The Friendless Golfer....

[Warfish]

So, sad as it is to admit, I have very very few friends, and fewer still who play Golf. Basicaly, my Brother is my only Golf-playing friend within 300 miles, and sadly for me he works a schedule directly in opposition to my own (for example, he works every Saturday and Sunday, I do not).

Which would be fine.....if I wasn't a huge Antisocial wuss who isn't fond of just rolling up to a course and getting paired with folks he doesn't know. Oh, and I am a 35+ Handicapper too (only played two rounds total since I retook up the game a month ago).

So here I am, I want to play and play somewhat regularly (twice a month at least), but my only playing partner has a crap job, cannot get time off, and I'm frankly tired of burning my own vacation time to hang out with him (running low anyway).

Yet I am socially inept, terrified of and uncomfortable with playing with strangers, and worse yet a damn poor golfer at this stage of the game.

And thanks to the anonymity of the interweb, I can admit such without the huge embarassment that would normally come along with it.

The trouble is, I don't know what to do about it. I'm 31, and at this stage I'm not sure how much I can change my inherant personality, and my brother isn't changing jobs anytime soon.

I don't know, maybe I'm just screwed.

[Norm66]

Wow, that's what you call a frank post. I definitely empathize because I started last August and at first stunk so bad I didn't want to inflict myself on anybody and ruin their round so I played a lot by myself. How I managed that was to find the soft-spots in the course's schedule. Times when there's essentially nobody else there. Then the weather got cold and the course turned to crap and nobody but me wanted to play so I had the whole place to myself. Even then there would still often be guys standing on the clubhouse porch and you just knew they were watching you top that first tee shot and then slice the 2nd one into the next fairway over. I was extremely self-conscious.

But now, only 9 months after I first stepped on a course, I still go by myself and often wind up paired with other players and really enjoy it. I've met some great people, especially some old-timers who are amazing golfers and really understanding about the mistakes newbies make.

My advice is to try and get out when you can play by yourself, hit the range a lot, take some lessons and in no time your game will be good enough to stand on its own and that should give you the confidence to play with other folks. And besides all that, just remember you'll probably never see them again so what if you embarass yourself a little bit.

Good luck.

[Dent]

Im a junior and i hate getting paired up also. I just dont like golfing with Junior Strangers. Yes sometimes ive gotten paired up and liked the person but for the most its just akward. I have a lot of playing partners, but you can either just play by yourself for now, or maybe you will get lucky, try and get paired up with someone and they may be just the right playing partner.

[GoingfortheGreen]

I consider myself a weekly golfer, and even my close friends that do play golf cannot get away and play every week. So, I am perfectly happy just showing up as a single and getting paired up. In fact I met my current playing partner (who also showed up as a single) at a local course. We've continued to play for three years.

My one suggestion is to be frank/honest when you're paired up with someone. Feel free to admit, "I'm just starting up again", "I'm a beginner", etc.

The majority of people I've played with are understanding of this fact, as everyone has been in this position before. To speed things along, you can be nice --

• By picking up if you've hit seven, eight shots, and you're still not on the green. Starting out I did this a lot.
  
  
• If you're out of the hole, tending the flagstick
  
  
• Etc. Etc.

Even if you're shooting high numbers, you can play quickly and not hold people up. It's really the small things that will be appreciated. Hope that helps...

[laconic517]

I feel clubs courses should have a single golfer signup thing or whatever. I have people to play with, but some of them can be kind of wishy washy and I almost never get a 4some together, usually 2 to 3 at most, so weekend rounds feel slow even if they are 4 hours. I dont mind being paired up at all, infact I enjoy playing with people I dont know becuase it gets sort of boring playing with the same people all the time. Maybe you should look for a beginners league or something, check around town or whatever, you may meet people there who would be good to golf with and you could gauge your progress against each other if you are relatively the same skill level. I knwo with me, I personally would play everyday if i could, and when given the chance I do, but it sucks not finding anyone who can play at that time when you really want to play.

[lamebums]

There's no problem with playing as a single - I find that my best rounds happen when I'm playing as a single, without someone to bother me about my alignment being all ****ed up, or something like that. Even more so, if the course is empty, foursomes are much more willing to let a single play through than a two or threesome.

Also, there's no problem with getting paired up--sure, it's hit and miss, but you can make up a lot of new golfing partners that way. Some you'll hate, and other's you'll hit it off immediately.

[$2 Nassau]

I know you don't want to hear this but.......Get out there and play. Yes, roll up to a course and get paired up. You'll find that the majority of golfers are high-handicappers that don't play very much. Or you may even get paired with a couple guys with the same sentiments as you.

