Relationship with your son

[retexan599]

There are many good thoughts and suggestions in this thread. What I can offer is this: I am fortunate to have had four biological children and one adopted. Along the way there were lots of issues and challenges and I did not always handle them in a 1st class way. But I and they stuck with it and we developed a wonderful mutual respect as they moved into adulthood. Now from the perspective of a 73 year old Dad of five, Grandad of nine, and Great-Grandad of four (and counting), I can say it was totally worth whatever effort, patience, and love was put into it. And, as a bonus, I get to teach five of my grandchild to play golf -- which is is some of the best golfing and parental lagniappe there is!

So, stick with it if at all possible and reap the rewards in the years ahead.

= Just Do It Dads...

[chef35ca]

Nice thread.

Raising children is like professional management. Alaways accentuate the positive. It's ok to point what went wrong but constructively,"Ok, so you know what went wrong. How can we work together to avoid this happening again?" I always try to get my kids to think of a solution first before giving them an easy answer. Same with the kids at work.

It works better some days than others, but it's the best method i've come up with. I seem to have lost the instruction booklets for all 3 kids.

BTW, my sons are only 2.8 & 4 yrs old. But they are both sharp, stubborn, independent thinkers already. Some of the stuff they come up with just amazes me. I'm looking forward to/terrified of them as teenagers.

[JasonP]

Talking is the key to just about everything with your children. I have friends who complain that their kids won't tell them anything about school. I've played a game with my kids almost every day after school since first grade. They have to tell me: the best thing that happened that day, the worst thing that happened that day, what they had for lunch, and one thing they learned in class. Most of these things end up branching out into other subjects too.

If you just ask "How was school" they'll just say "good" and move on.

[ks8829]

great advise, I will try it.

[ks8829]

my son tried out for the Varsity Basketball team but missed the cut, he tried out and gave it his best, he said that it was demoralizing but at the same time if he made the team and practiced 6 days of week and sat on the bench most of the season, thats no fun either.

He has more time for studies and golf now.

[Lefty-Golfer]

Talking is the key to just about everything with your children. I have friends who complain that their kids won't tell them anything about school. I've played a game with my kids almost every day after school since first grade. They have to tell me: the best thing that happened that day, the worst thing that happened that day, what they had for lunch, and one thing they learned in class. Most of these things end up branching out into other subjects too.

I have had that conversation...good idea

[ks8829]

going out to play 18 holes with my 16 year old son this Thursday while he's off on winter break.

[Stretch]

My son is five and we get on great. I know it's relatively easy at this age, when they still think you rule. I've never pushed golf on him at all, but he sees what it means to me and has started to get really into the idea himself, if not the actual practice quite yet. We go putting together in the evenings on the weekends and I got him a bag of wiffle balls to flail at in the backyard whenever he wants. Went in to check on him tonight about an hour after bed time and he was literally face down in a copy of Golf Digest, fast asleep. Two days ago, he asked my wife over breakfast if she loved me more than Lee Westwood. Not quite sure where that one came from, but I do hope the answer was yes!

[plum]

I didnt have much time for my dad after the age of ~15, took golf up about 11 years ago, im 42 now (he helped get me going in it) and since then we have been pretty darn close. There was never a problem between us, we are just too similar, clashed with him a bit when i was a stupid kid and didnt talk much.  I assume without golf we would be friendly but not friends like we are now. I thank golf for that all the time.

Im taking him to the masters this year, its on both of our bucket lists and I wanna do it now while he is still pretty healthy and active. we can talk about for years......

[ks8829]

fantastic ideal, you are both blessed.

Last time we played, He shot 82 and I shot 90, I will try to focus more on my game instead of watching him play, I guess.  I told him, I would pay him $1 for every hole he beats me.

[Blades4me]

Originally Posted by ks8829

I have a 15 year old son, a junior in high school, my other child is a 9 year old daughter. I made it a point not to spoil my son and infact I was very hard on him growing up, I made it a point recently to change my attitude towards him and it has been wonderful, he has opened up too me in little ways that are to me giant steps, he recently saw a movie and after picking him up from the movies he started talking to me and sharing what the movie was all about. This would not have happened just a month ago. before he would not talk to me and I was always getting on his case for doing something wrong and we would evently begin to yell at each other.

I think the one thing that helped me understand my son and what he does is the fact that at 15 years old his brain has not fully developed and that there are corky things that he will do and I have become more understanding and patient with him because I know this fact.

I have started to compliment him more and stopped nagging or yelling at him for being late getting ready for school or other small things. He recently left an important document in his pants pocket and it got washed in the laundry, before I would yell at him and tell him how irresponsible he was, (I am think undeveloped part of his brain) and was calm and only said that it was ok and found a solution to the problem of replacing the important document. he was late getting ready for school and I calmly said that he needs to get ready sooner. One day he made me wait 40 minutes over the time he said that he would be ready to be picked up from after school, I did not begin to yell at him as usual but asked him why he was late and that I was waiting for him for so long and he apologized and I gave him the silent treatment only and I think it worked, he did not do anything when he was in the car for about 10 minutes before he started texting to him friend. Hopefully all this change, he will want to play more golf with me soon.

