as not losing if you tried, that's built into your 80% rule. If this guy was playing a legit handicap there was almost no chance of him winning if he didn't get all the strokes he merited. Because they are more consistent around their scoring average, lower handicaps have an automatic higher match win percentage. Take away a guy's strokes and it is pretty much a foregone conclusion.

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Sitting down for a meal is just insane to me.  And I hate hot pig rectum, so I always bring food.  I bring a couple pieces of fruit and a Luna bar.  Yes I know Luna bars are supposed to be for women but **** you they're delicious.  And a liter of water.  And four beers.  And cigarettes.  And a pill case with a couple of excedrin.  And tape in case of the rare instance where I get a blister.  And band aids.  And a few napkins.

Maybe I should be eating those Luna bars.

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Sitting down for a meal is just insane to me.  And I hate hot pig rectum, so I always bring food.  I bring a couple pieces of fruit and a Luna bar.  Yes I know Luna bars are supposed to be for women but **** you they're delicious.  And a liter of water.  And four beers.  And cigarettes.  And a pill case with a couple of excedrin.  And tape in case of the rare instance where I get a blister.  And band aids.  And a few napkins. Maybe I should be eating those Luna bars.

That is a lot to carry in yoga pants.

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After reading through this lot I am a non-golfer. LOL.

I reckon you're a golfer if have the enthusiasm,appetite and can't wait for your next tee off.

See yawl on the tee.

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45 minute lunch is crazy long. He should have had jerky and granola bars during the round.

As far as not losing if you tried, that's built into your 80% rule. If this guy was playing a legit handicap there was almost no chance of him winning if he didn't get all the strokes he merited. Because they are more consistent around their scoring average, lower handicaps have an automatic higher match win percentage. Take away a guy's strokes and it is pretty much a foregone conclusion.


Yeah the whole thing was more comical than anything. I think in the spirit of this thread the point was he wasn't much of a "Real Golfer" so bringing snacks with him to feed his enormous size was probably not in his psyche and I could have likely given him 35 shots and the match would have went a couple more holes.

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If your idea of playing real golf is playing 9 holes in the WED night league.....................I might call you out as a non-golfer!!

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Note: This thread is 2043 days old. We appreciate that you found this thread instead of starting a new one, but if you plan to post here please make sure it's still relevant. If not, please start a new topic. Thank you!

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