If doing that is out of the question, then I suggest either playing very early or very late in the day. Sometimes I purposely show up at the course at 6:30pm as the pro shop is closing, knowing that I'll probably just barely squeeze 9 holes in, but that's okay because I can play by myself, work on some things, etc. without worrying about playing partners or a busy course.

Good luck.

By the way, I have very few friends as well, by choice. In general, people suck and they're annoying, so the hell with them.

[Ogg]

I am pretty much a single every weekend I play but by choice. I have to get out there early as possible. I have met some wonderful people that way. I used to have a regular foursome and that was a lot of fun as we always had a match. But I think the more that you get out there and play, the easier it will be to make friends, be social, and just have a good time.

Nothing succeeds like success.

[Jockstrap]

The only advice I can give you is practice, practice, practice. That way your confidence will soar like a sweetly struck 3 iron.

Go to the driving range, if you have a backyard practice chipping, putting etc. In no time you'll be confident in your game therefore worrying less about your performance in front of others.

[bornfishy]

So, sad as it is to admit, I have very very few friends, and fewer still who play Golf. Basicaly, my Brother is my only Golf-playing friend within 300 miles, and sadly for me he works a schedule directly in opposition to my own (for example, he works every Saturday and Sunday, I do not).

I wanna give you a big hug!

I understand how you feel - I'm very extrovert and sociable, but my little brother was exactly the same way as you, for years and years. Then he went to the gym, got built like a brick shit house, and is now on the verge of arrogant. Let golf be your gym! Let me preface (the remainder of) this post. I'm awful at golf. Crap. Useless. Woeful. Shambolic. Diabolical!!!!! I go myself, and luckily enough, I'm never paired up. Like one of the responders above, I find soft spots in the course schedule, and having been there a few times before, I now know when it's busy and when it's not. Even on 23 degree days in the middle of summer, it'll not always be busy. I always let people play through; today, I did the usual, and let two two-balls go in front. On the second tee, I caught up with them, and one asked me if I'd like to play along. I'd seen they were both beginners, like me - no handicap - and so I said yes. Duffed my first well left, took a second and it was crap. But it went past the ladies tee so I played on. And you know what? I had the best round ever with these two strangers (became three on the fourth hole). They weren't great, neither was I, but it was such great fun! And the great thing is, you don't have to talk loads - you're not sitting having a chat, you're playing golf. You don't need to worry about filling in silences, or thinking up topics of conversation. You're playing golf! When you hit a slice, that'll be the topic, when you hit a 200yd carry over water, that'll be the topic, etc. etc. Anyway, to conclude - enjoy being paired up. It's an opportunity to meet new playing partners; at the end of a round, don't be afraid to offer your number, or ask for theirs. If you've had a fun round together, they'll not say no. Sorry for the length. andy. Edit: And btw, if you're ever in Belfast (unlikely, I know) let me know! Only my work colleagues play golf, none of my friends!

[Shindig]

So, sad as it is to admit, I have very very few friends, and fewer still who play Golf. Basicaly, my Brother is my only Golf-playing friend within 300 miles, and sadly for me he works a schedule directly in opposition to my own (for example, he works every Saturday and Sunday, I do not).

I've never broken 100, and I hit big numbers at a 'easy' course. I find most people don't care, as long as I'm courteous and play quickly. My suggestion is to just give it a try: go and get paired up, play quickly, and play from the appropriate tees. I think that if you try this twice, you'll find that your playing partners - especially if they're a group of 2 or 3 - are probably more interested in each other than they are in you. I was extremely introverted until I was 18 years old. Few friends at school, very antisocial, etc. People who know me in college can't believe that I was ever like that. An alternate suggestion is to play par-3 and executive courses on weekdays if possible. They tend not to be busy and you can get out by yourself more often than not. You'll develop some confidence in your game, and then if you decide to try playing a regulation course with random-pairings, then the conversations will go like: "Great shot" "Thanks. [pause] Great shot to you too." "Thanks."

[Warfish]

I really appreciate all the advice and support. I know how silly it is (or can seem) to be so socially inept as this. The irony is that I've worked in Customer Service almost for my whole professional life, dealing directly with people almost all day long, every day. Who knows.

In any event, went to a local Course, a full length 9 Hole'r. Played the 9 one time, shot 47. Well, 47 without counting lost-ball penalty strokes (I know, cheesy, but it keeps it all from being too overwhelming for me). Played horrible thge first two holes, was very uncomfortable, lost 4 balls on those two holes alone.

And I guess I got used to the stress a bit, started playing a bit better, didn't lose any more balls, and even went legit Birdie (4 on a Par 5), Bogey (4 on a 3) and Birdie (3 on a 4) to finish the round rather pleasantly.

Played alone most of the 9, hooked up with a slow older couple (man and wife) on the last two holes. They were very nice folks, very pleasant and nice.

