Trying Too Hard at Golf

[Hugh Jars]

Hello all,

Do you think there is such a thing as trying too hard to be good at golf? I feel like my enormous, constant efforts to improve have started to become counter-productive. I do some form of practice or play nearly every day yet my scores aren’t really improving. I’m completely emotionally invested in the game. Even at home in my spare time I watch golf on tv, read golf mags or golf books (especially mental game books), think golf…it never stops. Ive invested a lot in the game too - memberships, equipment, lessons, gadgets…I have researched getting more involved in other hobbies but nothing grabs me like this game does. 

I really enjoy the process of practicing - I love being out there hitting balls and on the range I get into really good grooves hitting the ball consistently. But I think I’ve developed these expectations that my efforts and emotional/time/financial investment should be correlating to improved performance, and when I don’t play well I get down on myself. To the point that I used to shy away from playing on course as I see it as an assessment of my efforts. 

I play competitive golf regularly now - I have a competition tomorrow - but to be honest I still get anxious about walking off with bugger all stableford points to show for my massive investment in the game. It feels humiliating.

I love the game and I have immersed myself completely in it because of this (why else would a 22 handicapper even be on these forums!) but if anyone could help me deal mentally with not performing to expectations or even helping me lose my expectations when playing that would be appreciated. Would be great to hear from anyone who can relate to my conundrum.

Thanks in advance!

Edited July 10, 2021 by Andy Capped

[billchao]

It sounds to me that your problem isn’t that you’re trying too hard to be good at golf, but rather that you’re spending a lot of energy on the wrong things and that’s why you’re not getting better.

What do you do when you practice?

[onthehunt526]

7 minutes ago, Andy Capped said:

Hello all,

Do you think there is such a thing as trying too hard to be good at golf? I feel like my enormous, constant efforts to improve have started to become counter-productive. I do some form of practice or play nearly every day yet my scores aren’t really improving. I’m completely emotionally invested in the game. Even at home in my spare time I watch golf on tv, read golf mags or golf books (especially mental game books), think golf…it never stops. Ive invested a lot in the game too - memberships, equipment, lessons, gadgets…I have researched getting more involved in other hobbies but nothing grabs me like this game does. 

I really enjoy the process of practicing - I love being out there hitting balls and on the range I get into really good grooves hitting the ball consistently. But I think I’ve developed these expectations that my efforts and emotional/time/financial investment should be correlating to improved performance, and when I don’t play well I get down on myself. To the point that I used to shy away from playing on course as I see it as an assessment of my efforts. 

I play competitive golf regularly now - I have a competition tomorrow - but to be honest I still get anxious about walking off with bugger all stableford points to show for my massive investment in the game. It feels humiliating.

I love the game and I have immersed myself completely in it because of this (why else would a 22 handicapper even be on these forums!) but if anyone could help me deal mentally with not performing to expectations or even helping me lose my expectations when playing that would be appreciated. Would be great to hear from anyone who can relate to my conundrum.

Thanks in advance!

Dude you are kicking your own ass before you even start. 22 Handicap your head is getting in the way. Just play one shot at a times. You get 25, correct? So just score the best you can on each hole and don’t make a 7.

[Big Lex]

4 minutes ago, Andy Capped said:

Hello all,

Do you think there is such a thing as trying too hard to be good at golf? I feel like my enormous, constant efforts to improve have started to become counter-productive. I do some form of practice or play nearly every day yet my scores aren’t really improving. I’m completely emotionally invested in the game. Even at home in my spare time I watch golf on tv, read golf mags or golf books (especially mental game books), think golf…it never stops. Ive invested a lot in the game too - memberships, equipment, lessons, gadgets…I have researched getting more involved in other hobbies but nothing grabs me like this game does. 

I really enjoy the process of practicing - I love being out there hitting balls and on the range I get into really good grooves hitting the ball consistently. But I think I’ve developed these expectations that my efforts and emotional/time/financial investment should be correlating to improved performance, and when I don’t play well I get down on myself. To the point that I used to shy away from playing on course as I see it as an assessment of my efforts. 

