Being a person that everyone loves to play with

[BamaWade]

What makes someone a person you love to play golf with?  And, are you one of those people? 

Years ago, when I subscribed to golf magazines, I read an article that really stuck with me (Be the Most Popular Guy in Your Group, Golf magazine, linked below). 

It really got me thinking, and doing some honest self-evaluation.  I knew I’d always had high, and often unrealistic, expectations for myself, and could let it get to me if not performing the way I thought I should be.  But, was I a bad guy to play with? 

Using that article as a catalyst, and building on it since then, I’ve formed some little principles that I try to stick to.  Yeah, I’ll always be a work in progress, but I do feel like I’ve come a long way.  Some are directly from the article, and others - things that just feel common sense - I adopted on my own.  They're generally non-competition-geared, but can adapt, I think.  Let me know what you think, and add some of your own:

 

Relating to the game, pace of play, and good group etiquette:

Be a good “pace of play” guy/gal that fits the group’s pace well, but keeps things moving along - never be the slow guy

Have an extra tee, marking coin, or maybe even a ball on hand to toss a playing partner (PP) in a pinch

If you can tell they're looking for one, give 'em a yardage if you have an accurate way to do so

Be the "sharp eye" of the group, helping mark your PP’s wayward ball to a specific spot, stake, tree, object, etc.  And be doubly as keen in marking your own!

Be their caddie from time to time:  Fill/repair their divot, if the situation has you idly near them (say, at the cart with the mix bottle); this improves pace since they're busy posing, watching, etc., and sets a nice course-respect example, too!  Same with pitch-marks on the green - if you're near their ball mark, repair it along w/yours.  I'll even rake a trap after a PP's bunker shot, if it makes pace-sense (and doesn't make me come across as a weirdo  )

 

Personality & Attitude:

Take the game seriously (we're all there to play good golf), but not too much, because, really, nobody likes 'Mr. Serious'

Keep a sense of humor, even when – perhaps especially when – you, or the group, aren’t playing their best

Don't be a sulker!  Ever!  This is my #1, given my old habits.  I’ve learned to refocus, and be enjoyable to be around even if I’m playing poorly, including my demeanor, body language (especially), comments, etc.  If I'm playing poorly, or just in a bad stretch, I self-check, give a quick, single, humorous apology about the current state of my game (just one!) and try to find a way to have a good time, regardless of my play

Never, ever frickin’ throw a club, or verbal/cart-punching tantrum!  When I see my PPs do this, I'm embarrassed for them, and if they do it as a guest at my home club, they won't get invited back.  I last threw a club when I was 19 or so, a brand new S2H2 8-iron, and it got stuck high in a tall Alabama pine and hung there for all to see for nearly a week (until a storm).  I had no 8-iron, and had to give a painful explanation to my dad.  Never again!

Buy the group a round of drinks from the snack cart, or post-round!  Most times, it’ll be reciprocated later…but don’t do it with that expectation - just do it!  I'm one cheap dude, and I can pull it off.

Be generally positive and encouraging with the group as a whole; recall some good shots they've hit in the past, or the things you like most about their game.  And be generous (but genuine, and not over the top) with compliments.
Compliment:  "Man, I love how you hit those knock-downs...you've got 'em down to a science."
Humorous compliment:  "Man, you have eyes like a hawk in reading these greens...now if you could only putt."
Encouragement:  "Dude, don’t sweat it.  I've seen your A-game...trust me…you’ll get it back.”
Humorous encouragement:  "Dude, don't sweat it.  I've seen your A-game...trust me...you'll get it back.  (pause)  Actually, you know what?, I was thinking of Brad, there...my bad.  But keep at it."

 

And a final, critical, overarching rule in applying all of the above:

Be “cool” about how you do these things - don't try too hard!  Else, you'll just come across as a seriously weird dude 

 

So, what are some of the things you guys enjoy about your favorite playing partners, or that you try to do in order to be a great playing partner?

 

Links:

Be the Most Popular Guy in your Golf Group  (written probably 10+ years ago, so pardon some of the dated references)

How to Be a Great Golf Partner  (another relevant article I found this week (Golf Digest, December 2015) - with an approach from more of a competitive/team perspective, but still with some great points)

 

BamaWade

Edited September 28, 2016 by BamaWade

[DaveP043]

Well written, and for once I have virtually nothing to add.  Although I won't promise NOT to add some nonsensical foolishness later on, after I have a few beers (on you, of course, from the bev cart ).  

