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Is there Etiquette on Pairing Up?


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I would prefer if courses would pair me up with other groups, when I went to NJ last year I booked tee times at 2 courses as a single. One course didn't join me with anyone and I played a difficult and unfamiliar course by myself which wasn't nearly as enjoyable as it should have been given the beautiful surroundings and weather. The other course proactively had me join a twosome of regulars who were very affable and able to help me with local knowledge of the course as well as provide some delightful conversation. As I mentioned in another thread, I've never had a bad experience joining up with others to play so I always look forward to the opportunity.

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Better courses will almost always look to pair up singles. That or they don't accept single players period. Then there are the courses I tend to play.

My courses will send out everyone that pays the money. A number of them have no such thing as a starter for most of day. If they do, its a volunteer that wants as little difficulty as possible in exchange for his free rounds. Often, you wait in a line at the first tee and sort it out among yourselves. Some are eager to pair up. Others make it clear that they don't.  Pretty much luck of the draw.

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  On 5/23/2016 at 6:02 PM, DaveP043 said:

I'm not sure what kind of liability issues could arise, can you describe any?  If I'm running a course, and the course is even semi-busy, I'd never allow a single or two-ball to start off if there were other singles or twosomes waiting.  Of course, if I'm running the course, I'd find someone to marshal who could politely but firmly keep play moving, but that's another conversation.

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There are golfers who drink, get belligerent and have anger management issues that could result in someone getting hurt.  The injured parties case would be improved if the course "required" they pair up despite requesting not to be.  

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  On 5/23/2016 at 6:33 PM, newtogolf said:

There are golfers who drink, get belligerent and have anger management issues that could result in someone getting hurt.  The injured parties case would be improved if the course "required" they pair up despite requesting not to be.  

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I understand what you're saying, but filling foursomes seems to me to be a standard practice in the industry.  To me there would have to be some proof that the course was aware in advance of a specific issue with the offending player in order to find negligence on their part.  If I have a potential customer who's that dangerous, I'm going to try to find a legitimate reason to keep him off of my course completely.  He'd be endangering not only the people in his group but everyone else on the course.

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  On 5/23/2016 at 5:42 PM, DaveP043 said:

Surprisingly enough, the Old Course at St Andrews doesn't require that people pair up to fill foursomes.  If you have a tee time, as a twosome or threesome, you may be asked to let someone join you, but you're within your rights to decline.  To my way of thinking that would be rude, but it does happen.

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Yes, I was surprised when I called to enter the daily "lottery" as a 2-some that they asked me if we objected to being paired up.  I told them no problem but clearly I could have told them we wanted to play alone.  It seemed almost a "golf crime" to take a slot on the Old Course with only 2 golfers.

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  On 5/23/2016 at 5:53 PM, paininthenuts said:

In answer to the thread. If it's a swingers party, always give back the other blokes wife.

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You're trying too hard.

Stick to talking about golf.

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I also frequently play as a single in the evening for 9 holes. I pretty much exclusively play at local, more humdrum (cheap) muni's. 

Here is what I do, regarding etiquette: If I start off as a single, I'll play up to the group ahead almost always. Weather they're in a cart or not (I almost exclusively walk). I will put my ball in a position to get close to them. That does NOT mean I hit into them. But for example if they're on the green I'll hit it to within 50y. Then when they're putting out I make sure to make a nice quick chip or bump and run and putt it out without much though so I can catch them on the next tee box. I'll usually just pull my cart up to about 50 ft of them, I'll check for groups ahead, and stand there and if they look back at me and don't say anything without a group ahead of them I'll ask to play through. Usually they'll say yes. If they're hesitant I'll let them know that I'll make it really quick and that I play very fast. Usually it's not a problem.

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  On 5/23/2016 at 5:51 PM, newtogolf said:

Require is a strong word and might open a course to liability lawsuits depending on the circumstances.

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That's silly.  The practice at every course I've ever played (except quiet, empty, expensive resort courses) has been to fill up foursomes as needed to get everybody on the course.  That's just the way it is, always has been and always will be.

You make a time for 2 in prime hours, you are guaranteed to be playing with other people.  Make a time for 3 in prime hours, and it's still very likely you're playing with others.  And there are no compatibility tests prior to meeting on the first tee either. :)

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  On 5/23/2016 at 7:33 PM, Golfingdad said:

That's silly.  The practice at every course I've ever played (except quiet, empty, expensive resort courses) has been to fill up foursomes as needed to get everybody on the course.  That's just the way it is, always has been and always will be.

