You Vote: Birth of Child or Big Payday?

[Lihu]

I spoke with my wife and she agrees with me. For something like 10x my current salary (I assigned this figure based off of Horschel's career earnings / # of years on the PGA Tour), it would be irresponsible of me to pass that up. We would be able to pay off our debts and buy a house, thus providing our kids a better life.

The problem with that is, not everyone makes a like amount of money. Some people need to work multiple jobs to make a decent living. Time spent working is time away from the family.

There's too much grey area to make generalizations here.

It also depends how you measure success. I will probably have to work for the rest of my life, maybe with multiple jobs someday? I never regretted any decisions I have made in the past.

Family is very important, and children would grow to their potential if they know that they are unconditionally loved. One of those expressions is as simple as being at their birth. Of course, being a loving parent is more important, and usually follows.

[turtleback]

You also have a lifetime to make the money you need to make all your lives successful.

But in that one day you could earn enough to counteract 5 or ten years of that lifetime.  Whereas not being at the birth of your kid reduces that lifetime you have to bond by only a few days.

Good post.  However, I think that your opinion about the correlation between the wedding costs and the marriage might be slightly clouded since, with daughters, its your own money you're talking about??

Nah.  My wife and I paid for our own wedding and I told my daughters to plan on doing the same.  Younger daughter was actually shocked when we gave her some money towards her wedding.  Sadly, but fortunately, she has already seen the collapse of the marriages of some friends who had the big expensive wedding.

It also depends how you measure success. I will probably have to work for the rest of my life, maybe with multiple jobs someday? I never regretted any decisions I have made in the past.

Family is very important, and children would grow to their potential if they know that they are unconditionally loved. One of those expressions is as simple as being at their birth. Of course, being a loving parent is more important, and usually follows.

Would that it were so.  Nowadays lots of guys who are at the birth can't even manage to be married to the person bearing their first child.  And lots of child abusers were at the births of their kids.

I also have a hard time with the notion that being there for a moment the kid will not remember is more important than avoiding having to work multiple jobs that take time away from the kid that the kid can actually remember.  If that is the choice then it seems almost selfish to be there for the birth.  "Daddy, why do you have to work instead of coming to my little league game?"  "Well, son, it was more important that I be there when you were born, so I turned down the money that would have let me be a bigger part of your life."  Yup, my feeling good about myself for being at the birth is more important than doing something that is going to make the kids life better and allow you to spend more time with them as they are growing??

And I have a hard time with the notion that being at the birth somehow proves that you unconditionally love your kid.

[dsc123]

Its not like if he gets there a day late everyone is gone and the fun is over.  Seeing his kid for the first time, and his wife, would be an equally special moment, just different.  Having just won the biggest event of his life would make that moment even more special.

--seriously, think about it for a minute.  Think about running from your victory at the fed ex cup, getting to the hospital and walking in the door to you wife and baby.  Can you picture that as anything other than awesome?

And he can be there for the next one and experience that, too.

I've never been as excited or as happy as the day my kids were born, but I'd take the money in a heart beat.

[newtogolf]

The question was modified from Horschel's exact situation so that we could relate to it, but I'm not sure it's apples to apples.  10x $200K isn't close to what Horschel had at stake.

In addition to all the money Horschel won in the tournament, he's also going to be a celebrity for the next few months.  He's going to get endorsement deals he'd likely not gotten without a victory of equal significance and he's going to gain a lot of confidence and respect on the Tour.  In the end this victory could be worth $20M and put him on track to be one of the top players on the Tour.

As grateful as I am to have been there to support my wife and hold her hand while my children were born, I'd have made the sacrifice for the opportunity to secure all of our financial futures with $15M - $20M and position myself at the top level of my industry.

[Shorty]

What a great opportunity for grandstanding without having the opportunity to back up the Phil Mickelson type talk.

Your family will appreciate the security the extra money will provide more than your presence at the actual birth.

But hey - if you want to think I'm awesome, I'll say "No amount of money will compensate for missing that moment. You can have your 11.4 million"  Yeah, right.......

[Lihu]

But in that one day you could earn enough to counteract 5 or ten years of that lifetime.  Whereas not being at the birth of your kid reduces that lifetime you have to bond by only a few days.

Nah.  My wife and I paid for our own wedding and I told my daughters to plan on doing the same.  Younger daughter was actually shocked when we gave her some money towards her wedding.  Sadly, but fortunately, she has already seen the collapse of the marriages of some friends who had the big expensive wedding.

Would that it were so.  Nowadays lots of guys who are at the birth can't even manage to be married to the person bearing their first child.  And lots of child abusers were at the births of their kids.

And I have a hard time with the notion that being at the birth somehow proves that you unconditionally love your kid.

I paid for my wedding, by tradition. Not mine, unfortunately.

This is just an indication that our society has just gone the wrong way with emphasis on "first".

Yes, I agree that being there at birth does not fully "prove" your unconditional love. It is just a small part of the big picture you have been painting on parenthood.

