How Much Golf Is Too Much?

[ChetlovesMer]

24 minutes ago, Bman said:

To her, it's a huge waste of time and money smacking a ball around.

Really at their core all sports are a waste of time. What's the point of running a ball across a goal line? Or hitting a ball and then touching 3 bases and a plate? Or tossing a ball through a loop of metal with some kind of rope net hanging off of it? 

That's kind of the point to sports is that there's really nothing of significance hanging in the balance. 

I mean if you want to take your wife's argument to an extreme... Why eat food that tastes good? Just eat the cheapest food that staves off your hunger. Why live in a house that's anything more than just basic shelter against the weather? Why drive a car that's anything more than basic transportation? Why suffer that tax penalty of being married to somebody? 

I like to think part of living life is finding ways to enjoy life. 

Unless there's more to this story or unless the way you are describing it isn't accurate, you seem completely reasonable in spending time on a hobby you enjoy. 

[Double Mocha Man]

1 hour ago, ChetlovesMer said:

Really at their core all sports are a waste of time. What's the point of running a ball across a goal line? Or hitting a ball and then touching 3 bases and a plate? Or tossing a ball through a loop of metal with some kind of rope net hanging off of it? 

That's kind of the point to sports is that there's really nothing of significance hanging in the balance. 

I mean if you want to take your wife's argument to an extreme... Why eat food that tastes good? Just eat the cheapest food that staves off your hunger. Why live in a house that's anything more than just basic shelter against the weather? Why drive a car that's anything more than basic transportation? Why suffer that tax penalty of being married to somebody? 

I like to think part of living life is finding ways to enjoy life. 

Unless there's more to this story or unless the way you are describing it isn't accurate, you seem completely reasonable in spending time on a hobby you enjoy. 

Agreed.  Sports (and reading, eating well, theater, a few other things) are what make living in the 21st century civilized world so much fun... and bearable.  Sports (playing or watching) have zero importance in the bigger picture but are a great diversion.  Go Hawks.

[iacas]

2 hours ago, Bman said:

There's a big difference

You took my response way too seriously.

😄

Thank you for adding the avatar!

[Double Mocha Man]

3 hours ago, Bman said:

- Definitely complained, not just poking fun.

- Yes, talked several times, told her it's a hobby that I love, she said we should pick up a new lobby that both can do, not just me by myself.  I tried to get her to play the game several times, she just doesn't like it.

- Enlist her help? it's extremely rare that someone even agree to this. She had been to the range various times and actually played golf various times over the years, I've tried to get her back into the game every few years but she could never get any interest, she considered everything related to golf is huge waste of money and time.

Asked her why it bothers her? yes, she said she doesn't like it that I spend time and money on a hobby that she has no interest in. 

Regarding time:  As mentioned earlier, I play hardly once a week, and always book tee time on the day she's working so she's never home alone when I'm out golfing.

We also had several arguments over the money, she hated that I "waste" so much money in golf.  I've spent less than $2000/year on green fees, I've only purchased 2 sets of clubs in 25+ years playing (current set is over 12 yrs old, I go the the range maybe once a month.  And it's not like we have any kind of money issue, we're actually financially well off, I'm an executive making over 200K/year, we have no debt and also have decent amount of funds in savings & investments, the amount of gifts (BD, anni, xmas, etc.)  I buy for her every year is at least 4X my golf expenses.  

We've been getting into a fight every time we talk about golf which is getting very frustrating.  Anyone else has constant fight with their spouses because of golf?

Bless her heart but your wife sounds extremely frugal (you can't take it with you) and a bit controlling.  Tell her that you play for the exercise and the mental health.  Also, it's not mutually exclusive... you can both take up a hobby together, in addition to your golf.  Has she suggested what that might be?

[dennyjones]

2 hours ago, Double Mocha Man said:

Bless her heart

I didn't know you were from the South?

When my wife and I were first married, she approached my activities as the OP's wife.    I continually tried to get her involved in something she enjoyed separate from myself.   It took years before she felt less threatened from my activities.    Now it's like, "Aren't you late for your tee time?"   

I completely understand your situation.   

[WillieT]

Interesting thread - I have to say my wife loves that I play and she joins in from time to time.  Today was a perfect example of her joining in - it was her day off from teaching, our grandson was out of school, so we headed to the course for a very casual 18.  We played from the most fwd tees and had a blast.  She told me it was one of the most fun rounds ever and that she believes she would love a par 3 course.  That’ll be our next adventure.  It’s about finding a good balance and we seem to have ours when it comes to golf. 

[Double Mocha Man]

19 minutes ago, WillieT said:

Interesting thread - I have to say my wife loves that I play and she joins in from time to time.  Today was a perfect example of her joining in - it was her day off from teaching, our grandson was out of school, so we headed to the course for a very casual 18.  We played from the most fwd tees and had a blast.  She told me it was one of the most fun rounds ever and that she believes she would love a par 3 course.  That’ll be our next adventure.  It’s about finding a good balance and we seem to have ours when it comes to golf. 

Now go home and carve those jack-o-lanterns...

