Anger Management

[SavvySwede]

That article is a joke. When people say they get angry from a story they hear on the news they're not actually fired up in the traditional sense of the word.

[boogielicious]

I guess it depends on how you define anger. I will get mad maybe once a day, but it is brief and usually do to something that I cannot control. I never have the festering anger that is kept inside or lingers. For me it is more venting. I can be jovial 5 minutes later. That is my personality. Sometimes my anger can be more of a comedic release too, like a sarcastic mini-rant. When it's done, it's over. 

[Dave325]

Not too much gets me angry... But when upset, I am usually the type of person to go into isolation. My wife tells me that if it wasn't for her, I would be a hermit... And I don't disagree. I could walk off the grid in a heartbeat and live somewhere on the back of a mountain. I used to live music and be in crowds and at concerts all the time.... But I have since deplored large crowds and parties.... Those get me going andd make me want to drive my head through a wall... and I'll immediately look for an escape to go to my "happy place".... I have worked now in computer networking technology for the last 30 some years.... Then taught it and now develop courseware for training.... So I work at home and go for days without seeing or talking to others, except my family. I'm ok with that... But it bothers me a little that I used to be a more social person and now am not. Golf is mostly with myself, and I really enjoy it.... Though I do go out with one or two others As I would say... I've never had a disagreement with my golf partner.  

[Gator Hazard]

1 hour ago, boogielicious said:

I guess it depends on how you define anger. I will get mad maybe once a day, but it is brief and usually do to something that I cannot control. I never have the festering anger that is kept inside or lingers. For me it is more venting. I can be jovial 5 minutes later. That is my personality. Sometimes my anger can be more of a comedic release too, like a sarcastic mini-rant. When it's done, it's over. 

I am pretty much the same way. Sure there are times I get angry angry but I am pretty good at controlling my emotions. 

[Mr. Desmond]

10 hours ago, SavvySwede said:

That article is a joke. When people say they get angry from a story they hear on the news they're not actually fired up in the traditional sense of the word.

I think the use of the word "rage" is literary license akin to shock jock ... but other than that, the article wasn't too surprising in terms of what we see in the news ... lots of anger and frustration out there. When dreams die, when perceived injustice reigns, etc.,  people get pissed.

I think the advent of the internet and too much information and the ability of media and others to manipulate a relatively uneducated/thinking public results in anxiety and paranoia, the lack of income security for retirement, job insecurity, relatively frozen wages, more mental health issues,  the lack of today's government to cooperate, etc., all lead to insecurity, anger, etc. Eventually, it will lead to change, maybe not next year, but eventually ...

Edited January 7, 2016 by Mr. Desmond

[Lihu]

15 hours ago, Lihu said:

I think way too often, for the same reasons you wrote that you never get angry.

 

10 hours ago, iacas said:

No. Everything.

In that case, I voted April 15th. Only make that the entire 2 weeks prior to that as well trying to dig up receipts and other records.

[mcanadiens]

To be honest, I am (maybe was) a spoiled brat. I get angry multiple times a day over all things great and small. However, stuff I see or hear on the news is rarely the cause. Normally, perceived personal failures are what trigger my fits of anger. It could be something as dumb as dropping a paper clip on the floor. Mistakes at work are the worst for me.

Obviously this makes golf a bit of a challenge for me, but in a perverse sort of way I think its helping me. I've really done a lot better with my temper over the last few years.

 

[Gator Hazard]

23 minutes ago, mcanadiens said:

To be honest, I am (maybe was) a spoiled brat. I get angry multiple times a day over all things great and small. However, stuff I see or hear on the news is rarely the cause. Normally, perceived personal failures are what trigger my fits of anger. It could be something as dumb as dropping a paper clip on the floor. Mistakes at work are the worst for me.

Obviously this makes golf a bit of a challenge for me, but in a perverse sort of way I think its helping me. I've really done a lot better with my temper over the last few years.

 

Games like golf, billiards and poker are great for teaching yourself how to control your emotions.  I used to have a short fuse when I was younger and those things along with wrestling really taught me how to control my emotions.  I like to say wrestling did a lot of the bulk work (think of it as a sharpening stone where you have a rough grain, a medium grain, and a fine grain stone) working out the rough parts, and billiards sharpened me well.  Playing poker and now golf have really helped me hone my emotions and not wear them on my sleeve the way I used to when I was younger.  Oddly, the more serious a situation is, the less emotion I show about it.  Stupid stuff has more of a tendency to make me snap a little.  

More golf=less anger.  I think I may pitch this to my wife to see if I can play a little more this year.  