Its a slow process but I see the changes it has made in our relationship and wanted to share with you that its never too late.

I'm going to step out of charactor here and actually be serious.

I really encourage you to continue that with your son. I say this b/c I didn't have a very close relationship with my father. We just seemed to piss each other off; when he wanted to apolgize I was a butt head and when I wanted to aplogize he was a butt head. We never seemed to reach an understanding with one another. At the time it didn't bother me, now it does. Unfortunetly its all history now b/c my father passed away in the mid 90's. As we all know, hind sight is 20/20. Rasing progeny is the most difficult, time consuming and most important thing you will do in your entire life. We have more than enough Wiskey Tango's out there, so please, please, please parents take you job as a parent seriously becuz you are directly influencing the future of our society with how you rasie your kids today.

As far as undeveloped brain; physically the brain isn't fully developed until around age 27. Prehaps this is why the Greeks didn't consider anyone full developed and mature until age 30, however they were also androgenous, (little humor there).

[ks8829]

Playing 18 holes tomorrow, 2/21, Monday on Presidents Day Holiday with my 16 year old son and his golf team mate.  They are both playing on the High School Varsity Golf Team.  I looking forward to the time playing together.  His games is coming around, last outing for 9 holes he shot 4 over.

I better practice before we go out.  I will expect him to out drive me but we will have fun with some spirited competition.  We will have a match play game and if for every hole he beats me he gets $1 and the back nine it doubles to $2.

[ks8829]

Playing 18 holes with my 16 year old son and his golf team mate and his dad tomorrow, 4/4.  We plan to have a fathers against sons match.

Friday, 4/1, played 9 holes with my son and 10 year old daughter. My daughter shot 17 over, my son shot 2 over and I shot 1 over.

My son is starting to get into golf, he watching the golf channel and wants to practice more,  I am delighted.

[ks8829]

The relationship with my 16 year old son is improving, we are talking more and respecting each other, he's doing well in school, all A's in his classes, for now.  In about a little more than a year he will start college and possible go away.

[clubchamp]

Originally Posted by ks8829

Thanks for sharing you experiences and thoughs with us. I know that it's a long term change for me.

I have given him $20 a week for lunch and let him spend it anyway he wants too. I also read an article that recommends teaching savings, the article said to match your childs $75 saving with my own $25 to encourage saving, so yesterday night he gave me $150 and I match it with $50 for a total of $200 that I will keep for him.

I pick him up today from school and he asked if he was late and I said no, it was nice that he brought it up first.

I can't thank my dad enough for teaching me how to handle money as I was growing up. Even in college he made me sit down and go over what my plans were with my graduation money. I cut a deal with him that I keep some for fun and I would open an etrade account with the rest. I still use that etrade account but I would honestly not own home, be able to afford a country club membership, or have an emergency fund if he wasn't hard on me about money.

[ks8829]

Playing 9 holes with my 16 year old son and 10 year old daughter, we might have money on the line and certainly bragging rights after our round

[ks8829]

My son is 16 year old a junior in High School.  Trying to figure a way to motivate him, he is smart and an average to slightly above average student 3.5 grade point average and average SAT scores of 1,570 (first try) during the summer he has basketball practice twice a week, a little golf, but most of his time is on video games,  Black Ops and Basketball videos.  I hide his power cord for his games and make him watch certain motivation videos on You Tube such as Warren Buffet's MBA speech to graduating students.

I am worried that he is not self motivating himself to improve and prepare for college and the work force.

Any suggestions?

[michaeljames92]

Seriously? If you can't motivate a 16 year old kid by saying if you dont study you will not get a good job and not make a good living in this world, then I think there is not much hope. Making him watch 'motivational' videos seems like a bit of a joke, and most likely will make him lose interest further. Give him a goal. I know my goal was to beat my brother's University entrance average to say I beat him. Made me study my arse off and I ended up with a 3A's and 2 B's doing the two hardest maths, Chemistry, Physics and English.

On another point, I'm not sure why people love playing video games so much. They bore me to tears after about 30 minutes, waste of time if you ask me.

Originally Posted by ks8829

My son is 16 year old a junior in High School.  Trying to figure a way to motivate him, he is smart and an average to slightly above average student 3.5 grade point average and average SAT scores of 1,570 (first try) during the summer he has basketball practice twice a week, a little golf, but most of his time is on video games,  Black Ops and Basketball videos.  I hide his power cord for his games and make him watch certain motivation videos on You Tube such as Warren Buffet's MBA speech to graduating students.

I am worried that he is not self motivating himself to improve and prepare for college and the work force.

Any suggestions?