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dave s

Golf can be a funny game when you play rounds with the wife ...

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Hope someone finds these short stories about playing golf with the wife humorous.  It's been an 'interesting' learning experience for my wife whose entering her 8th season playing.

Our first golf trip to FL: Club house fine, first tee box and first hole fine.  We tee off on #2, a dogleg left par 5.  As we approach the corner my wife sees the fairway is lined with homes. Screaming:  "Hey, you forgot to tell me they have HOUSES on golf courses!!!"  After she calmed down a bit, she rolled a 7-wood, then another, then another.  By this time she's at her boiling point but only 100 yards from the green.  WHAM!  A perfectly struck 7-wood shot that clears the green and ends up in the front yard of an elderly gentleman washing his Cadillac.  She says, "Guess YOU'RE going to have to get THAT one!"

Sometimes you just leave your game at home:  After 3 holes of not getting off the tee, rolling shots here and there and missing a short putt the wife says, "where the HELL is that beer lady?!!!"  Right on cue, the beverage cart pulls up behind us.  "Four Heinikens, please," my wife says to the cart girl.  Neither of us played very well that day, but boy did we have fun!

We're on a hole with a parallel fairway and the guys playing the next hole are in the tree line about 20 yards in front of us. Wife's ball is on the 1st cut of rough, just off the fairway right  and near the trees.  She stands there until one of the guys gives the her go-ahead to hit.  She smokes a 7-wood that hits a tree 20' up the trunk, riccochets off another tree and lands in the back of the guys' golf cart by their bags.  There was a longer than expected silence after the guys scattered, fell out of the cart and finally regrouped.  After locating her ball, the guy says, 'we're ok, but do you want to play it from here or take a drop?'  We all got a good laugh!

Playing the Longaberger course near Columbus, OH.  Honestly we were both overmatched by the course.  Unbelievably tricked up and unusually difficult course. After a downhill tee shot on a par-5 hole that rolled out huge and a 7-wood to short-iron range, the wife flushes a 9-rion that hits the bank just short of the elevated green.  The ball rolls down the bank and into the pond that guards the green.  "Can you F***ING BELIEVE THAT?" she screams and loudly enough for the group who just exited the green and made it to next tee box ahead of us to clearly hear.  Moments later, a cart returns to our fairway and a man with a wonderful British accent says loudly enough for both of us to hear, "Sir, if you ever divorce your wife I will marry her the very next day!"  We all got a huge laugh out of that.  Most people that we've played with over the years really appreciate my wife's game.  Always around 100 but plays as quickly and competently as anyone.

Last one, promise.

Hole #18 at my league course is a dogleg right par-4.  Beautiful finishing hole.  Target off the tee is clubhouse with practice green to the left of that.  Wife crushes a drive to right half of the fairway into perfect position to go for the green from about 130 yards.  I didn't make the corner and had to pitch out back into postion.  I'm walking off the fairway to the left and back to the cart when I hear, "WOOHOO, I'm on in TWO!!!"  Yep, right over the pond and onto the PRACTICE GREEN!  Thank God it was late in the day and nobody was on or near it practicing.  She pulls out the famous Phil Mickelson line, 'Oh my God, I'm SUCH AND IDIOT!!!' What a newb! We left her ball there, finished the hole and retrieved her ball as we exited the course. To this day, she still doesn't want to go back to that course!

Never a dull moment playing with the wife.  I'm just happy she loves the game, enjoys the outdoors and will play pretty much any time.

I'm happy to read any 'playing with the wife stories' you guys might have.  Post 'em up!

dave

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bro, that is awesome.  i am so jealous.  my golfing is a serious bone of contention between the two of us.

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Just now, colin007 said:

bro, that is awesome.  i am so jealous.  my golfing is a serious bone of contention between the two of us.

Trust me mate, I thought a LOT about my behavior before playing with my wife. Also, the first couple of years, when the game was really frustrating for her, somehow golf had to be fun and rewarding for her or she wouldn't be playing into her 8th year this season. 

dave

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Oh man, those stories had me chuckling and would have been laughing out loud except for the fact that I am at the office.

