Need help with the mental game

[MrQster]

I strongly believe that I have a very bad mental game, I'd say that I'm the worst mental golfer compared to all my golf buddies and golfers in my club.  

I've been playing golf for 20 years, about 40-50 rounds a year, so it's not like I don't have muscle memory in my swing, but I can't even say what my handicap (or average score) is because of the huge difference in scores from game to game.  

My last 4 rounds of golf were 85, 98, 79, 102.  There wasn't much difference in the slopes and ratings between the courses (shot 85 on the most difficult course and 79 on the easiest).

1 day I can hit my driver long and straight all day, confidently hit a driver straight down the middle on a narrow hole, then the next day my driver alternates between snap-hook and banana slides having to re-tee with a provisional shot hole after hole, penalties after penalties.  1 day hit 13 out of 14 fairways and 1 just of the first cut, next day would have maybe 1 fairway hit with 10 penalties off the tee in hazards or O/B.

With the irons, I can get GIR on almost every hole 1 day, hitting the greens on almost every approach shot, then the next day I struggle on every approach shot regardless of the distance or club I use.

Same thing on the greens, some day I feel every putt was easy and confidently sinking putts after putts, averaging less than 2 putts per hole.  Then the next day I would 3-putt on every hole, missing a bunch of straight-up 2-footers, or can't control the distance, from 15 feet I would be 6 feet short or runs by the hole 8 feet.  # of putts per game ranging from 30 to 50 putts

When I loose confident, I can't hit any club, all I can think of is "don't screw up this shot" and usually ended up hitting fat or thin.  But on the day I have confident, I rarely miss my target landing spot, my best round last year was 2-over-par with 1 eagle and 4 birdies whereas my worst round was 104 - go figure!

It is extremely frustrating.  I think it's all in my head, I just don't know what to do to get rid of the nerve when I loose confident.  I've been nominated as the most inconsistent golfer by my golf buddies year after year because there's usually not a lot of close game, I either beat them badly or they beat me badly, not much in between.

Any tip to get my game a little more consistent would be greatly appreciated.

A very frustrated golfer

Edited March 28, 2016 by MrQster

[pganapathy]

@MrQster, this is not a fun place to be in.  I understand the inconsistency, because even pro's do that.  My best tip for you is to play the game for a few rounds without worrying about the score.  Have a friend note it down for you but don't check it at the end of the day.  After 5 or 10 rounds, check all the score cards at once.  What this does is eliminate the scoring related thoughts.  Hopefully by not worrying about the score, you will get more consistent.

[MrQster]

6 minutes ago, pganapathy said:

@MrQster, this is not a fun place to be in.  I understand the inconsistency, because even pro's do that.  My best tip for you is to play the game for a few rounds without worrying about the score.  Have a friend note it down for you but don't check it at the end of the day.  After 5 or 10 rounds, check all the score cards at once.  What this does is eliminate the scoring related thoughts.  Hopefully by not worrying about the score, you will get more consistent.

Thanks for the suggestion, but I don't think the score is the issue.  I always play with my buddies and we always have a friendly wager on the game (beers, lunches, etc.), I really don't care about the scores as I usually don't keep scores, leave it to someone else, and only know my score at the end of the round. 

I either have a relax feeling and cruise through the round, or got nervous from the get go and the whole game just goes down the drain after 2 or 3 holes.  I just couldn't shake the tension once I have it.

[pganapathy]

17 hours ago, MrQster said:

Thanks for the suggestion, but I don't think the score is the issue.  I always play with my buddies and we always have a friendly wager on the game (beers, lunches, etc.), I really don't care about the scores as I usually don't keep scores, leave it to someone else, and only know my score at the end of the round. 

I either have a relax feeling and cruise through the round, or got nervous from the get go and the whole game just goes down the drain after 2 or 3 holes.  I just couldn't shake the tension once I have it.

I just wonder if music will help.  Get some music on your phone or I-pod or keep some relaxing songs in your car and ensure you listen to this music and are relaxed by the time you hit the course.

Another suggestion is yoga.  Helps a lot of people de-stress and feel relaxed

[saevel25]

17 hours ago, MrQster said:

I can't even say what my handicap (or average score) is because of the huge difference in scores from game to game. 

My last 4 rounds of golf were 85, 98, 79, 102.  There wasn't much difference in the slopes and ratings between the courses (shot 85 on the most difficult course and 79 on the easiest).

