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North Korea, Land of Golf Legend, Rewrites Basketball Rules

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 

We all remember the uber-famous golfer Kim Jong-ils earth shattering round of a 38 under par 34. It included 11 hole-in-ones and had no score worse than birdie. This was the first round he had ever played and just blew away the 17 security witnesses. Now that this treasure is gone, his son is changing basketball to give it that much needed boost. 

 

http://www.foxsports.com.au/other-sports/basketball/north-korea-decide-the-age-of-game-of-basketball-needs-shake-up-after-changing-point-scoring-system/story-e6frf3f3-1226593384447#.UToR9R3kuSo

 

 

Points ... Kim Jong-un decides basketball needs a change. Source: AP

Former North Korean leader Kim Jong-il's self-reported 38-under round of golf is nothing compared to what his son Kim Jong-un has cooked up on the basketball court.

 

 

We all remember the shockwaves felt throughout the golfing world when North Korea's state-run media revealed Tiger Woods' golfing ability was a very distant second to that of their 'Dear Leader'.

Kim reportedly nailed 11 holes-in-one and shot a 38-under par round of 34 the first time he ever picked up a club, at Pyongyang Golf Course in 1994.

The report was verified by 17 trusty security guards, who all agreed Kim shot no worse than a birdie on any hole and recorded a score 21 shots better than any professional golfer in history.

Incredible stuff from a 52-year-old who'd never played the game before.

But North Korea - now ruled by Kim's son Kim Jong-un - has turned its game-changing attentions to basketball, reinventing the scoring system.

Forget about the final moments of a game taking half an hour as teams relentlessly send each other to the free throw line.

Why not continue to shoot field goals, which quadruple in value to eight points during the last three minutes?

Or get yourself a bonus point for a slam dunk?

The full list of rules includes:

NORTH KOREA'S BASKETBALL SCORING RULES

- Slam dunks are worth three points (up from two)

- Field goals in the final three minutes of the game are worth eight points (up from two)

- Three-pointers are worth four if the ball doesn't touch the rim

- A point is deducted for missed free throws

One thing's for sure - there'll be no North Korean renaissance for Shaquille O'Neal, with his famously horrific career free throw success rate of just over 50 per cent.

post #2 of 16

LOL, I remember when he shot that 34! Amazing!

post #3 of 16

I may need to take a trip out there to get my handicap down.

post #4 of 16
I actually like the point deduction for a missed free throw.
post #5 of 16

If they played a celebrity game or all star game of some kind with these rules (sort of Rock-n-Jock style) it would probably be a lot of fun to watch!  Blowouts would never be over until the very end with 8 point buckets!

post #6 of 16
I'd totally play hoops against Kim Jong-un for the nuclear codes. If it ever comes to that.
post #7 of 16

I just want to let you guys know... I recorded a zero today.  Best score I've ever shot.  Bite on that Kim Jong!!  c5_banana.gif

post #8 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by jamo View Post

I'd totally play hoops against Kim Jong-un for the nuclear codes. If it ever comes to that.

At a neutral site though, right?  You probably wouldn't want to have to rely on North Korean refs. ;)

post #9 of 16
Why don't they just add the automatic victory shot to those rules as well. When/if someone makes a full court shot, game over they win.
post #10 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SCfanatic35 View Post

Why don't they just add the automatic victory shot to those rules as well. When/if someone makes a full court shot, game over they win.

 

If Kim is as good at basketball as his dad was at golf, all the games would be over on the first shot of the game! 

post #11 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Golfingdad View Post

At a neutral site though, right?  You probably wouldn't want to have to rely on North Korean refs. ;)

 

Yeah talk about getting home-towned! The guy has to refs executed if he loses! g2_eek.gif

post #12 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by NM Golf View Post

 

Yeah talk about getting home-towned! The guy has to refs executed if he loses! g2_eek.gif

The opponent will probably travel, double dribble, or commit an offensive foul every possession.  I imagine the final scores will be something like 189-3 or something like that.

post #13 of 16

Guys there were 17 witnesses.  How can you possibly refute his claim.  Don't be jealous that he probably has top-tier training and technologically developed clubs and a really good caddie.  Grow up.

post #14 of 16
Just as a reminder, I remain confident in my ability to take Kim Jong-un at basketball, should the occasion arise.

And if the game becomes a betting occasion, remember: He's 5'3", I'm 6'1".
post #15 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jamo View Post

Just as a reminder, I remain confident in my ability to take Kim Jong-un at basketball, should the occasion arise.

And if the game becomes a betting occasion, remember: He's 5'3", I'm 6'1".

 

Oh but his leaping abilities are just Gangnam style! Sorry he wins 242 to your 17. 

post #16 of 16

I was one of the 17 security guards.  I defected when I was caught hanging our dear leader's picture slightly slanted on my living room's wall.  I am here to reveal what happened that day on the course.  Don't be surprised that Kim Jong Un changed the basketball rules.  His father started by changing golf.   Here's how he changed the rule to do the impossible.

 

  1. All the tees were moved up.   Par 3 distances were shrunk to ~30 yards.   Par 4 distances to ~40 yards.   Par 5 distances to 50 yards.   On most holes, tee box ended up being inside green.  I think Americans call it miniature golf?
  2. The holes were enlarged to be 2 yards in diameter.  It may have been a metric conversion error.
  3. He was allowed 5 mulligans on each hole.  That was proven needed to make those hole in ones.  
  4. He was allowed to use a proxy player whenever he felt tired.   He was tired often.
  5. His caddy was allowed to make additional rule changes as needed.  They were needed a lot.
  6. The same caddy kept the score, and attested it.  She was one of my former classmates and I remember that her math wasn't very good.

 

Golf is a simple game.   Put a small ball in a much larger cup using few sticks.   How hard can it be?   Kim Jong Il, the greatest creative golfer ever, RIP.

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