Still, wish I could interest wifey enough to start playing the game.  At least, she has no issues with me golfing, though my schedule only permits it once a week on either Saturday or Sunday

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I love hearing about a lady swearing like that...I think it's totally charming! Lol lol lol

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1 hour ago, pganapathy said:

Oh man, those stories had me chuckling and would have been laughing out loud except for the fact that I am at the office.

Still, wish I could interest wifey enough to start playing the game.  At least, she has no issues with me golfing, though my schedule only permits it once a week on either Saturday or Sunday

Golf is a hard game.  My wife was really self-conscious on the course her first 3 seasons.  We'd go to FL on golf trips each spring.  Some days we'd just practice to be outside in the warm weather.  At home, we go to a local course and chip and putt for short game practice.  We have contests-loser buys dinner on the way home.  She's turned into a pretty confident player.

When she first started playing, she thought everybody was nearly as good as the guys we see on TV.  I assured her that wasn't the case.  I'll still stop the cart so she can see other players shank iron shots from the fairway, drive the ball OB or into trees, roll shots and blade chip shots across the green. This certainly made her realize she had a lot of company and understand her game would get better with practice and course play.

Long process to see measurable improvement. She's definitely the outdoor type, moderately athletic and determined to  improve.  She broke 100 on a regulation course for the first time last year. 

dave

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My home course has a par 4 with a lake that has to be crossed to get to the green.  It's the shortest par 4 on the course, but my wife has never made it without at least one ball in the water.  We were playing a round during the winter about 8 or 9 years ago, and when we came to that hole, the pond was frozen.  She hit a really nice drive, and with the frozen fairways, the ball rolled down about 20 yards short of the lake.  She said, "Well, I should be able to bounce the ball across the lake today anyway."  She proceeded to hit a perfect 5 iron that rolled up to the middle of the green.  She turned and looked at me and said, "I hate this GD hole!!!"  It was the only time she ever cleared the lake in one shot.

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4 hours ago, colin007 said:

I love hearing about a lady swearing like that...I think it's totally charming! Lol lol lol

You should hear my soon to be wife swear on the golf course.  She would make a sailor blush with her mouth at times on the golf course.

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8 hours ago, dave s said:

Hope someone finds these short stories about playing golf with the wife humorous.  It's been an 'interesting' learning experience for my wife whose entering her 8th season playing.

Our first golf trip to FL: Club house fine, first tee box and first hole fine.  We tee off on #2, a dogleg left par 5.  As we approach the corner my wife sees the fairway is lined with homes. Screaming:  "Hey, you forgot to tell me they have HOUSES on golf courses!!!"  After she calmed down a bit, she rolled a 7-wood, then another, then another.  By this time she's at her boiling point but only 100 yards from the green.  WHAM!  A perfectly struck 7-wood shot that clears the green and ends up in the front yard of an elderly gentleman washing his Cadillac.  She says, "Guess YOU'RE going to have to get THAT one!"

Sometimes you just leave your game at home:  After 3 holes of not getting off the tee, rolling shots here and there and missing a short putt the wife says, "where the HELL is that beer lady?!!!"  Right on cue, the beverage cart pulls up behind us.  "Four Heinikens, please," my wife says to the cart girl.  Neither of us played very well that day, but boy did we have fun!

We're on a hole with a parallel fairway and the guys playing the next hole are in the tree line about 20 yards in front of us. Wife's ball is on the 1st cut of rough, just off the fairway right  and near the trees.  She stands there until one of the guys gives the her go-ahead to hit.  She smokes a 7-wood that hits a tree 20' up the trunk, riccochets off another tree and lands in the back of the guys' golf cart by their bags.  There was a longer than expected silence after the guys scattered, fell out of the cart and finally regrouped.  After locating her ball, the guy says, 'we're ok, but do you want to play it from here or take a drop?'  We all got a good laugh!