 

The mental game DOES NOT  equate to more consistent scoring around your average. Golf just doesn't work like that. A scratch golfer will have a more consistent game because of their ability to control the club path, club face and the low point of the swing. A higher handicap will not. That has nothing to do with the mental game and all to do with just your own golfing ability.

People confuse variability in their scoring to mental game when it's just what happens when you are a higher handicap golfer.

[MrQster]

1 hour ago, saevel25 said:

 

The mental game DOES NOT  equate to more consistent scoring around your average. Golf just doesn't work like that. A scratch golfer will have a more consistent game because of their ability to control the club path, club face and the low point of the swing. A higher handicap will not. That has nothing to do with the mental game and all to do with just your own golfing ability.

People confuse variability in their scoring to mental game when it's just what happens when you are a higher handicap golfer.

I strongly disagree.

Golf is highly effected by the mental game.

I'm not a scratch golfer but I'm not a high handicapper either.  I shoot many rounds in low 80s and high 70s frequently, so I you are incorrect assuming that I am a high handicapper.  

Around the green, when I'm confident, I can get up and down from anywhere, I can make my ball checked up from the bunker every time, bump-and-run, chipping, pitching, flop shots, etc are no issue at all.  But when I loose confident, I can't decide which shot to play to minimize the damage.

I am quite certain it's the mental game as I have been playing golf for over 20 years and I'm sure I have developed a swing so it's not just the skill. I occasionally go to the driving range, I usually can consistently hit every green I aim at and hit driver dead straight every time so I can't find anything to fix on the range.

But it's a totally different game on the course, I notice my game got worse in a match play, getting nervous, shaky hands, feeling the yip and hitting 1 bad shot after another.  

When I'm nervous, I miss 2-foot putt every time, but when I'm confident, I can roll the ball smoothly and sink every putt from 10 foot in.

So for sure it's 100% mental game.  

Edited March 29, 2016 by MrQster

[Yukari]

For the most part, I would have to agree with @saevel25.  I think your swing is not consistent enough, and therefore your confidence fluctuates depending on how you hit that day.  This lack of consistency in your swing results in doubts of your game as soon as something goes wrong, it then spirals downward from there.

IMHO, what you perceive as being the mental game aspect is actually your lack of consistency in swing mechanics. 

[DaveP043]

I disagree to some extent with @saevel25, I believe that doubt and uncertainty can lead to a higher percentage of bad shots, while confidence leads to a higher percentage of good shots.  

You mentioned that when you lack confidence, you can't do anything right.  So what triggers the loss of confidence?  Does one bad shot, or chip, or putt, cause you to lose confidence for the rest of the day?  If that's the case, you need to learn how to forget those failures, and remember only past successes.  As you say, you've had lots of successes in the past, so use those positive experiences.  One mental trick I play on myself is to think of EVERY shot as a "normal swing".  I may decide to "stretch" a 7-iron, hopefully with a solid reason, but my last muttered words to myself as I set up for the shot are usually "OK, just a regular swing, like every other one ".  

Do not try to correct the "mistake" on the last swing, just make your normal good swing.  Obviously golfers of all levels are going to hit bad shots, that's the nature of golf, but you have to find a way to banish those from your thought process.  Every shot isn't a catastrophe waiting to happen, its a new opportunity to make your normal good swing.

The last thing I try to do is to forget about results, and focus only on the process.  Shot planning, club selection, pre-shot routine, swing.  You're done then.  Once the ball has been struck, you've done all you can do.  Go find it and start over.  I hear the pros talk about "staying in the moment", and this is what they mean.  Don't wallow in recent failures (or get over-elated with a recent success), don't worry about the score you're going to shoot, just plan and swing properly.  The rest will take care of itself.

[Big Lex]

 

Try testing yourself, to see if your hypothesis is correct. Pick a situation where you think the mental conditions all tip in your favor. Maybe just a driving range. Warm up until you are very comfortable and you think you are hitting the ball well.

Then see how many drivers and 7 irons you can hit consecutively that are at your target or within a reasonable miss. A "reasonable miss" is where you still hit the ball solidly, on the sweet spot or close to it, and it flies straight enough that you are in or very close to the fairway with the driver and on or very close to the green with the iron shots.

