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I Hate Getting Paired Up With "That Guy"

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Arrived at the course without a game and got paired with a lush yesterday. Had a Bloody Mary in the lockerhouse before the round and was guzzling beer all day. Was smashed by 9, and was worthless in our casal BB match. I'm glad I didn't get him as a partner. The dude is a relatively new member and he is garnering a reputation.

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Someone actually approached me in the 19th hole last night and said that my father has become "that guy". They wanted me to talk to him to try to change his attitude. Here is a quick synopsis of what he does. First, he has an official 16 handicap. If he turned everything in, he would be more like a 22 to 25 handicap. In his earlier years, his lowest cap was 11... Now, he only posts scores when they are around his handicap (I think he's posted 2 scores so far this year. I'll guess that he's played 20 or more rounds...). Being a vanity capper isn't what has made him "that guy", though. After virtually every shot, he'll moan and gripe about how terrible the shot was (and usually it isn't very good). He'll then continue to tell everyone that he shouldn't even be allowed on a golf course and he should just give up the game. These types of comments can continue as the group walks down the fairway. Last night, he fatted a PW on a 110 par 3 that landed 10 yds short of the green, but rolled up and left him with a 20 ft birdie putt. The playing partners all immediately said that it ended up in a great spot and he had a great look at birdie. His response was to tell us how badly he hit it and he was genuinely in disgust with the shot, and very much outwardly so. The outward negativity seems to zap all the fun and energy out of his normal group. So much so, they told me they "take one for the team" when they agree to be grouped with him.

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Originally Posted by boil3rmak3r

Someone actually approached me in the 19th hole last night and said that my father has become "that guy". They wanted me to talk to him to try to change his attitude.

Here is a quick synopsis of what he does. First, he has an official 16 handicap. If he turned everything in, he would be more like a 22 to 25 handicap. In his earlier years, his lowest cap was 11... Now, he only posts scores when they are around his handicap (I think he's posted 2 scores so far this year. I'll guess that he's played 20 or more rounds...).

Being a vanity capper isn't what has made him "that guy", though. After virtually every shot, he'll moan and gripe about how terrible the shot was (and usually it isn't very good). He'll then continue to tell everyone that he shouldn't even be allowed on a golf course and he should just give up the game. These types of comments can continue as the group walks down the fairway.

Last night, he fatted a PW on a 110 par 3 that landed 10 yds short of the green, but rolled up and left him with a 20 ft birdie putt. The playing partners all immediately said that it ended up in a great spot and he had a great look at birdie. His response was to tell us how badly he hit it and he was genuinely in disgust with the shot, and very much outwardly so.

The outward negativity seems to zap all the fun and energy out of his normal group. So much so, they told me they "take one for the team" when they agree to be grouped with him.

LOL.  If I didn't know better (my only brother is already a member here and boil3rmak3r is not his screen name ;)) I would think that you are talking about my dad.  Except for the fact that his vanity cap is 23 and his real is 28-29 ish, you just described him to a tee.  He doesn't belong to my brothers club, but isn't invited to tournaments (becaues of the vanity cap) and isn't invited as much as he could be to play regularly because of the attitude.

It's too bad too.  If we could just get him to lower those expectations and recognize that he's just not that good, then maybe every round won't have to be "the worst round I've played in a long time!!"

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LOL.  If I didn't know better (my only brother is already a member here and boil3rmak3r is not his screen name ;)) I would think that you are talking about my dad.  Except for the fact that his vanity cap is 23 and his real is 28-29 ish, you just described him to a tee.  He doesn't belong to my brothers club, but isn't invited to tournaments (becaues of the vanity cap) and isn't invited as much as he could be to play regularly because of the attitude. It's too bad too.  If we could just get him to lower those expectations and recognize that he's just not that good, then maybe every round won't have to be "the worst round I've played in a long time!!"  :beer:

Have you ever had a talk with your dad about this that was successful? Even before last night, I've approached my father about this, to no avail. So far, he has not been willing to take lessons (I've encouraged him to do the Evolvr thing) and he can't just enjoy golf without worrying about his ball striking and score. I have gotten to the point that I think another hobby actually might be good for him...

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Originally Posted by noSnowman

Well I might be that guy...I can't help but try and give advice...trying to shut my mouth...I gave advice once to some hacking chick who looked at me Iike...who r u?

I thinned one out of the bunker O.B.after ripping a big drive to green side bunker and she gave me the ole glare...I smashed a drive on 9 Hit 3 iron inside 15 feet and made a huge breaking down hill left to right put for my first eagle then gave her the glare back...

Pros have someone looking at there swing.. my swing ain't perfect but it works

I hit a cople of 280 yrd drives1 downhill against the wind one up hill with the wind hit my 2 iron 230 on a par 5 lay up after missing my tee ball...today

I saw a guy swaying so far off the ball I had to tell him. Do you know how hard it is to get back to the ball when you slide off of it?