Playing the Longaberger course near Columbus, OH.  Honestly we were both overmatched by the course.  Unbelievably tricked up and unusually difficult course. After a downhill tee shot on a par-5 hole that rolled out huge and a 7-wood to short-iron range, the wife flushes a 9-rion that hits the bank just short of the elevated green.  The ball rolls down the bank and into the pond that guards the green.  "Can you F***ING BELIEVE THAT?" she screams and loudly enough for the group who just exited the green and made it to next tee box ahead of us to clearly hear.  Moments later, a cart returns to our fairway and a man with a wonderful British accent says loudly enough for both of us to hear, "Sir, if you ever divorce your wife I will marry her the very next day!"  We all got a huge laugh out of that.  Most people that we've played with over the years really appreciate my wife's game.  Always around 100 but plays as quickly and competently as anyone.

Last one, promise.

Hole #18 at my league course is a dogleg right par-4.  Beautiful finishing hole.  Target off the tee is clubhouse with practice green to the left of that.  Wife crushes a drive to right half of the fairway into perfect position to go for the green from about 130 yards.  I didn't make the corner and had to pitch out back into postion.  I'm walking off the fairway to the left and back to the cart when I hear, "WOOHOO, I'm on in TWO!!!"  Yep, right over the pond and onto the PRACTICE GREEN!  Thank God it was late in the day and nobody was on or near it practicing.  She pulls out the famous Phil Mickelson line, 'Oh my God, I'm SUCH AND IDIOT!!!' What a newb! We left her ball there, finished the hole and retrieved her ball as we exited the course. To this day, she still doesn't want to go back to that course!

Never a dull moment playing with the wife.  I'm just happy she loves the game, enjoys the outdoors and will play pretty much any time.

I'm happy to read any 'playing with the wife stories' you guys might have.  Post 'em up!

dave

I'd say she has a good attitude, which is one of the most important things I can think of in a playing partner.

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We're not the delicate flowers you think we are. *220 yd drive heading toward the water hazard on the right* "come back! come back! Oh f*** hell!"

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13 hours ago, jsgolfer said:

You should hear my soon to be wife swear on the golf course.  She would make a sailor blush with her mouth at times on the golf course.

 

17 hours ago, colin007 said:

I love hearing about a lady swearing like that...I think it's totally charming! Lol lol lol

Just so you guys know, my wife is a total sweetheart and very charming by nature.  But the competitive nature of her personality tends show up when playing golf.  When the ball went in the water, the 4-some of Brits ahead of us were gone and out of site.  Just not out of earshot, apparently!

In any event, they appreciated her response to a par-5 green in regulation gone bad.

dave

14 hours ago, Fourputt said:

My home course has a par 4 with a lake that has to be crossed to get to the green.  It's the shortest par 4 on the course, but my wife has never made it without at least one ball in the water.  We were playing a round during the winter about 8 or 9 years ago, and when we came to that hole, the pond was frozen.  She hit a really nice drive, and with the frozen fairways, the ball rolled down about 20 yards short of the lake.  She said, "Well, I should be able to bounce the ball across the lake today anyway."  She proceeded to hit a perfect 5 iron that rolled up to the middle of the green.  She turned and looked at me and said, "I hate this GD hole!!!"  It was the only time she ever cleared the lake in one shot.

Cute story.  Thanks for sharing one!  And yeah, there are courses my wife just doesn't like to play.  She seems to remember the bad holes on courses rather than the good ones!

dave

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A  decade or so ago we entered a 2-person mixed-team scramble.  Really gloomy day with drizzle as we teed off.  After one hole the rain became heavier and after putting out on #2, it really started coming down.

Wife: "Do you think we should head in?"

Me: "Heck no!"

Wife: "Why not? It is really raining hard."

Me: "Because right now almost every wife or girl friend on the course is asking the same question.  If we stick it out, half the field will have been eliminated."

We stayed. It cleared up.  We won.  ;-) 

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