How Much Golf Is Too Much?

[RickK]

My wife does not play any more.  She used to.  Wish she would start back.  

I play pretty much every day.  Some weeks, I don't play on Fridays.  I have logged in GHIN 221 rounds so far this year.  

[Sandy Lie]

  On 8/19/2022 at 8:09 PM, Bman said:

I've been golfing for about 25 years, first 10 years didn't play much, mostly just company tourneys, then I got better and got hooked on it, started playing more often.  About 10 years ago, I started playing about once a week, but my wife kept complaining that I played too much so I cut down to twice a month since then.

During Covid (2020 & 2021) I barely played at all, started playing again this summer, and got back to playing 1 round a week (either Sat or Sun).  My wife got used to me not playing in the last 2 years and now complains that I golf too much.  To be fair, I had encouraged her to take up golf, she tried but didn't like it.  I've never complained about her regular frequent visits to shopping malls, hair salons, nail salons, spas, etc.  as a matter of fact I've always encourage it.

BTW we're now empty nesters, no kids to take care of, and I do most of the cooking & cleaning in our house. 

For those whose wives are not golfer, is 1 round a week too much?  How often do most people play?

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So what does she do with her free time?  I’ve played 157 rounds so far. Played 18 today, 7:33 tee time. I came home had lunch the pulled (cut out) 2/3 of a stump in the front yard. I’d say just have balance in what you do.

Edited August 24, 2022 by Sandy Lie
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[GolfLug]

Wife not a golfer/runs a small business and I have a full time job.

She is completely fine with me playing once a week normally and playing twice a few weekends in peak season. But I am 100% on top of my home chores, children duties (pick-ups/drop offs, homework, dr visits), grocery shopping, soccer duty, dinner duties few times a week, yardwork, taking care of both our car stuff, some laundry, dishes, working out together couple of times a month and most importantly I watch the Real Housewives on Bravo with her fairly often. . 😇  

[wacker]

  On 8/22/2022 at 9:27 PM, imsys0042 said:

So…if the situation is as described then personally I think that the wife is being unreasonable unless there are things she wants to do with the OP that she cannot do because of the golf.   I think she should be more accommodating.

my wife is pretty flexible.  As long as it doesn’t get in the way of family time or leave her with all the house work she is happy with me playing 2-3 times per week, or 2 times and a couple of range sessions.   It’s the only thing I do for myself and she and the kids come first.   I do quite a lot of housework and when it piles up I don’t run to the golf course.

really, some honest communication I think is needed here.  With some realistic asks and expectations 

 

 

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I don't actually do any housework, but I am a dab hand at supervising 

  On 8/24/2022 at 7:48 PM, GolfLug said:

Wife not a golfer/runs a small business and I have a full time job.

She is completely fine with me playing once a week normally and playing twice a few weekends in peak season. But I am 100% on top of my home chores, children duties (pick-ups/drop offs, homework, dr visits), grocery shopping, soccer duty, dinner duties few times a week, yardwork, taking care of both our car stuff, some laundry, dishes, working out together couple of times a month and most importantly I watch the Real Housewives on Bravo with her fairly often. . 😇  

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I wash the cars and cut the grass, that's it. Even then only if I am not in the pub or playing golf. I am a dinosaur and proud of it

  On 8/23/2022 at 11:46 PM, RickK said:

My wife does not play any more.  She used to.  Wish she would start back.  

I play pretty much every day.  Some weeks, I don't play on Fridays.  I have logged in GHIN 221 rounds so far this year.  

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LOL, I play golf to get away from the wife, if she started playing it I would find another hobby

Edited August 26, 2022 by wacker

[klineka]

Have you tried going super early in the morning?

I have a 4 month old son and I still play almost every Saturday, but we make it a point to be one of the first tee times, usually around 7-7:30, so we are done and I'm home by noon at the latest. 

That way by the time my wife and son wake up, it's only around 3ish hours until I'm back. She gets some alone time with him and I get to golf plus then we still have our entire afternoon/evening to be together

[Jeremie Boop]

If you ask my wife, golf existing is too much 😆

 

[chspeed]

  On 8/26/2022 at 1:50 PM, klineka said:

Have you tried going super early in the morning?

I have a 4 month old son and I still play almost every Saturday, but we make it a point to be one of the first tee times, usually around 7-7:30, so we are done and I'm home by noon at the latest. 

That way by the time my wife and son wake up, it's only around 3ish hours until I'm back. She gets some alone time with him and I get to golf plus then we still have our entire afternoon/evening to be together

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Hahahaha. "She gets some alone time with him..." Hahahaha

[GolfLug]

  On 8/26/2022 at 1:16 PM, wacker said:

I wash the cars and cut the grass, that's it. Even then only if I am not in the pub or playing golf. I am a dinosaur and proud of it

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Oh, you wa cker you. You've got it made then, haven't you!? 

[Bucki1968]

My wife is golf nut also. As a matter of fact, she decided that for our 25th anniversary, she wanted to go on a golf trip to Palm Springs CA. She then decided that we should go up to Sea Pines for Thanksgiving.  I literally didn't have anything to do with it. When I met her, she had never played but it didn't take long for her to figure it out. That being said, she was/is an athlete and played many other sports so she picked up the game pretty quick. She now routinely shoots in the low 80's.

[wacker]

  On 8/26/2022 at 2:25 PM, GolfLug said:

Oh, you wa cker you. You've got it made then, haven't you!? 

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I am old school, and I believe the culture may be a little different on this side of the pond. That said, I have plenty of golfing friends who are under the thumb!

[GolfLug]

  On 8/26/2022 at 4:37 PM, wacker said:

I am old school, and I believe the culture may be a little different on this side of the pond. That said, I have plenty of golfing friends who are under the thumb!

