Bad Golf Parents

[Rainmaker]

This is probably the worst thing I've ever seen on the course. 

My buddy and I are getting ready to tee off. My buddy is teed up and getting ready to hit when this middle aged guy comes running up and tells us his daughter is going to hit a few drives before we tee off.  Doesn't ask - tells us. 

We say - ok sure. Whatever, right?  So this 12-14 year old girl meekly walks onto the tee. Tees it up and slices it. The dad yells "what the f are you doing?  You're coming over the top. Hit another one". She does and tops it. He looks totally disgusted as she tees up one more and pretty much whiffs it. He gruffly says "that's it - lets go" and stomps off. She is practically in tears. 

I felt so bad for this girl I felt like saying something to this idiot but I knew it would not go well. He looked like he'd probably punch me if I did. 

Whats the worst example of golf parenting you've had the displeasure of witnessing? 

[Gator Hazard]

Wow! I would have told him first that ,no, his daughter is not hitting a few drives until after we are off the tee box. I would not have been there in that instance to see him submit his Dbag Dad of the year performance. I love that he said what the f are you doing. That just shows he cares. Right? Unbelievable. 

[JonMA1]

That is incredibly sad. To think she has and will continue to grow up in that sort of environment thinking it is just "normal". You can only hope that Mom keeps that a-hole in check at home.

I haven't seen anything to compare with that in golf but have seen it at other youth sport events. Pathetic. The only time I've ever given my kid grief is for f'ing off instead of giving some sort of effort - and that was a calm discussion after the event and away from everyone.

I played a round of golf with a family where the Dad was Captain Hindsight. The daughter would putt past the hole and the Dad would say (in a calm voice), "see now, you hit that one too hard" or "you missed left". I could tell the daughter was thinking "no shit Dad".

[Patch]

I use to umpire youngsters little league games. Idiot parents were the norm, and not exception.

As my daughters progressed through their age groups, I stopped umpiring, and took up coaching in the Bobby Sox/American Girl fast pitch softball programs they were members of. Again, there was no shortage of parents with bad attitudes. The worst would be a coach with a bad attitude, who had no idea how to interact with youngsters. 

I found, that most of the time,  it was a parent who had previously failed in their own sports endeavors, while trying to achieve some personal glory through their own child's play. 

My grand daughters both played on basketball team who played for a very good coach during their league play. Once in their playoffs, another coach joined their effort. Local word was he was a very demanding coach. As it turned out, he felt it necessary to yell/scream at his players for any of their miscues. Now these were 8-9 year old girls that he was going off on. By the end of the game, which they lost, he had most of the team in tears. Not because they lost, but because of his screaming at them for not winning. The guy was simply a jerk, who had no business working with youngsters. 

[paininthenuts]

1 hour ago, Rainmaker said:

This is probably the worst thing I've ever seen on the course. 

My buddy and I are getting ready to tee off. My buddy is teed up and getting ready to hit when this middle aged guy comes running up and tells us his daughter is going to hit a few drives before we tee off.  Doesn't ask - tells us. 

We say - ok sure. Whatever, right?  So this 12-14 year old girl meekly walks onto the tee. Tees it up and slices it. The dad yells "what the f are you doing?  You're coming over the top. Hit another one". She does and tops it. He looks totally disgusted as she tees up one more and pretty much whiffs it. He gruffly says "that's it - lets go" and stomps off. She is practically in tears. 

I felt so bad for this girl I felt like saying something to this idiot but I knew it would not go well. He looked like he'd probably punch me if I did. 

Whats the worst example of golf parenting you've had the displeasure of witnessing? 

I thought that was what driving ranges are for. I know this is pretty much my answer to everything, but perhaps you should have whacked him in the face with your putter 

[Ernest Jones]

Way to **** up your kid's self-esteem for life. Nice job arsehole.  Dude needs to learn to deal with his own sense of inadequacies on his own and not project them onto his children. Probably has a small dick and a giant truck. 

[RandallT]

7 minutes ago, paininthenuts said:

I thought that was what driving ranges are for. 