You make a time for 2 in prime hours, you are guaranteed to be playing with other people.  Make a time for 3 in prime hours, and it's still very likely you're playing with others.  And there are no compatibility tests prior to meeting on the first tee either. :)

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It would seem like people should have some say in who they are grouped with. I can't imagine that a group of non-smokers would be forced to allow a smoker to join them. Considering you can't exactly expect a smoker to go through a full round without having a cigar/cigarette.

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  On 5/23/2016 at 7:38 PM, Jeremie Boop said:

It would seem like people should have some say in who they are grouped with. I can't imagine that a group of non-smokers would be forced to allow a smoker to join them. Considering you can't exactly expect a smoker to go through a full round without having a cigar/cigarette.

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The only say you get is if you decide to forfeit your time and wait until later.  If I play with somebody who smokes, all I do is make a point to stand upwind of them when we're waiting on tee boxes if they're lighting up.  If I get stuck with somebody who's unpleasant for any other reason, then I walk ahead or behind them or otherwise avoid them when I can.  Neither of those happens often, but when it does, it's not hard to work around.

And remember, if we're talking about 2 twosomes, then it's most likely that you both made the same tee time.  You don't "own" that slot any more than the smokers do, so you should have zero say in who you're grouped with and don't get to decide who you will or won't "allow" to join you.  Secondly, you're almost never meeting these people until you're on the 1st tee with 5 minutes to go prior to your time.  How, exactly, would you go about explaining to them that they can't play with you?

If that stuff really bothers you, then you avoid it in other ways - by making sure you always have your own 4 or play when it's quiet.

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  On 5/23/2016 at 7:47 PM, Golfingdad said:

The only say you get is if you decide to forfeit your time and wait until later.  If I play with somebody who smokes, all I do is make a point to stand upwind of them when we're waiting on tee boxes if they're lighting up.  If I get stuck with somebody who's unpleasant for any other reason, then I walk ahead or behind them or otherwise avoid them when I can.  Neither of those happens often, but when it does, it's not hard to work around.

And remember, if we're talking about 2 twosomes, then it's most likely that you both made the same tee time.  You don't "own" that slot any more than the smokers do, so you should have zero say in who you're grouped with and don't get to decide who you will or won't "allow" to join you.  Secondly, you're almost never meeting these people until you're on the 1st tee with 5 minutes to go prior to your time.  How, exactly, would you go about explaining to them that they can't play with you?

If that stuff really bothers you, then you avoid it in other ways - by making sure you always have your own 4 or play when it's quiet.

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So, a threesome would have to forfeit their tee time because they prefer not to golf with a smoker? Just curious, I mean it doesn't bother me specifically because most of my friends and family smoke, but I do know people who either don't want or can't be around smoke. I'm speaking of the larger group here, not the single who has to be fit in where they can.

KICK THE FLIP!!

In the bag:
:srixon: Z355

:callaway: XR16 3 Wood
:tmade: Aeroburner 19* 3 hybrid
:ping: I e1 irons 4-PW
:vokey: SM5 50, 60
:wilsonstaff: Harmonized Sole Grind 56 and Windy City Putter

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  On 5/23/2016 at 7:38 PM, Jeremie Boop said:

It would seem like people should have some say in who they are grouped with. I can't imagine that a group of non-smokers would be forced to allow a smoker to join them. Considering you can't exactly expect a smoker to go through a full round without having a cigar/cigarette.

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Well keep in mind that you always have the option to pay green fees for the unused spots within your group. If you really want to keep your twosome a twosome, just be prepared to pay double green fees and you will be fine. 

Otherwise.... yeah you are getting paired up with someone. And no..... You don't have a say in it, regardless of the other party's skill, gender, ethnicity political affiliations, and/or affinity for smoking like a chimney.

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  On 5/23/2016 at 7:50 PM, Jeremie Boop said:

So, a threesome would have to forfeit their tee time because they prefer not to golf with a smoker? Just curious, I mean it doesn't bother me specifically because most of my friends and family smoke, but I do know people who either don't want or can't be around smoke. I'm speaking of the larger group here, not the single who has to be fit in where they can.

