Anger Management

[iacas]

Quote

According to a recent survey from Esquire and NBC, rage is all the rage these days. And that's especially true when it comes to white Americans. "Seventy-three percent of whites say they get angry at least once a day." And about a third of them read something in the news that makes them angry "a few times a day." Is that because of their experiences and worldview, or because cable and Internet news peddlers (like many politicians) know that anger is a product American consumers never tire of buying? As we head towards a presidential election, take a look at some of the things that are enraging people in a country many people view as the happiest place on Earth.

Stuff like that makes no sense to me.

I don't get angry about much. After all, I only have control over so much.

[Lihu]

I think way too often, for the same reasons you wrote that you never get angry.

[billchao]

This is one of those things that's kind of hard for me to answer objectively. If I'm in a good mood, I'm more likely to say I don't get angry that much, but if I'm annoyed, I'm leaning the other way. Then of course, I'd have to define what counts as angry rather than annoyed or frustrated or something.

I'll just say once a month. That sounds good.

[jbishop15]

I've learned to control my temper, but it used to be bad. It still flares up from time to time, especially when it comes to politics. It's very rarely helpful, and almost always destructive. 

[Gunther]

Almost never.  Annoyed, irked, frustrated?  Fairly routinely but rarely does it devolve into anger.  I think because I release when I'm annoyed.  On the golf course I might yell if I get really frustrated, then it dissipates.  With people, I confront the issue quickly and move on.  Seems to me true anger comes from those who let crap build up inside.  I dunno,  it's my personal philosophy and it's worked lo these many years so...

[Mr. Desmond]

Rage, anxiety and a serious case of depression go together hand in hand. Anyone experienced rage within or experienced it observing other people? Scary stuff.

 Maybe the country needs more Vitamin A, physical fitness, a better diet, and better anti-depressants. Then we'd learn to blow off the immaterial issues and get a dose of reality instead of anxiety and depression. It's a thought...

[saevel25]

I get real angry maybe once a year if that. I just don't believe in wasting energy in getting angry. 

[Mr. Desmond]

The article mentions rage, but the OP, as outlined above, and the article, deals with anger.

In my experience, rage is extremely aggressive anger that can easily lead to violence and only takes a small pull on the trigger to let it go.

Over the years, I've seen lots of lawyers and lots of rage - we're talking fists through walls rage, staplers through wall rage, phones thrown through walls rage, printers thrown down a floor rage, cussing for 30 seconds at a time without stopping rage at other lawyers or the opposition. About 15-20% of lawyers suffer from depression - when I officed with other lawyers, I'd see rage. It is not a healthy profession - a bunch of competitive perfectionists with issues. I know rage. ugh.

I see lots of evidence of rage in politics these days. You see it at political rallies on television. People beating up protesters, etc. Sad.

Edited January 6, 2016 by Mr. Desmond

[imsys0042]

How often I get angry is a function of how well life is going.  My tolerance goes way down when things aren't going well.  Over the past several years it's been a big downhill slide.   Read at your own peril....

six years ago I moved to where my wife is from, and away from where I had lived all my life.  We moved here to raise a family since we wanted to be close to family.  My family moved elsewhere and she had no family there.    I was able to keep my job and work from home

It's been a disaster.   When we moved here I had no friends and I never really connected with anyone.   After having kids you realize that friends are largely split between those who have kids and those who don't.  When I had free time, everyone we knew had kids so there was no one to spend time with.  Once our twins were born I had no time to go out and meet people.   And working in the house means I rarely get out.  

The entire first year no one could leave the room with both twins because they had bad reflux and would start to choke.   After that they amp each other up (twin escalation syndrome) that they didn't nap and were bad sleepers.   Generally my wife and I are lucky to get one good nights sleep a week, if that.  They are extremely active and going on 5 they cannot be left alone at all.  Hyper and they get scared due to separation anxiety.  6 months ago one would not sleep thru the night unless we were there.   Constant screaming for hours unless someone is there.   So now my wife and I take turns.   We haven't slept in the same room but twice in six months.  The kids won't calm down when we go out to eat, so we don't.  My wife's friends accept them for the wonderful kids that they are, except for a couple who are very mean to her because they think our kids are bad.  The only reason I play as much golf as I do is because we basically can only get out separately.   So I take the kids a couple nights a week and my wife goes out and I play golf twice per week.   All with the other spouse with them.  It's very grueling and unless autism or some type of injury/illness we have it worse than all my wife's friends with their kids.  