Yah, other than the guy's behavior, this baffled me too. I can't imagine someone walking up to the first tee for the sole purpose of hitting some practice shots. 

But on the main point of this dude's parenting- wow. That kind of approach to giving them feedback on how they're doing wouldn't get very far with my daughters (I'm "lucky" enough to have 3), I'll tell you that much. Doubt any of them would even want to touch a club again. Seems like emotional abuse, frankly, and beyond just being a bad golf dad. Doesn't sound like this is something just a stressed guy would do on a bad day. But it's a good reminder that kids can be raised in all kinds of terrible environments, despite whatever material wealth it appears the family has.

[Gator Hazard]

24 minutes ago, Ernest Jones said:

Way to **** up your kid's self-esteem for life. Nice job arsehole.  Dude needs to learn to deal with his own sense of inadequacies on his own and not project them onto his children. Probably has a small dick and a giant truck. 

What's the saying? The bigger the lift kit, the smaller their dick?

[Papa Steve 55]

Not in golf.

In high school hockey I made a clean check on a guy but his skate dug into a rut and he tore up his knee a bit. Whistle blew, I went to him touched his shoulder said sorry, he said no problem, was a tough break. After the game someone steps behind me and says "hey #5", I turn around and get cold cocked. turns out it was his dad, my coach grabbed him and pinned him, cops came and he was charged with felony battery. Hopefully it will catch up with this bully soon too.

[newtogolf]

At the range I've seen a guy berate his 12-14 year old son while giving him "lessons" and another guy leave his young baby in a removable car seat crying and screaming while he hit golf balls.  

The 12- 14 year old was getting verbally abused in the stall next to me so when his dad walked off to get more golf balls, I looked at him and just said, "Golf is tough, don't feel bad if it doesn't come easy".   I would've said more but I didn't want to make things worse for the kid.  

My son wrestled for 8 years, I supported him and offered to help him in any way but made it clear this was all about him and that I'd just be his biggest and loudest fan.  When he decided to quit wrestling in his sophomore year due to a rough battle with MRSR, I just made sure that was what he wanted and we went down and spoke to the coach.  

Parents that feel the need to live out their dreams through their kids do a lot more damage than they realize.  There is already enough pressure on the kid to succeed without the added pressure of disappointing a parent.    

[amoline]

It's not a bad golf parent, per se but a coach is close and this was just the other day, so I think it applies. I saw one of the local high school girl's team coaches the other day at the driving range, set up complete with tent for sitting under to watch a team member/good friend of mine hit balls (she's just a couple years younger than I am and going to the same college I go to in town next year. We golf together a lot)

Anyway, she's having trouble with the tops and fatsies, and it's easy to see why even for me as a swing enthusiast and not a PGA pro. She's developed over the summer it seems one of the most severe reverse pivots/overall changes in spine tilt throughout the swing I've ever seen. She's obviously a fantastic athlete to compensate for a flaw that severe, and when she does manage to (somehow) she hits some beautiful shots. I of course not wishing to say anything at all, but it's obvious it's becoming frustrating to her and both because she's not "on" this day and isn't able to correct.

Anyway, I went up to the clubhouse and got another bucket of balls so I could nonchalantly edge a little closer to eavesdrop on the conversation. 

So I'm back and the coach has found the ultimate swing key for her and it's going to fix everything. His advice to her...

You need to hold the lag. And he proceeds to demonstrate by doing a "pump" drill that would probably break my wrists if I tried it.

So what was chunks and tops with the occasional great shot has now turned into an excavation effort for buried treasure.

Coach actually starts practically screaming. "Why can't you do this?!? YOU NEED TO HOLD THE LAG!!!" 

Girl is freaked out, almost speed hitting golf balls, coach is doing no better, shouting at her to hold the lag, and nothing is going on.  Coach finally just gives up "UGH, you'll never play any good golf if you can't hold onto any lag!" Stomps off.

Friend of mine just drops to her knees and starts crying on the driving range. Have to admit that this sport has made me want to cry before but never quite like that.

Had to go over and tap her on the shoulder, just said "Hey, it's all right -- sometimes coaches aren't swing coaches." So we hit the rest of our buckets together and played 9 afterwards. 

