Step Son Is Paying for 9 Then Playing 18 When Alone

[TapOut64]

When my wife drops her 14 year old son off at the golf course he will pay for 9 holes and then go on to play 18.  I have an issue with this as golf is a game of honor and integrity.  His father is ok with it.  In my mind he is paying for something and then taking twice as much.   Again, he is my step son so there is only so much I can do.  He is a freshman and on his high school golf team and he claims that other kids on the golf team do the same thing as if that justifies it.  (if even true)  I warn him that if he gets caught he could lose his playing privileges at that course.  Curious to hear others thought.

[Double Mocha Man]

When I was 16 I was sneaking onto some of the most exclusive golf clubs in St. Louis and paying nothing. I merely wanted to see what the course was like and I had a desire to leave no course unplayed, private or otherwise. On the other hand, on courses I was allowed to play I always paid for the full round.

[iacas]

He’s stealing, yes. And while he’s not literally using many actual resources (unless they regularly send people off the back), it’s still theft.

What does his mother say, as she’s your wife?

I probably wouldn’t but you could call the course.

If this is the worst thing he’s doing, okay, but it’s still wrong.

[Double Mocha Man]

Ask him the old tried and true parent question: If other members of the golf team walked off a cliff would you do the same?

[pganapathy]

He is a CHEAT.  The problem is that is a slippery slope from being willing to play 18 and pay for 9 to other things he might cheat at which are way worse.  I think you need to sit him down and teach him about ethics.  Not sure how your wife would feel about it though

[Zippo]

Were it me, I'd haul him (and his mother) over to the course and let the young fellow tell the course what he's been doing and why he's been doing it. Maybe they don't care. Maybe, for a certain number of rounds in the future he should pay for 27 and play 18. Maybe he's banned from the course. Let him and the course work it out.

[billchao]

2 hours ago, TapOut64 said:

When my wife drops her 14 year old son off at the golf course he will pay for 9 holes and then go on to play 18.  I have an issue with this as golf is a game of honor and integrity.  His father is ok with it.  In my mind he is paying for something and then taking twice as much.   Again, he is my step son so there is only so much I can do.  He is a freshman and on his high school golf team and he claims that other kids on the golf team do the same thing as if that justifies it.  (if even true)  I warn him that if he gets caught he could lose his playing privileges at that course.  Curious to hear others thought.

Yea he’s stealing. I’m not going say it’s a lack of character or anything because I have certainly done some questionable things at that age, but it’s definitely an opportunity for learning and growth.

His father, though, seems to have dubious ethics.

[Wanzo]

Is there another course nearby with a cheap daily fee for kids?   Too bad money is an obstacle for a 14 y/o wanting to play more golf.  

[iacas]

4 minutes ago, Wanzo said:

Is there another course nearby with a cheap daily fee for kids?   Too bad money is an obstacle for a 14 y/o wanting to play more golf.  

Nobody said it was…?

[GolfLug]

I wouldn't say anything other than mom. If he gets caught and loose his playing privileges, then it probably will be the most effective lesson.

[DoubleAce]

7 hours ago, billchao said:

Yea he’s stealing. I’m not going say it’s a lack of character or anything because I have certainly done some questionable things at that age, but it’s definitely an opportunity for learning and growth.

His father, though, seems to have dubious ethics.

Character is something built, or lost, over time. So while not alone indicative of low moral character. His behavior is certainly not helping to build it. 

Plenty of better and legitimate ways to go about it. At 14 he can pick up a job some places. Specifically golf courses. Go find work caddying or shagging range balls and he'll soon have all the free golf he can ask for. 

[Denny Bang Bang]

As others have stated, it’s stealing.  There are worse things he could be doing, but it’s still wrong.

 I grew up with divorced parents, along with the step parent dynamics.  I think you’re doing the right thing by voicing your opinion and trying to instill good values.  Although you’re not his father, it’s still your household and you’re still an influence in his life.  It is probably a good idea to leave it at that though, let his mother & father handle the discipline side of things.

[WillieT]

On the "stealing" bandwagon here.  I often play 9 at the local course, but as there are no marshals on the course it would be easy to sneak back around and keep playing.  I am reminded of what was penned in Proverbs 22:1 "A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold".  I try to ask myself in all situations, how will this affect my name?  There has been some great remedies here and I believe if the young man fesses up, the course would be glad to provide a way for him to work off the "extra" rounds he's played.  Sadly its a statement of our times where consequence is like a video game, just hit restart and keep on playing - no consequence. 

[drmevo]

The only time I would argue it may not be stealing is an end-of-the-day twilight scenario. At my regular course you can only book 9 after a certain time in the afternoon but during the summer you can absolutely squeeze in 18. They don’t call it twilight specifically but that’s what it is. Sounds like that isn’t the case here, though. 

[TapOut64]

19 hours ago, Wanzo said:

Is there another course nearby with a cheap daily fee for kids?   Too bad money is an obstacle for a 14 y/o wanting to play more golf.  

Money is definitely not the issue here.  His mother makes twice as much as I do and I do just fine.

 

Thanks for all the feedback.  I am going to try to put a stop to this.

Edited May 8, 2022 by TapOut64

[Double Mocha Man]

A lot of golf courses have Junior memberships where a kid can play all he/she wants, though usually restricted to weekdays.  Oftentimes it is dirt cheap.  Since he is serious about golf this would be money well spent. An early birthday gift? Though it still doesn't directly address the issue of stealing.

I know he's 14 but is it possible to draw him into conversation about character? Over dinner, in the car on a drive to somewhere, while relaxing on the front lawn. Or even when you play golf with him.  Make it a two-way discussion without preaching. And return to it on occasion. Keep it light and academic... no direct accusations.  Just my two cents. Which I honestly earned.

Edited May 8, 2022 by Double Mocha Man

[billchao]

16 hours ago, DoubleAce said:

Character is something built, or lost, over time. So while not alone indicative of low moral character. His behavior is certainly not helping to build it. 

It seems like we agree on the subject. That’s why I wrote it’s an opportunity for growth.

[woodzie264]

On 5/7/2022 at 9:45 AM, Zippo said:

Were it me, I'd haul him (and his mother) over to the course and let the young fellow tell the course what he's been doing and why he's been doing it. Maybe they don't care. Maybe, for a certain number of rounds in the future he should pay for 27 and play 18. Maybe he's banned from the course. Let him and the course work it out.

I have done exactly this with my own sons for various reasons. I would of  course have a conversation with him about it first, but if it continues then I would take him over to the course if he fails to repent of his ways