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How Much Golf Is Too Much?


Bman

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I've been golfing for about 25 years, first 10 years didn't play much, mostly just company tourneys, then I got better and got hooked on it, started playing more often.  About 10 years ago, I started playing about once a week, but my wife kept complaining that I played too much so I cut down to twice a month since then.

During Covid (2020 & 2021) I barely played at all, started playing again this summer, and got back to playing 1 round a week (either Sat or Sun).  My wife got used to me not playing in the last 2 years and now complains that I golf too much.  To be fair, I had encouraged her to take up golf, she tried but didn't like it.  I've never complained about her regular frequent visits to shopping malls, hair salons, nail salons, spas, etc.  as a matter of fact I've always encourage it.

BTW we're now empty nesters, no kids to take care of, and I do most of the cooking & cleaning in our house. 

For those whose wives are not golfer, is 1 round a week too much?  How often do most people play?

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2 hours ago, Bman said:

For those whose wives are not golfer, is 1 round a week too much?  How often do most people play

I can't help you, my wife is a golf nut just as I am.  She very rarely begrudge me my days on the course, or my trips with friends, and I don't complain when she gets to go on a golf trip with friends.  Good luck in finding the balance that works for you.

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5 hours ago, Bman said:

I've been golfing for about 25 years, first 10 years didn't play much, mostly just company tourneys, then I got better and got hooked on it, started playing more often.  About 10 years ago, I started playing about once a week, but my wife kept complaining that I played too much so I cut down to twice a month since then.

During Covid (2020 & 2021) I barely played at all, started playing again this summer, and got back to playing 1 round a week (either Sat or Sun).  My wife got used to me not playing in the last 2 years and now complains that I golf too much.  To be fair, I had encouraged her to take up golf, she tried but didn't like it.  I've never complained about her regular frequent visits to shopping malls, hair salons, nail salons, spas, etc.  as a matter of fact I've always encourage it.

BTW we're now empty nesters, no kids to take care of, and I do most of the cooking & cleaning in our house. 

For those whose wives are not golfer, is 1 round a week too much?  How often do most people play?

I play 3 - 5 rounds a week. My wife encourages me to get out and go golfing. She says she thinks the exercise and socializing is good for me - but I think she just wants time alone with the football team. Poor sods...  😄

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It honestly depends on how much time you have. The past two summers I had a part-time job working three to four days a week, and I would often get out to the course just as many times, even if it’s just to practice for half an hour.

I’m in college now (first PGM blog post Sunday!), and having a maximum of three classes a day this semester I’ve been able to get out to the course every day since I’ve been here except for one.

I would say if you’re trying to get better, definitely try to get out there more than once a week unless that’s all you can do.

Edited by dagolfer18
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My wife is a non-golfer.  We are both pretty independent and have our own interests, and support both being able to do the things we enjoy as long as it doesn’t get out of whack.  When the kids were younger, it was definitely harder to get out more than once a week.  Now that they’re starting to do their own thing, I get out twice a week (sometimes three).  I have a feeling I’ll be able to get in a lot of golf and mountain biking once we’re empty nesters.

 All I can really suggest is try to support what she likes (which it sounds like you do), while helping her understand the thing(s) that you get joy out of and ask to receive support from her on that.

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13 hours ago, Bman said:

BTW we're now empty nesters, no kids to take care of, and I do most of the cooking & cleaning in our house. 

What are her responsibilities? 😀

We are empty nesters and I play 2 to 3 times a week, but would play more if we had not moved to a new area where my wife doesn't know anyone. Before that I played about 4 days a week at a club 1.8 miles away. Tuesday and Thursday was a 9 hole evening league and then Saturday/Sunday was 18 holes pot game with regular group. I would be home by 12:30 1 pm those days.

My wife does the cooking and I do the clean up. I do my own laundry. We have a person come clean the house every two weeks. We have someone mow the lawn. These things free up time to do what we prefer.

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You should be playing more than once per week, definitely.   Probably 2-3 is reasonable for what you describe.

—Adam

 

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15 hours ago, Bman said:

I've been golfing for about 25 years, first 10 years didn't play much, mostly just company tourneys, then I got better and got hooked on it, started playing more often.  About 10 years ago, I started playing about once a week, but my wife kept complaining that I played too much so I cut down to twice a month since then.

During Covid (2020 & 2021) I barely played at all, started playing again this summer, and got back to playing 1 round a week (either Sat or Sun).  My wife got used to me not playing in the last 2 years and now complains that I golf too much.  To be fair, I had encouraged her to take up golf, she tried but didn't like it.  I've never complained about her regular frequent visits to shopping malls, hair salons, nail salons, spas, etc.  as a matter of fact I've always encourage it.

BTW we're now empty nesters, no kids to take care of, and I do most of the cooking & cleaning in our house. 

For those whose wives are not golfer, is 1 round a week too much?  How often do most people play?