So fortunately what was an absolutely insane event ended with a great few hours of golf with a good friend.  All the same, just goes to show that swing coaches and golf coaches are two very different jobs and being one does not make one the other. 

Sadly, I see parents ruining their juniors every day at the range. I'll come back to this thread when I have more cringe-worth tidbits...

[Rainmaker]

1 hour ago, Papa Steve 55 said:

Not in golf.

In high school hockey I made a clean check on a guy but his skate dug into a rut and he tore up his knee a bit. Whistle blew, I went to him touched his shoulder said sorry, he said no problem, was a tough break. After the game someone steps behind me and says "hey #5", I turn around and get cold cocked. turns out it was his dad, my coach grabbed him and pinned him, cops came and he was charged with felony battery. Hopefully it will catch up with this bully soon too.

Woah - that's nuts. You win, unfortunately.  

I also have a daughter (and a son) and I can't understand why some parents feel it's more important to teach their kids sports when there's a very small chance of it mattering at the expense of teaching them to be a good person - which will always matter. 

I remember way, way back when I was in little league a dad punching an umpire and the cops getting called. I'm pretty sure that kids not in the big leagues today. 

[Golfingdad]

25 minutes ago, amoline said:

It's not a bad golf parent, per se but a coach is close and this was just the other day, so I think it applies. I saw one of the local high school girl's team coaches the other day at the driving range, set up complete with tent for sitting under to watch a team member/good friend of mine hit balls (she's just a couple years younger than I am and going to the same college I go to in town next year. We golf together a lot)

Anyway, she's having trouble with the tops and fatsies, and it's easy to see why even for me as a swing enthusiast and not a PGA pro. She's developed over the summer it seems one of the most severe reverse pivots/overall changes in spine tilt throughout the swing I've ever seen. She's obviously a fantastic athlete to compensate for a flaw that severe, and when she does manage to (somehow) she hits some beautiful shots. I of course not wishing to say anything at all, but it's obvious it's becoming frustrating to her and both because she's not "on" this day and isn't able to correct.

Anyway, I went up to the clubhouse and got another bucket of balls so I could nonchalantly edge a little closer to eavesdrop on the conversation. 

So I'm back and the coach has found the ultimate swing key for her and it's going to fix everything. His advice to her...

You need to hold the lag. And he proceeds to demonstrate by doing a "pump" drill that would probably break my wrists if I tried it.

So what was chunks and tops with the occasional great shot has now turned into an excavation effort for buried treasure.

Coach actually starts practically screaming. "Why can't you do this?!? YOU NEED TO HOLD THE LAG!!!" 

Girl is freaked out, almost speed hitting golf balls, coach is doing no better, shouting at her to hold the lag, and nothing is going on.  Coach finally just gives up "UGH, you'll never play any good golf if you can't hold onto any lag!" Stomps off.

Friend of mine just drops to her knees and starts crying on the driving range. Have to admit that this sport has made me want to cry before but never quite like that.

Had to go over and tap her on the shoulder, just said "Hey, it's all right -- sometimes coaches aren't swing coaches." So we hit the rest of our buckets together and played 9 afterwards. 

So fortunately what was an absolutely insane event ended with a great few hours of golf with a good friend.  All the same, just goes to show that swing coaches and golf coaches are two very different jobs and being one does not make one the other. 

Sadly, I see parents ruining their juniors every day at the range. I'll come back to this thread when I have more cringe-worth tidbits...

Actually, I don't think it's close at all.  I had a lot of coaches in high school that liked to scream at us (granted, I'm talking about baseball, football, and basketball) and they would not leave the same kind of lasting scars as a parent.

In fact, I have "fond" and humorous memories thinking of the times my coaches lost it.  I would not feel that way with a parent.

Not saying what that guy was doing was acceptable by any means, but just saying that it's not close to the same level as intense parents in this thread.

[paininthenuts]

3 hours ago, Gator Hazard said:

What's the saying? The bigger the lift kit, the smaller their dick?

