Jason, Amanda Dufner Getting a Divorce

[Ernest Jones]

[QUOTE name="Ernest Jones" url="/t/81079/jason-amanda-dufner-getting-a-divorce/360#post_1125417"] I have a hard time believing that premarital cohabitation is detrimental to a marriage's longevity. That sounds like church sponsored claptrap to me.[/QUOTE] Totally agree.  I've been married 29 years this summer an lived with my wife for a year before marriage.

My wife and I lived together for 10 years and had two kids prior to getting married. We're 5 years into marriage now. We're both Satanists though, so that may skew things a little.

[boogielicious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by boogielicious

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ernest Jones

I have a hard time believing that premarital cohabitation is detrimental to a marriage's longevity. That sounds like church sponsored claptrap to me.

Totally agree.  I've been married 29 years this summer an lived with my wife for a year before marriage.

My wife and I lived together for 10 years and had two kids prior to getting married. We're 5 years into marriage now. We're both Satanists though, so that may skew things a little.

[14ledo81]

Quote:

Originally Posted by boogielicious

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ernest Jones

I have a hard time believing that premarital cohabitation is detrimental to a marriage's longevity. That sounds like church sponsored claptrap to me.

Totally agree.  I've been married 29 years this summer an lived with my wife for a year before marriage.

My wife and I lived together for 10 years and had two kids prior to getting married. We're 5 years into marriage now. We're both Satanists though, so that may skew things a little.

Another possibility is this:

Those who do not take part in premarital cohabitation typically do so for religious reasons.  These people also typically see a marriage as more than a government sanctioned piece of paper.  Maybe those people have "more" reasons for staying together and are more likely to try to work out differences.

Just a thought....

[k-troop]

Another possibility is this:

Those who do not take part in premarital cohabitation typically do so for religious reasons.  These people also typically see a marriage as more than a government sanctioned piece of paper.

Not sure what point you're trying to make here.  Folks who don't hold traditional, christian religious views cannot have a successful marriage?

Maybe those people have "more" reasons for staying together and are more likely to try to work out differences.

This point has already been addressed.

Though I could agree that those who tend to be highly religious might stay together more because of stigma of being divorced and being religious. Guilt and peer pressure are highly influencing factors when it comes for a person to decide of they should divorce or not if they are very religious in a religion that highly frowns upon divorce. Basically they rather suffer through a bad marriage then have the guilt and shame of going throw a divorce.

[iacas]

I have a hard time believing that premarital cohabitation is detrimental to a marriage's longevity. That sounds like church sponsored claptrap to me.

Bingo.

[boogielicious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ernest Jones

Quote:

Originally Posted by boogielicious

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ernest Jones

I have a hard time believing that premarital cohabitation is detrimental to a marriage's longevity. That sounds like church sponsored claptrap to me.

Totally agree.  I've been married 29 years this summer an lived with my wife for a year before marriage.

My wife and I lived together for 10 years and had two kids prior to getting married. We're 5 years into marriage now. We're both Satanists though, so that may skew things a little.

Another possibility is this:

Those who do not take part in premarital cohabitation typically do so for religious reasons.  These people also typically see a marriage as more than a government sanctioned piece of paper.  Maybe those people have "more" reasons for staying together and are more likely to try to work out differences.

Just a thought....

Possibly.  But my wife and I were married in a Catholic Church and the priest knew we lived together before marriage.  He had no issue with it.  He actually said, "Well then you're already married and this is just a big party!"  He was what Catholic priests should be, welcoming and willing to work with young couples in this more complicated age.

[RFKFREAK]

I'm onboard with you here in theory, and agree on your numbers.

I look at it this way. Maybe we should be looking at marriage BEFORE making the leap.

There should be a universal questionnaire or survey that is offered to measure the compatibility of couples who decide that marriage is the next step. At least seeing some real numbers or results in black and white might affirm that the two are either really good or really bad for one another. The results would draw a line in the sand, per se. One caveat, the questionnaire should be designed and created by those who have been married 10, 20 and 30 years. This would provide a real "taste" of marriage for people thinking of hitching.

Re: Jason

The way he slapped her on the can after that victory was downright insulting to the viewing public and to women in general. It was totally out of place for Sunday afternoon Golf TV. Clearly, Jason’s concept of an ideal wife or lifelong partner was critically distorted, probably by his father, society or a combination of both. If he entered that marriage as a kneejerk reaction from the reptilian portion of the brain, using his fame and fortune to attract Amanda - then shame on him. If she bought into his BS - shame on her.

Universal questionnaire designed and created by those who have been married 10, 20, and 30 years?