I play competitive golf regularly now - I have a competition tomorrow - but to be honest I still get anxious about walking off with bugger all stableford points to show for my massive investment in the game. It feels humiliating.

I love the game and I have immersed myself completely in it because of this (why else would a 22 handicapper even be on these forums!) but if anyone could help me deal mentally with not performing to expectations or even helping me lose my expectations when playing that would be appreciated. Would be great to hear from anyone who can relate to my conundrum.

Thanks in advance!

Depends on your personality but for me, yes there definitely is such a thing as trying too hard. I identify with many things you say; it applies to players of all levels. Why else would someone like Bryson DeChambeau say “I hate golf”? 
 

My entire life has been about working toward things, achieving, mostly with education and work. At 56, I am very happy with all I’ve done in my life. I am also exhausted:) I approach all of my hobbies the same way, and I’ve learned that sometimes trying less hard can give not only more enjoyment, but even better performance. 
 

I would never advise anyone to quit or to not practice or try hard at something if that’s what they want to do. But if it’s leisure, there is nothing wrong with letting go and not caring for a while, if even to just take a breather. 

[onthehunt526]

23 minutes ago, Andy Capped said:

Hello all,

Do you think there is such a thing as trying too hard to be good at golf? I feel like my enormous, constant efforts to improve have started to become counter-productive. I do some form of practice or play nearly every day yet my scores aren’t really improving. I’m completely emotionally invested in the game. Even at home in my spare time I watch golf on tv, read golf mags or golf books (especially mental game books), think golf…it never stops. Ive invested a lot in the game too - memberships, equipment, lessons, gadgets…I have researched getting more involved in other hobbies but nothing grabs me like this game does. 

I really enjoy the process of practicing - I love being out there hitting balls and on the range I get into really good grooves hitting the ball consistently. But I think I’ve developed these expectations that my efforts and emotional/time/financial investment should be correlating to improved performance, and when I don’t play well I get down on myself. To the point that I used to shy away from playing on course as I see it as an assessment of my efforts. 

I play competitive golf regularly now - I have a competition tomorrow - but to be honest I still get anxious about walking off with bugger all stableford points to show for my massive investment in the game. It feels humiliating.

I love the game and I have immersed myself completely in it because of this (why else would a 22 handicapper even be on these forums!) but if anyone could help me deal mentally with not performing to expectations or even helping me lose my expectations when playing that would be appreciated. Would be great to hear from anyone who can relate to my conundrum.

Thanks in advance!

The bigger question is: do you have fun in your weekly comps? If you are, that’s half the battle. 
 

Personally if I can give up, say 20 yards and not give a f@ck about it, I hit the ball better, and my foul balls aren’t so foul. I shot 78 today, which is on the higher end of my average, but I hit the ball well and the things I’m working with my coach on are coming around. I feel a 65 coming on if my putter would ever cooperate…

The way I see it, if you have fun playing, and are practicing the right skills at the proper ratios, you will get better.

Edited July 10, 2021 by onthehunt526

[Hugh Jars]

59 minutes ago, Big Lex said:

Depends on your personality but for me, yes there definitely is such a thing as trying too hard. I identify with many things you say; it applies to players of all levels. Why else would someone like Bryson DeChambeau say “I hate golf”? 
 

My entire life has been about working toward things, achieving, mostly with education and work. At 56, I am very happy with all I’ve done in my life. I am also exhausted:) I approach all of my hobbies the same way, and I’ve learned that sometimes trying less hard can give not only more enjoyment, but even better performance. 
 

I would never advise anyone to quit or to not practice or try hard at something if that’s what they want to do. But if it’s leisure, there is nothing wrong with letting go and not caring for a while, if even to just take a breather. 

I can relate, mate. Every career pursuit I’ve had I’ve gone at it full tilt, but now I’ve relaxed with that and just enjoy doing my profession. Every hobby too - music, other sports - I was equally obsessed with tennis and cricket at one stage. 