[Yukari]

15 hours ago, imsys0042 said:

How often I get angry is a function of how well life is going.  My tolerance goes way down when things aren't going well.  Over the past several years it's been a big downhill slide.   Read at your own peril....

six years ago I moved to where my wife is from, and away from where I had lived all my life.  We moved here to raise a family since we wanted to be close to family.  My family moved elsewhere and she had no family there.    I was able to keep my job and work from home

It's been a disaster.   When we moved here I had no friends and I never really connected with anyone.   After having kids you realize that friends are largely split between those who have kids and those who don't.  When I had free time, everyone we knew had kids so there was no one to spend time with.  Once our twins were born I had no time to go out and meet people.   And working in the house means I rarely get out.  

The entire first year no one could leave the room with both twins because they had bad reflux and would start to choke.   After that they amp each other up (twin escalation syndrome) that they didn't nap and were bad sleepers.   Generally my wife and I are lucky to get one good nights sleep a week, if that.  They are extremely active and going on 5 they cannot be left alone at all.  Hyper and they get scared due to separation anxiety.  6 months ago one would not sleep thru the night unless we were there.   Constant screaming for hours unless someone is there.   So now my wife and I take turns.   We haven't slept in the same room but twice in six months.  The kids won't calm down when we go out to eat, so we don't.  My wife's friends accept them for the wonderful kids that they are, except for a couple who are very mean to her because they think our kids are bad.  The only reason I play as much golf as I do is because we basically can only get out separately.   So I take the kids a couple nights a week and my wife goes out and I play golf twice per week.   All with the other spouse with them.  It's very grueling and unless autism or some type of injury/illness we have it worse than all my wife's friends with their kids.  

None of my wife's friends' husbands have a lot of time to socialize so I don't get many opportunities to meet people there.   I joined a golf club in the area and had a horrible experience (I had a thread about it) but basically I was kicked around the tee sheet because I didn't know anyone and I heard a bunch of people griping that they had to play with me because my game was in bad shape.   It was very hurtful.  

So with the kids being tough, and feeling very isolated a couple of years ago I was moved into another position at work.  Basically they cannot keep people in this group and its something critical.   I was the only person in North America left and I had to work a regular day and then be on call every single weeknight until 9pm.  Because I had a different skill set than the people in other countries I was largely ignored and didn't get to interact with anyone very much.   Thankfully I was able to get back to my old job recently.  But that was two years.  

Finally the absolute worst are my in laws.  Over the past several years they have come to really dislike me.   My mother in law says horrible things about me to my wife and she does enough other bad behavior that she makes me wife cry a lot.  My wife can't detach but wishes she could.   Her parents are the only other family she has.  Anything the kids do that my mil doesn't like she screams at my wife or blames me.   She's made my wife cry at so many holidays that it's just sad.  Her father seems to be bi-polar because either he is very normal or when his wife is in a bad mood doesn't say a word and ignores everyone.  

The kicker is that soon after we moved here my father in law gets my wife and I alone and says that my mil and fil are broke and they need help .  We agreed to help and then he asked several more times.  When it was obvious something was wrong we stopped.  And then we found out that my mil hoards money in her Christmas club that could have covered most of it.  But everyone was afraid to talk to her about money.  She has a spending problem and basically ruined their finances.   They lied to my wife about her college loans and we had to take them on or my wife's credit would be ruined. 

It's a horrible mess.  I've always been kind of high strung but my tolerance is almost gone.  Some people think that some people are just angry, but usually there is some reason.   I rarely smile anymore and always feel stressed.  I have a far worse temper because I feel like nothing ever goes right anymore.   My only dream is getting in my car and never coming home but I have two wonderful children I could never leave.   I still love my wife but feel like if we didn't have kids I should leave until she puts her mother and father in their place.  

The kicker is that through all of this I have tried to have a family with everyone for the kids and we had a nice holiday and then my in laws laid into my wife for an accident that happened with one of the kids when she wasn't right next to them.   My daughter was fine but she made the mistake of telling them what happened when she asked for advice.  She was a wreck for three days until she finally had it out with her mother.   I can't believe how bad life is except for my daughters and even the therapist I used to see said that this was extreme problems.    Ugh. 

Anyway, I think I needed to get that out.  But the moral is that I probably would have the occasional temper tantrum when life throws me a curve ball but it's much worse because everything else is so hard.  I basically waste away in my house and rarely get out.   People I meet at golf are more inclined to do couples things so since my wife and I can't get out together, at least anything other than rarely, there's no social outlet there.  The kids wake us up at, or before 6am and we put them down at 7:30.   It's a long day.  

I really wish I wasn't so angry with life and it makes me angry at little things.   I used to laugh and smile and not look so down but the change is very big in me.   Some days I almost can't smile and just get so angry about where my life has taken me.   If you see me, or someone like me, give them a second chance if you see them angry.   They should thank you. 

Sorry to hear your troubles. Hope it gets better for you soon. My best wishes to you and your family. 

