Golfing with people who don't care about golfing

[bweiss711]

My neighbor has seen me practicing in my backyard for the last couple months, and always says that we need to get out and play.  He's the nicest guy in the world.  I absolutely won the next-door-neighbor lottery when I moved in next to him.  So when he says he loves to play, of course I said lets do it.  And we finally made it out to play nine holes this morning.

On the car ride over, he was (or so I thought) joking about playing "best ball" as he called it, and that we'd always be hitting from my spot.  Turns out he wasn't joking.  Its not like he was the worst golfer I had ever seen or anything.  He was capable of some nice shots.  But on the first few holes, he'd top his ball, or hit it way over the green, and then just say "oh well, I'll just drop next to you."  And he would.  He'd play the rest of the hole from when I was.  At first it didn't really bother me.  I just figured this is how he likes to play.  But its not like I was playing my best either.  I feel like I'm in this period of real improvement, and I went to the course this morning with the intention of shooting my best score at this particular course.  But he just wanted to chit chat the whole time, immediately after each shot until right when it was time to hit the next.  It took me out of my game, and I had no time to get over my last shot, or fully prepare for my next.

And to make it "worse", we got grouped up with a single who also happened to be one of the nicest guys in the world.  Turns out him and my neighbor had similar backgrounds, knew a lot of the same people, and really hit it off.  The single was a pretty good golfer, one of those easy swingers who gets up and down like a champ.  After a couple holes, he decides to give my neighbor a tip about his swing which was received well.  And eventually, it basically turned into a full lesson on the course.  He'd give a few tips on what to do, and toss him another ball to hit after the first one didn't go well.  My neighbor was just eating it all up, loving the free lesson.  Thankfully, we were still keeping pace with all this going on.  Which is good because I really don't know how I would have reacted if we weren't.

After 5 or 6 holes of getting frustrated, I finally took a mental step back to see what was really going on here.  I was getting annoyed because I was stuck on a golf course with two of the nicest people in the world on an absolutely stunning morning here in Chicago. I decided it was time to take myself a little less seriously and enjoy this for what it was.  It didn't help my play, but I certainly had more fun.

Have any of you had this happen?  Where you had to completely shift your mentality mid-round?  Or the opposite, where you expected to have a casual round and it turned into something more competitive?  Or do you normally play in a certain mindset regardless of how the rest of your group is going along?

[newtogolf]

I tend to be more demanding of myself and more competitive when it comes to sports so I often find myself in these situations.  A number of my playing partners aren't striving to improve, they more or less accept their game as it is and consider a bad round "good for their handicap".  

I have to change my mindset a bit when I play with them because they are great guys but aren't going to push me to play my best.  They don't understand why I get annoyed when I hit a bad shot or that I'm not satisfied with a 95 or higher score.  When I play a round with them, I keep things light outwardly but internally I try to focus when I'm over the ball to hit the best shot I can.  

It's good practice to learn how to maintain focus despite the different personalities you might get partnered up with.  

[Feeling it]

It comes down to selfishness. If you avoid any golf (best balls, scrambles, golf dates with casual golfers) because it takes you away from focusing on you; then you have to admit you're being selfish. Bravo to you for recognizing this, and letting it go in favor of enjoying the company of others on a nice day. I get irritated when I'm paired up with someone who wont talk about anything but their golf, their courses, their rangefinder, etc.....makes me hope I don't come off that way to other people. Thanks for the post.

[natureboy]

Seems like your neighbor saw it as more of a social opportunity.

I think his 'best ball' dropping by yours was a courtesy to make sure he didn't hold you up with his bad shots.

[newtogolf]

1 hour ago, Feeling it said:

It comes down to selfishness. If you avoid any golf (best balls, scrambles, golf dates with casual golfers) because it takes you away from focusing on you; then you have to admit you're being selfish. Bravo to you for recognizing this, and letting it go in favor of enjoying the company of others on a nice day. I get irritated when I'm paired up with someone who wont talk about anything but their golf, their courses, their rangefinder, etc.....makes me hope I don't come off that way to other people. Thanks for the post.

One guy I regularly golf with is like that, he uses a golf app on his iPhone but asks us all what our GPS watches report so that he gets the exact distance for his shot.  He then pulls out a club, takes a few practice swings (which have no resemblance to his actual swing) and may or may not put it back in his bag and pull another one and takes some practice swings.  He then announces what shot he's trying to hit then after his swing he goes into detailed analysis of what he was thinking or why he did or didn't hit the shot as he planned.  

He's a 24 handicap and his analysis is usually far off from reality (feel isn't real) but he does this on every shot including putts.  When he's playing well, he'll play 18, if he's not playing well he leaves after 9.  

[dennyjones]

I play occasionally with an older couple and the lady hits her tee shots about 100 yards and occasionally misses the ball.   I look at it as a social get together with friends and enjoy the company and the time together.    We do play ready golf and still finish in under 4 hours.

