Daughter Plays Weekly but Isn't Committed

[RayG]

" Coaches "? ....and not even in High School? With a so-so attitude, seems like overkill.

[billchao]

I'm not sure what you're trying to show with your quotes, @Mr. Desmond , but the lines you put in bold seem to support what @Shorty is saying. @Lihu 's daughter doesn't like golf as much as he does. BTW, posts like that with no text tend to get deleted.

[Mr. Desmond]

I'm not sure what you're trying to show with your quotes, @Mr. Desmond, but the lines you put in bold seem to support what @Shorty is saying. @Lihu's daughter doesn't like golf as much as he does.

BTW, posts like that with no text tend to get deleted.

Truthfully and in context?

My initial post just expanded what some other people had stated.

My bold was not to support or detract -- it was to point out relative references in the original post. Shorty said she did not like golf ... the quote of the OP stated she seems to enjoy golf on a social basis  but indicates she does not want to work at it or take it seriously. Take your pick.

The point of not saying anything was to allow people to see what one member said and to compare what the OP stated, and draw their own conclusions.

I don't know how many fathers we have here but just because a child does not want to talk, does not mean you do not talk with them about the situation. In fact, the OP does not say whether his daughter is approachable or not.

I have conversations with my 8 yr old son about school, about life, about golf ... just like I did with my 23 yr old when he was young -- my eldest son was not serious about golf when he was 10 years old but wanted to play with me (at least that is what he told our instructor). He went to high school and was all-district for the two years he played.

I do not think we talk enough with our children. Others disagree. C'est la vie.

[Lihu]

Truthfully and in context?

My initial post just expanded what some other people had stated.

My bold was not to support or detract -- it was to point out relative references in the original post. Shorty said she did not like golf ... the quote of the OP stated she seems to enjoy golf on a social basis  but indicates she does not want to work at it or take it seriously. Take your pick.

The point of not saying anything was to allow people to see what one member said and to compare what the OP stated, and draw their own conclusions.

I don't know how many fathers we have here but just because a child does not want to talk, does not mean you do not talk with them about the situation. In fact, the OP does not say whether his daughter is approachable or not.

I have conversations with my 8 yr old son about school, about life, about golf ... just like I did with my 23 yr old when he was young -- my eldest son was not serious about golf when he was 10 years old but wanted to play with me (at least that is what he told our instructor). He went to high school and was all-district for the two years he played.

I do not think we talk enough with our children. Others disagree. C'est la vie.

I agree that we don't talk enough with our children. Thanks.

[Pretzel]

"Coaches"? ....and not even in High School? With a so-so attitude, seems like overkill.

He's probably referring to the high school coaches. I know that I had at least some dialogue with the coach before I went to high school.

[Lihu]

He's probably referring to the high school coaches. I know that I had at least some dialogue with the coach before I went to high school.

Yes, I am. Thanks for the clarification.

I totally missed that post, sorry.

[RayG]

Who brought her to the attention of said coaches? Did her reputation do it, or was she recommended by someone? You can tell her all kinds of things to try and get her to play or play better. If her heart isn't in it, and she's just playing to please others, that's worse than actually forcing her to play. She's what, 14? Let her have her puberty and childhood. Having to deal with other's expectations AND deal with actually growing up will make for a miserable experience. When and if she decides to play at a higher level, [U]SHE[/U] decides to play at a higher level.

[Lihu]

Who brought her to the attention of said coaches? Did her reputation do it, or was she recommended by someone?

You can tell her all kinds of things to try and get her to play or play better. If her heart isn't in it, and she's just playing to please others, that's worse than actually forcing her to play. She's what, 14? Let her have her puberty and childhood. Having to deal with other's expectations AND deal with actually growing up will make for a miserable experience. When and if she decides to play at a higher level, SHE decides to play at a higher level.

One of her league coaches gave her a recommendation. Actually, she's 13.

Yeah, I suppose I am just looking at the timing of her entering high school.

I am paying attention to all input.

Thanks to everyone who responded in this thread!

[turtleback]

Truthfully and in context?

My initial post just expanded what some other people had stated.

My bold was not to support or detract -- it was to point out relative references in the original post. Shorty said she did not like golf ... the quote of the OP stated she seems to enjoy golf on a social basis  but indicates she does not want to work at it or take it seriously. Take your pick.

The point of not saying anything was to allow people to see what one member said and to compare what the OP stated, and draw their own conclusions.

I don't know how many fathers we have here but just because a child does not want to talk, does not mean you do not talk with them about the situation. In fact, the OP does not say whether his daughter is approachable or not.

I have conversations with my 8 yr old son about school, about life, about golf ... just like I did with my 23 yr old when he was young -- my eldest son was not serious about golf when he was 10 years old but wanted to play with me (at least that is what he told our instructor). He went to high school and was all-district for the two years he played.

I do not think we talk enough with our children. Others disagree. C'est la vie.

It says she "seems to" enjoy.  It says she refuses to pay/practice more than 3 hours a week.  And she is resistant to doing it competitively.  Someone who obviously loves golf, neh?

