Etiquette disagreement with my wife

[walk18]

Originally Posted by ajschn06

No way.  If I make a tee time, I think it should be me and whoever I want to golf with.  I have no interest in paying money to spend time with total strangers.

You forgot to vote in the poll. You would have been the lone "no" thus far.

[2bGood]

I play a round or two with my mother at my private club, she very shy about her game. We will go off at a quite time, but if we do have some on catch us or want to join us, we just let them know that we have a my moms a new golfer and they are welcome to join of us if they don't mind seeing some bad shots. Some time people say sure and we have a great time, some time they pass. Either way they no what they are getting into.

I often I go grab a round a on my own at the club and I always ask if I can join in, I know most of the guys so it is more of a given (likley they ask me to join before I have the chance to ask them). But I have had some really cool rounds with strangers where they let me know up front what I am getting into.- I played 9 holes with a great couple that was close to 90. They warned me that, they are slow and aren't very good. My answer was "I am here for the company not the golf" (and I was I just wanted to hit a few balls and I had great fun chatting with them)

To the poster that says he paid for his round, so they shouldn't pair him, it like buying two seats out of a row of three on plane and saying they have no right to sell the third seat to a stranger. If you pay for a foursome and only use two spots -more power to you but if you are only a twosome then tough luck if you get paired up with another twosome by the starter.

[NM Golf]

If I had to play golf with my wife I would ask the twosome behind me to kill me! JK You should normally ask any twosome to join if they catch you and you are waiting on the group in front of you. If you do not have a group in front of you then you should also give the option of letting the group play through. The course where I work does not even give the option of letting twosomes go off alone. It would only happen irregularly at the odd times when we aren't busy (we do over 150,000 round a year). Twosomes just screw up the pace of play when they are out there sandwiched between full groups.

[upah]

If, as a twosome, you want to golf at peak time by yourself, you should pay for a foursome so the course doesn't operate at decreased capacity due to your selfishness.  I like the like posted above: "I  am here for the company, not the golf."

[Fourputt]

Originally Posted by ajschn06

Quote:

Originally Posted by sean_miller

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajschn06

No way.  If I make a tee time, I think it should be me and whoever I want to golf with.  I have no interest in paying money to spend time with total strangers.

Do you get a private box at all sporting events?  Must be nice.

No, but I don't live in or near a big town so that helps, jack@$$.....

Well you better stay out there in Dogpatch then.  If you come to the big city you won't get that option.  What an attitude....

[IceDave]

I usually play golf with my wife, when she was taking up golf we would take a round when there were few on the course and usually rounds on short courses.  Today she's an accomplished golfer with a 20+ handicap and a hole in one on her card that I have yet to accomplish.  We try to pair up with people we know but sometimes that isn't possible so then we try to avoid the ones we know of.  Usually strangers at my club are really nice, when I am playing alone I play mostly with strangers and in 99% of the time it is just fine, you get to know new faces and different styles of play, stories they tell and so on.

Most of the time I would ask people to join, but some times it isn't possible, either because of the people or my wife is playing poorly and doesn't like the company.  Then we just let them pass.

[Fourputt]

Originally Posted by IceDave

I usually play golf with my wife, when she was taking up golf we would take a round when there were few on the course and usually rounds on short courses.  Today she's an accomplished golfer with a 20+ handicap and a hole in one on her card that I have yet to accomplish.  We try to pair up with people we know but sometimes that isn't possible so then we try to avoid the ones we know of.  Usually strangers at my club are really nice, when I am playing alone I play mostly with strangers and in 99% of the time it is just fine, you get to know new faces and different styles of play, stories they tell and so on.

Most of the time I would ask people to join, but some times it isn't possible, either because of the people or my wife is playing poorly and doesn't like the company.  Then we just let them pass.

How does anyone ever develop new golfing relationships and new friends with similar interests without getting out and mixing?  Ok... so maybe you have a bad experience.  I've had a few myself in 35 years, but the good ones are so far ahead of the bad that there is simply no comparison.  Most players can vividly remember that they were once beginners and have nothing but respect for another player who is just starting out.  The only thing I would caution those whose wives feel intimidated is be sure that they understand something about the basics of etiquette and maintaining pace.  The rest is just getting experience, and that can only be done by getting our there and playing.