Don't get me wrong.   I am competitive and enjoy golf immensely but on those days... 

[bones75]

For me, playing with casual players is great, so long as the whole group is that way.  Playing with competitive people is cool too, with the different mindset.  I guess I usually can go with the flow.  That said, when there's both a casual player as well as a competitive player in the same group, I end up being frustrated with myself both for not having a good time with the nice guy, and not playing well versus the competitive guy.  

[Feeling it]

Focus and practice on the range, keep it loose on the course. We all know that anyone with a handicap over 10 doesn't need to know the exact yardage to the pin for each shot, own the latest equipment, or look at a putt from 2, 3 or 4 sides. Emulating the pros is silly at the amateur level and you are fooling yourself if you think otherwise. Try to play your best, but for the sake of everyone everywhere, play your shots quickly. 

[Patch]

I have golfing friends like those in the OP's post. We just have a good time. Most of the time we don't even keep score. 

Golf is like everything else. Sometimes you can be serious, and sometimes you don't need to be. 

I can have fun either way when golfing. Obviously my lower scores are when I am focusing more on my game, but sometimes goofing off a little is a good thing too. 

[bweiss711]

8 hours ago, newtogolf said:

I tend to be more demanding of myself and more competitive when it comes to sports so I often find myself in these situations.

 

This describes me fairly accurately as well.  I'm the kind of guy who has fun when I'm competing.  That's how I enjoy myself.  I don't always have to win, but I really like the competition.

 

5 hours ago, dennyjones said:

 I look at it as a social get together with friends and enjoy the company and the time together.

Don't get me wrong.   I am competitive and enjoy golf immensely but on those days... 

 

Glad to hear there are others out there like me.  And this morning was really just about expectations.  I've been in this singular mindset the last couple months about improving my game, that I forget that some people enjoy golf for reasons other than attempting to be good at it.  Next time, and I really hope there is a next time, I'll go into it with the expectation that its a casual round and just be happy to spend some quality time with my neighbor without a fence standing between us.

Edited September 5, 2016 by bweiss711

[rkim291968]

9 hours ago, bweiss711 said:

Have any of you had this happen?  Where you had to completely shift your mentality mid-round?  Or the opposite, where you expected to have a casual round and it turned into something more competitive?  Or do you normally play in a certain mindset regardless of how the rest of your group is going along?

This happens a lot to me since my wife and are often joined by another twosome.   When it does, I go along with it, enjoying the company and the outdoor activity.   Sometimes, my game goes to hell b/c of distraction the other twosome may bring.   But life is too short to get upset at something like that.   

[StefanUrkel]

Sounds like you were jealous

[Club Rat]

I'll play "Social Golf" on occasions with friends, strangers, fellow retired co-workers and even with the old guys at my club.
I usually spend a lot of time looking for their wayward shots or explaining what their doing wrong, buying all the beer and lunch and telling them we need to move on so we don't hold up anyone.

At the end of the day, I've had a great time just being with my old friends and ex co-workers.

When I golf with the old guys, one of my favorite lines is "I'm going to take a short nap, wake me up when it's my turn to hit"

[Patch]

I think all the previous posters who have basically said  that playing amateur golf is not a life or death struggle, that it's just fun times for  many, have it right. 

We always talk about the body, and the mind's involvement in the game. I think the golfer's "spirit" needs to be added to those other two. 

[David in FL]

Who knows, maybe I'm missing out somehow, but I golf to golf, and so do those with whom I play.  We socialize later, off the course.

[newtogolf]

16 minutes ago, David in FL said:

Who knows, maybe I'm missing out somehow, but I golf to golf, and so do those with whom I play.  We socialize later, off the course.

You're not missing anything other than not everyone we golf with shares the same passion and viewpoint.  

In some cases, the "social" players aren't good golfers and may be a bit embarrassed or intimidated to play the round properly.   When I was first learning to play, I was very self conscious and would often just drop a ball near my playing partner when I hit my ball OB rather than risk the embarrassment of hitting another one OB.  

In other cases people don't play enough golf to care what their score is.  My cousin plays 3 rounds a year, doesn't maintain a handicap and mostly goes on the course to hang out with family and friends.  

[bkuehn1952]

I am like a number of posters; I tend to be fairly serious about my golf game and go to the golf course to play golf.  When I play with my wife, the grandkids or people I know are not really in to the game, I shift gears.  We play 2 person scrambles or some sort of team game.  Typically nine holes, in carts, at a lower cost venue.

Non-serious golf is a nice change of pace now and then.  I do tend to stay away from events like 4-person scrambles as I find those to be painful.  

 

[Yukari]

1 hour ago, David in FL said:

Who knows, maybe I'm missing out somehow, but I golf to golf, and so do those with whom I play.  We socialize later, off the course.

I'm of the same view. Golf for me is a way to forget about everything and concentrate on just one thing. I don't play to socialize. I do that after the round is over.