None of my wife's friends' husbands have a lot of time to socialize so I don't get many opportunities to meet people there.   I joined a golf club in the area and had a horrible experience (I had a thread about it) but basically I was kicked around the tee sheet because I didn't know anyone and I heard a bunch of people griping that they had to play with me because my game was in bad shape.   It was very hurtful.  

So with the kids being tough, and feeling very isolated a couple of years ago I was moved into another position at work.  Basically they cannot keep people in this group and its something critical.   I was the only person in North America left and I had to work a regular day and then be on call every single weeknight until 9pm.  Because I had a different skill set than the people in other countries I was largely ignored and didn't get to interact with anyone very much.   Thankfully I was able to get back to my old job recently.  But that was two years.  

Finally the absolute worst are my in laws.  Over the past several years they have come to really dislike me.   My mother in law says horrible things about me to my wife and she does enough other bad behavior that she makes me wife cry a lot.  My wife can't detach but wishes she could.   Her parents are the only other family she has.  Anything the kids do that my mil doesn't like she screams at my wife or blames me.   She's made my wife cry at so many holidays that it's just sad.  Her father seems to be bi-polar because either he is very normal or when his wife is in a bad mood doesn't say a word and ignores everyone.  

The kicker is that soon after we moved here my father in law gets my wife and I alone and says that my mil and fil are broke and they need help .  We agreed to help and then he asked several more times.  When it was obvious something was wrong we stopped.  And then we found out that my mil hoards money in her Christmas club that could have covered most of it.  But everyone was afraid to talk to her about money.  She has a spending problem and basically ruined their finances.   They lied to my wife about her college loans and we had to take them on or my wife's credit would be ruined. 

It's a horrible mess.  I've always been kind of high strung but my tolerance is almost gone.  Some people think that some people are just angry, but usually there is some reason.   I rarely smile anymore and always feel stressed.  I have a far worse temper because I feel like nothing ever goes right anymore.   My only dream is getting in my car and never coming home but I have two wonderful children I could never leave.   I still love my wife but feel like if we didn't have kids I should leave until she puts her mother and father in their place.  

The kicker is that through all of this I have tried to have a family with everyone for the kids and we had a nice holiday and then my in laws laid into my wife for an accident that happened with one of the kids when she wasn't right next to them.   My daughter was fine but she made the mistake of telling them what happened when she asked for advice.  She was a wreck for three days until she finally had it out with her mother.   I can't believe how bad life is except for my daughters and even the therapist I used to see said that this was extreme problems.    Ugh. 

Anyway, I think I needed to get that out.  But the moral is that I probably would have the occasional temper tantrum when life throws me a curve ball but it's much worse because everything else is so hard.  I basically waste away in my house and rarely get out.   People I meet at golf are more inclined to do couples things so since my wife and I can't get out together, at least anything other than rarely, there's no social outlet there.  The kids wake us up at, or before 6am and we put them down at 7:30.   It's a long day.  

I really wish I wasn't so angry with life and it makes me angry at little things.   I used to laugh and smile and not look so down but the change is very big in me.   Some days I almost can't smile and just get so angry about where my life has taken me.   If you see me, or someone like me, give them a second chance if you see them angry.   They should thank you. 

[mchepp]

Once a week? Jeez, lots of anger out there. I am rarely really angry. I would say I get "bothered" from time to time where something not working properly annoys me, but rarely angry.

[Mr. Desmond]

^^^

Thanks for sharing @imsys0042

If anything, your story will help others realize that they don't have it so bad. I remember going through a divorce and transitioning to a new area of the law, I felt like crap and was depressed and angry - and my psych said, "Here I want you to go to this address on Wednesday and listen to this group." It was a meeting of recovering addicts -- not only drugs, we're talking porn, sugar addicts, alcohol, etc. I listened with a large group to "testimony", sat in on a roundtable, participated, and went for a couple of months. Something I needed at the time. I was fairly detached socially, too, because of work and moving to a newer area.

I realized that heck, I had it great comparatively speaking to the group. That's what the shrink wanted me to see. We all have issues, and no matter how bad you think you have it, others have it worse. They are dealing with it in a positive way, and so can you.