Not entirely fair. I feel I brought my son up very well, but I have a very small dick 

[natureboy]

1 hour ago, amoline said:

Anyway, she's having trouble with the tops and fatsies, and it's easy to see why even for me as a swing enthusiast and not a PGA pro. She's developed over the summer it seems one of the most severe reverse pivots/overall changes in spine tilt throughout the swing I've ever seen. I of course not wishing to say anything at all, but it's obvious it's becoming frustrating to her and both because she's not "on" this day and isn't able to correct.

First of all Kudos for being a supportive friend. What that guy was doing and the bad examples in other posts have nothing to do with 'coaching' IMO. When a coach gets a little ballistic at a whole team, it's a different vibe and while it can be intense and often counter-productive it's not nearly as bad as being singled out for a stream of degrading abuse. I can think of some examples of my experience of youth soccer where some kids with clear ability lost the love of the game as teens due to their overbearing fathers who couldn't reign it in.

I think the difference between your guy in the example is greater than one between swing / golf coach and more between competent / incompetent coach.

The moron attempting to 'coach' your friend was only demonstrating the limits of his ability. My universal experience with great teachers who truly understand their subject matter is their ability to reframe their points with different analogies, concepts, or word pictures. Many also seem to wait and watch longer before providing advice or intervention so they understand the true core issue or to confirm their 'initial read'. IMO, what the guy in your example was really steamed about was his own lack of knowledge and coaching skill processed through the subconscious desire to avoid the cognitive dissonance between his self-image as a coach and his actual ability.

Any real teacher / coach understands that while an occasional 'come on' growl / kick in the pants may be called for to encourage effort or concentration, a running stream of 'you suck' commentary will only shut the person down emotionally leading to sub-par performance. Most of us have enough of this internal dialogue already when we aren't performing well anyway so a smart coach - particularly in golf - will tend to go easier when the player is frustrated / struggling to help nudge them back into a lower tension mental state for better performance so they can at least fairly attempt what the coach is encouraging.

Even Earl Woods who in some ways strikes me as an overbearing parent never seemed to tear Tiger down. He gamed him with the occasional mindf$%k like dropping his clubs during his swing, but I imagine most of his early golf advice was delivered in a pretty measured tone. Nicklaus' introduction to the game was probably even more low-key where he wasn't 'forced' to play golf, but got interested while carrying his dad's bags. Then his own competitive desire to overcome the challenge of golf kicked in and Grout's 'passive' (to some) coaching style still produced a legend.

Since you have spent a lot more time with your friend than this coach seems to be willing to do and you have an experienced eye, you probably have far more to offer her in swing feedback than he does despite any difference in certifications. I encourage you to ask her (when she's in a receptive mood) if it's okay to point out the issue you've identified. I expect if she still loves golf and you deliver the info in the way I expect you would, that it will only strengthen your friendship.

Edited July 9, 2016 by natureboy

[natureboy]

5 hours ago, Rainmaker said:

This is probably the worst thing I've ever seen on the course. 

She was probably already embarrassed by the clear etiquette violation of jumping the line to the tee. This guy clearly will impart a love of the game to his daughter and understands the value of quality time with his offspring. 

[amoline]

Fair point @Golfingdad. As natureboy said in the above posts, I wouldn't have felt it perhaps quite as unusual if it were a coach going off at a team as a whole. I know coaches can get intense, and the questionability of yelling at a team aside, I think especially how golf works as a sport, so mental and confidence driven, it's quite strange to see a single player taken down like that. I'm certainly not trying to "one up" any of the other posts about intense parents. Just wanted to share the most recent situation I'd seen on the course that it reminded me of

Thank you for the points, @natureboy! I agree, sometime I'll point it out. We often point out things like that in each others' swings, too. Even if it's not so much instruction as another eye to say "Hey, just so you know you're a little across the line if you don't mean to be" -- or whatever. Thanks for the post. I agree entirely with what you said especially coaching re: golf. I feel at the very bare minimum it is a coach's job to never demoralize his or her players. As I pursue a teaching degree myself, I know there is a big difference between giving students a verbal lashing that is a kick in the pants to get going, and flat out telling them you suck, basically. 

 

[colin007]