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Heh.. I don't see how thinly veiled misogyny is an 'across the pond' type cultural difference or even old school.  

[imsys0042]

  On 8/26/2022 at 2:55 PM, Bucki1968 said:

My wife is golf nut also. As a matter of fact, she decided that for our 25th anniversary, she wanted to go on a golf trip to Palm Springs CA. She then decided that we should go up to Sea Pines for Thanksgiving.  I literally didn't have anything to do with it. When I met her, she had never played but it didn't take long for her to figure it out. That being said, she was/is an athlete and played many other sports so she picked up the game pretty quick. She now routinely shoots in the low 80's.

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Please stop living my dream....

[wacker]

  On 8/26/2022 at 5:16 PM, GolfLug said:

Heh.. I don't see how thinly veiled misogyny is an 'across the pond' type cultural difference or even old school.  

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You refer to misogyny as it is a bad thing 😀

[GolfLug]

  On 8/27/2022 at 6:32 AM, wacker said:

You refer to misogyny as it is a bad thing 😀

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You had me there for a moment...haha.

[Esox]

I  play three 9 hole leagues a week and at least 18 on the weekends, might golf twice or take the boat out and fish the other day. My wife has degenerative disc disease, but wants me to keep doing the things we always did, Golf, hunt, fish.....

[Bman]

  On 8/20/2022 at 11:34 AM, ChetlovesMer said:

• Okay, first question. Is she really complaining or just poking fun at your love of golf? 
• Second question, have you talked to her about it? I don't mean just saying "Hey I want to play golf." I mean sit down with her and tell her why it's important to you. Explain that you have certain golf related goals and would like to get out more.
• Third question, have you asked her what times you should play golf to make the smallest impact on her. Maybe it isn't the golf per se, but the fact that you go play during a time she's hoping to spend time with you.
• Last question, what if you enlist her help in your golf game? My old man did this before he passed. He would ask my mom, who knows noting of golf by the way, to come with him to the range. He would have her follow his ball for him. And/or "coach" him. He'd say stuff like "Honey, I'm trying to learn to hold my finish. Watch my swing let me know if I come out of the shot." What ever she could do to help him. It didn't actually matter if she really was helping him. She could just be involved. Sometimes my dad would take her golfing with him. She'd just drive the cart and he'd play. They were both retired so he could play during times when she could keep him company. 
• You could also consider playing 9 holes here and there. 
• You may also consider joining a league. If its a regular thing, sometimes that's easier for people to understand. That way you are heading out to your league, not just ditching her. Be sure to keep her informed on your league. What place you are in, how you are performing vs your handicap. That way you are more likely to get something like "Play well, honey" when you leave instead of "Heading off to league again, huh."

If you love golf and I assume you love your wife, you should be able to find a way to balance the two. It might simply start by asking her why it bothers her that you play? 

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- Definitely complained, not just poking fun.

- Yes, talked several times, told her it's a hobby that I love, she said we should pick up a new lobby that both can do, not just me by myself.  I tried to get her to play the game several times, she just doesn't like it.

- Enlist her help? it's extremely rare that someone even agree to this. She had been to the range various times and actually played golf various times over the years, I've tried to get her back into the game every few years but she could never get any interest, she considered everything related to golf is huge waste of money and time.

Asked her why it bothers her? yes, she said she doesn't like it that I spend time and money on a hobby that she has no interest in. 

Regarding time:  As mentioned earlier, I play hardly once a week, and always book tee time on the day she's working so she's never home alone when I'm out golfing.

We also had several arguments over the money, she hated that I "waste" so much money in golf.  I've spent less than $2000/year on green fees, I've only purchased 2 sets of clubs in 25+ years playing (current set is over 12 yrs old, I go the the range maybe once a month.  And it's not like we have any kind of money issue, we're actually financially well off, I'm an executive making over 200K/year, we have no debt and also have decent amount of funds in savings & investments, the amount of gifts (BD, anni, xmas, etc.)  I buy for her every year is at least 4X my golf expenses.  

We've been getting into a fight every time we talk about golf which is getting very frustrating.  Anyone else has constant fight with their spouses because of golf?

[iacas]

I'm not trying to diminish your stuff here at all (general quick advice is TALK with your wife, lay out your argument, and appreciate that the real reason may be different than what she's actually saying to you), but I just thought of how funny it would be if the husband was here posting in this topic, while the wife was over here posting in this topic:

Just made me chuckle, is all.

Also, @Bman: We like to get to know our members here on TST and one of the things that helps is when members choose a unique avatar for themselves. Please add one (here's a guide to help if you're not sure how). Thank you.

[Bman]

  On 10/31/2022 at 6:44 PM, iacas said:

I'm not trying to diminish your stuff here at all (general quick advice is TALK with your wife, lay out your argument, and appreciate that the real reason may be different than what she's actually saying to you), but I just thought of how funny it would be if the husband was here posting in this topic, while the wife was over here posting in this topic:

Just made me chuckle, is all.

Also, @Bman: We like to get to know our members here on TST and one of the things that helps is when members choose a unique avatar for themselves. Please add one (here's a guide to help if you're not sure how). Thank you.

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There's a big difference, the lady in the post wanted to be with her husband golfing but it seems he doesn't want to.  I've asked my wife to play golf (tried to get her into it many times) so we can spend time together on the course, but she's just not interested.  The last game we played we left after 9 holes because she had enough, didn't want to go out again after that.

She doesn't like the game not because she's a duffer, she's actually not bad at all, she connects well off the tee, on the fairway, even chips and putts.  To her, it's a huge waste of time and money smacking a ball around.