Daughter Plays Weekly but Isn't Committed

[Lihu]

Obvious answer is obvious.... Why isn't she on the Dan Plan already?

I wish.

[Pretzel]

Since she's competitive, maybe if you can convince her to play a couple (or even just one) non-school tournaments she would become more interested in improving and competing. I know the outside tournaments I played really motivated me, but it could also backfire and be discouraging if you get paired with a couple of crazy good golfers. It all depends on if she's the kind of person who then wants to put in the effort and beat them, or if she's the type who's competitive and would rather avoid losing.

[Lihu]

Since she's competitive, maybe if you can convince her to play a couple (or even just one) non-school tournaments she would become more interested in improving and competing. I know the outside tournaments I played really motivated me, but it could also backfire and be discouraging if you get paired with a couple of crazy good golfers. It all depends on if she's the kind of person who then wants to put in the effort and beat them, or if she's the type who's competitive and would rather avoid losing.

Her past has shown that she works pretty hard, but she has so many different interests. I'm really hoping that she keeps golf.

[DrvFrShow]

You're in So. Cal, right? When is Lexi playing down there? Take her to see Lexi. Lexi's a rock star.

[dfreuter415]

My daughter plays once a week, and hits pretty far. She can connect and make seriously impressive drives. She doesn't really have a positive attitude just before making a shot. Basically, she says "I can't chip" before making one. She seems to enjoy the weekly playing as a social event, but her coaches are trying to encourage her to play more often and improve her short game and long game consistency. Next year she is going to high school, and she does have the talent and distance to make a varsity team, but refuses to play/practice more than 3 hours a week. What would you do?

Lihu, This posting is "deja vu" for me. Our younger daughter, Kelly, showed an early interest in playing golf, and at age 11 began taking group lessons. I would then take her out once a week and play our own special game of golf. We both hit drives, then she would hit my drive and I would hit hers. Then Kelly got to pick the ball she wanted of the two, and we would play out the hole. Great fun for both of us.

As she got near high school, I got her private lessons with a local pro. We would then hit balls one day a week to reinforce the goals from her lesson, and then go out for ice cream.  I found that 18 holes many times would be too much for her to maintain concentration or that fun aspect of the game, so another day we would play 9 holes, play a little challenge match between the two of us, and then have lunch, dinner or a treat. So, in reality, she was golfing three days a week, and for the most part, it was fun for her.

As a freshman, Kelly made the varsity girls team as the number three player. Over the next four years she continued to get lessons, go to the range, and play 9 holes with her dad. By the time she was a junior, Kelly became the number one golfer on the team while playing the men's tees with me.  As a senior, she won her section title, and missed by one stroke of going to the state championships.

I do have to say that Kelly broke my heart when she decided not to golf in college, but she did get her MBA in five years and has a very good job in New York. Because of her location, Kelly only golfs a few times a year when she comes home to visit. But the fact that she got fundamentals at a young age, she can still hit the ball better than most men her age, and will shoot bogey golf without any problem.

Now, don't think that everything was rosy during this time, my daughter was "hormonally challenged" just like any teenager, but golf provided an outlet for us to connect both on and off the course. So, my suggestion to you would be to try and make golf fun and interesting. Invent little games when the two of you play and then go out for ice cream. Most of all, on the days that her golf is not too good and the hormones are flaring, remain calm and find a way to finish without too much confrontation between the two of you.  Best of luck.

I love this game!

[Lihu]

Lihu, This posting is "deja vu" for me. Our younger daughter, Kelly, showed an early interest in playing golf, and at age 11 began taking group lessons. I would then take her out once a week and play our own special game of golf. We both hit drives, then she would hit my drive and I would hit hers. Then Kelly got to pick the ball she wanted of the two, and we would play out the hole. Great fun for both of us.

As she got near high school, I got her private lessons with a local pro. We would then hit balls one day a week to reinforce the goals from her lesson, and then go out for ice cream.  I found that 18 holes many times would be too much for her to maintain concentration or that fun aspect of the game, so another day we would play 9 holes, play a little challenge match between the two of us, and then have lunch, dinner or a treat. So, in reality, she was golfing three days a week, and for the most part, it was fun for her.

As a freshman, Kelly made the varsity girls team as the number three player. Over the next four years she continued to get lessons, go to the range, and play 9 holes with her dad. By the time she was a junior, Kelly became the number one golfer on the team while playing the men's tees with me.  As a senior, she won her section title, and missed by one stroke of going to the state championships.

I do have to say that Kelly broke my heart when she decided not to golf in college, but she did get her MBA in five years and has a very good job in New York. Because of her location, Kelly only golfs a few times a year when she comes home to visit. But the fact that she got fundamentals at a young age, she can still hit the ball better than most men her age, and will shoot bogey golf without any problem.

Now, don't think that everything was rosy during this time, my daughter was "hormonally challenged" just like any teenager, but golf provided an outlet for us to connect both on and off the course. So, my suggestion to you would be to try and make golf fun and interesting. Invent little games when the two of you play and then go out for ice cream. Most of all, on the days that her golf is not too good and the hormones are flaring, remain calm and find a way to finish without too much confrontation between the two of you.  Best of luck.

I love this game!

Nice story for me to convey to her.

Thanks for sharing.

[rkim291968]

However, she's naturally talented at golf. It's a situation that's almost begging for some input. . .

Naturally talented for what end?  College scholarship?  LPGA?   Parents often over estimate their children's "talent."  Others will agree and even add to it when asked by wide eyed parents about their children's "talent."   So, be cautious about her talent level and your desire for her to do something with it.   World is full of misled parents who had dreams of their kids making it to NBA, NFL, PGA, ..... , a world boxing champion (in my case).