Oh, just thought of one more thing.  Do NOT be that old lecher flirting with the bev-cart girl, as if you actually have any chance with the young lady.  Don't make suggestive comments about her after she's left,  Just act as if you're an adult, pretend to be one if that's the only option.  In my world, that's even more embarrassing than the temper tantrums.

 

[Patch]

Well, all I generally want in a playing partner is someone who is at peace with their own game. They know what their talent limit is, and just has fun with what they have. 

They can play better than me, or worse than me. It dosn't matter, although playing against better talent is a good thing for my own game.  They can play fast, or slow. It doesn't matter. Just have fun. 

If they want to be entertaining by "wigging out", or impressing me by playing in a decent, mature manner, it doesn't matter. I will still have a good time. 

Myself, I always play to have a good time. I am very flexible, and can adapt to others's play while on the course. It's just a game. Games are supposed to be fun. 

[Golfingdad]

1 hour ago, BamaWade said:

Be “cool” about how you do these things - don't try too hard!  Else, you'll just come across as a seriously weird dude 

Good stuff.  And to this point above, I'll add an example.  I think I fit the mold fairly well of most of what you outlined as a good partner, but I tend to sometimes fall victim to the above - trying to hard.

Specifically, I talk to other peoples balls too much.  I'm only rooting for them to turn out well, but I know that it probably bothers some people, and it's not necessary to make friends.  I'm working on it. :)

[TourSpoon]

Note to self: When in AL play a round with BamaWade. He gets it! 

My number 1 pard, we always fill each others divots and fix pitch marks. Isn't that what you are supposed to do? Being a people person, I am adept at finding humor, tastefully, in any round of golf. But yeah, don't throw your clubs. 

[Marty2019]

Great posts.   I would just add one thing.   Don't hit your ball into the woods.  The most irritating thing about the guys I play with is the amount of time they spend looking for their ball.   There's one young guy I will not play with any more, because every drive is a slice into the woods followed by a lengthy hunt for the ball.  

So the thing I would add is, respect the game enough to take the time to learn how to hit the ball.   Go to the driving range and get yourself a go-to tee shot that you can hit in the fairway. 

 

[rcwkent]

1. I remark on PP's good shots, and stay quiet on the bad ones. I don't say "good shot" just because I hear good contact ( the ball may be 40 yards off target).

2. I use my PP's names regularly (especially if just-met)...Dale Carnegie training 'the one sound each and every person loves is the sound of their name"

3. Mark someone's ball, replace a divot, rake a bunker (esp if he's thinned it over the green) 

[BamaWade]

1 hour ago, rcwkent said:

I use my PP's names regularly (especially if just-met)...Dale Carnegie training 'the one sound each and every person loves is the sound of their name"

This is a great point on playing w/strangers (or new friends).  Like many people, I used to be terrible at this, and still have to consciously make an effort to repeat their names when meeting, and still sometimes forget.

I use a trick for it on the golf course:  Right after meeting them, once in the cart, I scribble their name and a quick clothing/hat note to help me remember.  E.g., Dave - pink; Rob - black vest; Erick - red hat.

I have a frequent PP/cart-mate whom I catch glancing at my little cheat-sheet often during the round, haha.

BamaWade

[bkuehn1952]

Thanks @BamaWade.  Being a good playing partner is an acquired skill, one that most of us are still perfecting.

[BamaWade]

14 hours ago, DaveP043 said:

Oh, just thought of one more thing.  Do NOT be that old lecher flirting with the bev-cart girl, as if you actually have any chance with the young lady.  Don't make suggestive comments about her after she's left,  Just act as if you're an adult, pretend to be one if that's the only option.

Good one.  I think that's actually in one of the articles, too.

I used to have a frequent PP who was the sales guy where we worked.  He was the worst I've seen with this.  Guy was married, but sleazed up to nearly every cart girl.  Once, a particularly cute one (that he'd talked to earlier in the round) was heading our way again.  We could see her from a hole away, so he had time to offer me a proposition:  "Dude, so you're closer to her age than me...I'll give you $100 if you can pick her up right here, and get her back to the hotel room tonight for some fun."

