"Adulting"

[k-troop]

5 hours ago, Golfingdad said:

Ironically enough, to be extremely on topic, I was reading tst and posting while sitting at a playground in Legoland.  One of the kids was making Lego guns, one was sliding down a slide upside down and backwards and I lost track of the little one for a bit.  Whoops.

I have alerted the police.

Does anyone see that as a problem?  It seems that folks are extremely quick to judge their neighbors' behavior these days.  Neighbors, BTW, who they probably don't know.  Someone sees two kids from their own neighborhood playing alone in a playground in their own neighborhood and becomes concerned.  Rather than go ask the kids what they're doing, or call the parents, they call the cops.  

[JonMA1]

Overall, parenting is different than it used to in that maybe a higher percentage of parents coddle their children than in the old days. I don't believe it means we're all going to hell in a hand-basket. (how's that for an old man expression?) But children will have to learn fast how "unfair" life is when they become adults.

Still, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Had a conversation with my Grandmother back when my children were young. She told me of the day she brought my Dad home from the hospital as a newborn. When he began crying after being put in his crib, she naturally went to check on him. She described how my Grandfather tried to prevent her from do so by holding her down for fear of spoiling the child. As she was telling the story, I could see the anger building in this 90+ year old woman's eyes. "I told your Grandfather don't you EVER keep me from my baby when he's crying"! She was still pissed about it all those years later.

What she described happened in 1929.

Spoiling kids has been around for a long time. My wife and I often disagreed while raising our kids. She was much more apt to defend them when they "unjustly" got into trouble or received a low grade at school. I was more apt to explain that life is sometimes unfair and suggested they accept it as a lesson, or when they did screw up, there would always be consequences to such actions. I agree with @CoachB25 that teachers often get the brunt of parents who think their children can do no wrong. I could tell in the parent/teacher meetings. They were almost afraid to say what needed to be said.

[Shindig]

14 hours ago, Gunther said:

My solution?  If you're worried about this sort of thing, get ur kids into higher level athletics.  No fake trophies there.

A professional football team would never raise a participation trophy banner. 

[Golfingdad]

3 hours ago, k-troop said:

I have alerted the police.

Does anyone see that as a problem?  It seems that folks are extremely quick to judge their neighbors' behavior these days.  Neighbors, BTW, who they probably don't know.  Someone sees two kids from their own neighborhood playing alone in a playground in their own neighborhood and becomes concerned.  Rather than go ask the kids what they're doing, or call the parents, they call the cops.  

I agree that that is silly, but I still question whether or not things are actually that different than they used to be.  I think it's simply a matter of us being aware of more, with the quantity of media and social media and viral videos, etc, stories about people calling the cops in those situations make the rounds.

We see weekly about some clown calling 911 for some absurd reason like his fries were cold.  We never heard about that 20 years ago but I contend it's the same reason.  It still happened (perhaps even more often), it just didn't make the rounds.

[jamo]

21 hours ago, Gunther said:

That was issued in a bubble with nothing substantive to support it.  No idea why you posted here but seems like something else on your mind.

My solution?  If you're worried about this sort of thing, get ur kids into higher level athletics.  No fake trophies there.

I mentioned it only because it was right in the OP:

On September 4, 2016 at 10:40 AM, Rainmaker said:

So now that we've removed the ability for kids to grow up on their own and have their own unstructured experiences during childhood - we have to teach them how to cope in a world without participation trophies . .where failure is real and inevitable. 

I just can't stand the participation trophy thing. And you were correct, I actually had a longer post written out but decided not to post in.

[Gunther]

1 hour ago, jamo said:

I mentioned it only because it was right in the OP:

I just can't stand the participation trophy thing. And you were correct, I actually had a longer post written out but decided not to post in.

I thought you did, that just seemed like an incomplete thought.  I wasn't giving you the business but was trying to figure out what you were sayin cuz what you said here is not what I might have expected given your abbreviated previous post.  Thanks for corroborating.  And, I agree with you.

[iacas]

My kid and ten of her 12-, 13-, and 14-year-old friends just spent six or seven hours at the beach.

Pretty much alone. I think the parent who stayed was a few beaches over.

[Golfingdad]

16 minutes ago, iacas said:

My kid and ten of her 12-, 13-, and 14-year-old friends just spent six or seven hours at the beach.

Pretty much alone. I think the parent who stayed was a few beaches over.

On a similar note (thread-wise, at least) I learned this morning from my commish that there are no more participation trophies, now that the kids are U8.

[iacas]

If they can teach people not to click or buy things from spam email in these "Adulting" classes, I might change my mind.

Spam would completely vanish in a month if people stopped making spamming profitable. And it's not our kids doing that… it's the "adults" who should apparently know better.

[Rainmaker]

25 minutes ago, iacas said:

If they can teach people not to click or buy things from spam email in these "Adulting" classes, I might change my mind.

Spam would completely vanish in a month if people stopped making spamming profitable. And it's not our kids doing that… it's the "adults" who should apparently know better.