  • Okay, first question. Is she really complaining or just poking fun at your love of golf? 
  • Second question, have you talked to her about it? I don't mean just saying "Hey I want to play golf." I mean sit down with her and tell her why it's important to you. Explain that you have certain golf related goals and would like to get out more.
  • Third question, have you asked her what times you should play golf to make the smallest impact on her. Maybe it isn't the golf per se, but the fact that you go play during a time she's hoping to spend time with you.
  • Last question, what if you enlist her help in your golf game? My old man did this before he passed. He would ask my mom, who knows noting of golf by the way, to come with him to the range. He would have her follow his ball for him. And/or "coach" him. He'd say stuff like "Honey, I'm trying to learn to hold my finish. Watch my swing let me know if I come out of the shot." What ever she could do to help him. It didn't actually matter if she really was helping him. She could just be involved. Sometimes my dad would take her golfing with him. She'd just drive the cart and he'd play. They were both retired so he could play during times when she could keep him company. 
  • You could also consider playing 9 holes here and there. 
  • You may also consider joining a league. If its a regular thing, sometimes that's easier for people to understand. That way you are heading out to your league, not just ditching her. Be sure to keep her informed on your league. What place you are in, how you are performing vs your handicap. That way you are more likely to get something like "Play well, honey" when you leave instead of "Heading off to league again, huh."

If you love golf and I assume you love your wife, you should be able to find a way to balance the two. It might simply start by asking her why it bothers her that you play? 

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How Much Golf Is Too Much?

When your golf starts to impact other areas of your personal life and/or your health. There is some very good advice in the several preceding posts.

Brian Kuehn

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My wife likes golf and does not complain as long as things around the house get done and I also make time for her. This summer has had a lot of home projects so less golf this year but last year I would golf 18 every weekend, typically early morning to be home with her in afternoon and maybe do 9 with her one day.

I am working full time and do a late afternoon league on Tuesday and after dinner with the guys i do not get home until @ 8pm.  She knows that is my evening.

I also golf during the week with clients but that is “work time” so does not impact time with her.

I know that is not the situation you described but the important thing is to make as much time for her as you do for golf.  

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Assuming this topic is too much golf according to your spouse, that would be different for everyone. If it interferes with your relationship then

yes but for me, I could play 5 days per week without complaint.

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I am 64 years old, nearly 65, and play between 3 and 4 times a week. I changed my swing a few months back, which is helping my shoulders manage. To be honest I think it goes down to the individual. I play with a bloke in his mid 70s and he plays to a decent level 7 days a week

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21 hours ago, Bman said:

For those whose wives are not golfer, is 1 round a week too much?

I don't think we can answer that question for your wife.

21 hours ago, Bman said:

How often do most people play?

I try to play at least once a week, sometimes twice. I think ideally I'd like to squeeze a third round in there, even if it's 9-holes on a weekday in a league or something. Then maybe I'd skip the 2nd round of 18 and spend the time practicing.

And the next wife is going to be ok with that or she's not earning that promotion ;-)

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When it starts to feel like a 9-5 job. That or when your body is starting to say, no no no, take a break or I’ll make you take an extended one. 

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On 8/19/2022 at 9:09 PM, Bman said:

 

For those whose wives are not golfer, is 1 round a week too much?  How often do most people play?

I am married, and play 3 to 4 times a week. If I want to go away on golf trips with the lads, that's what I do. Likewise, my wife can spend as much time with her friends or interests as she wishes. We aren't joined at the hip, thank God

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So…if the situation is as described then personally I think that the wife is being unreasonable unless there are things she wants to do with the OP that she cannot do because of the golf.   I think she should be more accommodating.

my wife is pretty flexible.  As long as it doesn’t get in the way of family time or leave her with all the house work she is happy with me playing 2-3 times per week, or 2 times and a couple of range sessions.   It’s the only thing I do for myself and she and the kids come first.   I do quite a lot of housework and when it piles up I don’t run to the golf course.

really, some honest communication I think is needed here.  With some realistic asks and expectations 

 

 

—Adam

 

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Too much golf is when golf starts to cause injury, whether it be physical or otherwise. Obviously when I tore my hands up from hitting too many balls as a kid I was playing too much, as was when I more recently played 8 rounds in 7 days after 3+ months off due to winter weather and injured my back in the process. Non-physical injury usually comes down to relationships or your social life, and is trickier to define.

Prior to a recent short-notice move, I was playing 1-4 times per week depending on how schedules worked out. My wife sometimes will go out to the course with me, but usually only plays a few holes and doesn't join me terribly often. Our work schedules meant that we usually had one shared day off, and on that day I either would never golf or we would golf together if she wanted to play. I also had a weekly league that I'd try to play in as much as work would allow, during which it was never an issue even if she wasn't working that day. Beyond that I would get out to play whenever my schedule allowed it and she was otherwise busy with work or her own friends/hobbies. If we had free time together, I avoided going to the course to play without her because there was enough time where our schedules didn't overlap that I could get my golfing in otherwise.

Realistically it comes down to a balance for both people, because if either person is relying solely on the other as their only source of entertainment or company it can be very constraining for everyone involved. The person who relies solely on their spouse feels abandoned or neglected if the spouse goes off to do a non-shared hobby, and the spouse with a non-shared hobby feels like they never get to enjoy their own hobbies. My wife and I both have enough shared and separate hobbies and friends that it hasn't been too difficult to find that balance, but for others it can be more difficult.

@Bman have you tried timing your golfing to happen while your wife is out to the mall or other activities you don't usually join her for? That alone could go a long way to both increasing your frequency of golfing while also reducing complaints within the relationship because it's not "taking away" from time that would otherwise be spent together.

Edited by Pretzel
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Once a week doesn't seem like much to me, but if it's a situation like someone mentioned earlier where it happens on the only shared day off then I suggest doing it when you have free time and she doesn't. Definitely communicate with her and tell her how much it means to you.

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