I am hitting the ball good enough most people listen. I played a par 3 track and this 12 year old...a real player...better swing than mine...was coming out of his shot...I just told him stay down see the club take the ball..showed him how the pros are in the hitting zone head down chasing after squared up before and into the ball...he went bird bird and thanked me

Unless someone asks what they are doing wrong you should just leave the struggling golfer to his own misery. Giving knee jerk remedies will only make matters worse because the struggling golfer without doubt is feeling humiliated and your un authorized solutions make matters worse. I believe there is a penalty for giving advice to other players.

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Arrived at the course without a game and got paired with a lush yesterday. Had a Bloody Mary in the lockerhouse before the round and was guzzling beer all day. Was smashed by 9, and was worthless in our casal BB match. I'm glad I didn't get him as a partner. The dude is a relatively new member and he is garnering a reputation.

I've been with that guy before, used to have to play with him because of my job. He would start his morning with a 16oz cup filled with straight Captain Morgan and it would only go down hill from there. I like to enjoy a few pops on the course but do you really need to look at it as an excuse to just get completely trashed? :-(

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Originally Posted by boil3rmak3r

Have you ever had a talk with your dad about this that was successful? Even before last night, I've approached my father about this, to no avail. So far, he has not been willing to take lessons (I've encouraged him to do the Evolvr thing) and he can't just enjoy golf without worrying about his ball striking and score. I have gotten to the point that I think another hobby actually might be good for him...

No.  I've never even bothered to try (although I did take him to a 5sk clinic that has helped him a little bit).  Pretty sure the attitude won't change if he gets better because he'll still be complaining that he's not even better ... if that makes sense.  Complaining IS one of his hobbies, I think.  My brother has talked with him about it, and no it was not successful.

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I seem to get paired up with "swing coach(SC)" less often than most.I learned to just shut up and golf...long ago. Even when I was a +40 handicapper I'd be giving tee/greenside advice, I guess I wanted people to flourish in the realm of golf so they would not get discouraged and golf with me. So unless asked... I do not offer any SC advice...

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I don't give advice, and typically people don't give me advice either. The only time someone did come out of nowhere and start giving me tips it turned out to be the owner of the golf course and a retired pro. I felt honored that he saw enough potential in my game to take the time to try to help me. Some of what he told me helped, some didn't. I accepted all of the advice graciously and to this day still use some of what he told me that day. Now here's my problem with some of the responses here. A lot of the comments here refer to how a person who gave advice or said something "was a horrible golfer". That doesn't mean squat about how much the person knows about the golf swing or what they can see a person doing wrong. I'm not saying they should be offering advice, but someone can be "book smart" about golf but have zero ability to apply it. Others may have zero knowledge of golf but have an amazing swing/game just by feel and natural talent. I'd rather hear the person that has the knowledge tell me something than the guy that just happens to be great. Also, pointing out a flaw in someone's game can most certainly turn their game around mid round. I was looking up from chip shots every time one day and a guy told me that. From that point on I focused on keeping my head down and my chip shots were all so much better that I one putted most of them the rest of the day and since then I've rarely chipped so bad that I've more than 2 putted.

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If I see a glaring mistake, I will ask them if they want a tip. Im usually the best in any random group I play, and they generall are happy to hear what I have to say. But its always  minor adjustment, something easy t pick up on and fix. I never go into deep details unless someone politely asks me to.

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I recently played with a friend who is better than me and noticed that for several holes, he had been hitting his tee shots to the right.  On the next par-3, I stood behind him as he hit his tee shot and saw that he was aiming to the right of the green.  After he got kind of disgusted with the results of his shot, I told him that the ball went exactly where he was aiming and asked if in the future he wanted me to say anything if I noticed his aim was off.  He rather curtly snapped "Never!"  I shrugged and won't think of trying to offer him any suggestions in the future.  However, a few holes later it was particularly satisfying when on a short, tight par-4, his driver got caught in the wind and my shot-of-the-round 4-iron tee shot ended up about 7 yards further down the fairway than his ball.

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Originally Posted by Wisguy

I recently played with a friend who is better than me and noticed that for several holes, he had been hitting his tee shots to the right.  On the next par-3, I stood behind him as he hit his tee shot and saw that he was aiming to the right of the green.  After he got kind of disgusted with the results of his shot, I told him that the ball went exactly where he was aiming and asked if in the future he wanted me to say anything if I noticed his aim was off.  He rather curtly snapped "Never!"  I shrugged and won't think of trying to offer him any suggestions in the future.  However, a few holes later it was particularly satisfying when on a short, tight par-4, his driver got caught in the wind and my shot-of-the-round 4-iron tee shot ended up about 7 yards further down the fairway than his ball.

Myth: Just because somebody is very good (at anything) means they know very much about the mechanics of it.