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For the particular issue of smoking, I've found that with the right approach its generally not a problem.  I'll tell playing partners that I'm not fond of smoke, so if they see me standing a bit apart that's the reason.  Usually they'll become very considerate, staying downwind as much as possible, not lighting up right next to me, etc.  I've seen a lot of people who are afraid to offend someone, and end up suffering in silence.  Its better to be up front about things like that, open polite conversation almost always makes it a non-issue.

Of course, I spent most of my youth, and a big part of my adulthood, in bars back in the days when smoking indoors was acceptable.  If you wanted to play pool, or hear the band, you had no choice but to put up with the smoke.  I don't like cigarette smoke, but I can tolerate it.

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Dave

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I generally play SoCal courses, occasionally MX and Minnesota courses in the summer. The two former locales if you are a single or two some the pro shop will generally put you with others so there is at least a threesome going out unless the course load is real light. In northern MN I tried to make a tee time , Longbow CC, as a single several times and was told by the pro shop to show up but I may have wait until they found a group that was willing to play with a stranger. I found that odd, maybe it's a regional thing, but to have to have other golfers approve of a person to join them was absolute bunk! They didn't get my money. Never will. 

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  On 5/23/2016 at 7:50 PM, Jeremie Boop said:

So, a threesome would have to forfeit their tee time because they prefer not to golf with a smoker? Just curious, I mean it doesn't bother me specifically because most of my friends and family smoke, but I do know people who either don't want or can't be around smoke. I'm speaking of the larger group here, not the single who has to be fit in where they can.

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Even with a threesome and a single, yeah.  You play the hand you're dealt and telling the starter that that single from the waiting list who also paid his greens fees but smokes is not welcome in your group is not one of the cards in your hand.

The right approach is either what @Big C or @DaveP043 said.

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  On 5/23/2016 at 5:51 PM, newtogolf said:

Require is a strong word and might open a course to liability lawsuits depending on the circumstances.  I've been paired up with some people I really enjoyed playing with but there have been a few that I would not want to golf with again.  Every course has their known jerks so overall i think pairing people up is a good thing, but requiring it is a bit more than I'd suggest.  

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This makes no sense to me.  I guess I could say that my home course doesn't force you to play with someone else - you can pack up and go home instead.  When the course is busy, they are going to do what they can to maximize revenue, and that means putting out fourball groups as much as it is possible to do.  During peak times you will almost never see a 2 some on the course.  Threesomes are occasionally sent out when a foursome shows up short and there is no single on the waiting list.  

When I got a call from a single or twosome looking to play, I would look at the time frame they wanted and if there was another group to pair them with, I did so.  I didn't ask if they wanted to be paired, I just did it.  If a twosome called and asked to play alone, I would tell them that there was no guarantee that the empty slots would not be filled later unless they chose to reserve and pay all 4 tee times.  I had guys try to get around it by reserving fro 4 then showing up as 2 telling me that the other "two guys" backed out, thinking that would get them off alone.  When that happened, most of the time I'd have a waiting list or maybe another twosome trying the same stunt, and I'd just match them up.  There was an evil sense of satisfaction in thwarting their plans.

I often had guys tell me that their wives were uncomfortable playing with strangers, and all I could say was the more they did it, the more comfortable it would become.  When you play a public course, you take your chances.  

Rick

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By the way, one more comment.  If I catch up to a short group on the rare occasion that I'm playing alone, I see no breach of etiquette in asking to join up with with them.  Some feel that the only right course is for them to ask you to join, but not for you to initiate the merger.  I disagree with that premise.  If they refuse and course is full, then I'll drop back again, but if I'm playing my home course I'll also mention it to the ranger so he knows that I'm not playing alone to be  a jerk about it (I know all of the rangers and most of them know that I don't like playing alone).  He may or may not breach it with the group, but to be honest, once they have rejected my advances, I'm not sure that we would have a very comfortable time anyway if they are forced to let me join, so in that case I'll just hang back.  I won't run up on them, but they will feel me back there waiting all the way around.

Rick

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  On 5/23/2016 at 8:52 PM, Fourputt said:

I had guys try to get around it by reserving fro 4 then showing up as 2 telling me that the other "two guys" backed out, thinking that would get them off alone.

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LOL ... the fact that you used the quotes is why I'm always a little self conscious when I have to tell a starter that a guy or two really did just cancel on me at the last minute. :8)

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