My guess is that she only plays to make Lihu happy.  As anyone who has been around here can testify, he can be VERY persistent when he gets something in his head.  This thread being a good example.

I agree that we don't talk enough with our children. Thanks.

Maybe you should stop talking and start listening.  How much clearer does she have to make it to you that she does not want to play competitive golf?

Do not make the mistake of trying to live vicariously through her golf.  Let her have her own hopes and dreams.

[Lihu]

Maybe you should stop talking and start listening.  How much clearer does she have to make it to you that she does not want to play competitive golf?

Do not make the mistake of trying to live vicariously through her golf.  Let her have her own hopes and dreams.

Of course, it was a slip/assumption and duly noted.

[Mr. Desmond]

He could say to her "What I see is that you are a fine golfer with great potential. But what I'm hearing from you is that you enjoy playing golf with the family or friends, and don't want to take it up a notch to high school right now. Is that right?"

[AmazingWhacker]

You're in So. Cal, right? When is Lexi playing down there? Take her to see Lexi. Lexi's a rock star.

This.  If I thought my daughter had the ability to play at the pro level but wasn't putting much effort into it or didn't realize where it could take her, this is probably what I'd do.  But ultimately, if she wasn't interested then so be it.

Forcing them doesn't work.  Telling them they have to make birdies to "pay the rent" puts too much pressure on them.  Constantly reminding them that "Daddy loves a winner" does more harm than good.  At least that's what they said in their letters from therapy.

[Lihu]

You're in So. Cal, right? When is Lexi playing down there? Take her to see Lexi. Lexi's a rock star.

Good idea, thanks.

This.  If I thought my daughter had the ability to play at the pro level but wasn't putting much effort into it or didn't realize where it could take her, this is probably what I'd do.  But ultimately, if she wasn't interested then so be it.

Forcing them doesn't work.  Telling them they have to make birdies to "pay the rent" puts too much pressure on them.  Constantly reminding them that "Daddy loves a winner" does more harm than good.  At least that's what they said in their letters from therapy.

Well, I can't complain too she shot +3 over 9 holes from the ladies tees today.

He could say to her "What I see is that you are a fine golfer with great potential. But what I'm hearing from you is that you enjoy playing golf with the family or friends, and don't want to take it up a notch to high school right now. Is that right?"

See above, and thanks.

Now I need to see if she wants to play in high school. I have the entire day to spend with her tomorrow.

[turtleback]

Now I need to see if she wants to play in high school. I have the entire day to spend with her tomorrow.

From what you have told us before hasn't she made that crystal clear already?  I could be misreading this but you are coming across as determined to badger her into this,

Why are you so determined to have her do what YOU want instead of what SHE wants?

[iacas]

From what you have told us before hasn't she made that crystal clear already?  I could be misreading this but you are coming across as determined to badger her into this,

Why are you so determined to have her do what YOU want instead of what SHE wants?

I agree.

It seems to me she enjoys spending the time with you and one of YOUR passions once a week or so, but if you force her to try to make it one of HER passions the only thing you'll cost yourself (and her) is that once-a-week family trip to the golf course.

[newtogolf]

It says she "seems to" enjoy.  It says she refuses to pay/practice more than 3 hours a week.  And she is resistant to doing it competitively.  Someone who obviously loves golf, neh?

My guess is that she only plays to make Lihu happy.  As anyone who has been around here can testify, he can be VERY persistent when he gets something in his head.  This thread being a good example.

Maybe you should stop talking and start listening.  How much clearer does she have to make it to you that she does not want to play competitive golf?

Do not make the mistake of trying to live vicariously through her golf.  Let her have her own hopes and dreams.

Good advice.  My father was obsessed with fishing when I was young.  The only way that I could really spend time with him was to go fishing with him.  I fished almost every weekend in the summer, not because I loved fishing, but because I liked spending time with him.  When he lost his love for fishing, I stopped fishing too.  I don't think he ever understood that it was never about fishing for me.

@Lihu should just enjoy their time together for now and not push too hard.

[Lihu]

From what you have told us before hasn't she made that crystal clear already?  I could be misreading this but you are coming across as determined to badger her into this,

Why are you so determined to have her do what YOU want instead of what SHE wants?

I agree.

It seems to me she enjoys spending the time with you and one of YOUR passions once a week or so, but if you force her to try to make it one of HER passions the only thing you'll cost yourself (and her) is that once-a-week family trip to the golf course.

Good advice.  My father was obsessed with fishing when I was young.  The only way that I could really spend time with him was to go fishing with him.  I fished almost every weekend in the summer, not because I loved fishing, but because I liked spending time with him.  When he lost his love for fishing, I stopped fishing too.  I don't think he ever understood that it was never about fishing for me.

@Lihu should just enjoy their time together for now and not push too hard.

I'm listening. . .

[hacker101]

Lihu,

Plus 1 (that is what I call her) is a great kid, but HS is hard, for the girls I think even a bit harder. From what I recall from Amanda the girls are just mean in HS. So just be there for her and help guild her along the way. I know you spend a lot of time with both of them and she sure has a lot of interests.

If golf is for her she will let you know, you have a great relationship with her.