Universal Golf Laws

I usually don't post these, but there are some classics here (Law #9 is so true, it hurts) ...

LAW 1:
No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2:
Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3:
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be
partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.

LAW 4:
Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5:
The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 6:
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 7:
All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close.

LAW 8:
Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.

LAW 9:
The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 10:
Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 11:
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

LAW 12:
Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.

LAW 13:
If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.

LAW 14:
It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.

LAW 15:
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

LAW 16:
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

LAW 17:
It's not a gimme if you're still 4 feet away.

LAW 18:
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

LAW 19:
You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

LAW 20:
Every Time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

LAW 21:
If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard.

LAW 22:
There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

LAW 23:
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

LAW 24:
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

haha...nice post

Laws 2, 4, 14, 18,19 definately apply to me.

Looks like I need to find a chainsaw!

Thanks for posting these! It's amazing how they are so true.

Law 19 is my favorite. Always astounded me, too.

9, 12 (sigh) and 19 for me....

12 is truly my heart breaker...

aWESOME!

There needs to be a 'boasting law'. Example:

Yesterday I played in my club championship qualifier. The day before I played a practice round in which I did not hit any fat or thin shots with my irons (they didn't always go exactly where I wanted, but they were all pretty flush). So, on #3, a par 3, I mentioned this to my playing partner, and sure enough, I hit a somewhat skinny 6i off the tee, which was then followed by a bladed SW that went skidding through the green.

Another example is arriving at a course and stating (truthfully) that this is an easy course, and you end up shooting the worst round of the year.

There are no easy courses, just abnormally low scoring rounds at a track that will eventually take it's revenge.

I'd like to see these etched in stone tablets with Arnie standing atop of a mountain holding them like Charlton Heston as Moses in the movie The Ten Commandments......

That explains a lot. I was thinking of getting a new shaft for my 3 wood, now I know I just need to douse it in holy water. I'd say it's 3 bad holes, not necessarily bad shots. But when you're due for a bad hole, the number of bad shots will be sufficient to ruin your chances on that hole no matter how good your first shot was. I think I can hit that 2 inch branch more than 90%, should I consider becoming a lumberjack?

found this old thread ... might be something in there of interest

There is a useful message in Law 21.  My Granddaughter gave me a plaque to hang in the den with most of these.  The're great.

Those are great.   Thanks for sharing.

9, 18, 19, and 23.

It can be the lone 1" branch sticking out with air all around it, and I'll hit it - and my ball will ricochet out of bounds.

23 will be right where my ball went.... and vanished.