I was in my mid 20's with a wife and young child.  He knew them very well.  When I tried to play it cool with something like, "And die at the hand of my wife?", he replied with the following:  "Your wife is a smart and wonderful lady, just like mine.  Trust me, they know we travel a lot, and we're boys, and boys are boys.  And you may not know this yet, but there is an unspoken understanding.  They know we're bringing home the paycheck, and that we love them, and are always coming home to them."

I wanted like all heck to somehow communicate w/the girl to act as if it was on, and we'd split that sucker's $100.   Funny enough, that wasn't the worst attempt on me by him.  Guy actually set me up w/a customer's daughter (surprise!) when I thought he and I were going to dinner (he, of course, was with the mom).  Awkward night.

Dude's wife divorced him within a year of that conversation, BTW.  Guess their "understandings" weren't what he thought.

BamaWade

[GolfLug]

Good post @BamaWade!

BTW, if you are cool dude, IMHO being the low hcper in the group seriously adds to the one's 'attractiveness' as a playing partner... . The better your game is, the lesser you have to try..  

Every weekend hack remembers the one time they got paired with a 'plus' capper and wants a repeat experience (unless the fella was a complete jerk)...

[BamaWade]

14 hours ago, Patch said:

Well, all I generally want in a playing partner is someone who is at peace with their own game. They know what their talent limit is, and just has fun with what they have. 

This is the 4th stage of golf enlightenment, a journey towards which I'm still on.

BamaWade

[SG11118]

I used to insist on walking even when everyone else in the group was riding a cart.  Made me be the guy no one wanted to play with.  I finally relented and usually just ride now.  Kinda sucks, and I'm getting fatter, but a lot more people want to play with me now.  I guess I just need to set aside more time to exercising elsewhere.

[DaveP043]

21 minutes ago, bkuehn1952 said:

Thanks @BamaWade.  Being a good playing partner is an acquired skill, one that most of us are still perfecting.

I'd say every one of us is still working on it.  At least, the ones I'd choose to play with are working on it.  The ones who aren't working on it are usually the ones who annoy their playing partners, and either aren't aware, or don't care.

14 hours ago, Golfingdad said:

Specifically, I talk to other peoples balls too much.  I'm only rooting for them to turn out well, but I know that it probably bothers some people, and it's not necessary to make friends.  I'm working on it. :)

I got to play with @Golfingdad just one time, and he's a guy I'd gladly play with every day.  Yet he's still evaluating and trying to improve the way he behaves on the course.  Those of us who care about being a good playing partner are almost uniformly good playing partners already.

[Psyber]

15 hours ago, DaveP043 said:

Well written, and for once I have virtually nothing to add.  Although I won't promise NOT to add some nonsensical foolishness later on, after I have a few beers (on you, of course, from the bev cart ).  

Oh, just thought of one more thing.  Do NOT be that old lecher flirting with the bev-cart girl, as if you actually have any chance with the young lady.  Don't make suggestive comments about her after she's left,  Just act as if you're an adult, pretend to be one if that's the only option.  In my world, that's even more embarrassing than the temper tantrums.

 

Does this still apply if the cart girl is actually in your age range and you have a chance? 

[DaveP043]

Just now, Psyber said:

Does this still apply if the cart girl is actually in your age range and you have a chance? 

I'd bet that you have a much better chance of going home with the "exotic dancer" from that nightclub you visit while on a buddy trip to Tampa or Myrtle Beach than with the bev-cart girl.  

[Psyber]

Just now, DaveP043 said:

I'd bet that you have a much better chance of going home with the "exotic dancer" from that nightclub you visit while on a buddy trip to Tampa or Myrtle Beach than with the bev-cart girl.  

Haha that might be true. Actually I never do it in a crude way or try and take them home. It's more like the kind of flirting you do with the cute bartender where it's friendly and light. If you're not an old weirdo and you flirt respectfully I find they're usually pretty receptive and it's part of the fun. Those are the kind of girls that make great tips both in bev carts and behind the bar. I imagine I only have a few more years left of not being the old guy though :( 

[Groucho Valentine]

When I'm playing casually, 90% of the time its just for excersise. So i don't really care what i shoot or where the ball goes as long as i can find it. Other golfers seem to gravitate to that type of attitude. That and I'm super cool.