May as well also make people take a test before they have kids, too.

I have a hard time believing that premarital cohabitation is detrimental to a marriage's longevity. That sounds like church sponsored claptrap to me.

Exactly.

Possibly.  But my wife and I were married in a Catholic Church and the priest knew we lived together before marriage.  He had no issue with it.  He actually said, "Well then you're already married and this is just a big party!"  He was what Catholic priests should be, welcoming and willing to work with young couples in this more complicated age.

This is awesome.  I'm Catholic and always like seeing and speaking with priests that are progressive instead of stuck in an old mindset.

[Ferguson]

Look at it this way. The core reason why two people stay together is not rooted as to whether they lived together or not, prior to marriage. The reasons people stay together are far more complex than why people split up. Human relationships are fascinating. I am Roman Catholic, have been married 20 years this very year, and I did not live with my wife prior. We lived in different states – impossible. I interpret the statistics to show there to be a higher divorce rate amongst those who cohabitate prior. In the microcosm of this thread it may not be true, but in aggregate across America it is accurate. We must not confuse behavioral issues with core reasons. Also, we must not confuse these listed core reasons as absolute or 100% accurate all of the time for all people. They are simply published data. We need to apply the data to Jason and Amanda. My original point was that no published list shows "my wife posted revealing pics of herself on the net" as a primary reason for divorce. This is a behavioral issue, not a reason for divorce.

[RFKFREAK]

Look at it this way. The core reason why two people stay together is not rooted as to whether they lived together or not, prior to marriage. The reasons people stay together are far more complex than why people split up. Human relationships are fascinating.

I am Roman Catholic, have been married 20 years this very year, and I did not live with my wife prior. We lived in different states – impossible. I interpret the statistics to show there to be a higher divorce rate amongst those who cohabitate prior. In the microcosm of this thread it may not be true, but in aggregate across America it is accurate.

We must not confuse behavioral issues with core reasons. Also, we must not confuse these listed core reasons as absolute or 100% accurate all of the time for all people. They are simply published data. We need to apply the data to Jason and Amanda. My original point was that no published list shows "my wife posted revealing pics of herself on the net" as a primary reason for divorce.

This is a behavioral issue, not a reason for divorce.

Where did you get these statistics from?  What methodology did they use?  As others have said, it seems like these results could be biased.  Unless you link us to the source and we can see the methodology they used, I'm not sure a valid conclusion could be made as to your interpretation.

[Mr. Desmond]

Look at it this way. The core reason why two people stay together is not rooted as to whether they lived together or not, prior to marriage. The reasons people stay together are far more complex than why people split up. Human relationships are fascinating.

I am Roman Catholic, have been married 20 years this very year, and I did not live with my wife prior. We lived in different states – impossible. I interpret the statistics to show there to be a higher divorce rate amongst those who cohabitate prior. In the microcosm of this thread it may not be true, but in aggregate across America it is accurate.

We must not confuse behavioral issues with core reasons. Also, we must not confuse these listed core reasons as absolute or 100% accurate all of the time for all people. They are simply published data. We need to apply the data to Jason and Amanda. My original point was that no published list shows "my wife posted revealing pics of herself on the net" as a primary reason for divorce.

This is a behavioral issue, not a reason for divorce.

Reasonable...

Wonder if Amanda discussed with Jason beforehand about posting nearly nude pics of herself on the internet to promote herself. "You Okay with that, Sweetie?"

And if Jason said "Okay", was he truthful or was it symptomatic of an issue?

And if she did not ask....

This stuff occurs all the time in different circumstances... and eventually it blows up.

[Fourputt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ferguson

Top Reasons for divorce in America.

Young age

Financial

Premarital cohabitation

Premarital childbearing and or pregnancy

No religious affiliation

Parents’ divorce

Insecurity

I don’t see “my spouse posted several revealing pictures on the net” as a reason.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ferguson

These are published reasons. If you care to note, the list also excludes abuse (mental, physical or both). Think of these above-listed reasons as the "core" reasons. Remember, it's these "core" reasons that remain as underlying factors resulting in behavior such as infidelity and abuse.

Well, it simply doesn't make sense.  Getting married too young (i.e. the person changes and grows in a different direction from their spouse) is valid.  Financial stress is valid.  The next three on your list don't seem like "core" reasons why two people who have decided to get married would later get divorced.  "My wife drinks too much, goes out all the time, and hooks up with other guys.  I should have known this would happen when we decided to live together before marriage..."

I'm guessing the "published" reasons are the result of a study (or publication) sponsored by some religious entity.

