Mental weakness

[stinger]

Hello, I have an issue with a club member who professes to be a friend He does though I feel try everything to destroy my game ! During medal play if I am playing well he will say personal or derogatory things to break me. This is not my imagination, another member who also played in our group now refuses to play due to his actions. I have persisted, though am fed up with having my weekends spoilt by this man. I try to block out his vile, bit eventually he breaks me as my thoughts over the ball are on his behaviour & not on my objective. I would love to be able to reverse this & block him out, bit how do I do it ? He has rhino skin ! Help please

[Valleygolfer]

Hello, I have an issue with a club member who professes to be a friend

He does though I feel try everything to destroy my game !

During medal play if I am playing well he will say personal or derogatory things to break me.

This is not my imagination, another member who also played in our group now refuses to play due to his actions.

I have persisted, though am fed up with having my weekends spoilt by this man.

I try to block out his vile, bit eventually he breaks me as my thoughts over the ball are on his behaviour & not on my objective.

I would love to be able to reverse this & block him out, bit how do I do it ?

He has rhino skin !

Help please

It is called "salt in your game" or "f#$k!ng with your head". You need to get over it and realize it has no merit or learn to do it back to him. Personally I find this banter entertaining. My usual comment is that there is nothing you can say that can make it any worse than whats going on in my head already...

[Hammer 4]

Maybe give him a taste of his own medicine...

[rkim291968]

I'd do Tyson on him and bite his ears off.   That will teach him.  If not, accuse him of bullying in a very loud voice that half the club member will hear.   After that, charge him at full speed and take your heaviest club and hit him on is nuts.    My point is, you and others should confront him and kick his sorry ass into ground.   If you don't agree with my approach, perhaps, the problem isn't serious enough.

[iacas]

Ummmmmm… stop playing with him.

[Golfingdad]

Or just play with somebody else.

[RFKFREAK]

Or learn to tune him out

[David in FL]

Or just play with somebody else.

[quote name="iacas" url="/t/71208/mental-weakness#post_922838"]Ummmmmm… stop playing with him.[/quote] I'm gonna disagree...... I think the thread is titled exactly right. You're a 9 hcp, so a decent golfer. It's time to start working on that 6 inch course between your ears. You can't always pick your opponents or fellow competitors in a competitive event. RFKFREAK is right. Learn to tune him out and toughen up. It'll make you a better golfer in the long run. And yeah......it doesn't hurt to get back into his head a little too. ;-) Welcome to the forum!

[stinger]

Hi guys & thanks for some entertaining replys:-):-) I so like the idea of tuning him out ! But how ? Nothing bothers him, he is a rhino ! Don't like the idea of bitchy battles on the course. Out leisure time is supposed to be enjoyable & a choice. Don't like a weekend of unhappiness on the course. So, to block him out, regain my focus, concentration, after his outburst of personal abuse & my mind is in tatters, how or what puts me back on track ? Thanks

[RFKFREAK]

Hi guys & thanks for some entertaining replys:-):-) I so like the idea of tuning him out ! But how ? Nothing bothers him, he is a rhino ! Don't like the idea of bitchy battles on the course. Out leisure time is supposed to be enjoyable & a choice. Don't like a weekend of unhappiness on the course. So, to block him out, regain my focus, concentration, after his outburst of personal abuse & my mind is in tatters, how or what puts me back on track ? Thanks

Tuning him out has nothing to do with nothing bothering him. Tuning him out doesn't mean getting into a competition to see who can get to who first.

[SantoroMT]

Its often easier to gain an advantage by pulling someone off their game by making them get inside their own head than playing better yourself. If he sees it bothering you, he won't stop since thats a point for him. The easiest way, in my opinion, to get him to stop is to just say "ok" to whatever he is saying, make an awesome shot, look him dead in the eyes and smile then walk away. If you appear to be unfazed (in your head you can be as annoyed as it gets) he'll eventually stop

[rkim291968]

What a pathetic guy that is, trying to gain advantage instead of using his golf skills in an amateur event that nobody cares other than those who are in it.   I certainly wouldn't be proud of beating someone that way.   His behavior goes against what golf is all about.

With thousands of golf rules, there should be one about sportsmanship/gamesmanship.   How about a stroke penalty, and DQ after 2nd occurrence?    Other sports has it.  You get a ball thrown at you if you show the opposing team off in manner inappropriate.

[Hammer 4]

Being that I use to play with a bunch of construction workers. This guy would have been warned, and if he continued, a knuckle samwhich would have been implemented to cease such verbal nonsense...not saying it's right, but it certainly gets to point across.

[newtogolf]

Hi guys & thanks for some entertaining replys:-)

I so like the idea of tuning him out !

But how ? Nothing bothers him, he is a rhino !

Don't like the idea of bitchy battles on the course. Out leisure time is supposed to be enjoyable & a choice.

Don't like a weekend of unhappiness on the course.

So, to block him out, regain my focus, concentration, after his outburst of personal abuse & my mind is in tatters, how or what puts me back on track ?

Thanks

He does it because he knows it takes you off your game.  We did it all the time playing football, it's called psyching your opponent out.  If you want him to stop you either have to threaten him with physical retaliation (not suggested) or show him it doesn't affect your game.

You tune him out by understanding that what he's saying isn't personal, it is done strictly to mess up your game.  Don't register the comments he makes in your mind, instead stay focused on a song or a memory or the vision of you making the shot you want so that when he says something you react to it like when you're wife tells you to take out the garbage or clean the garage.

[Crim]

Hi guys & thanks for some entertaining replys:-)

I so like the idea of tuning him out !

But how ? Nothing bothers him, he is a rhino !

Don't like the idea of bitchy battles on the course. Out leisure time is supposed to be enjoyable & a choice.

Don't like a weekend of unhappiness on the course.

So, to block him out, regain my focus, concentration, after his outburst of personal abuse & my mind is in tatters, how or what puts me back on track ?

Thanks

I have a friend like this and all I can suggest is...PRACTICE MORE and make it a competition when you play him. I now beat my friend every time and all he does now is make fun of himself and he praises how good my game has gotten. It may be a long shot but if you can defeat him every time...he will shut up...and if he doesn't, you'll be more confident anyway.

Make him the reason to get to a 4 handicap instead of 9.

But like others have said, if it really is too much, stop playing with him for a while.

[Crim]

With thousands of golf rules, there should be one about sportsmanship/gamesmanship.   How about a stroke penalty, and DQ after 2nd occurrence?    Other sports has it.  You get a ball thrown at you if you show the opposing team off in manner inappropriate.

Lol, trying to apply that rule to a "friendly" golf outing would just increase heckling.

[sofingaw]

I'd try to have a stock catch phrase at the ready, and just hit him with it relentlessly when he starts. Don't worry about being witty or matching him shot for shot verbally. Just something like:

'Stay Classy San Diego'

'Yeah, you sure ARE garbage!'

'Keep it juicy.'

'Mashed potatoes, man, mashed. pot-ate-oooos....'

'Got em' coach!'

Make it basically nonsensical, and annoying as hell. If repeated 70 times a round, he may get tired of hearing you in response being so silly and dismissive, and shut up himself.

A mantra, if you will. If you can get comfortable with something so silly, and he can't, then you have protection.

Just an idea.

[sofingaw]

Stick with just one. Make the repetition one of the worst things about it.