Thanks again for the support. It helps to know I'm not the only guy who may have felt this way at one point or another.

[Clubswinger21]

I play alot of golf by myself, I have lots of friends but only 2 that have clubs and like to play some what regularly. But they have full time jobs and life's of there own, and dont play nearly as much as me. I dont particularly like being paired up either because Id rather stretch, take my time, hit a few practice putts.. typically i get rushed and feel slightly awkward in a group im unfamiliar with. I have aquatance's who are also regulars at the course's i play who i sometimes see and join up with. On the other hand, if im asked by a couple weekend duffers I'll typically just say no, i have to stretch anyways because id rather not have to wait for them to find their ball on every hole. There is no rule that says you have to play in groups so i wouldnt be too worried about the situation if i was you.

[Snowman]

Well I am in the exact same boat as you. I am extremely socially challenged, always been and always will be, just my nature. I am just getting back in the game after a 7 year break, took time off when my wife and I started to expand the family.

My brother-inlaw has been my only constant playing partner, but he lives 6 hours away, so I do get to play with him about 5 times year. When I was younger, the circle of friends that I had after college played all the time. But eventually one by one they stopped playing, soon after they were married.

I absolutely hate walking on as a single, it seems ever group I join tells me how I should be crushing the ball due to my size. Sure I can hit my drive 320+ yards, but it is hard to have an open shot to the green from 2 fairways over to the right. My distances are typically 2 whole clubs shorter than average. On a par 3, when the rest of my foursome have a pitching wedge in their hands, I will go with an 8.

I just moved into Virginia a couple of years ago, so my friends list is pretty empty at this point. Plenty of aquantances that always say we need to get out and golf, but it never pans out.

Now that I am 37, I am starting to feel that time is running out to improve my game to a respectable level, soon enough the advancement of age will catch up to me, so I am concentrating on becoming a better ball striker to lower my scores.

If you are anywhere close to Fredericksburg and want to meet up for a round, just let me know. I am always trying to find someone to golf with.

[JKilgore44]

Hey man, don't worry about "hurting" someone elses game because of your own. Remember, Golf is a gentlemans sport, and I assure you that anyone you're paired with will be more than willing to help you along the way. If they don't, then they're probably just a jerk.

[illmadden]

I feel your pain, man. Other than my Dad and brother-in-law, everyone else I know doesn't golf. What makes it worse is that both of them live over 500 miles away from me. So the only time I play is during the holidays we get together. But this year, I made it a point to play more. Here's two ways you can find some other golfers to play with:

First, hit the driving range for two reasons: 1) to get some practice and 2) you can scope out other golfers at the range that are around your level. Once you find someone you feel comfortable with golf wise, use the stall next to him/her and start a conversation. From there, you can find out if you would feel comfortable playing a round with them or not.

Another thing you can do is see if your friends acquaintances play. My new golf partner was a friend of my wife's friends husband. Out of the blue, I called my wife's friend up to see if her husband was interested in playing golf. We aren't close at all. The last time I spoke with him was over a year ago. It just so happened that he invited his friend to play along with us. Long story short, two guy's that I shoot with I didn't even know at the beginning of the season.

And I know some guy's stated that they don't mind playing alone, but I like to play with a group...just in case you hit that hole in one, you have witnesses! haha.
Well, hope everything works out of you. The best thing to do is practice more because the more you feel confident, the more you won't care who they pair you up with...

[DM4UGA]

Hey warfish, I understand your concern. But, I'm no good.... and I figured out after playing with a couple people and seeing the people in front and behind me play...... guess what..... most everyone out on the course sucks. It takes alot of pressure off of you once you see the guy in front of you top 3 shots off the tee before finally slicing one into the woods and taking off in the cart to go find it. Get out there and enjoy yourself.

[smlxl]

You definitely aren't the only one who feels this way. If you can, separate your social self-consciousness from worrying about your game. If you work in CS, you definitely can get on with folks on a golf course... at least you start out knowing that you share a common interest. As far as being a beginner goes, remember that *everyone* you'll ever play with started out in the same boat. I play as a single a lot and courtesy and reasonable pace matter, skill-level does not.

When I first started out, I played a style I call "I wish I was as good as...". I'd hit every shot, but if I hit one OB or in the rough, I'd pick up and drop near the best shot of the group. It's a much less frustrating (and more quick) way to play. You still hit every type of shot, make sure you putt out, etc. You build confidence hitting less challenging shots while removing the additional pressure of keeping score and it shows your partners you're considerate of pace. To this day, I'll still play like this on an off day, just to practice specific approach shots, etc.

Whichever path you take, it's good to hear you're getting out there and working through it... just remember to have fun!