I come from a family of perfectionists. My brother is a highly acclaimed classical musician, sister is a doctor. And they have their own hobby obsessions too - CrossFit and cycling. It’s absolutely all or nothing for us.

Edited July 10, 2021 by Andy Capped

[mcanadiens]

If I were keeping an HI right now, it would probably be the same as yours.

I don't know you, but for me every response to adversity is to try harder. It works in a lot of the things I do, but golf isn't one of them.

Tension is a killer. It isn't any coincidence that my best rounds relate directly to times where I'm relaxed (not that I have any idea how at this point).

Focus, but focus without the anger-tinged effort is a key. I still can't get there,

If you figure it out let me know.

[Shorty]

Australian golf perspective here.

Here's the best antidote to this problem. Accept the fact that no-one else could care less about your scores.

Just say you had 40 points. Great. Maybe win C Grade. $40 voucher or whatever it is.

Then.......notice that someone off 4 had 39 points. Did you beat him? Maybe. Maybe not. Does anyone really care? No.

Here's some food for thought....

Have you ever played with someone whose card you weren't marking and at the end of the round discover that thay just had 41 points, or 37 points? But if someone asked you on the 18th tee how that person was going you'd think maybe around 30? Because you remember him wiping two holes in a row early on? You didn't notice and he didn't notice your scoring.

No-one else cares. You have to care enough to motivate yourself but not so much that you place unrealistic expectations on yourself.

Just say that after 7 holes you've had 9 points. Readjust your target. Make your target 30. I guarantee that if you get 30 or even 29 you'll feel just as good as getting 36. We always think that less than 36 is a fail. It isn't. Or.... make your goal each round to make it a flagged round on your handicap. You'll find that you've got a few 32s in there, most probably. So, a flagged round of 33 is actually a win.

My philosophy is that anything over 30 is OK and anything less is not, but start each round with zero expectations.

Edited July 10, 2021 by Shorty

[Hugh Jars]

12 minutes ago, Shorty said:

Australian golf perspective here.

Here's the best antidote to this problem. Accept the fact that no-one else could care less about your scores.

Just say you had 40 points. Great. Maybe win C Grade. $40 voucher or whatever it is.

Then.......notice that someone off 4 had 39 points. Did you beat him? Maybe. Maybe not. Does anyone really care? No.

Here's some food for thought....

Have you ever played with someone whose card you weren't marking and at the end of the round discover that thay just had 41 points, or 37 points? But if someone asked you on the 18th tee how that person was going you'd think maybe around 30? Because you remember him wiping two holes in a row early on? You didn't notice and he didn't notice your scoring.

No-one else cares. You have to care enough to motivate yourself but not so much that you place unrealistic expectations on yourself.

Just say that after 7 holes you've had 9 points. Readjust your target. Make your target 30. I guarantee that if you get 30 or even 29 you'll feel just as good as getting 36. We always think that less than 36 is a fail. It isn't. Or.... make your goal each round to make it a flagged round on your handicap. You'll find that you've got a few 32s in there, most probably. So, a flagged round of 33 is actually a win.

My philosophy is that anything over 30 is OK and anything less is not, but start each round with zero expectations.

I also see 30 points as a mark of success. If someone said “tomorrow you’re scoring 30 points” Id take that any day. Ive had rounds scoring 15 and 18 points and wanted to give the game away lol. But saying that, I don’t really care too much what others think because the guys I play with at my club are my type - just big tryers. That’s probably why we are mates. It’s the self-criticism of my own game that’s the hardest. Im very hard on myself. Have been forever.

Id just like to walk up to the tee box with zero expectations. Easier said than done for me.

Edited July 10, 2021 by Andy Capped

[ncates00]

1 hour ago, Andy Capped said:

22 handicapper

 

1 hour ago, Andy Capped said:

anyone could help me deal mentally with not performing to expectations or even helping me lose my expectations when playing that would be appreciated.

A 22 handicapper shouldn’t even be thinking about the mental side of the game right now because, no offense intended, it’s the least of your issues. 
 