Good luck with getting a plan and going in a positive direction that fits you and your family.

Edited January 7, 2016 by Mr. Desmond

[chspeed]

The majority of my bouts with anger are related to hunger. I love that "hangry" has been added to the Oxford dictionary. My family uses it all the time to describe the black cloud of irrational irritation that floats above my head when I haven't been fed.

I'd like to say that after four decades of life, I have control over this sugar-related brain chemistry disaster, but alas, I do not, and probably never will.

Luckily, a snack or good meal will quickly cure me of my anger, but it always takes a little bit longer for my wife to get over it.

 

Edited January 7, 2016 by chspeed

[Patch]

Not very often for me. If anything I just get annoyed once in while. When someone annoys me I just think they can pack sand,  ignore them, and move on.  I find ignoring folks with their own problems, easier than doing the pig in the mud scenario. Last time I really lost it and got mad, I was almost arrested for assault and battery. That was probably 40 some years ago. 

I have lived through a dangerous military life and I have lived through a competitive business life. I  have also lived a nice family life during  those times too. 

Right now I live a relaxing life where pretty much nothing bothers me. I am just happy to still be around, living and breathing a some what healthy life. 

Anger, or losing ones temper does not have anything good to offer anyone. Life is way too short to waste it on bad things. 

I may have told this story before on here. I was golfing with an older guy and his grandson. The youngster hit a pretty bad shot, got mad, and threw his club into the water hazard. With out missing a beat the grand pa took the youngster's remaining bag of clubs and tossed them into the pond. As he did it, he told the youngster there was no need to break up the set. I still remember the "wtf?"  look on that youngster's face. 

Edited January 7, 2016 by Patch

[imsys0042]

33 minutes ago, Mr. Desmond said:

^^^

Thanks for sharing @imsys0042

Good luck with getting a plan and going in a positive direction that fits you and your family.

Thank you.   I didn't mean to write so much.  I was on my phone waiting outside one of the kid's bedroom waiting until she feel asleep so she isn't scared   And I just kept writing.   Last year was actually a series of "I can't believe life is like this" moments, and I hope this year is better.    I can say that the situation with my in laws is so bad my wife gave me a pass to not be around them, at all, even holidays and we would do more on our own 

despite everything the biggest positive I have is my one daughter.  The other one is very self centered, wonderful but doesn't think much of others.   My wife is not an overly warm or sympathetic person either.   But my other daughter is God's greatest gift.  I don't play favorites, that's hurtful.   But she wakes up most days and runs in to hug me, she gives me hugs and draws pictures for me all the time.   She cries sometimes when her mother takes her somewhere and I dont go.  Our favorite thing is going to DunkinDonuts and if she isn't tired at night she comes down to the basement where I hang out at nights and stays with me for a little bit.  If I screwed up everything else in my life, I have her and I know we will always be friends.   

Because of my schedule I end up playing a lot of golf by myself and I like to replay a video of her that I took when we came out on the golf course together, just us.  I'm the only one who can put her to bed.  It's very special.  I suppose someone can endure a world of demons for an angel.  She's very special.  

[JonMA1]

It's hard for me to answer a question like that because I'm not sure what someone else's definition of "rage" or "anger" are. One person's anger is another's frustration.

If anything, I'd like to do a better job of not letting insignificant things that are out of my control bother me as they sometimes do.

[chspeed]

3 hours ago, iacas said:

Stuff like that makes no sense to me.

I don't get angry about much. After all, I only have control over so much.

Just a guess, but since this is a golf forum, you must be thinking a bit about golf.

I wonder how well the answer to this question correlates with handicap, or at least with score dispersion. My guess would be that the more frequently (or at least easily, which is probably related) someone gets angry, the more their scores would fluctuate, and possibly suffer.

As we've all noticed, most tour players appear to have a very calm demeanor. Is it practiced? Maybe. But more likely there are certain personality types that do better than others when it comes to the mental challenges of this ridiculously difficult game.

 

[dkolo]

Anger multiple times daily. Blind rage, a few times a week. It's a New York thing.

[iacas]

41 minutes ago, chspeed said:

Just a guess, but since this is a golf forum, you must be thinking a bit about golf.

No. Everything.