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Step Son Is Paying for 9 Then Playing 18 When Alone


TapOut64

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17 hours ago, drmevo said:

The only time I would argue it may not be stealing is an end-of-the-day twilight scenario. At my regular course you can only book 9 after a certain time in the afternoon but during the summer you can absolutely squeeze in 18. They don’t call it twilight specifically but that’s what it is. Sounds like that isn’t the case here, though. 

Some courses have twilight rates, or let you play as many holes as you can get in, like after 5pm or something. 

In the case of the OP, it's stealing. It's not something that should be condoned. It sends a bad message to a young person who might carry this sort of bad habit going forward. 

Honestly, it shouldn't be, "Well, if he gets caught you can get in trouble" type of thing. I mean, how many bad things can people do in life with that reasoning. Really, horrible stuff. 

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It's a bad look, especially if you, your wife, and his father have the means to just pay the greens fee. If money is an issue, and from what you say it doesn't seem to be, he could go get a job at the course and get playing privileges. I've worked at golf course for 20+ years for that exact reason. It's stealing, it's not right, he shouldn't be doing it.

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(edited)

Not that it makes the dishonesty of it acceptable, but it wouldn't surprise me if the course is aware of it and lets it happen.

My home course generally allows the local high school team members to walk the course if there is an open tee time. Of course, there it is a matter of policy that is known to one and all. Here, it might simply be a pro looking the other way.

 

 

 

Edited by mcanadiens
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3 hours ago, mcanadiens said:

but it wouldn't surprise me if the course is aware of it and lets it happen.

Definitely could be the case. My course does an early bird back-9 rate, something like $10 walking, but you have to tee off during the 1st 1-2 hours of the day. Many of the early birds are singles, and they play 10 through 13, and then due to routing, they start a loop of 14-15-16-17-13 (and then start again at 14 and repeat until they decide to play 18 and leave the course). It's also common for early birds to play 10, and then due to routing play a loop on the front-9 of 6-7-4-5-6-7-8-9, and then play then play the back-9. The course seems to be aware that this happens, but they don't police it. There only a handful of people doing the early bird thing, so I suspect the course figures as long as they don't cause pace of play issues (and the people doing this are self aware enough to not cause pace of play issues for groups on the front-9 who may eventually catch up to them), the financial impact is small enough that it's not worth the effort for them to enforce this aggressively.

This bugs me in two ways. First, I pay $34 to walk 18, so I am paying over 3X more compared to the early birds for a similar amount of play. And second, I play at a municipal course which for all I know could be operating on precarious finances, and even though this behavior may only have a minor financial impact, cumulatively with other things, it could possibly push the course into a bad spot, and I don't want my home course to close or have to raise costs, etc.

To the OP, I think there is a lesson in this for your stepson, to learn to not be entitled to take advantage of the work of others. While there are worse things a teenager could do, this is still causing harm to others, and could end up very embarrassing for him and your family if he were caught/banned from the course, etc.

 

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On 5/8/2022 at 6:51 AM, Double Mocha Man said:

A lot of golf courses have Junior memberships where a kid can play all he/she wants, though usually restricted to weekdays.  Oftentimes it is dirt cheap.  Since he is serious about golf this would be money well spent. An early birthday gift? Though it still doesn't directly address the issue of stealing.

I know he's 14 but is it possible to draw him into conversation about character? Over dinner, in the car on a drive to somewhere, while relaxing on the front lawn. Or even when you play golf with him.  Make it a two-way discussion without preaching. And return to it on occasion. Keep it light and academic... no direct accusations.  Just my two cents. Which I honestly earned.

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6 hours ago, mcanadiens said:

but it wouldn't surprise me if the course is aware of it and lets it happen.

It would be prudent to just ask the course if they have any junior rates or specials. 

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I have a simple suggestion. 

If he finishes 9 holes and wants to keep playing, he should walk into the clubhouse and address it directly. Let them know he paid the 9 hole rate but is interested in squeezing a few more holes in. Ask what the additional cost is. While he should be prepared to pay extra, I think it's a 50/50 proposition that they tell him not to worry about it, and then he is doing so with the course's explicit blessing. 

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44 minutes ago, saevel25 said:

It would be prudent to just ask the course if they have any junior rates or specials. 

Obviously that's what the kid should do.

My point is that it is not unheard of for a club pro to let people bend some rules. Plus, I find it very unlikely that this could go on very long without the course staff becoming aware of it. 

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I guess if there’s a knock on the door from the police with your stepson in tow it will be to late for that talk.  Has he had any other slip ups. Perhaps engage the Coach in this and have him tell the team that he’s hearing rumors of this activity.