Get a good swing instructor and get a good swing. Also, when you practice, work on the right things; it does you no good to beat balls for hours and ingraining bad habits even deeper. As you get better, you can then blend in some mental aspects (and regarding that, I’m mostly referring to game planning and managing your way around the course—not “nerves” or attitude, etc.).
 

You aren’t a 22 because you’re not mentally strong; you’re a 22 because your ability is that of a 22. The same is true for everyone, regardless of their ability level. So to recap, my advice would be to improve your golf swing. Don’t look for an excuse for a lack of performance by blaming it on the mental game—it’s not going to help you.
 

Trust me, I’ve been there and done it. All that is, is an attempt to pad your ego and make you feel a little better by dodging the simple fact that we’re not as good as we think we are. 
 

Best of luck 👍

Also, it sounds like you might be hopping around to lots of different things in an attempt to get better. Commit to a great teacher and don’t deviate. Quit watching instructional videos on TV or YouTube. Don’t read magazines. Truly commit to the lessons you’re paying for. Other wise, you’re wasting your time and money, as well as the instructor’s time. You can be golf crazy like the rest of us whilst adhering to good practice habits through a steadfast commitment to the instructor you’ve chosen and working diligently on the things that YOU need to work on. 

[mcanadiens]

29 minutes ago, ncates00 said:

Get a good swing instructor and get a good swing.

Well. Isn't that quite a thing then.

I spent a lot of money on "good instructors" and went from near bogey golf to f--k all.

Not that easy.

[ncates00]

21 minutes ago, mcanadiens said:

Well. Isn't that quite a thing then.

I spent a lot of money on "good instructors" and went from near bogey golf to f--k all.

Not that easy.

Read the next sentence, not just the part you quoted. Don’t just cherry pick statements. 👍
 

Of course it’s not easy. Not many things worth doing are easy, but it helps if you get the right help along the way and work on the right things. 

Edited July 10, 2021 by ncates00

[onthehunt526]

30 points would be good tomorrow.

It’s anecdote @Shorty. 😄

Edited July 10, 2021 by onthehunt526

[mcanadiens]

11 minutes ago, ncates00 said:

Read the next sentence. 
 

Of course it’s not easy. Not many things worth doing are easy, but it helps if you get the right help along the way and work on the right things. 

Fine.

"Practice the right things" Right? That's the sentence you are talking about? Is that what the guy I paid a lot of money was supposed to help me with?

It is truly a testament to the intoxicating nature of golf that I even still play this game.

The best I can do with those lessons and money I spent is figure they never really happened.

Edited July 10, 2021 by mcanadiens

[onthehunt526]

4 minutes ago, mcanadiens said:

Fine.

"Practice the right things" Right? That's the sentence you are talking about? Is that what the guy I paid a lot of money was supposed to help me with?

It is truly a testament to the intoxicating nature of golf that I even still play this game.

The best I can do with those lessons and money I spent is figure they never really happened.

Stay out of the shit, call the zoo… that might lower your handicap before some of these instructors… My coach actually keeps it pretty simply, works with a lot of juniors, so I’m not over mechanical in my lessons. 
 

I swing my swing… that’s all you can do.

[mcanadiens]

16 minutes ago, onthehunt526 said:

Stay out of the shit, call the zoo…

I really have no idea how to interpret that.

Suffice to say that I'm done paying $100 plus for 30 frigging minutes for a guy to tell me how to do stuff that doesn't work.

I'll either dig it out of the dirt myself or I won't.

 

[Billy Z]

IMO, you are making golf way too important, it's just a freaking game! There is a mental lesson in what I said that will benefit your enjoyment and your score. Just go out and relax, do put pressure on yourself, and enjoy the round. It's a game and you are not making a living off it. If you can't relax and enjoy the 'game' you are playing, it's time to find a new hobby. 

[StuM]

4 hours ago, mcanadiens said:

Suffice to say that I'm done paying $100 plus for 30 frigging minutes

$100 for 30 minutes sounds high. I can get a package of 4 lessons for $230 which is @ $58 per lesson.  And he is good. Occasionally they run a special buy 4 get 1 free so that was @ $46 each when I did them earlier this year.