As to OP's point. I would have to agree with others that it depends on how things are going in life life at the time. If things are going well, nothing seems to bother me. But when I'm stressed, I tend to have a quick temper. 

[dak4n6]

Politics, banks and investment firms, and special interest groups make me frustrated. Criminals and terrorists make me angry. My former boss makes me rage into dangerous levels. Don't worry, I'm now free of his ambitious self serving divide-and-conquer controlling management, so there won't be any newspaper headlines on my part.... 

[Dave2512]

I don't experience rage to me that suggests losing control. But I get angry, mostly frustrated often. My job is high stress. For reasons not worth mentioning I am stuck in it. 

[stealthhwk]

I voted multiple times per day. Sadly, my wife has brought it to my attention that its starting to have a negative affect on our marriage! The us is the greatest, but I fear it wont be by the time my young son is grown because there are simply too many people who are lazy and or ignorant. The people I work with act like small children and as a grown man, thats very frustrating for me. My job is high stress from a people arnt shooting at me kinda stand point. Golf used to make me feel better but last two years has brought more angst than salvation until the recent turn around. And golf is def a culprit as my game had really taken an awful turn. Lessons with three different pros and none of them were able to fix my swing. After getting it back on track there were three easy fixes that a professional teacher should have been able to correct in 20 minutes! So instead of working on my golf game, Im putting ALL my energy into my marriage and anger issues. Everyone knows i eat and sleep golf. But my wife and son mean far more to me than ANYTHING else!!!! I admire those of u who are not quick to anger and hope to join u all some day very soon. :)

[Gator Hazard]

2 minutes ago, stealthhwk said:

I voted multiple times per day. Sadly, my wife has brought it to my attention that its starting to have a negative affect on our marriage! The us is the greatest, but I fear it wont be by the time my young son is grown because there are simply too many people who are lazy and or ignorant. The people I work with act like small children and as a grown man, thats very frustrating for me. My job is high stress from a people arnt shooting at me kinda stand point. Golf used to make me feel better but last two years has brought more angst than salvation until the recent turn around. And golf is def a culprit as my game had really taken an awful turn. Lessons with three different pros and none of them were able to fix my swing. After getting it back on track there were three easy fixes that a professional teacher should have been able to correct in 20 minutes! So instead of working on my golf game, Im putting ALL my energy into my marriage and anger issues. Everyone knows i eat and sleep golf. But my wife and son mean far more to me than ANYTHING else!!!! I admire those of u who are not quick to anger and hope to join u all some day very soon. :)

Good for you stealthwhk.  Have you given any consideration to counseling?  You could do some sessions on your own and maybe even some couples counseling to get a better understanding of why you react the way you do and to learn and work on some different methods and tactics to help you recognize, cope with and overcome those outbursts.  I probably should do some of this myself and have thought about doing it, just to have a mental check up with someone and discuss things to see if I can deal with them better.  Haven't pursued it yet but may in the near future.  My wife and I are doing great, kids seem to be doing good, but I can definitely be a better person and father and wouldn't be against learning some new ways myself to help deal with my emotions.  I think one of the things that would be key for me also is just watching my language and not cursing around the kids, I try not to do it too much but sometimes I slip and say some words I shouldn't.

[isukgolf]

As I get older, I get less angry ... but find things annoy me more ... if that makes sense ...

[stealthhwk]

1 minute ago, Gator Hazard said:

Good for you stealthwhk.  Have you given any consideration to counseling?  You could do some sessions on your own and maybe even some couples counseling to get a better understanding of why you react the way you do and to learn and work on some different methods and tactics to help you recognize, cope with and overcome those outbursts.  I probably should do some of this myself and have thought about doing it, just to have a mental check up with someone and discuss things to see if I can deal with them better.  Haven't pursued it yet but may in the near future.  My wife and I are doing great, kids seem to be doing good, but I can definitely be a better person and father and wouldn't be against learning some new ways myself to help deal with my emotions.  I think one of the things that would be key for me also is just watching my language and not cursing around the kids, I try not to do it too much but sometimes I slip and say some words I shouldn't.

Thats pretty sound advice. Ive been having a very hard time with so called professionals over the last few years tho. I plan to try to find some published stuff to look over and look to the LORD and the bible. And work my tail off!! Thanks for the support! :)

[Shindig]

I used to get angry regularly.  When I was younger, at least once a day, sometimes multiple times.  I'd get sufficiently angry it would distract me and I'd be unable to focus.  Usually over stupid things.  I didn't just have issues;  I had a subscription.  When I found out this wasn't normal behavior, I made a concerted effort to not allow myself to get angry.  Now people tell me I'm level on things that should make me upset.  I figure that's a better extreme to be on.

[stealthhwk]

Funny side note- someone on a golf forum once said: " Theres mad, theres real mad, then theres golf mad. " That has got to be one of my favorite quotes of all time. Lol