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I work at a course.  We allow high school golf team members to play (if walking) to play for free to support the team.  It may help his maturity and pocketbook if he would speak with the management and explain his situation about being a team member and ask if the course would do the same.  This gives him an opportunity to interact with adults and maybe not have to worry about getting caught in an embarrassing situation. 

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I would make sure there isn't some unwritten rule where the staff is knowingly giving the high school golf team guys a break. 

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His high school golf team plays around 5 local courses in the area but this is not one of them.  This is one of the nicer courses in my area.  When he was younger he did play for this golf courses junior team and he did get to walk for free but only during their season.  That was a few years ago.  I know the club pro and have taken lessons with him.  I will ask him the next time I see him if my step son's high school golf team has any special playing privileges there.  I know that it is the home course for a local private high school. 

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To give you an idea of my step son's fathers character, I just recalled another related story.  My step son has a sister who is just over a year older than him.  They both went through the First Tee program when they were younger and she was briefly into golf but has moved on to other interest.  Nevertheless, a few years ago, her dad would tell her to dress like she wasn't golfing (she had some really nice girls golf outfits) and she would put some of her clubs in her brothers bag, then once they were out of sight of the club house she would start to golf with her dad and brother with her father having only paid for him and his son.  I remember at the time thinking, wow, this is so wrong, but reflecting on this story,  (I had forgot about it) it's no wonder my step son is stealing golf, his dad has set a terrible example for him.

It's tough just being the step dad but it's obvious that I have to step up and take a stand.  

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On 5/7/2022 at 9:14 AM, TapOut64 said:

he will pay for 9 holes and then go on to play 18.

He is stealing and of course that's wrong. 

On 5/7/2022 at 9:14 AM, TapOut64 said:

I have an issue with this as golf is a game of honor and integrity.

Only because this is Golf? Stealing is bad... no matter were or when. 

On 5/7/2022 at 9:14 AM, TapOut64 said:

His father is ok with it.

His father is OK with stealing, his son is learning that stealing is ok. 

On 5/7/2022 at 9:14 AM, TapOut64 said:

he is my step son so there is only so much I can do.

If this child is living under your roof then you can do so much. If you agree to let this kid live with you but you cannot discipline him then you made the worst deal ever, you have all the responsibility but no authority over the kid. You should talk this with his mother and father to see where you stand and take action accordingly. 

If he is not living under your roof, then yes.. you don't have a say in here. You can suggest something but he is not your kid so, is not your job to raise him, and it can put you in troubles with the father or even the mother.  

On 5/7/2022 at 9:14 AM, TapOut64 said:

he claims that other kids on the golf team do the same thing

Unfortunately he also learn this from his father or mother, and of course in totally wrong.

On 5/7/2022 at 9:14 AM, TapOut64 said:

When my wife drops her 14 year old son off at the golf course he will pay for 9 holes and then go on to play 18

Your wife is also fine that your son is stealing so your wife probably steals here and there too.  

I would definitively reconsider my position, do this people share your same values? most importantly, do your wife share your same values? I wouldn't deal with people that lack integrity.
This child and your wife's behavior is going to impact your life in the future, are you sure you want to pay the price for their lack of integrity?

 

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17 hours ago, p1n9183 said:

Your wife is also fine that your son is stealing so your wife probably steals here and there too.  

I would definitively reconsider my position, do this people share your same values? most importantly, do your wife share your same values? I wouldn't deal with people that lack integrity.
This child and your wife's behavior is going to impact your life in the future, are you sure you want to pay the price for their lack of integrity?

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22 hours ago, TapOut64 said:

To give you an idea of my step son's fathers character, I just recalled another related story.  My step son has a sister who is just over a year older than him.  They both went through the First Tee program when they were younger and she was briefly into golf but has moved on to other interest.  Nevertheless, a few years ago, her dad would tell her to dress like she wasn't golfing (she had some really nice girls golf outfits) and she would put some of her clubs in her brothers bag, then once they were out of sight of the club house she would start to golf with her dad and brother with her father having only paid for him and his son.  I remember at the time thinking, wow, this is so wrong, but reflecting on this story,  (I had forgot about it) it's no wonder my step son is stealing golf, his dad has set a terrible example for him.

It's tough just being the step dad but it's obvious that I have to step up and take a stand.  

Be a good role model for them. You can’t change their father’s behavior.

This should definitely be discussed with your wife.

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1 hour ago, TourSpoon said:

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LOL  I was just going to let this one slide as it is a statement made out of ignorance.  Never have I mentioned that my wife is OK with this.

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