You can only get comfortable playing with strangers by doing so.  You soon find that many of those strangers hit shots which are every bit as bad as what you can do, and most of them are simply pleasant companions, regardless of skill level.  But you will only find that out by just doing it.

[sean_miller]

Originally Posted by Fourputt

Quote:

Originally Posted by IceDave

I usually play golf with my wife, when she was taking up golf we would take a round when there were few on the course and usually rounds on short courses.  Today she's an accomplished golfer with a 20+ handicap and a hole in one on her card that I have yet to accomplish.  We try to pair up with people we know but sometimes that isn't possible so then we try to avoid the ones we know of.  Usually strangers at my club are really nice, when I am playing alone I play mostly with strangers and in 99% of the time it is just fine, you get to know new faces and different styles of play, stories they tell and so on.

Most of the time I would ask people to join, but some times it isn't possible, either because of the people or my wife is playing poorly and doesn't like the company.  Then we just let them pass.

How does anyone ever develop new golfing relationships and new friends with similar interests without getting out and mixing?  Ok... so maybe you have a bad experience.  I've had a few myself in 35 years, but the good ones are so far ahead of the bad that there is simply no comparison.  Most players can vividly remember that they were once beginners and have nothing but respect for another player who is just starting out.  The only thing I would caution those whose wives feel intimidated is be sure that they understand something about the basics of etiquette and maintaining pace.  The rest is just getting experience, and that can only be done by getting our there and playing.

You can only get comfortable playing with strangers by doing so.  You soon find that many of those strangers hit shots which are every bit as bad as what you can do, and most of them are simply pleasant companions, regardless of skill level.  But you will only find that out by just doing it.

Maybe his wife is like mine and is on the fence about playing at all. If I want to golf with my wife, I have to find the right foursome, tee time, and course where she feels comfortable. Otherwise she just doesn't play. It's not about gaining more experience either. She deals with stressful situations every day at work and doesn't really care to put herself in that situation over a hobby that, to be completely honest, she really doesn't have a passion for (any more).  Strange analogy alert: she goes to the Twilight movies with her friend. She's read the books and now so has her friend's husband. He wanted to appreciate the movies more (they're really quite awful aren't they?) so he read the books. They encouraged me to do that so I'd enjoy them more. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Why would I want to engross myself more into something I wish I'd never heard of. I passed on the books and now they go without me and I watch all the kids so we don't need to pay for a baby sitter - win win. My wife would rather watch the kids than golf. That's how much she loves it.

[graham57]

The LA county courses send out fivesomes (the city doesn't).  So I did mean threesomes in that case.

In Thailand (where my wife comes from), anything up to six players in a flight is allowed, which makes for really slow rounds. However, on account of the heat and humidity, there are rest areas with kiosks selling food and drink every third or fourth tee, and flights regularly take 1-3 breaks during the round, letting the flight behind them play through. Also, there are so-called "call holes". This basically means that, if on a par 3 the group in front has not cleared the green when you arrive on the tee, and you tee up a ball, this is the signal that they are obliged to move off the green and let you play through (assuming that yourflight's balls land on or around the green, otherwise you wave them back on). I found this a little awkward to handle at first, but it does help speed up play and everybody accepts it.

[vangator]

I would defer to the wife.

[Moppy]

Your email link doesn't work.

My brother feels the same way about getting paired with other people. It really limits where we can play. We don't play together all that much and if the thought of someone joining us came up, it would be game over - he might even walk off the course. He's such a barrel of laughs I can't even describe it properly.

The email link comment was funny enough, but the post got better.

[dkolo]

I always play later in the day after the morning rush, so I've been sent out as a twosome with my partner or by myself quite a few times. If it happens that another twosome or single catches up, I'll usually invite them to play or accept their invitation to join, but I secretly would absolutely prefer it if I could continue playing alone or with just my partner. I just don't know what the accepted standard is on just insisting on keeping the tee times separate when they converge on the course.

