one liners you've heard

[sonicblue]

  mikelz said:

*After topping a drive, "I popped that like a Chinese cop on a Tibetan Monk!"

Not only were you quoted in this thread already, you're double-quoting yourself! ;)

[mikelz]

  sonicblue said:

Not only were you quoted in this thread already, you're double-quoting yourself! ;)

Sorry, it wasn't for work so I did a bad job of proofing

Oh, I double quoted someone else because I copied and pasted all of those. I guess I get busted for plagiarism and redundancy

[lamebums]

Never up, never in.

(That also applies to another fact of life...)

[bogeyme]

My Grandpa always says when he leaves a putt short "You've got to get it up to get it in."

[iacas]

"90% of all putts left short don't go in."

[HartridgeKing]

When you absolutely crush your drive straight down the middle of the fairway and outdrive your buddy by a lot...
"I heard they're building a new super wal-mart."
-your buddy "Oh, really? Where at?"
"Between my ball and yours."

[LilGasPasser]

Out yesterday with 2 friends, and one of my friend's dads (3 guys in their 30's, one guy in his late 60's)...
Waiting in the fairway for the green to clear, about 200 yards out...

Friend: "Dad, Hit it. You'll never reach them."
Dad: "I better wait. If I get ahold of it, I might hit them."
Friend: "Dad, just hit the damn ball. Trust me, you'll never reach them."
Dad: "No. I'm going to wait. I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm going to use my 5-wood, and I can really boom it with this club."

Dad is dead serious, but he hasn't connected on a solid shot since 1994. We wait for the green to clear, and Dad let's her rip. Digs up about 2 pounds of fairway earth, and the ball rolls 50 yards. Dad shakes his head in disgust, and with 100% sincerity, looks me in the eye, and says:

"I should've used my 3-wood. It's further than it looks."

I had tears in my eyes, laughing the best belly laugh I've had in a while...

[sonicblue]

That reminds me of a sort of one-liner I trade with my buddy all the time. We'll see hackers waiting for the green to clear when they're three light years away, and I'll say, "you know what that guy's thinking? 'This one time, back in '88, I really crushed one, so I'm going to wait...'"

[Catul]

Hit a tee shot OB, tee up a provisional and hit it almost to the same spot as my original drive; my buddy yells out "Iron Byron" :)

[hilltopper]

After hitting one nice and fat leaving it well short my buddy yells out THUNDERCHUNK. Then done the same thing with his shot.

[bigphil]

  LilGasPasser said:

Out yesterday with 2 friends, and one of my friend's dads (3 guys in their 30's, one guy in his late 60's)...

there were some good ones on this thread, but out of them all....this one made me laugh the most! good stuff

[gloomis29]

If someone smokes a putt past the hole "man you have the touch of a guerrilla"  or like some others have said, leaving a birdie/par putt significantly short, we like to call the guy by his wife's name "nice putt Emily"

[RoyPinhey]

a classic i used to use as a junior in mens competitions . . .'i could piss further than that'

[acetoolguy]

For a putt just short...." a south american putt, one more revolution." ....its for a certain age group..lol.

And after a 10 foot topped drive on the first tee, "man, tough course".

[Jonnydanger81]

While putting if someone only hits it halfway to the hole and is still furthest from the hole - "That's USGA quality right there. U S uck, G o A gain."

[turtleback]

After sinking a long putt for double bogey (or worse):  That's whip cream on a pile of $h!t

After a pop-up drive:  That's an elephant's a$$:  High and it stinks.

[Doctorfro]

Ball hit that high and far must have a stewardess on it.

Ball hit that badly doesn't deserve to be found.

Those are way old.  All the others I've heard have already been posted.

[awmgolfer]

When putting we always say for a putt left shot, "what, did the club get caught up in your skirt". The club pro and I joke around quite a bit, we both have a big sense of humor. I also try to instill that into the golf team with a bad shot. Figure out what you did but laugh about it, a temper will do you no good.