If you can't hit 10 very solid, fairly straight shots in a row with these clubs, you probably do not have the swing of a low handicap golfer. Be very honest with yourself. Pick a target each time, no do-overs.  If you can do it on one day, come back and do it again. If you can't do this on 5 out of 6 days, you have swing problems in addition to any mental issues you may have.

FWIW, I think mental issues are extremely important in golf. Actual in-round thinking can't make a chopper into a low handicap player. But you have to have the right mindset to play golf, to practice correctly, intelligently, to be honest about what is weak in your game. You have to work hard at it and be patient. I know a lot of people who give up and settle but could be good if they just kept at it.

There is a guy at my club who fits your description. He breaks 80 occasionally, but also is in the 90s a lot and occasionally over 100. He beats a lot of balls but doesn't really ever practice in a meaningful way. But he loves the game and has a great time playing.

Edited March 29, 2016 by Big Lex

[Patch]

Everything we as humam beings do has some mental aspect controlling it. This includes golf. If not consciously, then surely subconciously. 

To play to one's best ability in golf, that golfer needs to be prepared to play. Myself, I know some days I just want to take a walk, while hitting golf balls. My score is not a primary concern on those days. I'm just happy to be alive, and healthy enough to enjoy what being outdoors has to offer. Other times when I want to see what I really have in my game, I will prepare (mentally) a head of time to give it my best effort. That could be anything from eating/drinking right, getting some pre-round rest, to perusing my own golf note book. Those are also the rounds where I warm up properly. I am just getting in my own proper mind set to go shoot my average or better score.

When I am out with my friends, even though we have some friendly wagers, having fun, and enjoying each other's company is what it's all about.  Our normal scores suffer because of those two, more important factors. 

Edited March 29, 2016 by Patch

[MrQster]

53 minutes ago, Yukari said:

I think your swing is not consistent enough...

IMHO, what you perceive as being the mental game aspect is actually your lack of consistency in swing mechanics. 

Last summer, there was a stretch where I play 4 games in a row with scores between 72 and 81.  Mostly pars, many birdies, worst hole was 1 double-bogey in 4 rounds.  How is it possible for a golfer who lacks in swing mechanics to do that 4 games in a row?  

After those 4 games, all my golf buddies asked me for strokes, so I give them strokes and the next round I think I shot 97. 

Whenever I play in a scramble tournament with business associates, they all think I'm a scratch golfer because every shot I hit is exactly what I wanted it to do, when there's no pressure at all.  I even surprised myself with some of the shots, I can work the ball with a draw or a fade with ease, check or spin back my wedges.  Hitting drives straight and much longer than my normal drives, etc.

Late last fall in the club championship, I was so nervous, my knees and hands were shaking violently on the first tee I couldn't even make a swing, I gave up after 9 holes scoring 14-over.  But 3 days later I came back to play with my son and I started off with 5 straight pars shooting 81 for the round.  If that's not the mental game, I don't know what is.

Can a golfer who lacks consistency in swing mechanics frequently shoots many rounds in the 70s and low 80s regularly?  You tell me because I know I'm the only who can do that.  I usually either score the lowest or highest in my group, not much in between.

Does any golfer after years of playing still shake so much on the first tee that they couldn't even hold their hands still when lining up? missing a 1-foot straight putt?   If that's not mental game, then I don't know what it is.

56 minutes ago, DaveP043 said:

... focus only on the process.  Shot planning, club selection, pre-shot routine, swing.  You're done then.  Once the ball has been struck, you've done all you can do.  Go find it and start over.  I hear the pros talk about "staying in the moment", and this is what they mean...

Thanks Dave, I think I've tried it before, just focus on 1 shot, but I don't know why I keep getting anxious and shaky when I start "loosing it".

I need to help to figure out a way to make this feeling go away.  I'm going to try Yoga as pganapathy suggested, I hope someone can suggest something to do before the round to take my mind away from the competition and the "fear" of loosing it.

Edited March 29, 2016 by MrQster

[MrQster]

1 hour ago, Big Lex said:

... you probably do not have the swing of a low handicap golfer...

I don't claim myself to be a low handicap golfer, and just for the record my current handicap is 11.6 according the club computer.

 

1 hour ago, Big Lex said:

Try testing yourself, to see if your hypothesis is correct. Pick a situation where you think the mental conditions all tip in your favor. Maybe just a driving range. Warm up until you are very comfortable and you think you are hitting the ball well.