I've only once declined to have someone join. Two years ago to the day tomorrow, I managed to get out on a barely above freezing December day around midday, with almost no one on the course (and not anyone I was likely to catch, based on the tee sheet), and was really looking forward to blasting through some speed golf, so I could get 18 in before sunset, which would require really gunning it. I had teed off and was walking off the tee box when another guy asks if he could tag along. I declined, mainly because I was really excited to play by myself for the first time ever and was also worried this guy would keep me from getting 18 in if he turned out to be a slowpoke, but I still feel really lousy about it.

In fairness, it was as fun as I'd hoped, and I finished 18 in a little over 2 hours, so kinda worth the guilt, haha.

[Lihu]

I always play later in the day after the morning rush, so I've been sent out as a twosome with my partner or by myself quite a few times. If it happens that another twosome or single catches up, I'll usually invite them to play or accept their invitation to join, but I secretly would absolutely prefer it if I could continue playing alone or with just my partner. I just don't know what the accepted standard is on just insisting on keeping the tee times separate when they converge on the course.

I've only once declined to have someone join. Two years ago to the day tomorrow, I managed to get out on a barely above freezing December day around midday, with almost no one on the course (and not anyone I was likely to catch, based on the tee sheet), and was really looking forward to blasting through some speed golf, so I could get 18 in before sunset, which would require really gunning it. I had teed off and was walking off the tee box when another guy asks if he could tag along. I declined, mainly because I was really excited to play by myself for the first time ever and was also worried this guy would keep me from getting 18 in if he turned out to be a slowpoke, but I still feel really lousy about it.

In fairness, it was as fun as I'd hoped, and I finished 18 in a little over 2 hours, so kinda worth the guilt, haha.

If you both play at the same rate, both of you could have gotten all 18 holes in. If you went together it would have taken longer. Don't feel bad because he probably finished all 18 too.

[vangator]

If you both play at the same rate, both of you could have gotten all 18 holes in. If you went together it would have taken longer. Don't feel bad because he probably finished all 18 too. ;-)

I wouldn't feel guilty. If I were to ask to join another group and they declined, I would realize it was for a good reason or they were a jerk. Fine either way.

[Patch]

I voted yes, because I think at the very least, the attempt should be made. Rather it happens or not is of no consequence to me, or my wife. My wife and I have had folks join us, and some not join us. We have joined up with others, and declined invitations from others. It's a case by case decision for us. Since we are usually walking it's not like we are in each others'spaces when playing, except for greens and tee boxes. This is especially true when the other group has a motorized buggy.

Due to a wrist problem, my wife only chips/pitches and putts as it is when she is out with me. Other players joining us, or vice versa, is not a big deal to her. Most of the time we all wind up at the 19th, and finish off our chance meeting as it is.

[rkim291968]

The other day, 4 separate twosome groups were sandwiched between foursomes: 4-4-2(me)-2-2-2-4-4.   Sure enough twosomes started to wait on every hole.   With course pretty full, it did not make sense to have twosomes pass through.   I fully "expected" the twosome ahead of me to ask to join but they didn't.  I'd ask to be joined but something in their body language told me that they want to be left alone (won't make eye contact, etc).  Ditto for the two twosomes ahead of us.   So the march of 4 twosomes went on for a few holes and the foursome immediately behind me couldn't stand it and called a marshal about the waiting.   The marshal then asked the 4 twosomes to join up.   My point ... it shouldn't take marshal to get the 4 twosomes to join up when multiple groups ended up waiting on every hole.

[jetsknicks1]

No way.  If I make a tee time, I think it should be me and whoever I want to golf with.  I have no interest in paying money to spend time with total strangers.

That's just silly and rude.

[Zeph]

I don't feel a need to let groups behind me join, but how does this affect the groups out on the course? Can it improve pace of play or something for groups coming from behind, or doesn't it make a difference? Given that there is no congestion behind you.

If multiple twosomes in a row are unable to keep up pace with a foursome behind, I'm not sure how much it would help having the twosomes join forces.

That's just silly and rude.

How is not wanting to play with someone else silly and rude? I don't see where you're getting that from. People are different and you don't have to be rude just because you don't want to play with other people.

In fact, I think he makes a good point. You pay money to play golf and you spend 2-5 hours doing it. If you don't want to play with someone you don't know, then have to play with them for multiple hours, after paying money for it, I can understand where he's coming from.