There have been studies which show that premarital cohabitation leads to a lower divorce rate among those who do it because they often find out that they are poorly matched before they get hitched.  They just break up and go their separate ways, eliminating any possibility for divorce.  By living together before marriage, others find that they are suited for each other, and they then get married already knowing that they are compatible.  It's really a rather silly thing to include on such a list.

[Ferguson]

Reasonable... Wonder if Amanda discussed with Jason beforehand about posting nearly nude pics of herself on the internet to promote herself. "You Okay with that, Sweetie?" And if Jason said "Okay", was he truthful or was it symptomatic of an issue? And if she did not ask.... This stuff occurs all the time in different circumstances... and eventually it blows up.

It always blows up.............. Maybe she was always provocative and forward? I am guessing so. She then lacks self-control. I will say this. Behavioral issues such as Amanda’s revealing pics are a means to get attention – we all know that. “Give me attention. I have little else going for me except for this bod.” It’s sophomoric and tasteless. Moreover, it’s abnormal behavior - plain and simple, especially for the wife of an accomplished professional athlete.

[14ledo81]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 14ledo81

Another possibility is this:

Those who do not take part in premarital cohabitation typically do so for religious reasons.  These people also typically see a marriage as more than a government sanctioned piece of paper.

Not sure what point you're trying to make here.  Folks who don't hold traditional, christian religious views cannot have a successful marriage?

Certainly not saying this at all.  I hope it did not come out that way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by k-troop

Maybe those people have "more" reasons for staying together and are more likely to try to work out differences.

This point has already been addressed.

Though I could agree that those who tend to be highly religious might stay together more because of stigma of being divorced and being religious. Guilt and peer pressure are highly influencing factors when it comes for a person to decide of they should divorce or not if they are very religious in a religion that highly frowns upon divorce. Basically they rather suffer through a bad marriage then have the guilt and shame of going throw a divorce.

Must have missed this one.  This was basically the point I was trying to make.  Though I would like to think it would be more the willingness to "work it out" or "forgive" than "suffering through a bad marriage".

Marriages are not easy.  They take work on both sides.

[cubdog]

22 pages of speculation about a couple none of us know. I wonder what they would say if they read this thread? I'll simply say that I wish the best to both Jason and Amanda.

[Ferguson]

There have been studies which show that premarital cohabitation leads to a lower divorce rate among those who do it because they often find out that they are poorly matched before they get hitched.  They just break up and go their separate ways, eliminating any possibility for divorce.  By living together before marriage, others find that they are suited for each other, and they then get married already knowing that they are compatible.  It's really a rather silly thing to include on such a list.

I agree with the “learning the compatibility ropes by living together” with someone. There is some merit. However, it’s not silly that this is on the list. Many times people simply look at marriage as “well, we might as well since we’re living together anyway.” "well, we might as well" is not a good start to anything.

[Ernest Jones]

These people also typically see a marriage as more than a government sanctioned piece of paper.  Maybe those people have "more" reasons for staying together and are more likely to try to work out differences.

I'm not going to take offense to that because I'm sure that wasn't your intent...but I will say this, if I saw marriage as just a government sanctioned piece of paper I wouldn't have bothered. However, I live in Quebec were common-law marriages (after 2 years cohabitation I believe) carry ALL of the same rights, obligations and privileges as the Church-y versions.That may not be the case in a lot of other places so my experiences are coloured by that fact.

[Golfingdad]

Reasons for women to divorce,

Emotional Abuse, Spouse unresponsive to needs, Spouse Immaturity, Infidelity, alcohol or drug problems, tired of making the marriage work

Reasons for men to divorce,

Tired of making the marriage work, Infidelity, Spouse unresponsive to needs, spouse immaturity, married too young, Different financial priorities/spending patterns.

Fascinated that "emotional abuse" isn't also on the men's list.

[14ledo81]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 14ledo81

These people also typically see a marriage as more than a government sanctioned piece of paper.  Maybe those people have "more" reasons for staying together and are more likely to try to work out differences.

I'm not going to take offense to that because I'm sure that wasn't your intent...but I will say this, if I saw marriage as just a government sanctioned piece of paper I wouldn't have bothered. However, I live in Quebec were common-law marriages (after 2 years cohabitation I believe) carry ALL of the same rights, obligations and privileges as the Church-y versions.That may not be the case in a lot of other places so my experiences are coloured by that fact.

Certainly did not mean to cause offense, and I am glad you did not take it.

I only was throwing out a different point of view, and probably should have included the words "in general"...  After all, we are/were talking about statistics.