Then see how many drivers and 7 irons you can hit consecutively that are at your target or within a reasonable miss. A "reasonable miss" is where you still hit the ball solidly, on the sweet spot or close to it, and it flies straight enough that you are in or very close to the fairway with the driver and on or very close to the green with the iron shots.

I have done that as indicated in earlier post.

When I go to the range, I alternate between drivers and irons, aim driver between 2 posts and aim irons on greens at various distances.  I rarely missed my target, and green misses are always right besides the green.  I've always walked away hating that I couldn't do that on the course.

Many times after playing a horrible round where I consistently snap hook or slides my drives, I went to the range afterwards and hit my driver straight shot after straight shot, it's extremely frustrating.

So the bottom line is, I need help on how to play golf without the anxiety.  My friends many times laughed so hard because they could see my hands clearly shaking on a 2-foot putt and missed, after a previous game where 8 foot in were might as well gimmies because I couldn't miss.

 

1 hour ago, Big Lex said:

 

1 hour ago, Patch said:

When I am out with my friends, even though we have some friendly wagers, having fun, and enjoying each other's company is what it's all about.  Our normal scores suffer because of those two, more important factors. 

I enjoyed golfing with my buddies.  I don't mind at all buying beers or lunches or 5 bucks, my major issue I think is my pride.  I hate loosing the game, not loosing the bet.  

It's even more weird that whenever I play against this 1 friend who's only golfed for 4 years, I always loose scoring in the 90s.  And when I played against another friend who's a low handicapper, I always play well, wins most games scoring high 70s and low 80s.  

I don't know what it is, I just know I have a mental game issue that I need to find a way to overcome it.

Edited March 29, 2016 by MrQster

[Golfingdad]

21 hours ago, MrQster said:

My last 4 rounds of golf were 85, 98, 79, 102.  There wasn't much difference in the slopes and ratings between the courses (shot 85 on the most difficult course and 79 on the easiest).

1 day I can hit my driver long and straight all day, confidently hit a driver straight down the middle on a narrow hole, then the next day my driver alternates between snap-hook and banana slides having to re-tee with a provisional shot hole after hole, penalties after penalties.  1 day hit 13 out of 14 fairways and 1 just of the first cut, next day would have maybe 1 fairway hit with 10 penalties off the tee in hazards or O/B.

I think the answer lies somewhere between what you think and what @saevel25 suggests.  Certainly the mental game matters.  A lack of confidence can be deadly, but lets look at what causes a lack of confidence; poor play.  OK then, what causes poor play?  I suppose you could argue that its a lack of confidence, but that is a circle of death that I see no getting out of, so I would choose to look at it differently.  I would suggest that it's simply your swing.  I know this because I have a similar problem.  I too am capable of shooting wildly varying scores.  In fact, I have a scorecard on the wall in front of me that says "73" that I shot just a handful of weeks ago and I also have a couple of >90's to my name since then.  And I strongly believe that I have a very good mental game.  My swing just isn't that tight.  Bottom line is simple:  I need to get better.

[Lihu]

2 hours ago, MrQster said:

I strongly disagree.

Golf is highly effected by the mental game.

I'm not a scratch golfer but I'm not a high handicapper either.  I shoot many rounds in low 80s and high 70s frequently, so I you are incorrect assuming that I am a high handicapper.  

Around the green, when I'm confident, I can get up and down from anywhere, I can make my ball checked up from the bunker every time, bump-and-run, chipping, pitching, flop shots, etc are no issue at all.  But when I loose confident, I can't decide which shot to play to minimize the damage.

I am quite certain it's the mental game as I have been playing golf for over 20 years and I'm sure I have developed a swing so it's not just the skill. I occasionally go to the driving range, I usually can consistently hit every green I aim at and hit driver dead straight every time so I can't find anything to fix on the range.

But it's a totally different game on the course, I notice my game got worse in a match play, getting nervous, shaky hands, feeling the yip and hitting 1 bad shot after another.  

When I'm nervous, I miss 2-foot putt every time, but when I'm confident, I can roll the ball smoothly and sink every putt from 10 foot in.

So for sure it's 100% mental game.  

