Golf Wives and Balance

[colin007]

I would give anything to have my wife pick up golf. It's the only non-work thing we do apart and I wish we could do it together.

[Gigi]

Well I discovered today I'm addicted to it. It's for me. I've always been an athlete.  Great words and outlooks. Ty 

[dennyjones]

This place has a huge amount of free help.   The members are usually very friendly and helpful.  Don't be a stranger.  

[TourSpoon]

Here are some thoughts in no particular order:

• Golf trips 2x a year - I have no problem with this. For a couple who has no kids in the house what is the big deal (unless we are talking 2 week trips to the UK)? If you guys are retired, aren't you taking trips together? If not, start. You worked all your life to have the time and money so enjoy it while you still have it. 
• Golf all day and drinking is the norm - that is a red flag. I don't mean to judge, but this seems excessive if its the routine. Most retired guys I know play 2-3 times a week and this would never fly health or wife-wise. These guys I am talking about don't rush either, they show up, warm up, play, have lunch, etc.  It is an experience, not a hurry up and get home (like when I was young with kids) rush round. 
• His shopping is his me time - give him the grocery list and put that me time to use. It sounds like there is some room for more WE time with all the hobbies. 
• You live in a new community - you really need to meet some people and get some activities going for your own self development. If you feel like you are waiting around for hubs, well that might be a decision point. My suggestion is seek some healthy balance or re-evaluate the situation. I would suggest the communication route first, seeing a therapist, but probably not taking it to an online forum. 

I am not sure what else to say here. My wife and I work full-time (kids grown) and we don't have these issues because we spend plenty of time doing everything else together. She does have a professional life that she enjoys and has plenty of her own goals to accomplish. When I went on my golf trip without her, she told me to have fun and not to worry, she had plenty to catch up on and enjoyed not having to entertain me the whole extended weekend (3.5 days - 6 rounds). She has expressed that when I do retire, she needs me to stay busy for her sanity! I guess that means more golf, part-time job, volunteering, etc. Currently I play about twice a week but if I was retired I would play consistently 3 times a week and still have plenty of time to be a wonderful husband - forty extra hours is a lot of time to fill! 

[NM Golf]

I am a golf fanatic, but my family and wife are important to me as well. Because of this I do play golf a lot, but it's ALL I do. I hang out with my family, and I play golf. I don't go to the pub with the boys, I don't go to the gym, I have no other interests. 

For example, I am still working so I play golf every Sunday. I play early in the morning and I am normally home before noon. Saturdays I practice and I am normally home by 10:00am. If there is a holiday and I don't have to work, I normally play...but I try to be home before noon.

I work in education, so I have summers off. In the summer I play or practice 6-7 days a week. Again, I am home before noon almost all of the time. I also go on a couple golf trips a year, they are boys only, but I also go on several family vacations or camping trips as well. 

As far as playing golf with my wife, I could never do it, it would be a horrible idea. I am a lifelong athlete, and I am very competitive and pretty serious. My wife is neither. I never play "just for the fun of it". I am either practicing or playing to shoot the lowest score I can. She would never understand that mindset.

Marriage has to have some compromise, but at the same time you should want to make time for your significant others. Otherwise, why would you want to have a significant other?

[GolfLug]

2 hours ago, NM Golf said:

Marriage has to have some compromise, but at the same time you should want to make time for your significant others. Otherwise, why would you want to have a significant other?

This.

I have refrained from saying much as I can't identify with selfish douchebags who are out dicking around for 10+ hours in the name of 'me time' while the wife is home waiting. 

Golf gets a bad name undeservedly. It ain't about golf. 

Edited October 13, 2022 by GolfLug

[phan52]

When I got married I was already into golf and a member of a club. My wife is into dogs (golden retrievers, to be exact) and spends a lot of time (and money) on that pursuit, so we decided to allow each other the space and time to do those things. She has tried golf off and on and is actually very good at it, the shortcomings being around the greens, but she refuses to take short game lessons in order to score better. I want her to play more because then I could play more (with her) but I have given up trying to get her to take it on as a competitive thing. We could be a formidable couple in mixed events, but she doesn't even want to get a handicap. On the other side of it, I like her dogs but probably wouldn't have one (or more) on my own and I pretty much stay out of that world. 

[TourSpoon]

On 10/12/2022 at 8:31 PM, GolfLug said:

I have refrained from saying much as I can't identify with selfish douchebags who are out dicking around for 10+ hours in the name of 'me time' while the wife is home waiting. 

My question is why is she waiting? Who wants to hang out with a drunk guy who smells like he just cut the grass? He is definitely taking advantage and it probably won’t last long without a day of reckoning coming soon.

[GolfLug]

26 minutes ago, TourSpoon said:

My question is why is she waiting? 

I am assuming this is rhetorical. If not, I would think being married to someone is a good reason.

33 minutes ago, TourSpoon said:

Who wants to hang out with a drunk guy who smells like he just cut the grass?

Lol. She might not find any of these a deterrent. We don't know.

35 minutes ago, TourSpoon said:

He is definitely taking advantage and it probably won’t last long without a day of reckoning coming soon.

Yah, that's a reasonable thought given the OP at face value but it wouldn't be the first time someone does not end up taking the most outwardly obvious path. 

It's complicated. 😁

[TourSpoon]

15 minutes ago, GolfLug said:

It's complicated. 😁

Exactly, especially when you ask for marriage advice on a golf forum. The 'Trappers always come through!