One of the hardest things to do: Ignore that myth, especially during the activity.

Think about something that is very easy for you (maybe your job) and think of somebody that is not good at that job. Then put yourself under a little bit of pressure when things aren't going well, like a deadline looming. The last thing you want is to hear input from the guy that is not any good at the job. Sometimes it's a mistake because even that guy can have a good idea that you haven't thought of but most of the time you don't care to hear it.

Side note: I played almost every day with Bill, a pretty good golfer that always lined up a good bit right and pulled the ball down the middle. I noticed it the very first time I played with him but since he was quite a bit better than I was at the time I didn't ever say anything. A few months later one of his friends came to visit and he was an even better golfer (in fact one of the best I've played with). On the first tee Bill's friend told him he was aligned way right. Bill looked at me and asked if he always did that and I told him he did, but I figured he did it on purpose.

Well Bill spent the rest of that day aligning correctly and playing like crap. Then the next few weeks he always wanted me to get him lined up and his game took a nosedive, losing both distance and accuracy. He got a local pro to work with him on his swing but to no avail. Finally one day when he was at the end of his rope and getting ready to tee off I asked him if he wanted me to line him up (as usual) and he disgustedly said "No, I'm going to line up to the right and knock the Hell out of it right down the middle...And he did, from then on.

He had just been hitting those unintentional pulls back on line for way too long and had gotten good enough at it that he was never going to have the patience to change his swing to match a correct alignment.

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Originally Posted by MS256

Myth: Just because somebody is very good (at anything) means they know very much about the mechanics of it.

One of the hardest things to do: Ignore that myth, especially during the activity.

Think about something that is very easy for you (maybe your job) and think of somebody that is not good at that job. Then put yourself under a little bit of pressure when things aren't going well, like a deadline looming. The last thing you want is to hear input from the guy that is not any good at the job. Sometimes it's a mistake because even that guy can have a good idea that you haven't thought of but most of the time you don't care to hear it.

Side note: I played almost every day with Bill, a pretty good golfer that always lined up a good bit right and pulled the ball down the middle. I noticed it the very first time I played with him but since he was quite a bit better than I was at the time I didn't ever say anything. A few months later one of his friends came to visit and he was an even better golfer (in fact one of the best I've played with). On the first tee Bill's friend told him he was aligned way right. Bill looked at me and asked if he always did that and I told him he did, but I figured he did it on purpose.

Well Bill spent the rest of that day aligning correctly and playing like crap. Then the next few weeks he always wanted me to get him lined up and his game took a nosedive, losing both distance and accuracy. He got a local pro to work with him on his swing but to no avail. Finally one day when he was at the end of his rope and getting ready to tee off I asked him if he wanted me to line him up (as usual) and he disgustedly said "No, I'm going to line up to the right and knock the Hell out of it right down the middle...And he did, from then on.

He had just been hitting those unintentional pulls back on line for way too long and had gotten good enough at it that he was never going to have the patience to change his swing to match a correct alignment.

A consistent shot shape is just that, consistent. If it's a playable shape that doesn't take away your options then, hell ya, play it! How big of a pull was it?

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Originally Posted by Ernest Jones

A  consistent shot shape is just that, consistent. If it's a playable shape that doesn't take away your options then, hell ya, play it! How big of a pull was it?

Not much. Maybe 10 degrees? Just enough for his better than scratch friend to think it was something that needed to be "fixed". Of course if he had fixed it, and especially if he had fixed it years before, he would have probably been better than he was, because he certainly had the short game down.

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I'm with you, although I've never played with many strangers, my buddies and I all know to keep our mouths shut unless we ask one another.  Another thing I hate is when someone keeps situating themselves directly behind you and looking at you in a way that makes you feel like you're aiming 30 yards right of the flag or something.

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If you want a good laugh watch Jim Romes "golf guy". We have all played with this guy and most of have been that guy at some point. Jim gets a little over the top with his "golf guy" routine but never the less it is funny.

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I'm in the camp of people who prefer that you don't give me lessons while I'm on the course.  I usually just politely nod and act like I was listening.  However, if they persist I politely tell them that I'm going to play the game I brought while I'm on the course, but I'll be happy to head over to the range with them after the round if they want to show me something that they saw.

"THAT GUY" for me is the person who can't stop talking to my ball.  I have a guy who I play with that just can't shut up.  He talks... even yells at everyone's shot.  He can't help it... he's just that excitable of a guy.   However, there is nothing that grates my nerves more than hearing him yell "Get Down!" to the shot I just hit fat that I know is going to land 20 yards short!

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I had a guy try to tell me how to hit a bunker shot out of the fairway the other day in front of my fiancee.  I said nothing in return, made a good shot, and ended up taking him down by 1-2 strokes per hole from the 12-18.  Got me really fired up but by ignoring him completely and outplaying him I think I got my message across.

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