[Kieran123]

One of those expressions is as simple as being at their birth. Of course, being a loving parent is more important, and usually follows.

Being there at birth has absolutely no connection on how much a child loves you, how much your wife loves or, or how much you love them.

My dad was not at my birth - and if I thought that meant he loved me any less than a father who was at theirs child's birth - I'd have to be a pretentious prick.

[Lihu]

Being there at birth has absolutely no connection on how much a child loves you, how much your wife loves or, or how much you love them.

My dad was not at my birth - and if I thought that meant he loved me any less than a father who was at theirs child's birth - I'd have to be a pretentious prick.

Teenage kid's tend to be more sensitive than at other stages of their lives, and every little bit seems to make a big difference to them. Seeing as I was available during both births, it was a good idea to be there. Then and in retrospect. It wasn't like I wanted to be anywhere else anyway. I know people who flew from across the world to be there for the births of their kids, and they made it in time. Most employers tend to make exceptions for them to be there at that special time.

Sure, if you are serving active duty or an EMS with a high demand situation, etc. there is a good reason for you not to be at your kids birth. Otherwise, you might have to explain to your teenage daughter (or son) why you weren't there.

[RJH999]

Teenage kid's tend to be more sensitive than at other stages of their lives, and every little bit seems to make a big difference to them. Seeing as I was available during both births, it was a good idea to be there. Then and in retrospect. It wasn't like I wanted to be anywhere else anyway. I know people who flew from across the world to be there for the births of their kids, and they made it in time. Most employers tend to make exceptions for them to be there at that special time. Sure, if you are serving active duty or an EMS with a high demand situation, etc. there is a good reason for you not to be at your kids birth. Otherwise, you might have to explain to your teenage daughter (or son) why you weren't there.

I hope you meant teenage girls, cause shiiit I'm LESS sensitive homie :-D. My old man coulda been playing blackjack and I wouldn't have cared.

[Lihu]

I hope you meant teenage girls, cause shiiit I'm LESS sensitive homie .

My old man coulda been playing blackjack and I wouldn't have cared.

Sure, but was he at your birth?

My parents shipped me all over the world starting at 1 and a half years old. I think my parents and grandparents feel more guilty about that than I feel bad about it, but I can still "play the card".

[RJH999]

Sure, but was he at your birth? My parents shipped me all over the world starting at 1 and a half years old. I think my parents and grandparents feel more guilty about that than I feel bad about it, but I can still "play the card". :smartass:

I dunno lol. Probably. I really couldn't care less!

[Lihu]

I dunno lol. Probably. I really couldn't care less!

Use the "card", Luke. Use the "card".

[iacas]

@Lihu , I don't think it matters to the kid at all in 99.9999998% of cases. To the mother? To the father himself? Maybe. My wife just told me for $10k I can hold my kid for the first time the next day.

[RJH999]

Use the "card", Luke. Use the "card".

I am absolutely lost here.

[MS256]

Teenage kid's tend to be more sensitive than at other stages of their lives, and every little bit seems to make a big difference to them. Seeing as I was available during both births, it was a good idea to be there. Then and in retrospect. It wasn't like I wanted to be anywhere else anyway. I know people who flew from across the world to be there for the births of their kids, and they made it in time. Most employers tend to make exceptions for them to be there at that special time.

Sure, if you are serving active duty or an EMS with a high demand situation, etc. there is a good reason for you not to be at your kids birth. Otherwise, you might have to explain to your teenage daughter (or son) why you weren't there.

I would hate to try to explain to my kids that we could have all been millionaires if I would have skipped their birth.

[Lihu]

I am absolutely lost here.

Just a joke.

Seriously though, if the father doesn't care enough to be at the kid's birth and does other arbitrary things, I really wonder what kind of "dad" he would make? That's the main point I am making.

I would hate to try to explain to my kids that we could have all been millionaires if I would have skipped their birth.

OTOH, if/when you get to that "money isn't everything speech" with them, it will be a little awkward.

[newtogolf]

Just a joke.

Seriously though, if the father doesn't care enough to be at the kid's birth and does other arbitrary things, I really wonder what kind of "dad" he would make? That's the main point I am making.

Are you still referring to the original question or has this digressed to arbitrary things like going to a baseball game or playing poker?  I don't consider the potential of winning $12M+ to be an arbitrary thing.

[billchao]

Seriously though, if the father doesn't care enough to be at the kid's birth and does other arbitrary things, I really wonder what kind of "dad" he would make? That's the main point I am making.

This is where you lose me. Why does the father not being at the birth automatically mean he doesn't care? The poll question wasn't about doing arbitrary things, it was about a big payday that may or may not give the family financial security. Unless you see a man making extra money for his family as some kind of vanity project, I don't see how that equates to not caring. Here's a possible answer to your question: how about a dad that wants to put food on the table and a roof over his family's heads? That mean he doesn't care about his kids? I was at the births of both my children and I lost almost a week's worth of pay each time to do it. If my wife told me to go to work, I would have. Some people don't have it that good, my friend.