Yeah - that and how to validate something you find on the internet with additional sources instead of just immediately forwarding/sharing it.  But that needs to be a community outreach type program - my 5 year old daughter is more net savvy than my 72 year old Dad. 

Like whenever there is some "forward this and you will receive a million dollars - this is no joke!" scam going around I know to expect an email from my Dad with "couldn't hurt" or "you never know" at the bottom, lol. 

 

[boogielicious]

22 hours ago, Shindig said:

A professional football team would never raise a participation trophy banner. 

Sure they would!

[imsys0042]

On 9/4/2016 at 0:30 PM, Rainmaker said:

Yeah . .that's exactly my point.  Times change.  Now we need "Adulting Classes" for kids that never learned how to be self reliant.  

I'd say that it's more than someone got around to having a class like that.   Every generation has had people who are nothing but overgrown children.

I just don't understand the hate that some people have for participation trophies.   Why not give them out, especially if the kid is not the best at the sport or activity, but stuck with it and didn't quit.   It doesn't mean as much as winning, nor should it.   For some people putting in the effort, not giving up, or even doing moderately well at something that they aren't attuned to is worth something.

For people who disagree with it, just explain to your children why you feel that way and give your opinion.  I can see why some people don't like them, but I hardly think they are for ridicule.   I think it also comes from the theory that positive re-enforcement for doing something right is preferred to more negative approaches.  aka, praise someone when they do something right instead of highlighting a negative (you didn't win so it's nothing worth anything).

 

[krupa]

Is it boring to say that some parents are coddling their kids too much while (probably most) other parents are doing an OK job?  We usually hear about the "some parents" because more people will click on the headline "Parents accompany college freshmen to first day of class" than "A million college freshmen do the same boring shit you did 30 years ago... they just tweeted about it."

When I was a freshman in college back in '93, there were kids who had never done their own laundry or cooked for themselves.  I had done plenty of laundry and could cook some simple stuff.  Some kids couldn't go a day without calling home, I could go weeks without calling home (I love my parents, but I have always been independent.)  The best thing ever from my freshmen year was receiving actual letters from my girlfriend... with all the doodles and perfume, they were truly personal messages.  I feel bad that kids don't have that anymore and even more, they (a lot of them anyway) look down on that stuff with derision.  They truly don't know what they're missing.

I've seen stories and heard directly from college professors about parents who call them to talk about their kid and what they need in college.  And I was just talking to my sister who complained about the fresh-out-of-college kids she works with who can't put their phones down for a meeting, etc.  In my experience, however, the fresh grads we've hired have all been great: independent and smart enough to know to leave their phones at the desks when they come to a meeting, and willing to hear that they're wrong and how to do things better. 

For all that rambling, I think I addressed a bit of the topic. :)

[GolfLug]

Good thread. I see a participation trophy as a pat on the back after shooting a humbling 94 - acknowledgment of effort and encouragement for further efforts. I would never confuse that with an excellent round or a 'winning' round.

Kids are pretty perceptive too. They know exactly what it is and don't think necessarily confuses them. Honestly not sure how it is helping them either but certainly don't think it is a softening or enabling or entitling either.

My son is 7 and has been getting participation trophies for soccer for last two seasons. He knows exactly how many goals he scored (4) the last season, who the alpha players are for the team (not him), how many they have scored (upwards of 20 each), yet has improved each year steadily and is moving up the ranks this season. Don't know what the big fuss is about participation trophies.

'Adulting' classes sound silly, but so do a plethora of opportunistic businesses that have spawned that has 'softened' us in general for services that my parents gasp as a legit business - shopper buddy, friend for rent, etc, and what have you.

I mean even for those who were born in the 50s and 60s, did you not have AC growing up? Did that soften you? 'Soft' is relative. Just ask your grand parents.   

Just the tune of the times. Whatever..

  

  

     

[14ledo81]

Thought this one fit here....

[Golfingdad]

On September 6, 2016 at 7:34 AM, GolfLug said:

Good thread. I see a participation trophy as a pat on the back after shooting a humbling 94 - acknowledgment of effort and encouragement for further efforts. I would never confuse that with an excellent round or a 'winning' round.

Kids are pretty perceptive too. They know exactly what it is and don't think necessarily confuses them. Honestly not sure how it is helping them either but certainly don't think it is a softening or enabling or entitling either.

My son is 7 and has been getting participation trophies for soccer for last two seasons. He knows exactly how many goals he scored (4) the last season, who the alpha players are for the team (not him), how many they have scored (upwards of 20 each), yet has improved each year steadily and is moving up the ranks this season. Don't know what the big fuss is about participation trophies.

'Adulting' classes sound silly, but so do a plethora of opportunistic businesses that have spawned that has 'softened' us in general for services that my parents gasp as a legit business - shopper buddy, friend for rent, etc, and what have you.

I mean even for those who were born in the 50s and 60s, did you not have AC growing up? Did that soften you? 'Soft' is relative. Just ask your grand parents.   

Just the tune of the times. Whatever..

  

  

     

Great post ... Thumbs up. :)