[turtleback]

My daughter plays once a week, and hits pretty far. She can connect and make seriously impressive drives. She doesn't really have a positive attitude just before making a shot. Basically, she says "I can't chip" before making one. She seems to enjoy the weekly playing as a social event, but her coaches are trying to encourage her to play more often and improve her short game and long game consistency.

Next year she is going to high school, and she does have the talent and distance to make a varsity team, but refuses to play/practice more than 3 hours a week.

What would you do?

Let her do what she wants.  You have more chance of ending up with a life-long golfer if she is not pressured to play more or pressured to put more focus on the game than she wants.

She is at an age where she should be increasingly making her own decisions,  If you don't let her make her own decision about something as minor as leisure activity how will she ever learn to make decisions about important things?  I'm not saying that you are doing this, but one of the worst things a parent can do is to force his kid into an activity so they can live vicariously through them.

They have to want to do it for themselves, not for you.

[Lihu]

Naturally talented for what end?  College scholarship?  LPGA?   Parents often over estimate their children's "talent."  Others will agree and even add to it when asked by wide eyed parents about their children's "talent."   So, be cautious about her talent level and your desire for her to do something with it.   World is full of misled parents who had dreams of their kids making it to NBA, NFL, PGA, ..... , a world boxing champion (in my case).

Fair enough. She's not the greatest player, she's about an 18 handicap playing off the standard (white) men's tees using the USGA male handicap criteria. BTW, our (me and her coaches) hope for her to make the high school varsity team.

Let her do what she wants.  You have more chance of ending up with a life-long golfer if she is not pressured to play more or pressured to put more focus on the game than she wants.

She is at an age where she should be increasingly making her own decisions,  If you don't let her make her own decision about something as minor as leisure activity how will she ever learn to make decisions about important things?  I'm not saying that you are doing this, but one of the worst things a parent can do is to force his kid into an activity so they can live vicariously through them.

They have to want to do it for themselves, not for you.

Thanks for the input. This is part of my fear as well.

[rkim291968]

Fair enough. She's not the greatest player, she's about an 18 handicap playing off the standard (white) men's tees using the USGA male handicap criteria. BTW, our (me and her coaches) hope for her to make the high school varsity team.

Does she want to make it, too?

[Lihu]

Does she want to make it, too?

I have no idea, right now she says she "hates" golf and yet still enjoys playing every weekend. I'm totally dumbfounded.

[rkim291968]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rkim291968

Does she want to make it, too?

I have no idea, right now she says she "hates" golf and yet still enjoys playing every weekend. I'm totally dumbfounded.

A lot of folks, including me, have love hate relationship with golf.  We love to play but hate the result (or practice - in my wife's case).

[Pretzel]

I would say that making it a fun event would always be a good idea. I used to do it with my grandpa where we would go golf nine holes, then spend the afternoon together. It made me like golf a whole lot more than I would have otherwise, and I honestly probably would have quite the sport by the time I was 8 if it hadn't been for the fact that I looked forward to doing it and spending time with my grandpa (it also helped that we usually got a Dairy Queen Blizzard afterwords).

[Undr Par]

Listen, Golf of all the sports is by far the hardest sport to conquer (if ever) you have to spend a lot of time and effort practicing and playing... Last I checked not 1 person has ever went out and shot a 80 or better having never played or practiced in some manner... She is still a child and she has other interests other then spending time practicing at her Golf game... Just a suggestion maybe when you play once a week with her don't mention the High School team, playing on it etc.... Talk about life, her interests, passions etc..... Maybe just maybe golf is your passion and not hers.... Ponder that for a second....

[Mr. Desmond]

Talk with her alone.

Ask questions about what she enjoys, what she likes about golf, what she doesn't like about it ... share what you like about it with her and what it means to you ... but let her talk. If she takes time to answer and you have awkward silence, just wait ... she is thinking.... some of her responses may promote sharing or showing her how to maintain a positive relaxed attitude on the course, and enjoy it.

[jshots]

You can't force that kind of thing. I don't really think you can even influence all that much at this point, and why should you? If she doesn't like it she doesn't like it... if you force her to play and she doesn't like it then you are just forcing her to live out your dream for her, and that is just shitty.

Give her the tools, let her come play with you, make it easy for her to play... Let her know that it takes hard work and dedication to be GOOD if that is what she wants, but in my opinion that is literally all you can do. If she likes something else more why force her to golf? Not that you are forcing it on her, but it's clear what you THINK she should do, and you most certainly don't want her to feel like she is disappointing you.

[Shorty]

Talk with her alone.

Ask questions about what she enjoys, what she likes about golf, what she doesn't like about it ... share what you like about it with her and what it means to you ... but let her talk. If she takes time to answer and you have awkward silence, just wait ... she is thinking.... some of her responses may promote sharing or showing her how to maintain a positive relaxed attitude on the course, and enjoy it.

Geez.....leave the poor girl alone.

She says she doesn't like golf. She doesn't need to be counselled or interrogated.

Children do not like deep and meaningful conversations about things that mean little to them.

And the fact that golf means a lot to the parent means nothing.

[Mr. Desmond]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shorty

Geez.....leave the poor girl alone.

She says she doesn't like golf. She doesn't need to be counselled or interrogated.

Children do not like deep and meaningful conversations about things that mean little to them.

And the fact that golf means a lot to the parent means nothing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lihu

My daughter plays once a week, and hits pretty far. She can connect and make seriously impressive drives. She doesn't really have a positive attitude just before making a shot. Basically, she says "I can't chip" before making one. She seems to enjoy the weekly playing as a social event, but her coaches are trying to encourage her to play more often and improve her short game and long game consistency.

Next year she is going to high school, and she does have the talent and distance to make a varsity team, but refuses to play/practice more than 3 hours a week.

What would you do?