Yes, it is a totally different game on the course. It's funny that driving ranges could easily make you feel like you have skills that you don't

The 104 type score is something I'd expect from a newbie golfer. I'm not saying it's impossible for us to shoot 104, but it would take a series of pretty dumb mistakes to shoot that high. If you hit a 7i (roughly 155 yards) off the tee on every hole and it takes 3 shots on every par 4, 4 shots on every par 5 and a scramble on every par 3, the final score would still only be 18 over.

So, what metric do you use to determine that you have developed a good swing?

 

21 hours ago, MrQster said:

I strongly believe that I have a very bad mental game, I'd say that I'm the worst mental golfer compared to all my golf buddies and golfers in my club.  

It is extremely frustrating.  I think it's all in my head, I just don't know what to do to get rid of the nerve when I loose confident.  I've been nominated as the most inconsistent golfer by my golf buddies year after year because there's usually not a lot of close game, I either beat them badly or they beat me badly, not much in between.

My mental game is not any better than when I started this game, but my consistency is better. My consistency is better because my swing is better, and that gives me confidence on every shot I setup. I still duff and shank and bad things like that, but it doesn't really change my next swing. It's not like I have this super strong mental game with nerves of steel or anything. I just sort of know what I need to do mechanically, and attempt it.

 

16 minutes ago, MrQster said:

Many times after playing a horrible round where I consistently snap hook or slides my drives, I went to the range afterwards and hit my driver straight shot after straight shot, it's extremely frustrating.

It could still be your swing. The quality of us mid/higher handicaps swings are generally a lot different between the range and the course.

[Big Lex]

1 hour ago, MrQster said:

I don't claim myself to be a low handicap golfer, and just for the record my current handicap is 11.6 according the club computer.

I have done that as indicated in earlier post.

When I go to the range, I alternate between drivers and irons, aim driver between 2 posts and aim irons on greens at various distances.  I rarely missed my target, and green misses are always right besides the green.  I've always walked away hating that I couldn't do that on the course.

Many times after playing a horrible round where I consistently snap hook or slides my drives, I went to the range afterwards and hit my driver straight shot after straight shot, it's extremely frustrating.

So the bottom line is, I need help on how to play golf without the anxiety.  My friends many times laughed so hard because they could see my hands clearly shaking on a 2-foot putt and missed, after a previous game where 8 foot in were might as well gimmies because I couldn't miss. 

I don't know what it is, I just know I have a mental game issue that I need to find a way to overcome it.

A couple of things: If you truly do what you say you do on the range, then you have your answer. Nobody can find it for you. You have to study what you do and think on the range, and find a way to swing and think the same way on the course. Only you can figure out what this is. You probably need to play a lot of rounds alone.

If your index is 11.6, probably you are a 13-14 hcp on many courses. The score range you give is fairly representative of that hcp. What handicap do you think you would be if you didn't have the mental/anxiety problem?

Edited March 29, 2016 by Big Lex

[MrQster]

4 hours ago, Big Lex said:

If your index is 11.6, probably you are a 13-14 hcp on many courses. The score range you give is fairly representative of that hcp. What handicap do you think you would be if you didn't have the mental/anxiety problem?

I have a friend with just about the same handicap, and he shoots consistently mid 80s, rarely ever score higher than 90 but doesn't break 80 that often either, he's very consistent.  I'd say 95% of his rounds score in between 83-88.

I on the other hand, probably 25% in that range, 40% lower that range and 35% higher than that range. Extremely inconsistent.

[Big Lex]

14 minutes ago, MrQster said:

I have a friend with just about the same handicap, and he shoots consistently mid 80s, rarely ever score higher than 90 but doesn't break 80 that often either, he's very consistent.  I'd say 95% of his rounds score in between 83-88.

I on the other hand, probably 25% in that range, 40% lower that range and 35% higher than that range. Extremely inconsistent.

Ok. (I was like your friend in my 2014 season....I finally improved a little in 2015....)  What you say here makes sense in the handicap system. It only cares about your best 10 of your last 20, so those high 90s and 100s rounds you shoot go away fast, and it remembers your occasional 79. So you and your friend have the same number because that's how the system is designed, to catch one's most likely potential, not their average score.

My question, though, was what handicap do you think you should be? Are you saying you'd be better with a better mental game, or are you just saying you are too inconsistent at scoring and would rather be like your friend?

[Lihu]

I'm not sure that scoring lower on occasion translates to having potential to shoot that low all the time.