[wacker]

I didn't take up golf until I retired at the age of 57. It is the ideal sport to keep you fit, gives you fresh air, and best of all I get to spend time with friends and have a laugh. I should also mention it get's me away from the wife, as I believe all men need to do that. Unfortunately my body will only allow me to play three or four times a week at the most, and te UK weather is a factor as well 

[Nyrangers1022]

Fortunately my wife doesn't care how much I golf. We are both in our mid 30s.  She doesn't play but loves tagging along and driving the cart.  Shes there to drink a few cocktails, look for balls in the woods with a retriever and make fun of my game.  We even went on a cruise to Bermuda this summer and let me play at Port Royal while she tagged along as well.   

Im off weekends and she works 95% of weekends so those are wide open for me

Edited December 4, 2022 by Nyrangers1022

[TourSpoon]

My wife has no interest in golf and has no problem with me playing twice a week (also empty nesters). She really doesn't understand golf, but she is happy for me that I have something that I really like to do that is independent of her. She has a career and Saturdays is her day to get caught up with her stuff and encourages me to play as much as I can.  Sunday is our day and we ride the motorcycle, mountain bike, hang with friends, and just spend quality time together. With Covid coming to an end, she will be travelling more and had the idea to get me a Club Glove travel bag so that I can go to conferences with her and play while she works and then we can hang together at night. I was talking to her today and I have been entertaining taking an early retirement and she said that if I do, I would need to be playing 3-4 days a week because she works from home and can't be entertaining me 24/7.  She has her things, I got mine, but we have plenty together since we are empty nesters. 

On 10/31/2022 at 2:35 PM, Bman said:

Asked her why it bothers her? yes, she said she doesn't like it that I spend time and money on a hobby that she has no interest in. 

I am not sure why she cares about this so much. Does she really have to approve of how you spend your time? It is not like you are going to a bar getting smashed. 

On 10/31/2022 at 2:35 PM, Bman said:

Regarding time:  As mentioned earlier, I play hardly once a week, and always book tee time on the day she's working so she's never home alone when I'm out golfing.

Maybe you are just being too considerate. This to me doesn't even count. 

On 10/31/2022 at 2:35 PM, Bman said:

We also had several arguments over the money, she hated that I "waste" so much money in golf.  I've spent less than $2000/year on green fees, I've only purchased 2 sets of clubs in 25+ years playing (current set is over 12 yrs old, I go the the range maybe once a month.  And it's not like we have any kind of money issue, we're actually financially well off, I'm an executive making over 200K/year, we have no debt and also have decent amount of funds in savings & investments, the amount of gifts (BD, anni, xmas, etc.)  I buy for her every year is at least 4X my golf expenses.  

I cannot believe that a grown man who is well into 6 figures is getting beat up for spending 2k a year and playing with clubs from the 2010s. I really thought that you were putting us on with this whole topic when I read this paragraph. 

On 10/31/2022 at 2:35 PM, Bman said:

We've been getting into a fight every time we talk about golf which is getting very frustrating.  Anyone else has constant fight with their spouses because of golf?

No. Not even in my previous marriage. Back then, I was a tee-off at the crack and run around the course and get back before 11 am guy and it wasn't an issue.  I am not sure why you are getting so much grief over doing something that is important to you. This having to approve of a mainstream, healthy hobby that makes you happy, is just puzzling to me, especially as an empty nester. 

[Greg 504]

I play 3-5 times a week without any issue. Wife supports and encourages me to play frequently to stay active since I'm retired now.

Bman, as you have explained it, you have been very reasonable and I certainly can't think of a reason why one would be upset with the infrequent amount of play given everything as outlined. Without speculating, I'm not sure any of us can help with what may be eating at your wife about you playing.

I hope you can find a common ground and pick up some play time in 2023. Good luck!

[Double Mocha Man]

Bman... all of this does not sound good.  Your wife sounds selfish... can she find a hobby where she gets to chat with her friends, do something physical, feel exhilarated afterwards?

I hope you have a good pre-nup.

[TourSpoon]

16 hours ago, Double Mocha Man said:

I hope you have a good pre-nup.

Fair game comment when one dares to post on an online forum.  I think a lot of guys here would have some marital issues if they caught heat for sneaking out for a once-a-week round during the spouse's work hours. I can't think of how you could be anymore considerate than not impacting her time with you than that. I wonder if her activities all happen when he's at work. 

I played twice this week (Thursday/Saturday) and practiced twice in the house on the sim. I have a great wife and honestly, if we spent every waking moment together, we would be exercising that pre-nup in about 2 weeks. We have a great balance of me time and together time. (which is most of the time since we are empty nesters). When we are together, it gives us more to talk about. 

[wacker]

On 11/1/2022 at 12:10 AM, WillieT said:

Interesting thread - I have to say my wife loves that I play and she joins in from time to time.  Today was a perfect example of her joining in - it was her day off from teaching, our grandson was out of school, so we headed to the course for a very casual 18.  We played from the most fwd tees and had a blast.  She told me it was one of the most fun rounds ever and that she believes she would love a par 3 course.  That’ll be our next adventure.  It’s about finding a good balance and we seem to have ours when it comes to golf. 

If my wife took up golf I would pack it in